Heh. Reached the office this morning and I was the earliest in my department and the lights were still off at my area when I came in. Yesterday left office at 845pm. :( Think my colleagues left even later than me, some at 9 plus or even 12 midnight. We are all trying to encourage one another and perk each other up. Some of my colleagues look so stressed, but yay monday is a holiday for us! =)
When I was studying, studies were impt but I won't let it eat up so much of my time. Like doing thesis for e.g. I can do it at my own time and pace. But work is different...cos everyone comes to work at the same time and i can't bring work home either. Hope that I will bear a good testimony in the office by being a good and responsible worker and that God will grant me efficiency. Sometimes I really wish that I can rearrange my working time, to put some work over the weekend so that during the weekdays I can rest a bit. Its like a sardined packed work week and then a free weekend cos u can't bring work home.
So many things to think abt and do.. I hpe I get used to working life soon. =P
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Fruitfulness in the Kingdom of God
Been contemplating some stuffs these days. What does it mean to prosper in God or to be fruitful? Can someone be poor and yet prosperous and someone be going through barrenness and yet fruitful? The world sees fruitfulness in numbers, in tangibles, but in the kingdom of God, the bible says that blessed are the poor..it says blessed are those who hunger and thirst. It says that when we are weak He is strong, and that God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise and the weak things of the world to shame the strong. Paul came to the Corinthians not with eloquence but he came to them with weakness and fear. Our faith must not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. Why do christians feel condemned? It is often because they don't feel good enough or worthy enough to be called christians. As I contemplated these things for the past few days, I realise finally what it means that when we are weak He is strong. Precisely cos we are weak, then we have faith in a good God that He is strong enough to overcome our problems for us. Instead of us trying and using our own strength.
The bible calls us to repent from dead works...what are dead works? Works that are done out of our own strength..works that are not led by God. I wonder how many of us minister with our own strength and try to be fruitful by our own works...=dead works. Any work no matter how good, but not led by God is a dead work. And the danger of focusing on fruitfulness is this..that many ple try to be fruitful through dead works. When God doesn't prosper a certain thing, we plan many other activities that are human led. And although we acheive a so-called fruitfulness, all these are works of the flesh and of the carnal nature.
For those of us who are not "propspering" now, can we see that our souls are prospering as much as we grow through the moulding of our God, and by abstaining from interfering in God's work, we are trusting that He is great enough to intercede on our behalf? And that all things work for the good of those who love Him. All these are only meant for our good. We WILL see His hand over our lives and our situations! Don't give up! =)
The bible calls us to repent from dead works...what are dead works? Works that are done out of our own strength..works that are not led by God. I wonder how many of us minister with our own strength and try to be fruitful by our own works...=dead works. Any work no matter how good, but not led by God is a dead work. And the danger of focusing on fruitfulness is this..that many ple try to be fruitful through dead works. When God doesn't prosper a certain thing, we plan many other activities that are human led. And although we acheive a so-called fruitfulness, all these are works of the flesh and of the carnal nature.
For those of us who are not "propspering" now, can we see that our souls are prospering as much as we grow through the moulding of our God, and by abstaining from interfering in God's work, we are trusting that He is great enough to intercede on our behalf? And that all things work for the good of those who love Him. All these are only meant for our good. We WILL see His hand over our lives and our situations! Don't give up! =)
Monday, December 26, 2005
Working Wholeheartedly
Working Wholeheartedly
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
In everything that he undertook in the service of God's temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered. - 2 Chronicles 31:21Hezekiah was a godly king. He was also a very talented businessman and builder. He was responsible for many noteworthy projects that are described in detail in the Old Testament. We discover from the passage above that King Hezekiah had two major attributes that contributed to his success and prosperity: He sought God, and he worked wholeheartedly upholding God's laws.Godly success involves a partnership between you and God. Success in God's economy means achieving the purpose for which God made you. That purpose can never be discovered without seeking Him with a whole heart. You may achieve great things without seeking God, but you will never achieve the things God set out for you to achieve without seeking Him. Unless you seek Him, you may find yourself one day climbing to the top of the ladder only to find it leaning against the wrong wall.What does it mean to seek God? It means creating time to sit before His throne in quiet places. It means reading His Word in order to know Him more intimately. It means developing an ear to hear His voice so that we know when to turn to the right or to the left. God desires to know you.Are you willing to take the time to know Him? If so, you can be sure He will guide you into those things that will bring success to every aspect of your life
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
In everything that he undertook in the service of God's temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered. - 2 Chronicles 31:21Hezekiah was a godly king. He was also a very talented businessman and builder. He was responsible for many noteworthy projects that are described in detail in the Old Testament. We discover from the passage above that King Hezekiah had two major attributes that contributed to his success and prosperity: He sought God, and he worked wholeheartedly upholding God's laws.Godly success involves a partnership between you and God. Success in God's economy means achieving the purpose for which God made you. That purpose can never be discovered without seeking Him with a whole heart. You may achieve great things without seeking God, but you will never achieve the things God set out for you to achieve without seeking Him. Unless you seek Him, you may find yourself one day climbing to the top of the ladder only to find it leaning against the wrong wall.What does it mean to seek God? It means creating time to sit before His throne in quiet places. It means reading His Word in order to know Him more intimately. It means developing an ear to hear His voice so that we know when to turn to the right or to the left. God desires to know you.Are you willing to take the time to know Him? If so, you can be sure He will guide you into those things that will bring success to every aspect of your life
Merry Christmas!!
Ho Ho Ho. Merry Christmas!
=) Tis the season to be Jolly!
I like the feeling of being a student on school holiday..surfing the net and chatting, reading books..and writing xmas cards. =)
Hope everyone had a merry christmas!
Christ came into the darkness to be the light...
So my prayer for everyone who is experiencing darkness..that His light will dispel all darkness. May His acceptance, love and grace be with u!
=) Tis the season to be Jolly!
I like the feeling of being a student on school holiday..surfing the net and chatting, reading books..and writing xmas cards. =)
Hope everyone had a merry christmas!
Christ came into the darkness to be the light...
So my prayer for everyone who is experiencing darkness..that His light will dispel all darkness. May His acceptance, love and grace be with u!
Friday, December 23, 2005
some quick ramblings
Busy day in the office but also quite happy, we had quite a good lunch. I coordinated pizza and sushi for our lunch "party". Plus ice cream and cake! =) I'm so full burp..! Quite glad that over these few days my friendship with the other colleagues became stronger, and we even call each other "jie meis"=sisters. Its really great joking and laughing with them..and being stressed together. Anyway a manager just left so there is high stress level here. =P
I'm going through some transition. Will share more abt the decision that I made next time. (btw, in case u are wondering, nope..I'm not getting married!) And as I go thru this transition..its really quite a difficult time..coping with self doubts and negative thoughts and an inner turmoil within me. I thought before..that when Jesus was on the cross, and there and then, did He ever doubt that He was the son of God? I always thought He didn't. I don't know if He did. But I can imagine the feeling...of believing in something, and yet ple around u tink differently or don't believe in what u believe in. Or perhaps..living out a vision that God has given to u. But only you yrself know the vision..and then its all betwn u and the Lord. Somewhat inexplicable. But I know this is gonna be good. And I pray that God, You will give me the strength and a close walk with You to understand what u have really called me to. =) And this blessed Christmas..thank you for sending yr son. Thank you for your precious gift of life.
I'm going through some transition. Will share more abt the decision that I made next time. (btw, in case u are wondering, nope..I'm not getting married!) And as I go thru this transition..its really quite a difficult time..coping with self doubts and negative thoughts and an inner turmoil within me. I thought before..that when Jesus was on the cross, and there and then, did He ever doubt that He was the son of God? I always thought He didn't. I don't know if He did. But I can imagine the feeling...of believing in something, and yet ple around u tink differently or don't believe in what u believe in. Or perhaps..living out a vision that God has given to u. But only you yrself know the vision..and then its all betwn u and the Lord. Somewhat inexplicable. But I know this is gonna be good. And I pray that God, You will give me the strength and a close walk with You to understand what u have really called me to. =) And this blessed Christmas..thank you for sending yr son. Thank you for your precious gift of life.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Its monday!
Hi Good morning!
Its monday morning and I'm in my office typing this blog. =) Unlike other mondays, this monday feels a little different. Cos I'm going through some transitions in my life. Have been praying and asking God for direction for a few months, and I finally made a decision on saturday!
It has been a tough year for me, at the beginning of the year rushing my thesis, and then busy with ministry and family and then entering the work force in May! Unlike other christmases where I would be enjoying my school holidays, this year I am not on holiday and can only do my christmas shopping on saturday! =P And for the first time, I'm not writing christmas cards to all my frens, except for a few close ones.
I love the christmasy mood every year..walking down orchard road and basking under the lights, and listening to our all time favourite christmas carols. There's one christmas song in particular that I really like, its name its called Night Divine. Christmas!! A holy night...and a new
beginning, a new birth. =)
So anyway in prep for christmas, here's wishing all my readers a blessed one. And may u also discover a new birth!
Its the time of the year again to do reflections...which I will do in the next few days time! And for new resolutions! =)
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Suffering and Joy
I woke up this morning at 655am, which is rare, cos normally when the alarm blasts at 7am, I would still be in deep sleep. I dreamt a very weird dream, I dreamt of my grandma..and we, her grandchildren were clamouring around her. And then I was showing my cousins some photos...think wanted to show them a picture of my bf taken with the family. Strange dream. SIgh, my grandma already passed away few years ago.
Not sure if this dream was meant for anything. If anything, I think it speaks of treasuring yr loved ones.
Been reading up some christian books. I am currently reading a book by John Piper, "Desiring God". Its an interesting book, cos it provides a different perspective. It says that we bring the most glory to God when we are satisfied in Him (or smthing like that...I'm paraphrasing). He calls himself a "christian Hedonist". heh..sounds strange, but as I read more, I realised what he meant. Anyway these days, I finally understand what it means to serve out of a position of rest. That was wat Paul (my fren fr VCF) prayed for me 2 years ago. Paul (fr bible), says that he is hard pressed on every side, and yet he knows that nothing can separate him fr the love of God. Paul poured out his life in serving God..thru trials, tribulations, testings, imprisonments, and yet surely he also felt joy in his heart. How do we as christians reconcile joy and suffering together? Piper said elsewhere that we might be filled with burden for the ple we are serving but yet looking in macro perspective and God's wonderful work, our hearts are also filled with a joy.
This seems like a series of thoughts all over. Okie time for work. YAWN..not enuff sleep...sob sob. Hard pressed on every side. But like Paul, may I (and you) be filled with joy and the love of God. The Father's love. My Abba Father. Knowing that He cares for me.
Not sure if this dream was meant for anything. If anything, I think it speaks of treasuring yr loved ones.
Been reading up some christian books. I am currently reading a book by John Piper, "Desiring God". Its an interesting book, cos it provides a different perspective. It says that we bring the most glory to God when we are satisfied in Him (or smthing like that...I'm paraphrasing). He calls himself a "christian Hedonist". heh..sounds strange, but as I read more, I realised what he meant. Anyway these days, I finally understand what it means to serve out of a position of rest. That was wat Paul (my fren fr VCF) prayed for me 2 years ago. Paul (fr bible), says that he is hard pressed on every side, and yet he knows that nothing can separate him fr the love of God. Paul poured out his life in serving God..thru trials, tribulations, testings, imprisonments, and yet surely he also felt joy in his heart. How do we as christians reconcile joy and suffering together? Piper said elsewhere that we might be filled with burden for the ple we are serving but yet looking in macro perspective and God's wonderful work, our hearts are also filled with a joy.
This seems like a series of thoughts all over. Okie time for work. YAWN..not enuff sleep...sob sob. Hard pressed on every side. But like Paul, may I (and you) be filled with joy and the love of God. The Father's love. My Abba Father. Knowing that He cares for me.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Overwhelmed
A little overwhelmed this week with late nites..prayer meeting and leaders meeting..slept at 130am for two nites. :( Then today had OT until 830pm..reached home and bathed and ate and it was 10pm. Realised that my dad tried to tidy up my drawer and kinda took my stuff out and placed them elsewhere. And suddenly the emotions came flooding all over me and I felt so super duper tired. So I went to worship and played my guitar. =) feel much better....and thank God for my dear who was there for me too!
I was reading this verse just now:
But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.
Okie good nite! =)
I was reading this verse just now:
But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.
Okie good nite! =)
Monday, December 05, 2005
Chalet and all...
We had a CG chalet fr Thursday to Sat morning..to celebrate 3 of the members birthday, and it was nice....to play, bbq, walk at kelong and game...and playing board games etc. Really quite glad it worked out in the end. =) Was really glad that Jonathan came over to help, and he was really great help in the end...helping to bbq the food and clearing up, and also helping me think of games. I'm really so touched that he fasted 3 days for the chalet. =) Even though he was having his own issues. Yups...aniwae thursday night CG was fantastic, cos I could see the mbrs were being ministered to by God and encouraged. Hope that everyone will press on!
I took 1 day off today...post chalet rest! Been so busy organizing it...then anyway I went out with Jon, he had a free voucher for a buffet lunch! And we went to visit Rama, whom he met at Macdonalds before. He stays in one room flat, has problems with his left hand and isn't able to find a job. So Jon got him canned food and also a mattress to sleep on, and we prayed together for him. It was really nice. Fulfilling wat the bible calls us to do, meeting the needs of the poor! =) Yups...we are thinking of doing more, maybe giving out xmas gifts to the neighbourhood near christmas? Feel so happy thinking abt that.
So the big question, why did Miss Ng get attached to a guy she only knew for such a short time. Is it too fast? =) I guess that time by itself is not the sole factor. But the chemistry, compatibility and vision is there. We both want to do something for the ple who hurt, and we share many similarities. And the chemistry is there. This is not a rash decision. In fact I find it rather divine. Today I stumbled upon his prayer diary and as I looked at his prayer requests, I feel that he is such a godly man. We also visited christian bookshops and browsed at books...heh, jon is a guy who likes to read! Me too! I guess as we know each other better each day, we just love each other more. This may sound totally mushy..but I do feel that the whole thing is so divine. =) And I am happy that God is a provider, even for relationships.
Who is my boyfriend Jonathan. Just a short intro, he is 26 this year, and he studied political science and development in University of New South Wales. His chinese is not very good..I'm gonna give him chinese tuition. He is fr Trinity Christian Centre. He is very interested in development, and helping the poor, so is looking for a job that is related to that. =) Anything else u need to know, just ask me!
Yup it has been a wonderful weekend, and tmr I'm back to work. :) Hope that I will have a great week ahead. :)
I took 1 day off today...post chalet rest! Been so busy organizing it...then anyway I went out with Jon, he had a free voucher for a buffet lunch! And we went to visit Rama, whom he met at Macdonalds before. He stays in one room flat, has problems with his left hand and isn't able to find a job. So Jon got him canned food and also a mattress to sleep on, and we prayed together for him. It was really nice. Fulfilling wat the bible calls us to do, meeting the needs of the poor! =) Yups...we are thinking of doing more, maybe giving out xmas gifts to the neighbourhood near christmas? Feel so happy thinking abt that.
So the big question, why did Miss Ng get attached to a guy she only knew for such a short time. Is it too fast? =) I guess that time by itself is not the sole factor. But the chemistry, compatibility and vision is there. We both want to do something for the ple who hurt, and we share many similarities. And the chemistry is there. This is not a rash decision. In fact I find it rather divine. Today I stumbled upon his prayer diary and as I looked at his prayer requests, I feel that he is such a godly man. We also visited christian bookshops and browsed at books...heh, jon is a guy who likes to read! Me too! I guess as we know each other better each day, we just love each other more. This may sound totally mushy..but I do feel that the whole thing is so divine. =) And I am happy that God is a provider, even for relationships.
Who is my boyfriend Jonathan. Just a short intro, he is 26 this year, and he studied political science and development in University of New South Wales. His chinese is not very good..I'm gonna give him chinese tuition. He is fr Trinity Christian Centre. He is very interested in development, and helping the poor, so is looking for a job that is related to that. =) Anything else u need to know, just ask me!
Yup it has been a wonderful weekend, and tmr I'm back to work. :) Hope that I will have a great week ahead. :)
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Happy and blessed girl!!
Hello...this is gonna be a short post...but I just wanted to share with my dear blog readers that, I have found the man that I wanna spend my life with! :) Heh. And I am really blessed. =) And really happy. After giving 23 years of my life to serve God..God is so good...and then there were times when I was tempted to compromise on relationships, to choose guys who were non christians or nominal christians..and there were all sorts of struggles. Now I know why, that it is all a preparation for the right person at the right time. I'm really v blessed and amazed by how good God is!! And I am happy! =)
Sunday, November 27, 2005
How have I been?
It has been almost 2 weeks since I published any post. :P Been really busy! Hmm.. before I know it the weekend is over and its another week of work. :) Exciting and new things are happening in my life, very fast but so blessed too.
Last weekend I watched Harry Potter with Eunice then met up with another fren after. It was really great meeting up with them both! :) Had a great sat...and then sun we celebrated Mummy's bday!! As for friday...we had company D&D and yesterday sat, went to visit Trinity Christian Centre with Jon. It was really good...felt comfy over there. And it was a bible teaching on Hearing God's voice. It was pretty interesting, cos we broke up into pairs to practice praying over another person and prophesying. So anyway there was this lady I prayed with, and I sensed that someone in her family was sick, and then prayed for that. She prayed for my family and my r/s with my mum. Felt a strong presence of God, and then later as we shared, she said that her kids were ill. And then I told her abt my mum too. And it was really good. =) The pastor prophecied over us at the beginning. And then she said smthing, that I think was for me. She said there is someone who is making decisions, praying abt decisions, but God didn't just want this daughter to pray abt decisions, but to come back to Him. And I was so amazed cos I felt such a tremendous peace all over me. And I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. This kinda confirmed watever that I had heard previously during worship. Except I din know how to put it into words.
Watever it is, God is such a good God. And yups...We will in due season reap if we do not lose heart. Watever route we choose, its not as much the route..as much as a close walk with Him. Not sure if I am making sense here. But I know that He is there for me as I make the decisions in my life. =)
Thank You to God for bringing ple into my life..ple to share my life and time with. Heh. Indeed He is a good God. I realise that I am actually not a very loving person..not a very good communicator. But I know that slowly I will become a better person. And that God is very good indeed to bring ple to teach me how to love and how to sacrifice. :)
Last weekend I watched Harry Potter with Eunice then met up with another fren after. It was really great meeting up with them both! :) Had a great sat...and then sun we celebrated Mummy's bday!! As for friday...we had company D&D and yesterday sat, went to visit Trinity Christian Centre with Jon. It was really good...felt comfy over there. And it was a bible teaching on Hearing God's voice. It was pretty interesting, cos we broke up into pairs to practice praying over another person and prophesying. So anyway there was this lady I prayed with, and I sensed that someone in her family was sick, and then prayed for that. She prayed for my family and my r/s with my mum. Felt a strong presence of God, and then later as we shared, she said that her kids were ill. And then I told her abt my mum too. And it was really good. =) The pastor prophecied over us at the beginning. And then she said smthing, that I think was for me. She said there is someone who is making decisions, praying abt decisions, but God didn't just want this daughter to pray abt decisions, but to come back to Him. And I was so amazed cos I felt such a tremendous peace all over me. And I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. This kinda confirmed watever that I had heard previously during worship. Except I din know how to put it into words.
Watever it is, God is such a good God. And yups...We will in due season reap if we do not lose heart. Watever route we choose, its not as much the route..as much as a close walk with Him. Not sure if I am making sense here. But I know that He is there for me as I make the decisions in my life. =)
Thank You to God for bringing ple into my life..ple to share my life and time with. Heh. Indeed He is a good God. I realise that I am actually not a very loving person..not a very good communicator. But I know that slowly I will become a better person. And that God is very good indeed to bring ple to teach me how to love and how to sacrifice. :)
hello!
Hi! I'm trying out this email to blog feature, if it works I can email to my blog and heh..update more frequently.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
About Agape love
As usual in one of my contemplative modes again. =) Been a long time since I wrote anything very substantial, most of it were "hi"s and byes to my dear faithful blog readers. Btw, diff ple have diff intentions for writing blogs, I think for me, I write not just for myself, but I keep in mind my audience when I blog.
Anyway I had quite a good weekend. Had steamboat with CG on friday, and it was good just chatting and fellowshipping. The wonderful thing abt godly friendships is that we can talk abt bible related jokes and riddles, and we can all understand each other. I really really pray that the cg mbrs will become brothers and sisters so close to one another that they can share so freely and enjoy each other's fellowship. Out of it will bear such love..goodness..patience and encouragement for one another. =)
I spent a few hrs on sat choosing a HP for my mum, my surprise bday present for her. COs she has been wanting to get one, but she is not very tech saavy, and it was wonderful seeing her open the gift and being so excited, and I had to teach her how to change ring tones and sms and store phone numbers. It was all quite exciting. I also got myself a hp 6020, with camera, without a contract. My samsung tho pretty, is so hard to sms, esp mass ones..and time saving is so impt! And I wanna take pics. And it was really a very reasonable px, thus far the best I've come across for this model.
Yups and then after getting the hp, I went to East Coast Park with Jon. We had dinner and sat around to talk. It was really good. Sitting on the mat and looking at the sky and the moon and stars (a few only) and the sunset and the sea. =) And really very relaxing. I mean for someone so workholic like me, it was really good quality time. I tink one thing I really appreciate abt Jon is that he is so loving and there for ple. Something which I need to learn from him, to be loving towards other ple and to be just as patient. And to demonstrate what really is God's love.
To me..I think genuine love, is wanting the best for the one u love, which includes being wise abt the timing, and knowing to give and take when it is neccessary. That includes allowing for space. I mean..even in a relationship in which I love someone, ownership doesn't mean happiness for the other party. It will be more loving to wait for the other party. There can be selfish love and pure love. Selfish love..tho expressed as concern, wishes to love so that u can feel happy that u loved. (not sure if I'm making sense) Agape..God's love, is unconditional. Meaning that, it can accept not being loved back. Ofcos as humans, we innately desire for understanding and fellowship. Heh the art of learning to LOVE is not easy.
Sunday morning had bible study as usual early in the morning..and then there was service where pastor ulf preached a very simple message, but was really good abt calling. Calling...to many seems like a call to ministry, but our primary calling is a Holy Calling, simply to the Lord, to be more and more Christ like.
Parents came for chinese service today cos there was a guest speaker, and it was a historical moment I will remember..the 4 of us sitting in one row and worshipping God together. =) Had dinner at thai place.
As u can see I had a very packed weekend..heh.....still haven't caught up on the books I bought! =)
Last of all to end with a testimony. U guys remember my Creative mp3 player was sent for repair, and the gal told me I will get a new one back in 2-3 weeks. They din get back to me for 3.5 weeks! And I sent a complain letter, in which they respnded to within the day. They gave me a new one today! And...the redeeming thing is, they gave me a 6 GB one, in replacement for my 5 GB one haha.
Okie...byee...zonked out.
Anyway I had quite a good weekend. Had steamboat with CG on friday, and it was good just chatting and fellowshipping. The wonderful thing abt godly friendships is that we can talk abt bible related jokes and riddles, and we can all understand each other. I really really pray that the cg mbrs will become brothers and sisters so close to one another that they can share so freely and enjoy each other's fellowship. Out of it will bear such love..goodness..patience and encouragement for one another. =)
I spent a few hrs on sat choosing a HP for my mum, my surprise bday present for her. COs she has been wanting to get one, but she is not very tech saavy, and it was wonderful seeing her open the gift and being so excited, and I had to teach her how to change ring tones and sms and store phone numbers. It was all quite exciting. I also got myself a hp 6020, with camera, without a contract. My samsung tho pretty, is so hard to sms, esp mass ones..and time saving is so impt! And I wanna take pics. And it was really a very reasonable px, thus far the best I've come across for this model.
Yups and then after getting the hp, I went to East Coast Park with Jon. We had dinner and sat around to talk. It was really good. Sitting on the mat and looking at the sky and the moon and stars (a few only) and the sunset and the sea. =) And really very relaxing. I mean for someone so workholic like me, it was really good quality time. I tink one thing I really appreciate abt Jon is that he is so loving and there for ple. Something which I need to learn from him, to be loving towards other ple and to be just as patient. And to demonstrate what really is God's love.
To me..I think genuine love, is wanting the best for the one u love, which includes being wise abt the timing, and knowing to give and take when it is neccessary. That includes allowing for space. I mean..even in a relationship in which I love someone, ownership doesn't mean happiness for the other party. It will be more loving to wait for the other party. There can be selfish love and pure love. Selfish love..tho expressed as concern, wishes to love so that u can feel happy that u loved. (not sure if I'm making sense) Agape..God's love, is unconditional. Meaning that, it can accept not being loved back. Ofcos as humans, we innately desire for understanding and fellowship. Heh the art of learning to LOVE is not easy.
Sunday morning had bible study as usual early in the morning..and then there was service where pastor ulf preached a very simple message, but was really good abt calling. Calling...to many seems like a call to ministry, but our primary calling is a Holy Calling, simply to the Lord, to be more and more Christ like.
Parents came for chinese service today cos there was a guest speaker, and it was a historical moment I will remember..the 4 of us sitting in one row and worshipping God together. =) Had dinner at thai place.
As u can see I had a very packed weekend..heh.....still haven't caught up on the books I bought! =)
Last of all to end with a testimony. U guys remember my Creative mp3 player was sent for repair, and the gal told me I will get a new one back in 2-3 weeks. They din get back to me for 3.5 weeks! And I sent a complain letter, in which they respnded to within the day. They gave me a new one today! And...the redeeming thing is, they gave me a 6 GB one, in replacement for my 5 GB one haha.
Okie...byee...zonked out.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
weekend...
Hallo..its been a busy weekend..hardly got much rest and tmr's monday again. Sigh. Heard from colleague on friday that my manager was not pleased with me for leaving early w/o finishing a work...oops...cos I was rushing off for CG prayer meeting. Hope tmr the anger flames would have died down. =>
Sat nite went for the NUS Biz gala dinner...hmm...was q boring with the standard speech by the dean. Thot that the dean would be a bit more non-compromising. And then yups...sat at same table as XT, gus and Andrew. Glad all of us managed to catch up a little.
I've been thinking abt many things recently esp doctrinal issues. And an increased hunger for His word..not just following wat the sermons say, but going back home and really going over His word.
Certain things have been pretty discouraging, and I am tired. But yet I will be strong cos it feels different. A quiet peace within my heart and this assurance of God with me. Heh..part of the process of growing up too..thinking thru issues, life...perspectives, who am I and wat I really want to achieve at the end of the day. Shd I be where I am? :) Haa...deep inside..who am I and wat do I think? Facing my emotions and fears head on. HEh. Yups..thats me!!
Sat nite went for the NUS Biz gala dinner...hmm...was q boring with the standard speech by the dean. Thot that the dean would be a bit more non-compromising. And then yups...sat at same table as XT, gus and Andrew. Glad all of us managed to catch up a little.
I've been thinking abt many things recently esp doctrinal issues. And an increased hunger for His word..not just following wat the sermons say, but going back home and really going over His word.
Certain things have been pretty discouraging, and I am tired. But yet I will be strong cos it feels different. A quiet peace within my heart and this assurance of God with me. Heh..part of the process of growing up too..thinking thru issues, life...perspectives, who am I and wat I really want to achieve at the end of the day. Shd I be where I am? :) Haa...deep inside..who am I and wat do I think? Facing my emotions and fears head on. HEh. Yups..thats me!!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Hannah Ng (That's me!)
1 Sam 1
9 So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle F3 of the Lord. 10 And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish. 11 Then she made a vow and said, "O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head." 12 And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. 13 Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. 14 So Eli said to her, "How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!" 15 And Hannah answered and said, "No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. 16 Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman, F4 for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now." 17 Then Eli answered and said, "Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him." 18 And she said, "Let your maidservant find favor in your sight." So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.
Hi..
not in the context of having children for me...but in the context of bearing fruit. =) My new name is Hannah Ng Xiao Jia..
haha..right.
Had an interesting mama drama weekend. Anyway met Joel and Vene at coffee club while I was dining with Jon. So interesting..i think its truly a divine appointment to see them. =) Yups..anyway it was nice meeting Jonathan too! And we chatted abt doctrinal issues. :P
Rather tired these few days..not enuff sleep. But feeling the strength within..in the spirit. So thank God for that. He is teaching me quite a bit abt loving ple. Yups..and also thank God for the angels He place around me. New frens and old ones..ple who care and love me. thank u. :) To my frens...
9 So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle F3 of the Lord. 10 And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish. 11 Then she made a vow and said, "O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head." 12 And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. 13 Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. 14 So Eli said to her, "How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!" 15 And Hannah answered and said, "No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. 16 Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman, F4 for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now." 17 Then Eli answered and said, "Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him." 18 And she said, "Let your maidservant find favor in your sight." So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.
Hi..
not in the context of having children for me...but in the context of bearing fruit. =) My new name is Hannah Ng Xiao Jia..
haha..right.
Had an interesting mama drama weekend. Anyway met Joel and Vene at coffee club while I was dining with Jon. So interesting..i think its truly a divine appointment to see them. =) Yups..anyway it was nice meeting Jonathan too! And we chatted abt doctrinal issues. :P
Rather tired these few days..not enuff sleep. But feeling the strength within..in the spirit. So thank God for that. He is teaching me quite a bit abt loving ple. Yups..and also thank God for the angels He place around me. New frens and old ones..ple who care and love me. thank u. :) To my frens...
Saturday, October 22, 2005
wedding....
Hallo..
Just went to my cousin's church wedding in the morning. ;) I feel so happy for them both, my cousin Timothy and his wife Rebecca. I like Rebecca v much. I remember what she told me. That Tim was her first bf, and she had been praying for someone spiritual and like Tim, then they met thru mutual frens at a bbq. Then anyway she was also Tim's first. Think they met ard 23/26(girl vs guy). So Sweet right?
SO the story is WAIT and WAIT for God's timing. He will bless u indeed.
Been sick for the past few days..since Tues nite running a slight fever, wed nite too and then thur felt so bloated after lunch and had dizziness. Then my manager was asking me a question and then for 5 sec, my whole brain blanked out and i muttered erm uhh,,erm....and then b4 my brain came back again. That feeling was horrible. Immediately sms some ple to pray for me. Guess I've been feeling the stress at work, and also had to haggle with some other department wrt some issues..and it was really v pek chek. Then again this week I discovered another bug in some calculation of theorectical prices, so I feel really satisfied with myself. =)
Been talking to this new fren Jon and one of the things that stucks a chord in him is poverty reduction. There are basically 3 kinds of needs that ple have: 1. spiritual 2. emotional 3. physical. SOmething that really affects me is 2. emotional. Everytime I see someone smoking, I feel something for that person..esp one who smokes and then in his eyes there is a deep sense of lostness and hopelessness, and there and then I wish to run forward and give him/her a hug and tell him/her that its ok, there is still hope.
There is a need to eradicate poverty, but how abt also the need to eradicate emotional poverty? If I can best say it, in my opinion, spiritual need is the need that is of greatest urgency, because in heaven, the poor who know God will enjoy an eternal life in heaven with God. And how can we best evangelise and tell ple that there is a God who cares for them? Its simply by demonstrating God's love and being a walking Jesus in a sense. And that means meeting both their emotional and physical needs.
How abt ple in developed nations? Ple working in banks, law firms, hospitals (doctors?), they may be rich physically but may be so poor emotionally and spiritually! What then of these ple! They need someone to go right in there to meet their emotional needs. Which is something that I believe God has placed deep within my heart. To reach out to the business community..maybe in particular the banks?
It may seem incoherent to some why I am working in GIC. Why am I not in social work since I am such a social person? Precisely the pt. I wanna get right in there into the banks/financial sector and reach out and shine. I pray that as days go by, the vision will become clearer. But meanwhile I will wait upon Him, for Him to tell me GO.
Was chatting with derek yesterday on MSN, and he told me this, to not miss the opportunity that God has placed there for me. Hmm...I thot it was q aligned with what i had been hearing. I think that at a juncture in a christian's life, there is always a question of will u choose to live ur life for Christ or u choose to compromise. And that is not as easy decision to make, cos going for the former requires a lot of moulding and a lot of dark days of despair. But now that the word has been somewhat affirmed too..even by derek...its really q encouraging that yup..it seems like He is bringing me into a new place already. And I've to be obedient.
Yups..so this is a whole lot of sharing. =) Maybe a lot of blabbering too. ehhe.
CIaoz.
Just went to my cousin's church wedding in the morning. ;) I feel so happy for them both, my cousin Timothy and his wife Rebecca. I like Rebecca v much. I remember what she told me. That Tim was her first bf, and she had been praying for someone spiritual and like Tim, then they met thru mutual frens at a bbq. Then anyway she was also Tim's first. Think they met ard 23/26(girl vs guy). So Sweet right?
SO the story is WAIT and WAIT for God's timing. He will bless u indeed.
Been sick for the past few days..since Tues nite running a slight fever, wed nite too and then thur felt so bloated after lunch and had dizziness. Then my manager was asking me a question and then for 5 sec, my whole brain blanked out and i muttered erm uhh,,erm....and then b4 my brain came back again. That feeling was horrible. Immediately sms some ple to pray for me. Guess I've been feeling the stress at work, and also had to haggle with some other department wrt some issues..and it was really v pek chek. Then again this week I discovered another bug in some calculation of theorectical prices, so I feel really satisfied with myself. =)
Been talking to this new fren Jon and one of the things that stucks a chord in him is poverty reduction. There are basically 3 kinds of needs that ple have: 1. spiritual 2. emotional 3. physical. SOmething that really affects me is 2. emotional. Everytime I see someone smoking, I feel something for that person..esp one who smokes and then in his eyes there is a deep sense of lostness and hopelessness, and there and then I wish to run forward and give him/her a hug and tell him/her that its ok, there is still hope.
There is a need to eradicate poverty, but how abt also the need to eradicate emotional poverty? If I can best say it, in my opinion, spiritual need is the need that is of greatest urgency, because in heaven, the poor who know God will enjoy an eternal life in heaven with God. And how can we best evangelise and tell ple that there is a God who cares for them? Its simply by demonstrating God's love and being a walking Jesus in a sense. And that means meeting both their emotional and physical needs.
How abt ple in developed nations? Ple working in banks, law firms, hospitals (doctors?), they may be rich physically but may be so poor emotionally and spiritually! What then of these ple! They need someone to go right in there to meet their emotional needs. Which is something that I believe God has placed deep within my heart. To reach out to the business community..maybe in particular the banks?
It may seem incoherent to some why I am working in GIC. Why am I not in social work since I am such a social person? Precisely the pt. I wanna get right in there into the banks/financial sector and reach out and shine. I pray that as days go by, the vision will become clearer. But meanwhile I will wait upon Him, for Him to tell me GO.
Was chatting with derek yesterday on MSN, and he told me this, to not miss the opportunity that God has placed there for me. Hmm...I thot it was q aligned with what i had been hearing. I think that at a juncture in a christian's life, there is always a question of will u choose to live ur life for Christ or u choose to compromise. And that is not as easy decision to make, cos going for the former requires a lot of moulding and a lot of dark days of despair. But now that the word has been somewhat affirmed too..even by derek...its really q encouraging that yup..it seems like He is bringing me into a new place already. And I've to be obedient.
Yups..so this is a whole lot of sharing. =) Maybe a lot of blabbering too. ehhe.
CIaoz.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
God of the Valley
Os Hillman
The God of the Valley
The man of God came up and told the king of Israel, "This is what the Lord says: 'Because the Arameans think the Lord is a god of the hills and not a god of the valleys, I will deliver this vast army into your hands, and you will know that I am the Lord'." - 1 Kings 20:28
Whenever we stand on the mountain, we are able to see clearly. It is the best vantage point to see what lies ahead. Wouldn't it be great to live on the mountain all the time in order to anticipate what is ahead? God allows us to experience the mountaintop at times. Joseph's first mountaintop experience was as a young man. He had the favor of his father, Jacob. He was given a fine coat and even had a dream about his future. As a young man, Joseph had a sense of destiny about his life. God often gives us a picture of our future so that we will remember this picture when we are being tested to trust Him in the valley. This picture usually does not reveal how God intends to bring about the visions for our life.
However, none of us really derive the character qualities God desires for our lives while we are on the mountain. It is in the valley where the fruit is planted and harvested. It cannot grow on the mountain; it must grow in the valley. God is a God of the mountain, but he is even more a God of the valley. In the valley, it is more difficult to see ahead; the clouds often cover the valley and limit our sight. Joseph was thrust into a deep valley that left him wondering if the God of his father had forsaken him. Jesus hoped that He might be able to avoid the valley that caused Him to sweat blood. There is a valley that each of us must enter, usually unwillingly, in order to experience the God of the valley-and to experience His faithfulness in the valley. Once we have spent time in this valley, we come out with something we would have never gained if we had not entered it. The valley brings much fruit into our lives so that we might plant seeds into the lives of others. God does not waste valley experiences. If we are faithful in the valley, we will enter a new dimension with God that we never thought possible. There is a harvest of wisdom and virtue that can only be grown in the valley.
Has God brought you into the valley? Know that the valley is a place of fruitfulness; it is a place of testing. It is where God brings what you know in your head into your heart. The only value of knowledge is when it becomes part of your heart. Look for God in the valley today.
The God of the Valley
The man of God came up and told the king of Israel, "This is what the Lord says: 'Because the Arameans think the Lord is a god of the hills and not a god of the valleys, I will deliver this vast army into your hands, and you will know that I am the Lord'." - 1 Kings 20:28
Whenever we stand on the mountain, we are able to see clearly. It is the best vantage point to see what lies ahead. Wouldn't it be great to live on the mountain all the time in order to anticipate what is ahead? God allows us to experience the mountaintop at times. Joseph's first mountaintop experience was as a young man. He had the favor of his father, Jacob. He was given a fine coat and even had a dream about his future. As a young man, Joseph had a sense of destiny about his life. God often gives us a picture of our future so that we will remember this picture when we are being tested to trust Him in the valley. This picture usually does not reveal how God intends to bring about the visions for our life.
However, none of us really derive the character qualities God desires for our lives while we are on the mountain. It is in the valley where the fruit is planted and harvested. It cannot grow on the mountain; it must grow in the valley. God is a God of the mountain, but he is even more a God of the valley. In the valley, it is more difficult to see ahead; the clouds often cover the valley and limit our sight. Joseph was thrust into a deep valley that left him wondering if the God of his father had forsaken him. Jesus hoped that He might be able to avoid the valley that caused Him to sweat blood. There is a valley that each of us must enter, usually unwillingly, in order to experience the God of the valley-and to experience His faithfulness in the valley. Once we have spent time in this valley, we come out with something we would have never gained if we had not entered it. The valley brings much fruit into our lives so that we might plant seeds into the lives of others. God does not waste valley experiences. If we are faithful in the valley, we will enter a new dimension with God that we never thought possible. There is a harvest of wisdom and virtue that can only be grown in the valley.
Has God brought you into the valley? Know that the valley is a place of fruitfulness; it is a place of testing. It is where God brings what you know in your head into your heart. The only value of knowledge is when it becomes part of your heart. Look for God in the valley today.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Accepted in the Beloved
I'm in a quarter-life crisis!
Today I went out with EY and helped him choose some clothes. =) It was really q nice and I got a pair of shoes and necklace for my cousin's wedding. All purple in colour. Hehe...
We went to eat some food and then I saw Lee BA, my Maths teacher in JC. HEh! I liked him so so so very much cos he was very interesting when he taught us maths, and my maths was q good. (Btw, he was wearing a wedding ring! So excited for him) I told Mr. Lee that I was with EY who used to be my tuition student. Then he went like, then r u treating him? He said I shd cos I am already working.
I was kinda blown away by the statement, and then the whole truth sank in, I am 23 and I am a working ADULT!! AHHH!! I am no longer a student/youth. I am an adult!! Boohoo hoo..
My mind is filled with images of Zao An Lao Shi now..where the students loved Chen Liping, their teacher..as well as those of Chen Han Wei as the lovely encouraging teacher. And actually I think being a CGL is somewhat like a teacher cum guide to the youths lives. And I was really q blessed and touched by the thought la. Hope that I can be a better leader and someone whom the mbrs can love and look up to..the verse Imitate me as I imitate CHrist comes to my mind. =)
And then parts of my life as a youth came flooding to my mind. I shared a part of my BGR stuff with the CG on Friday. Its not easy sharing ur BGR stuffs and the silly embarrassing stuffs u did, but on Tuesday, when I was asking God how to best communicate with the ple abt r/s, He said to talk abt myself. And I did.
Then the floodgates of memory were open..I was really a very insecure person and I really didn't like myself very much. In sec sch the trend was short hair, so I cut mine really short, and then my mum cut my hair for me in sec 1..and it looked a bit like a mushroom. And in JC I had a pimpled face, and I hated my face cos of the acne. One day Bro John (Vene-my ex cgl's husband) told me to bind the pimples and to pray. And then I also went to skin centre and heh..praise the Lord, all the acne was gone!! YAy! And then I rebonded my hair and coloured so that I will look prettier...
And it all came back one loop I mean like right now I am SHORT hair, and my colouring is fading away. =)
As I was cutting away the hair, I said that it felt like all the rebonding and makeup and colour all cut away and I was myself. And yups I am happy with myself today! =)
Oh yeah...and the experience at Yunnan was really lovely lovely....wonderful sitting in the open air and looking at the shooting stars and also playing with the kids there. That was when I felt the ugliest. Cos I was in my nerdy specs and my effect of rebonding had left my long hair...and it was all wavy and messy. But I remember this gal abt 15 coming to me..and she said Jie Jie, ni hen piao liang or smthing.
God really did a mighty work within me and brought healing...there were times when I prayed and told myself, I forgive u (myself) and I love u (myself). And the first few times were so hard to say but I said with all my heart and might and when I believed in it, I wept cos there was such a tremendous healing within me.
So just wanna encourage whoever that is reading this. Its not easy to accept urself. Esp if u been told since young that u need to do this and that before u will be acceptable. But, God made everyone of us beautiful...and He loves u as u are... If God can love u, then surely, u can also love urself as the beautiful and unique one that He has created. =)
God bless u!
Today I went out with EY and helped him choose some clothes. =) It was really q nice and I got a pair of shoes and necklace for my cousin's wedding. All purple in colour. Hehe...
We went to eat some food and then I saw Lee BA, my Maths teacher in JC. HEh! I liked him so so so very much cos he was very interesting when he taught us maths, and my maths was q good. (Btw, he was wearing a wedding ring! So excited for him) I told Mr. Lee that I was with EY who used to be my tuition student. Then he went like, then r u treating him? He said I shd cos I am already working.
I was kinda blown away by the statement, and then the whole truth sank in, I am 23 and I am a working ADULT!! AHHH!! I am no longer a student/youth. I am an adult!! Boohoo hoo..
My mind is filled with images of Zao An Lao Shi now..where the students loved Chen Liping, their teacher..as well as those of Chen Han Wei as the lovely encouraging teacher. And actually I think being a CGL is somewhat like a teacher cum guide to the youths lives. And I was really q blessed and touched by the thought la. Hope that I can be a better leader and someone whom the mbrs can love and look up to..the verse Imitate me as I imitate CHrist comes to my mind. =)
And then parts of my life as a youth came flooding to my mind. I shared a part of my BGR stuff with the CG on Friday. Its not easy sharing ur BGR stuffs and the silly embarrassing stuffs u did, but on Tuesday, when I was asking God how to best communicate with the ple abt r/s, He said to talk abt myself. And I did.
Then the floodgates of memory were open..I was really a very insecure person and I really didn't like myself very much. In sec sch the trend was short hair, so I cut mine really short, and then my mum cut my hair for me in sec 1..and it looked a bit like a mushroom. And in JC I had a pimpled face, and I hated my face cos of the acne. One day Bro John (Vene-my ex cgl's husband) told me to bind the pimples and to pray. And then I also went to skin centre and heh..praise the Lord, all the acne was gone!! YAy! And then I rebonded my hair and coloured so that I will look prettier...
And it all came back one loop I mean like right now I am SHORT hair, and my colouring is fading away. =)
As I was cutting away the hair, I said that it felt like all the rebonding and makeup and colour all cut away and I was myself. And yups I am happy with myself today! =)
Oh yeah...and the experience at Yunnan was really lovely lovely....wonderful sitting in the open air and looking at the shooting stars and also playing with the kids there. That was when I felt the ugliest. Cos I was in my nerdy specs and my effect of rebonding had left my long hair...and it was all wavy and messy. But I remember this gal abt 15 coming to me..and she said Jie Jie, ni hen piao liang or smthing.
God really did a mighty work within me and brought healing...there were times when I prayed and told myself, I forgive u (myself) and I love u (myself). And the first few times were so hard to say but I said with all my heart and might and when I believed in it, I wept cos there was such a tremendous healing within me.
So just wanna encourage whoever that is reading this. Its not easy to accept urself. Esp if u been told since young that u need to do this and that before u will be acceptable. But, God made everyone of us beautiful...and He loves u as u are... If God can love u, then surely, u can also love urself as the beautiful and unique one that He has created. =)
God bless u!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
I'm HAPPY!
I'm really quite happy today. It started from yesterday actually, was tinking thru some stuffs abt my life, and not feeling v happy abt where I was going. Wanted to stop some stuffs, and also asked God abt certain doubts I had. And I was listening to music at my wk place and then started listening to Sun's music, felt healing came upon me and somewhat a restoration of my emotions.
There were many things I was doing but not convicted of them, and I also kinda lost my dream. Felt really lost, and so spent kinda Mon and Tues just resting in God. And He just began to show me the answers to the doubts I had.
Its really good.
and tues had lunch with some of the other young ones, 3 other fresh grads and 2 other with less than 2 years experience. They are not scholars..just fresh in from uni like myself, and it was really nice chatting with them. =) I'm starting to enjoy my wk cos I'm starting to have independence. Understand how the whole process works already..and every time I answer a portfolio manager/investment manager's query on the reasons for his wrong returns I feel really satisfied with myself.
=)
Happy....
I've finally also let go of certain things in my life..and really come to terms with myself, with my life....with who I am, and with who God is. =) I'm really assured and excited that my future watever it is will always be good with Him.
There were many things I was doing but not convicted of them, and I also kinda lost my dream. Felt really lost, and so spent kinda Mon and Tues just resting in God. And He just began to show me the answers to the doubts I had.
Its really good.
and tues had lunch with some of the other young ones, 3 other fresh grads and 2 other with less than 2 years experience. They are not scholars..just fresh in from uni like myself, and it was really nice chatting with them. =) I'm starting to enjoy my wk cos I'm starting to have independence. Understand how the whole process works already..and every time I answer a portfolio manager/investment manager's query on the reasons for his wrong returns I feel really satisfied with myself.
=)
Happy....
I've finally also let go of certain things in my life..and really come to terms with myself, with my life....with who I am, and with who God is. =) I'm really assured and excited that my future watever it is will always be good with Him.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
=>
I had an extremely tiring and discouraging week, but its just so amazing how everytime I have a tiring week that the weekend service would be so good. Today I admit I was a little distracted and tired while pastor tan was preaching. But when it came to the ministry and we sang this song to invite the Holy Ghost, the anointing of God just poured down so strongly. I felt the warmth of His embrace..really did..like His face next to mine, and then His palms on me. Well, some of u non-christians might think that I am mad...but really it was so strong. I also felt a tingling feeling on my right palm. Most of all, the soft gentle whisper from God...And there was this verse that came to me: In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.
I went back to search the bible, and this verse comes from Isaiah. The Israelites wanted to use swift horses to fight the battle, but God was saying, don't depend on human means or methods, but depend on ME. I was so tremendously blessed. And He impressed upon my heart that He will take my hands and my mouth and use me to minister to His ple..to not look at my own limitations but to look upon Him.
Pastor Tan also prophesied, he talked abt how He would take away our loneliness, our doubts, and restore our confidence. I was so so very blessed. => Yups. I will be strong, and I wanna see His dream coming to pass in my life.
Going the narrow road involves sacrifices. And sometimes it is a lonely road. I guess I have walked the talk and experienced the emotional heartbreak of seperation from that whom I really loved but which displeases God. Its like ur road to destiny, and watever decision u choose leads u to a different path. But u can only choose one path...choose the destiny or choose the easy way out. Choosing God's path is not easy...and I realise that when He begins to do a heart operation within u...some ple will fall..cos they love themselves too much to let go and let God's ways. But those who hold on...will see their dreams coming to pass. Those who hold on will grow in faith and in character...
But one of the most touching things I experienced as a christian is that sometimes it doesn't take THAT much faith to believe. Just a mustard seed, and a desire to trust. The rest...God begins to bring ple around u to point u to the vision, and He begins to put signposts, neon lights pointing to the right direction. Alarm bells ring.. sermons begin to cut right thru ur heart. At the pt in time, u can choose to ignore the signposts and walk ur own walk..further away into ur abyss of darkness, or u can decide to follow the signposts...sometimes amidst the cryings of ur heart...ur flesh that says "Go the other way!". U ignore those cries and keep moving..keep moving....toward ur destiny.
I went back to search the bible, and this verse comes from Isaiah. The Israelites wanted to use swift horses to fight the battle, but God was saying, don't depend on human means or methods, but depend on ME. I was so tremendously blessed. And He impressed upon my heart that He will take my hands and my mouth and use me to minister to His ple..to not look at my own limitations but to look upon Him.
Pastor Tan also prophesied, he talked abt how He would take away our loneliness, our doubts, and restore our confidence. I was so so very blessed. => Yups. I will be strong, and I wanna see His dream coming to pass in my life.
Going the narrow road involves sacrifices. And sometimes it is a lonely road. I guess I have walked the talk and experienced the emotional heartbreak of seperation from that whom I really loved but which displeases God. Its like ur road to destiny, and watever decision u choose leads u to a different path. But u can only choose one path...choose the destiny or choose the easy way out. Choosing God's path is not easy...and I realise that when He begins to do a heart operation within u...some ple will fall..cos they love themselves too much to let go and let God's ways. But those who hold on...will see their dreams coming to pass. Those who hold on will grow in faith and in character...
But one of the most touching things I experienced as a christian is that sometimes it doesn't take THAT much faith to believe. Just a mustard seed, and a desire to trust. The rest...God begins to bring ple around u to point u to the vision, and He begins to put signposts, neon lights pointing to the right direction. Alarm bells ring.. sermons begin to cut right thru ur heart. At the pt in time, u can choose to ignore the signposts and walk ur own walk..further away into ur abyss of darkness, or u can decide to follow the signposts...sometimes amidst the cryings of ur heart...ur flesh that says "Go the other way!". U ignore those cries and keep moving..keep moving....toward ur destiny.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
It helps to have frens!
I had a very good sat and sun...spent time with some really good frens, and thank God for them, who really encourage me too.
I caught a movie on sat with mavis and xinying. It was "Be with me"..an arty film by eric khoo. The show was really great, it was silent most of the time, and also filmed some of the most mundane of things, like an old man at his shop selling stuffs and cooking dinner for his wife...two girls smsing each other and in the chat room...a security guard admiring some pretty lady in the building (and I swear that the building they were filming is my office-capital tower) but it was within the mundanity that the message hit right home to the heart. Cos I guess all can identify with it. The theme of love, the search for love and wat really defines love. Also the meaning of life..the mundanity and how everyone seeks to find meaning in something.. or love is smthing that sustains life and gives meaning to it.
Well, yeah, the msg really hit home, and ofcos I also feel really sad for the security guard who has loads of emotions within him but is not good at expressing them. And also the love of the old couple...the old man cooking for his wife, caring for him...which expressed the meaning of true love. Not loads of sex or I love Yous but a simple demonstration thru actions.
As ple seek to find meaning in life, they seek in from all the different places isn't it? Whether it is clubbing or admiring someone.
Yups...and so it was a great movie and all, and it was nice seeing Xinying and Mavis. Xinying who is now a psychologist at Mindef, while mavis is a firewoman! Don't play play...mavis gotto go for "NS" with the guys...and do jungle trekking. I guess as we grow older, our lives tend toward diff directions. Its like seeing someone familiar yet not so familiar kinda feeling..
Yeah and I had a lovely dinner with Huiyun plus a little shopping..to celebrate her bday! It was a really really good chat at this restaurant called "dian xiao er" selling herbal duck, and we had the set meal for 2. I like the way that Huiyun always listens to me..and cares for me. Heh...it kinda filled up my love tank again. =>
Yups..so aniwae today I hanged out with huiru and jeryn after service and it was good walking ard and chatting abt ourselves and our cgs. And really thank God for the frenship. :)
Okie...tmr is another day of work! I pray for a good week ahead.
I caught a movie on sat with mavis and xinying. It was "Be with me"..an arty film by eric khoo. The show was really great, it was silent most of the time, and also filmed some of the most mundane of things, like an old man at his shop selling stuffs and cooking dinner for his wife...two girls smsing each other and in the chat room...a security guard admiring some pretty lady in the building (and I swear that the building they were filming is my office-capital tower) but it was within the mundanity that the message hit right home to the heart. Cos I guess all can identify with it. The theme of love, the search for love and wat really defines love. Also the meaning of life..the mundanity and how everyone seeks to find meaning in something.. or love is smthing that sustains life and gives meaning to it.
Well, yeah, the msg really hit home, and ofcos I also feel really sad for the security guard who has loads of emotions within him but is not good at expressing them. And also the love of the old couple...the old man cooking for his wife, caring for him...which expressed the meaning of true love. Not loads of sex or I love Yous but a simple demonstration thru actions.
As ple seek to find meaning in life, they seek in from all the different places isn't it? Whether it is clubbing or admiring someone.
Yups...and so it was a great movie and all, and it was nice seeing Xinying and Mavis. Xinying who is now a psychologist at Mindef, while mavis is a firewoman! Don't play play...mavis gotto go for "NS" with the guys...and do jungle trekking. I guess as we grow older, our lives tend toward diff directions. Its like seeing someone familiar yet not so familiar kinda feeling..
Yeah and I had a lovely dinner with Huiyun plus a little shopping..to celebrate her bday! It was a really really good chat at this restaurant called "dian xiao er" selling herbal duck, and we had the set meal for 2. I like the way that Huiyun always listens to me..and cares for me. Heh...it kinda filled up my love tank again. =>
Yups..so aniwae today I hanged out with huiru and jeryn after service and it was good walking ard and chatting abt ourselves and our cgs. And really thank God for the frenship. :)
Okie...tmr is another day of work! I pray for a good week ahead.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
tired...
Had a rather bad day today, I think that the path gets lonelier as u choose the narrow path. Who doesn't need frens to pour sorrows to? SIgh.
I feel really misunderstood. And I know that I shouldn't focus on the negative, but again and again the words replay in my mind and its like..I come to the threshold of my endurance and suddenly it just broke. Its like Not You too? You whom I love?
:(
O well this is a list of incoherent sentences that probably don't really link.
Ok, pick urself up and be strong! Shoo..!
I feel really misunderstood. And I know that I shouldn't focus on the negative, but again and again the words replay in my mind and its like..I come to the threshold of my endurance and suddenly it just broke. Its like Not You too? You whom I love?
:(
O well this is a list of incoherent sentences that probably don't really link.
Ok, pick urself up and be strong! Shoo..!
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Whine
I had quite a bad day today. It was really Blah. And I had to control my temper and pray for more patience. If u guys know me, I'm usually rather patient right? Today I was really challenged. Guess the series of events that happened were overwhelming.
I just wanted to run from it all.
I ask God...why me? Is it because God, I am more patient, that's why you think that I can handle it? sighz.
Day went kinda well in the end.
Had a surprise phonecall just now fr CP, who said his mum is sponsoring the function room for our event. Abt 80 bucks. Wow, so happy...praise God.
---
Yesterday nite I had dinner with kel! His bday today. Was q a last min thingy, cos I was going orchard to get some presents..bday and watnots.And then called him to wish him happy bday! Realised that he was free, so we had korean food. => And it was nice..also had mud pie. YEah, and I got a couple of presents. I feel happy buying gifts for ple, love to see the smile on their faces. I think so far my prezzie choosing is quite good.
Been also thinking abt this other topic called love. Well recently a fren confided in me abt how he really liked this girl, but this girl wasn't interested. Hmm...Can love reach a stage whereby that u just love someone not expecting return? And also, when you love a person, but u noe that not being together with that person is better for both of you, would u control your emotions and let it be? Heh. Not easy to do eh...And also u've to cross ur fingers and hope that the other party doesn't express interest, cos u noe that it will surely tempt u away.
I think tho that I've matured a lot. And I guess I am learning to LOVE..unselfishly. And what it really means to love someone. Whether boy-girl relationships or frenships..to give of urself, wanting the best for the other. And also trusting the best of the other. Being secure abt urself in the eyes of the other. And ofcos smtimes frenships can turn sour. O well, gotto pick up the pieces and move on. Life has to go on right?
But I strongly believe in this, that one must first learn to love himself/herself. Cos, his/her identity cannot be founded on other ple.
Yups and so this little thing called love, which everyone of us is searching for. Romanticised in dramas. Yet in real life not as simple, and may be even more mundane. HEH. Simply just enjoying each other's company, sitting next to each other, whether across a candlelight dinner, or going to Sim Lim to shop for CDs, or going to the beach or watever.
And since today is mid autumn, happy midautumn. :)
May all lovers be together!
I just wanted to run from it all.
I ask God...why me? Is it because God, I am more patient, that's why you think that I can handle it? sighz.
Day went kinda well in the end.
Had a surprise phonecall just now fr CP, who said his mum is sponsoring the function room for our event. Abt 80 bucks. Wow, so happy...praise God.
---
Yesterday nite I had dinner with kel! His bday today. Was q a last min thingy, cos I was going orchard to get some presents..bday and watnots.And then called him to wish him happy bday! Realised that he was free, so we had korean food. => And it was nice..also had mud pie. YEah, and I got a couple of presents. I feel happy buying gifts for ple, love to see the smile on their faces. I think so far my prezzie choosing is quite good.
Been also thinking abt this other topic called love. Well recently a fren confided in me abt how he really liked this girl, but this girl wasn't interested. Hmm...Can love reach a stage whereby that u just love someone not expecting return? And also, when you love a person, but u noe that not being together with that person is better for both of you, would u control your emotions and let it be? Heh. Not easy to do eh...And also u've to cross ur fingers and hope that the other party doesn't express interest, cos u noe that it will surely tempt u away.
I think tho that I've matured a lot. And I guess I am learning to LOVE..unselfishly. And what it really means to love someone. Whether boy-girl relationships or frenships..to give of urself, wanting the best for the other. And also trusting the best of the other. Being secure abt urself in the eyes of the other. And ofcos smtimes frenships can turn sour. O well, gotto pick up the pieces and move on. Life has to go on right?
But I strongly believe in this, that one must first learn to love himself/herself. Cos, his/her identity cannot be founded on other ple.
Yups and so this little thing called love, which everyone of us is searching for. Romanticised in dramas. Yet in real life not as simple, and may be even more mundane. HEH. Simply just enjoying each other's company, sitting next to each other, whether across a candlelight dinner, or going to Sim Lim to shop for CDs, or going to the beach or watever.
And since today is mid autumn, happy midautumn. :)
May all lovers be together!
Saturday, September 17, 2005
AHHH MY week!
My week can be summarised in ONE word..
Exhausting.
Had a super tiring week. Rushing stuffs and had to rush thru lunch..and went home late. SIghz. Super tired after I get home. And NO motivation for work in the morning! Very jialat. Very stress over deadlines at the start of the week. And today we had our group hsewarming party-cos we moved to a new floor. Then my colleague, Agnes and I had to plan for it, and be the Emcees for it. So today we rehearsed and talked some nonsense..heh. FIrst time I am emcee u noe! But being a cgl helps. Cos less stage fright. :) And we played a game too..which I led. It was the money game! :P
I was sleeping as usual on the way to cg today. Kept dosing and leaning on this middle aged guy next to me. AH! :( Its the kinda sleep whereby u open ur eyes..and the next min u are dozing off again. And so I smsed Huiru to PRAY for me during cg, cos I was seriously zonked out.
And when I reached, to my horrors of horrors, my mbr..who was playing guitar for first time for the cg was late...and reached at 740, 5 min b4 cg started. And there were visitors from Korea-a pastor and 2 others. AHH!!
BUT..
CG was so WONDERFUL. I felt the fire of God pour down, I felt warm all over. And at the end, there was a gushing wind. Well..I'm not sure if it is supernatural wind, like Acts. But I felt something happened. A visitation of the Lord.
Tired..but God brought me thru the week. Immensely GRATEFUL for that.
Exhausting.
Had a super tiring week. Rushing stuffs and had to rush thru lunch..and went home late. SIghz. Super tired after I get home. And NO motivation for work in the morning! Very jialat. Very stress over deadlines at the start of the week. And today we had our group hsewarming party-cos we moved to a new floor. Then my colleague, Agnes and I had to plan for it, and be the Emcees for it. So today we rehearsed and talked some nonsense..heh. FIrst time I am emcee u noe! But being a cgl helps. Cos less stage fright. :) And we played a game too..which I led. It was the money game! :P
I was sleeping as usual on the way to cg today. Kept dosing and leaning on this middle aged guy next to me. AH! :( Its the kinda sleep whereby u open ur eyes..and the next min u are dozing off again. And so I smsed Huiru to PRAY for me during cg, cos I was seriously zonked out.
And when I reached, to my horrors of horrors, my mbr..who was playing guitar for first time for the cg was late...and reached at 740, 5 min b4 cg started. And there were visitors from Korea-a pastor and 2 others. AHH!!
BUT..
CG was so WONDERFUL. I felt the fire of God pour down, I felt warm all over. And at the end, there was a gushing wind. Well..I'm not sure if it is supernatural wind, like Acts. But I felt something happened. A visitation of the Lord.
Tired..but God brought me thru the week. Immensely GRATEFUL for that.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
hies
Hie!
I had a good day today. Went out with my cg mbrs, 3 young boys(ok men?)..heh...and we went to racky the chalet we wanted to book! SO small lei..:(
Went to NAFA after that with a fren to see arts exhibition. Q cool, but not v big scale. =) Happy... went to a cosy restaurant for dinner then walked ard..then to sim lim where i got my wireless lan card!
I got a new book to read-The curious incident of the dog in the night time. =>
Okies...yeah i have decided to sleep early tonite...accumulated lack of rest.
BYE
I had a good day today. Went out with my cg mbrs, 3 young boys(ok men?)..heh...and we went to racky the chalet we wanted to book! SO small lei..:(
Went to NAFA after that with a fren to see arts exhibition. Q cool, but not v big scale. =) Happy... went to a cosy restaurant for dinner then walked ard..then to sim lim where i got my wireless lan card!
I got a new book to read-The curious incident of the dog in the night time. =>
Okies...yeah i have decided to sleep early tonite...accumulated lack of rest.
BYE
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Materialism!! aahh!!
Hiz!
Went for a photoshoot today. Cos gonna appear in some publicity material for NUS Biz sch...targetting the JCs! Yeah..and kinda had a makeup artist do makeup for me! Yeah..and only have ONE pic in the bklet. SIgh, brought like 3 sets of clothes but ended up wearing the sports wear and din even wear my own T-shirt! Cos it was white and they said I had to wear another colour one..
Yups..
kinda pleased with the makeup so came home and took some pics of myself. ;p
Later met two great pals! Second round of my bday celebration. I feel so blessed. =>
Yups..and then I signed up for HSBC credit card with Sam. Heh.. have freebies..also bought makeup and a pair of shoes. SIgh how? Ever since the SE forum ended I've been doing a lot of stuffs like shopping and watching TV. Yups..like Superstar! And I like JunYang! He is the BEST.
Really kinda very happy to rest and relax for some time and to recharge. But I must really watch my spending habits and save..in the midst of building fund in church as well. ;P Anyway it really feels VERY good to have ur own income and to buy things to pamper urself after long wking hrs..and the weekends are the best!
Thank you for blessing me!
Had a great CG on friday nite. => The anointing and God's presence. B4 cg I was sleeping like a log on the bus, and once I reached, God really strengthened me. :) Yups..relying on His strength every single day.
Now I'm physically very TIRED. Gonna read my bible, pray, prepare BS and sleep. Take care folks.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Vision
Just came back from service today, it was a very good message. It was simple, and yet profound, and the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart a rhema word! => A reminder of my vision in Him. It was very very very wonderful, and also very reassuring. And also it was powerful.
In the morning we had bible study with Pstor. And she talked abt repentance from dead works. I have given a similar bible study b4 on this topic. And yet when she gave, it was whooo! New revelations, and a very distinct prompting in my heart from the Holy Spirit. To repent of the worldly stuffs, and ungodly relationships that were holding me back.
I am very thankful that God is a God of second chances. As I examine my own life, on the inside there are so many things that are messed up. But yet He never gave up on me, and saw me beyond my current situation. He always believed in me! And amazingly, everytime we are about to fall, He will never fail to tug us back gently on the right path. Sometimes not too gently.. who says that the chastening of the Lord is easy to go thru? But nevertheless the temporal pain is only for something greater..and will only bring u closer to ur destiny.
And that is smthing that I see in ple ard me. WE all struggle as human beings with our flesh and our desires. God just knows how to deal with us individually, and He knows specifically the stuffs that hold us back. And I know that because of His amazing grace, that I am also able to believe in ple around me. That one day and someday..He will bring them closer to Him. And that He will work within their lives. Meanwhile, love covers a multitude of sin. Having love for ple..being gracious. Believing together with them. =)
To those who r struggling, hang on there!! God is ever present there for u.
--
Lastly..eheh
guess wat! I got myself a zen micro 5G. Its to reward myself for my hard work..eheh..been working so hard, I deserve a present for myself rite? yeah...so in the office I can listen to my fave tracks! Really happy.
In the morning we had bible study with Pstor. And she talked abt repentance from dead works. I have given a similar bible study b4 on this topic. And yet when she gave, it was whooo! New revelations, and a very distinct prompting in my heart from the Holy Spirit. To repent of the worldly stuffs, and ungodly relationships that were holding me back.
I am very thankful that God is a God of second chances. As I examine my own life, on the inside there are so many things that are messed up. But yet He never gave up on me, and saw me beyond my current situation. He always believed in me! And amazingly, everytime we are about to fall, He will never fail to tug us back gently on the right path. Sometimes not too gently.. who says that the chastening of the Lord is easy to go thru? But nevertheless the temporal pain is only for something greater..and will only bring u closer to ur destiny.
And that is smthing that I see in ple ard me. WE all struggle as human beings with our flesh and our desires. God just knows how to deal with us individually, and He knows specifically the stuffs that hold us back. And I know that because of His amazing grace, that I am also able to believe in ple around me. That one day and someday..He will bring them closer to Him. And that He will work within their lives. Meanwhile, love covers a multitude of sin. Having love for ple..being gracious. Believing together with them. =)
To those who r struggling, hang on there!! God is ever present there for u.
--
Lastly..eheh
guess wat! I got myself a zen micro 5G. Its to reward myself for my hard work..eheh..been working so hard, I deserve a present for myself rite? yeah...so in the office I can listen to my fave tracks! Really happy.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Loved
Heh..
today is (pretty soon was) my birthday! Yay!! For those of u who missed it, go conk ur head now..
Had a good day, celebrations began last friday! Cg got me a bracelet and a huge card. And yesterday, Mum bought me a GUESS watch with crystals on it..white colour and big faced. => heh..VERY pretty indeed...
Today my colleagues celebrated for me. When I came in, i saw a packet sitting next to my PC. haha..ofcos they saboed me. On it wrote from Max and JEremy..two of the schlars...and to think i even emailed them to thank them..and then to realised that it was my dept colleagues who gave me the prezzie. URRGggh so paiseh. But anyway it was a very nice sports top for my use in the gym!
And then I had lunch with them..they treated me to western food..yummmmyyy....and then we had a little cake abt 5ish...so SWEET of them. Feel so loved...how..
Had several smses today fr long lost frens, who remembered me. So touched..from sec sch to jc...
And I had dinner with HY!! =) We had Japanese Buffet.
FInally..not complete without a bday song. Mum got me a choco cake..heh..and we sang a song for ME!! And I blew the candles.
I wished for....
God to bless my family and frens.
Thank u all for ur love. =>
today is (pretty soon was) my birthday! Yay!! For those of u who missed it, go conk ur head now..
Had a good day, celebrations began last friday! Cg got me a bracelet and a huge card. And yesterday, Mum bought me a GUESS watch with crystals on it..white colour and big faced. => heh..VERY pretty indeed...
Today my colleagues celebrated for me. When I came in, i saw a packet sitting next to my PC. haha..ofcos they saboed me. On it wrote from Max and JEremy..two of the schlars...and to think i even emailed them to thank them..and then to realised that it was my dept colleagues who gave me the prezzie. URRGggh so paiseh. But anyway it was a very nice sports top for my use in the gym!
And then I had lunch with them..they treated me to western food..yummmmyyy....and then we had a little cake abt 5ish...so SWEET of them. Feel so loved...how..
Had several smses today fr long lost frens, who remembered me. So touched..from sec sch to jc...
And I had dinner with HY!! =) We had Japanese Buffet.
FInally..not complete without a bday song. Mum got me a choco cake..heh..and we sang a song for ME!! And I blew the candles.
I wished for....
God to bless my family and frens.
Thank u all for ur love. =>
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Me and my frens
I was looking thru some blogs tonite. A real luxury at nite to be slacking. => Listening to music and relaxing.
A fren (X ) was giving me advice on another fren (Y). This fren is seemingly a very rational person. To my surprise, X enlightned me that humans are NEVER rational. They are emotional. Sometimes ple come to u with a set logic/thinking and u dun appeal to them by rationalizing with them. U empathise with them.
I think that I am also seemingly a very rational person on the outside. But on the inside I am very fragile, and emotional. Those who know me better will know. Nothing beats having a empathetic ear, a warm hug, and a pat on the shoulder from someone to tell me I am doing well, I am appreciated and loved.
And tho I act nonchalent at the episodes that are taking place in ple's lives, they actually affect me more than watever I demonstrate. I hate it when ple have conflicts in front of me-e.g. arguments, disagreements. And tho I can see fr both pts of views, neither can see each other's views. SMtimes I just wash my hands off them. And I kinda like give that kinda do wat u wan i dun care kinda face or attitude..
Its only when the Holy Spirit softens my heart that I realise it hurts much more than I would say.
And tat is why i understand it when some ple..act like they simply bo chap, but they're hurting on the inside. And until they realise that they are pretending not to care, they cannot get healing.
I've become stronger experiencing many things these days. Sometimes lookg at the mirror, I dun even know who is the one inside. HAA...am I really the one? Scarily, I also see shadows of myself in other ple. As I was reading some of my cg mbrs blogs, I'm like, whoa manz, wasn't tat me...abt 2 years back or smthing, having the same kinda revelation. And also @ that time when God showed me He loved me so unconditionally. When u are pushing against walls...and growing muscles.
I believe someone else has gone b4 me. I WILL break through this. Life is full of decisions and crossroads. I only pray that watever I choose, I move closer towards God's given purpose. Watever He plans for me is GOOD.
A fren (X ) was giving me advice on another fren (Y). This fren is seemingly a very rational person. To my surprise, X enlightned me that humans are NEVER rational. They are emotional. Sometimes ple come to u with a set logic/thinking and u dun appeal to them by rationalizing with them. U empathise with them.
I think that I am also seemingly a very rational person on the outside. But on the inside I am very fragile, and emotional. Those who know me better will know. Nothing beats having a empathetic ear, a warm hug, and a pat on the shoulder from someone to tell me I am doing well, I am appreciated and loved.
And tho I act nonchalent at the episodes that are taking place in ple's lives, they actually affect me more than watever I demonstrate. I hate it when ple have conflicts in front of me-e.g. arguments, disagreements. And tho I can see fr both pts of views, neither can see each other's views. SMtimes I just wash my hands off them. And I kinda like give that kinda do wat u wan i dun care kinda face or attitude..
Its only when the Holy Spirit softens my heart that I realise it hurts much more than I would say.
And tat is why i understand it when some ple..act like they simply bo chap, but they're hurting on the inside. And until they realise that they are pretending not to care, they cannot get healing.
I've become stronger experiencing many things these days. Sometimes lookg at the mirror, I dun even know who is the one inside. HAA...am I really the one? Scarily, I also see shadows of myself in other ple. As I was reading some of my cg mbrs blogs, I'm like, whoa manz, wasn't tat me...abt 2 years back or smthing, having the same kinda revelation. And also @ that time when God showed me He loved me so unconditionally. When u are pushing against walls...and growing muscles.
I believe someone else has gone b4 me. I WILL break through this. Life is full of decisions and crossroads. I only pray that watever I choose, I move closer towards God's given purpose. Watever He plans for me is GOOD.
Monday, August 15, 2005
SE Forum 2005
Heiz
SE Forum 2005 has successfully ended! =)
The registration was a mess at the start, but eventually everything went smoothly. Thank God for that...
Yay! End of my days of sleeping at 1am doing SE work!! =P No more endless meetings on saturday. No more discretely replying SE emails and making phone calls in company.
Most of all, I pursued my dream. People may call me crazy for taking 2 days off from work, and spending the last 10 months doing this forum, but I'm HAPPY! What a great joy to be able to see people coming together for the forum, and hopefully getting their minds to think beyond their normal daily lives, and to know that there are equally passionate people around.
We went to Goshen Restaurant after our forum, which is opened and runned by ex-inmates and drug addicts. The food was superb! Yummy! Chilli crab and prawns, and beancurd.
These pics consists of the bulk of our team-about 20 people.
We got off to a shakey start. Remember that the person who was supposed to head it decided to quit. Nobody could lead while Andrew went to Germany. And I told Andrew that I will help him lead while he was at Germany. We would co-lead. However, things went downhill as the committee was made up of a group of individuals who were great ple, and yet busy with our own commitments. And it was so difficult to drive the whole thing. It was also hard to communicate with Andrew while he was away in Germany. ANd also...to balance it up with my other commitments. I think Eu would recall the times that I spent whining to her.
We couldn't get any sponsors...and time was ticking pass..This feeling of helplessness, being trapped in a role I was not adequate to fulfill got on me day and nite. When A came back,he implemented many changes and also recruited his frens to join us. And so..yeah in the end everything turned out fine, and its a great ending to this story!
Thank You God for seeing me through, and it has made me stronger indeed. => Thank you so so much.
This was taken at Andrew's hse with the foreign speakers. Anil (Nepal), Sinee(Thailand) and Pamela (Switzerland)
They are extremely kind ple. We went to the Asian Civilisation Museum on Sunday, and then we went to A's hse, and his mum cooked for us. It was a very heavy dinner cos we were taking abt politics, charity, entrepreneurs...
Sinee bought me cookies from Thailand! So sweet of her. And I kept hugging them as we parted. So sad to leave them.
Sunday we had a GREAT service.
God: Would you love me unconditionally, and worship me even if....
XJ: Yes God, I would.
Tears kept flowing, and I finally learn wat is the sacrifice of praise. It is worshipping, praising, and loving unconditionally. The Holy SPirit showed me the "ifs"..things that I've been praying for, that have not come to past. These things have been getting me really down. But as I said Yes to God, I felt the reassuring presence of the Holy Spirit, His gentleness and His love.. His loving touch that no human can replace.
Finally a rest and a break for me. Tmr I'm back to work!! Early in the morning. The continual of another marathon, another day, another story.
I will like to say that, it is better always to try something and fail it, then never try anything at all.
Anil gave this analogy: The difference between a big candle and a light bulb. U can improve on a candle and make it last longer, but the light bulb is a whole new thing. A social entrepreneur is someone like that. He invents and recreates. Not improves on smthing... If u wanna wait for the perfect timing, never. Just do it.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
hieyz
Heys...
Just came back from east coast beach...and had a very mama drama time today. Super tired, with sun burn, but I enjoyed the cycling. =>
Dropped my hp while teaching someone cycling, and then called the person using EY's hp..and then an uncle picked the call. He was about 4 bustops away from us, at the marine parade police post, and I cycled there, while EY jogged with me. Along the way, EY and I got separated, and so I went ahead....had to push the bike thru the underpass, and after coming out of ECP, cycled on the bumpy pavements, avoiding cars and pedestrians. Was a little scary la...but also a little fun going pass the lamp posts and squeezing thru pavements.
Thank God that EY got there ahead and took my hp for me!
Super tired, got a bad sunburn.
Glad we had BBQ, and fellowshipped today.
I watched The Island on sat, and it was interesting show....abt clonning..futuristic film, but nevetheless very realistic. ENjoyed it tremendously, plus the company was good. Went for a drink after that..and just chilled out, listening to the live band. =>
Friday and Sunday nites went for FOP=festival of praise. Had a good time worshipping and praising God, and jumping and dancing. It was very very good, very joyful, and I loved the last nite's message by Rev Colin Dye. He talked abt having authority in Christ. How true. I never saw my fave character Moses in that light. I like Exodus very very much. One of my fave books in the bible.
Yups...
has been very fruitful, and this sat is my SE forum!! Yeah.Things have been going on smoothly. And Andrew has been fighting lotsa arrows in the forefront. =) The committee is also freed up now to help out. SO thats really good la...
However also pretty busy...
Guess I can't give my all to it for now cos of work and church commitments. Feel very stretched, being pulled on all sides.
Dad fell ill yesterday nite, and I wasn't there for him. Got home at 1230am...after sitting at esplanade talking to Qifen who was just back from London..she's been staying there for 7 years. Not met her for 5 years at least. And she has very interesting ideas abt freedom of speech and civilisation. So was really good..
yah back to the topic, reached home late..and my dad was sitting out on the sofa at 1plus am..thot he was just tinking abt life, or praying. I din even bother asking! To my horror this morning, heard he went hospital for a checkup cos he had chest and back pain. And doc said he got a virus attack. How? :(
This morning still went to ECP with cg, and mum said...you and ur sis, only care abt urself! Ofcos in the end she was nice and everything, cooked porridge for me, and then yups...really nice. And I hope that after sat's forum, i can spend more time with them.
Yah..and supposedly have a "hard deadline" for my work on the 12th. HEh..but 12th I am taking off for forum.
Just not being very focused here. In the midst of all these thank God always for being there. REally really..when we are weak He is STRONG, and those moments listening to worship cds, seeking Him, His presence, are really times that rejuvenate me.
I need a quiet heart to hear. And perhaps I need to dispose of some of the baggages and non-essentials in my life, and find the thing that matters most. And that is my calling to know God..calling to be still, to fellowship with Him.
Just came back from east coast beach...and had a very mama drama time today. Super tired, with sun burn, but I enjoyed the cycling. =>
Dropped my hp while teaching someone cycling, and then called the person using EY's hp..and then an uncle picked the call. He was about 4 bustops away from us, at the marine parade police post, and I cycled there, while EY jogged with me. Along the way, EY and I got separated, and so I went ahead....had to push the bike thru the underpass, and after coming out of ECP, cycled on the bumpy pavements, avoiding cars and pedestrians. Was a little scary la...but also a little fun going pass the lamp posts and squeezing thru pavements.
Thank God that EY got there ahead and took my hp for me!
Super tired, got a bad sunburn.
Glad we had BBQ, and fellowshipped today.
I watched The Island on sat, and it was interesting show....abt clonning..futuristic film, but nevetheless very realistic. ENjoyed it tremendously, plus the company was good. Went for a drink after that..and just chilled out, listening to the live band. =>
Friday and Sunday nites went for FOP=festival of praise. Had a good time worshipping and praising God, and jumping and dancing. It was very very good, very joyful, and I loved the last nite's message by Rev Colin Dye. He talked abt having authority in Christ. How true. I never saw my fave character Moses in that light. I like Exodus very very much. One of my fave books in the bible.
Yups...
has been very fruitful, and this sat is my SE forum!! Yeah.Things have been going on smoothly. And Andrew has been fighting lotsa arrows in the forefront. =) The committee is also freed up now to help out. SO thats really good la...
However also pretty busy...
Guess I can't give my all to it for now cos of work and church commitments. Feel very stretched, being pulled on all sides.
Dad fell ill yesterday nite, and I wasn't there for him. Got home at 1230am...after sitting at esplanade talking to Qifen who was just back from London..she's been staying there for 7 years. Not met her for 5 years at least. And she has very interesting ideas abt freedom of speech and civilisation. So was really good..
yah back to the topic, reached home late..and my dad was sitting out on the sofa at 1plus am..thot he was just tinking abt life, or praying. I din even bother asking! To my horror this morning, heard he went hospital for a checkup cos he had chest and back pain. And doc said he got a virus attack. How? :(
This morning still went to ECP with cg, and mum said...you and ur sis, only care abt urself! Ofcos in the end she was nice and everything, cooked porridge for me, and then yups...really nice. And I hope that after sat's forum, i can spend more time with them.
Yah..and supposedly have a "hard deadline" for my work on the 12th. HEh..but 12th I am taking off for forum.
Just not being very focused here. In the midst of all these thank God always for being there. REally really..when we are weak He is STRONG, and those moments listening to worship cds, seeking Him, His presence, are really times that rejuvenate me.
I need a quiet heart to hear. And perhaps I need to dispose of some of the baggages and non-essentials in my life, and find the thing that matters most. And that is my calling to know God..calling to be still, to fellowship with Him.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Beautiful sunset
Took some pict that day with the schlarly gang and other colleagues. Farewell lunch for Cuiwei and Tsewen.
The cheerful one with the bright smiley in blue Tsewen!! Gone back to USA to study. Cuiwei on my left, agnes on my right. Agnes is my gossip kaki! Jonathan on Tsewen's right. Schlar also..here on internship.
Had peranakan food at blue ginger. Not bad..but portion a bit small and expensive.
-----
Today at evening time..7 odd...i was walking to the pantry, and I saw this BEAUTIFUL sunset, outside the office windows.
The sun was a fiery round ball..lying on top of the clouds.
BEAUTIFUL!
It made my day. =)
Monday, August 01, 2005
Mighty power~!
We had deliverance services yesterday, and it was amazing. The love of God so strong in the place to heal broken hearts, and the mighty power, to break the yoke of the devil.
One of the gals, b4 i even prayed one sentence, she started to manifest. The demonic spirit inside her screamed and shout. Amazing power of God. That the devil trembles under Jesus's name. Indeed watever authority we have comes from Jesus. He is not a respector of persons!
Thank God for deliverance.
Also for the love of God...as tears began to flow, healing came into the wounded hearts. I hugged a gal who sobbed uncontrollably on my shoulders. And I felt God's love. For her, and for everyone who was hurting.
This reminds me of our daily prayers to God. We may not think much of it, as the results are not immediate, but it is working in the spiritual realm..our prayer requests to God. And there is tremendous power, and authority in Jesus's name.
Your prayer answer is on the way!! Now! =)
---
Took a day off today.
Happy to be at home at this time..heh...had SE meeting in the day...then came home abt 545. =)
Good rest and time to refresh.
Yesterday had buffet with my family!! =) Yeah.....nice food, and yummy. Nourishing for the body.
mY sister's bday!! =) I love my sister!
One of the gals, b4 i even prayed one sentence, she started to manifest. The demonic spirit inside her screamed and shout. Amazing power of God. That the devil trembles under Jesus's name. Indeed watever authority we have comes from Jesus. He is not a respector of persons!
Thank God for deliverance.
Also for the love of God...as tears began to flow, healing came into the wounded hearts. I hugged a gal who sobbed uncontrollably on my shoulders. And I felt God's love. For her, and for everyone who was hurting.
This reminds me of our daily prayers to God. We may not think much of it, as the results are not immediate, but it is working in the spiritual realm..our prayer requests to God. And there is tremendous power, and authority in Jesus's name.
Your prayer answer is on the way!! Now! =)
---
Took a day off today.
Happy to be at home at this time..heh...had SE meeting in the day...then came home abt 545. =)
Good rest and time to refresh.
Yesterday had buffet with my family!! =) Yeah.....nice food, and yummy. Nourishing for the body.
mY sister's bday!! =) I love my sister!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Hello!
Hiz
Last week 3 koreans (can u identify the koreans?) came over to visit our cg. => So..here's a pic of the cg I've been talking about every time in my blogs.
I love my cg!! Yesterday's CG meeting was awesome. The presence of God came in so strongly, that I almost wept during worship...and then at ministry, I felt heat all over me. A very very strong anointing and presence.
The message was on spiritual hunger.
It has been such a challenging week..that I dunno how to describe it. If u tink thesis was bad, last week was worst. Maybe its an accumulation of a lack of rest. Since sch ended, found a job quickly. With the forum coming soon in 2 weeks time, pretty much very tied. Slept at 1 plus almost everyday, and wake at 7am. The worse thing is the barrage of things that hit you. In the morning..reach the office at 830, and the mad rush begins. This week something happened in the office to some figures. So my department had to bear the responsibility for some mistakes. So yah....my 12 hr work day doesn't end when I reach home cos of forum and cg stuffs. And so 1am is my sleeping time.
Our all time favourite Spider man says tat with power comes great responsibility. If u aspire to be the man on the stage who preaches every week, or the CEO of a company in newspapers, or the big shot being interviewed in the news, be prepared for responsibilities. Basically someone with power, behind that man is full of hardwork, self doubt, obstacles, burdens that he has to overcome. And until we pass one test, dun expect to move to the next.
Thesis was challenging but I can "cope". But wat happens when u come to a pt where u cannot. When u got zero strength to carry on. And then u need the FAITH to believe in God and to trust Him, to walk in obedience to His word. Even when in front of u is a patch of nothingness, u hold on to the promise and keep walking.
WHen u come to a pt where I cannot cope, I die to myself, and I know that my only hope is God.
Throw u in a shallow pool, u swim happily and know that God is by ur side.
Throw u in a pool..where u can tip toe to get ur head above water, u ask God for help and guidance. And strength to tip toe the whole way.
Throw u in a deep pool, where u need to paddle to stay above water. I tell u, u paddle like mad, and in ur desperation, u cry out for help. U NEED God to be there for u.
----
Tsewen left to go back to US to complete his studies yesterday! And Cuiwei to go back to NUS. Both have 6 mths to graduation. We had peranakan food at blue ginger. SO sad. Tsewen is a joy on my floor cos he goes around gossiping. Haha..not really la, he actually smiles a lot and is a very positive person. And very soon in Aug/sept the rest of the schlars shd be leaving soon...or in oct. Booohoo..less ple to crap with in the office.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Love
I "kopped" this from my fren's blog but it really makes a lot of sense. =)
"The love that we need for ministry is not a natural ability; it's a supernatural quality that only God can provide. When the people we serve irritate us or disappoint us, the first thing we usually do is pray for them and tell the Lord to change them. What we ought to do first is pray for ourselves and ask God to increase our love. Otherwise, we may give the devil the foothold in our own hearts, which will create problems the next time we try to minister to those people: "And be kind to one another [even if they aren't kind to you], tenderhearted [even if they hurt you], forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you" (Eph 4:32)" - Warren Wiersbe
"The love that we need for ministry is not a natural ability; it's a supernatural quality that only God can provide. When the people we serve irritate us or disappoint us, the first thing we usually do is pray for them and tell the Lord to change them. What we ought to do first is pray for ourselves and ask God to increase our love. Otherwise, we may give the devil the foothold in our own hearts, which will create problems the next time we try to minister to those people: "And be kind to one another [even if they aren't kind to you], tenderhearted [even if they hurt you], forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you" (Eph 4:32)" - Warren Wiersbe
People, lives and their hearts
I was really angry today after an encounter with this christian brother.
It really saddens my heart sometimes to see how ple can be "hungry" for God, His word and His presence, but don't live out a Christ like life. Look, if you say that you have been touched by His presence, then PLEASE live out a life that demonstrates that, instead of being self-righteous and pointing ur fingers at others. No wonder the bible says to look at the speck in your own eye first. Ple who are genuinely touched by God are changed. The touch of God follows with u repentance and acts of good works. After being touched it should be followed through with discipline to start reading the bible, and praying.
Any form of I-don't-need- anyone-to-teach-me so please back off attitude = pride. U may think u noe the whole bible inside out, upside down. But please, this kind of attitude does not please God.
It really saddens my heart sometimes to see how ple can be "hungry" for God, His word and His presence, but don't live out a Christ like life. Look, if you say that you have been touched by His presence, then PLEASE live out a life that demonstrates that, instead of being self-righteous and pointing ur fingers at others. No wonder the bible says to look at the speck in your own eye first. Ple who are genuinely touched by God are changed. The touch of God follows with u repentance and acts of good works. After being touched it should be followed through with discipline to start reading the bible, and praying.
Any form of I-don't-need- anyone-to-teach-me so please back off attitude = pride. U may think u noe the whole bible inside out, upside down. But please, this kind of attitude does not please God.
Friday, July 15, 2005
quick sharings
Heh..just spending some time on the comp..super tiring week.
But it has been a good week, enjoy the project i am working on in office! Yay. =) And God has been gracious, cos everyday I need to rely on His strength. Some pt I feel like I am sitting on the sand and the waves are just throwing me forward. Tats the Holy SPirit. Listening to the songs softly on my PC helps really..and in my heart I ask for more strength, wisdom, anointing, and to impact my surroundings.
Went to my first GIC christian fellowship. Abt 10 ple turned up. The lady sharing the word was really good, as in, she was so sincere and I could identify with wat she shared. Wats interesting is an extention of the bizad like christian fellowship into work place, but the ple are ple in their 20s to 50s? Heh...interesting. But the ple weren't too open in their sharing, and I shared with them abt myself and how divinely God placed me in the co. =) Really glad, and grateful.
Also give thanks for the scholars. The young bunch of guys in GIC, some on attachment, some just grad. On my floor, there are 3 scholars. One fr Malaysia, one fr HK, one fr Singapore. So exciting!! And I can see why they are scholars! They are so smart, humble, and they make things happen! They study in US...the one in my department studies in california..heh..he is my age, and gonna come back to serve bond (6 years!) in 2 years time. =)Haha..so blessed to rub shoulders with the smart ple. YEah....things are good la, but need lotsa strength.
Gee.....reminds me of JC days actually. Kinda..where u meet ur classmates, same faces everyday....
Have nice lunch kakis everyday..changing..one day its xyz, next day its abc..ahah..something to look forward to...and Agnes, my colleague, has been really nice la...
and my other colleague, bought 3 bear soft toys fr some charity thingy tat my co. had. And I brought the bear to my table and hugged it!!! Yay..so happy. Told her tat her bear is very happy with me. ANd she said her poor bear. =) I kinda waved the bear at my colleagues and when i am bored I go around giving out sweets to ple.
I tink I must be going siao..and losing coherence..heh. Too tired already. +) But yeah...its a new era, new beginning. New places...foreign places, but a new land surely..onward to the promise land. WHere there is milk and honey.
But it has been a good week, enjoy the project i am working on in office! Yay. =) And God has been gracious, cos everyday I need to rely on His strength. Some pt I feel like I am sitting on the sand and the waves are just throwing me forward. Tats the Holy SPirit. Listening to the songs softly on my PC helps really..and in my heart I ask for more strength, wisdom, anointing, and to impact my surroundings.
Went to my first GIC christian fellowship. Abt 10 ple turned up. The lady sharing the word was really good, as in, she was so sincere and I could identify with wat she shared. Wats interesting is an extention of the bizad like christian fellowship into work place, but the ple are ple in their 20s to 50s? Heh...interesting. But the ple weren't too open in their sharing, and I shared with them abt myself and how divinely God placed me in the co. =) Really glad, and grateful.
Also give thanks for the scholars. The young bunch of guys in GIC, some on attachment, some just grad. On my floor, there are 3 scholars. One fr Malaysia, one fr HK, one fr Singapore. So exciting!! And I can see why they are scholars! They are so smart, humble, and they make things happen! They study in US...the one in my department studies in california..heh..he is my age, and gonna come back to serve bond (6 years!) in 2 years time. =)Haha..so blessed to rub shoulders with the smart ple. YEah....things are good la, but need lotsa strength.
Gee.....reminds me of JC days actually. Kinda..where u meet ur classmates, same faces everyday....
Have nice lunch kakis everyday..changing..one day its xyz, next day its abc..ahah..something to look forward to...and Agnes, my colleague, has been really nice la...
and my other colleague, bought 3 bear soft toys fr some charity thingy tat my co. had. And I brought the bear to my table and hugged it!!! Yay..so happy. Told her tat her bear is very happy with me. ANd she said her poor bear. =) I kinda waved the bear at my colleagues and when i am bored I go around giving out sweets to ple.
I tink I must be going siao..and losing coherence..heh. Too tired already. +) But yeah...its a new era, new beginning. New places...foreign places, but a new land surely..onward to the promise land. WHere there is milk and honey.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Convocation 2005
Took several pictures at my graduation yesterday. =) It was nice graduating and meeting up with old faces. I will miss school, miss NUS, miss lectures, miss my frens.
Guess who came? Jingyi!! haha, but to support her fren la. chey. Me, xt and JY!!
Kelvin and me. First met Kel in orientation, we were is the same orientation group! Then we joined orientation together again next year to lead the freshies! I like his scholarbear!!
With my happy and proud parents.
Me and my OB group, tho I deserved an A for my OB HRMPhm, since I've such a great project group, but alas.
Left to right. Derrick -Derrick ONG!!! Fellow bizadder, praying together for Bizad revival.
Gerard,shawlin. Weijye-the one who pia thesis with me in the library, and gives me sweets when we pia thesis together.
Jonathan and Qinyun, my clique in uni. =) W/o them, life would be bad.
Andrew and I. Andrew, my confidente, encourager, fren and fellow fighter for social causes!
YEah..and to end of the day, dinner at The Village with my juniors from CAMEO!!! =) Love ya guys...
Love all of u..who made my life so special in biz.
Guess who came? Jingyi!! haha, but to support her fren la. chey. Me, xt and JY!!
Kelvin and me. First met Kel in orientation, we were is the same orientation group! Then we joined orientation together again next year to lead the freshies! I like his scholarbear!!
With my happy and proud parents.
Me and my OB group, tho I deserved an A for my OB HRMPhm, since I've such a great project group, but alas.
Left to right. Derrick -Derrick ONG!!! Fellow bizadder, praying together for Bizad revival.
Gerard,shawlin. Weijye-the one who pia thesis with me in the library, and gives me sweets when we pia thesis together.
Jonathan and Qinyun, my clique in uni. =) W/o them, life would be bad.
Andrew and I. Andrew, my confidente, encourager, fren and fellow fighter for social causes!
YEah..and to end of the day, dinner at The Village with my juniors from CAMEO!!! =) Love ya guys...
Love all of u..who made my life so special in biz.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Fires and waters
Been through one of the toughest week of my spiritual life and walk with God. This whole week was filled with spiritual and emotional attacks. Felt very very tired of everything, but with all the faith i can muster-indeed a mustard seed size, I cling on to God and His promises.
And indeed when we are weak, He is strong. Today's CG was good and powerful, and it was great hearing the mbrs testimonies and how they have been blessed by God thru out their week. Esp from this mbr who said since 8mths, this is the first time he felt God's presence so strongly again, that enveloped him. I was like WOW. How awesome. And when we lay down our lives on the altar, really nothing God cannot do or use.
My week starts every day..
wake up @ 7am, leave at 745am, cos neighbour drives me. =)
Finish work@ abt 630pm? So far stayed till abt 8pm before..still alrite.
Reach home @ 730pm..bathe and eat dinner. Wash dishes.
By tat time is abt 9pm..
check email..
reply emails for SE forum 2005...
By that time is 1030 pm or 11pm...
Some nites..call mbrs.
Brush teeth, read bible, pray...
sleep...
1230am....
AHHH onli 6.5 hrs of sleep..
On tuesdays....reach home at 12am after meeting...
SO....
bathe, pray etc, sleep at 2am.
HEH...
Ok shall STOP whinning.
I understand tat this amt of sleep is enuff for some ple.
But not enuff for me.
Gotto pray for more strength and endurance. =)
And indeed when we are weak, He is strong. Today's CG was good and powerful, and it was great hearing the mbrs testimonies and how they have been blessed by God thru out their week. Esp from this mbr who said since 8mths, this is the first time he felt God's presence so strongly again, that enveloped him. I was like WOW. How awesome. And when we lay down our lives on the altar, really nothing God cannot do or use.
My week starts every day..
wake up @ 7am, leave at 745am, cos neighbour drives me. =)
Finish work@ abt 630pm? So far stayed till abt 8pm before..still alrite.
Reach home @ 730pm..bathe and eat dinner. Wash dishes.
By tat time is abt 9pm..
check email..
reply emails for SE forum 2005...
By that time is 1030 pm or 11pm...
Some nites..call mbrs.
Brush teeth, read bible, pray...
sleep...
1230am....
AHHH onli 6.5 hrs of sleep..
On tuesdays....reach home at 12am after meeting...
SO....
bathe, pray etc, sleep at 2am.
HEH...
Ok shall STOP whinning.
I understand tat this amt of sleep is enuff for some ple.
But not enuff for me.
Gotto pray for more strength and endurance. =)
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Random thoughts of a working adult
My cubicle, which has a white board beside me. Note wat I write on my white board? So tat day and nite I am reminded of God's strength.
Me and my name.......the name outside my cubicle. EGO!!!! :P
Agnes and I. We joined on the same day.
A picture of me at my cubicle- which is pretty neat and empty (for now).
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Corrine May
My latest acquisiton is a CD by Corrine May, "Safe in a crazy world".
The tunes of the songs tend to be similar, but I like the lyrics very much.
S A F E I N A C R A Z Y W O R L D
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)
I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me
It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain
to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I'm
Sinking to my knees but you
You cradle me
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again
Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again
---
Needless to say, the one who embraces my fragility is God, who accepts me for who I am. And I am thankful for that. It is when someone believes in you, that u can believe in urself. No matter how down trodden or how many times we have failed, God always believes in us.
I also like this other song called Free in the album.
It's still the same old story
This great divide
Between the want and waste
And all the hunger inside
I heard the news today
Now I'm trying to find my place
I'm just a single voice
What can I do to erase
All this misunderstanding
All this anarchy
Six degrees of separation
Sometimes it's so hard to see
That we are not alone in this
I need to believe
I can be free
I can be free from this place
Beautiful healer
Beautiful grace
Help me to see
Everything fall into place
Wake me from dreaming
No more deceiving
Break these chains
---
The hungry and homeless ple..I am only ONE. How can I help these people? But as the lyrics say, I need to believe tat I am not alone in this. I feel tat the lyrics are like prayers to God. As I was listening, I felt this heartfelt plea to God to save the poor, the hungry, the destitute.
And in all these things, we all try to find our place.
I can't help struggle within me the disparity betw my passion/dream and my current occupation. I can only say tat this is a waiting and moulding time, to learn, so tat I can eventually step out into my true passion. And actually, i am not interested in the prices of stocks, and how investments perform, Not as much anyway as seeing people's lives change, and helping to solve hunger problems.
Organizing the next social entreprneuership forum, www.seforum.com.sg
As the lyrics say, I am only a single voice, what can I do right?
I just wanna do wat I can! And I know tat He will anoint me. Tat He give me the power to heal. =)
The tunes of the songs tend to be similar, but I like the lyrics very much.
S A F E I N A C R A Z Y W O R L D
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)
I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me
It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain
to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I'm
Sinking to my knees but you
You cradle me
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again
Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again
---
Needless to say, the one who embraces my fragility is God, who accepts me for who I am. And I am thankful for that. It is when someone believes in you, that u can believe in urself. No matter how down trodden or how many times we have failed, God always believes in us.
I also like this other song called Free in the album.
It's still the same old story
This great divide
Between the want and waste
And all the hunger inside
I heard the news today
Now I'm trying to find my place
I'm just a single voice
What can I do to erase
All this misunderstanding
All this anarchy
Six degrees of separation
Sometimes it's so hard to see
That we are not alone in this
I need to believe
I can be free
I can be free from this place
Beautiful healer
Beautiful grace
Help me to see
Everything fall into place
Wake me from dreaming
No more deceiving
Break these chains
---
The hungry and homeless ple..I am only ONE. How can I help these people? But as the lyrics say, I need to believe tat I am not alone in this. I feel tat the lyrics are like prayers to God. As I was listening, I felt this heartfelt plea to God to save the poor, the hungry, the destitute.
And in all these things, we all try to find our place.
I can't help struggle within me the disparity betw my passion/dream and my current occupation. I can only say tat this is a waiting and moulding time, to learn, so tat I can eventually step out into my true passion. And actually, i am not interested in the prices of stocks, and how investments perform, Not as much anyway as seeing people's lives change, and helping to solve hunger problems.
Organizing the next social entreprneuership forum, www.seforum.com.sg
As the lyrics say, I am only a single voice, what can I do right?
I just wanna do wat I can! And I know tat He will anoint me. Tat He give me the power to heal. =)
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Blessed
Actually, I am really blessed.
Prayed for a job tat pays well, and a job where I can still serve God in the cg. And indeed my job pays well and also I get to go home at 6 plus everyday? The latest I went home so far is at 740pm.
I think tat things are building up and I will be more stressed later on. But meanwhile it has been good. I think watever time I can, I will try and stay back and learn more stuffs. Every Tues and fri I gotto buzz off for church and cg so its like..hehe...my manager and colleagues stay till 8 plus I think..or the manager stays till 9 plus. I feel bad...but my fellow new colleague, goes off with me at the same time, smtimes even earlier.
I guess it is a moulding period..tho...easy, yet really difficult. It is hard to spend the whole day in the office! And when I reach home I have to reply emails for SE...and also cg stuffs. So its really like..thankfully, the shorter hrs enable me to do other stuffs also, else I will really go mad. Its really very stressful. :(
This week's msg abt FAITH totally spoke to me. Because faith is not the absence of fear, but faith is going forward inspite of fear. Honestly, who can have no fear? The man..who wanted healing for his son, told Jesus, I believe, but take away my unbelief! The msg went on to say tat we only need to have faith the size of a mustard seed. And u mix this little faith u have, with actions. In the end, we can believe all we want, until we step out and do something..tats when God also moves when we move.
I also think tat in our fire...trials and tribulations, the true condition of our hearts are revealed. Wat do u hold on closely to? And...how much do u want it? Can the fire...cause u to give up..and also WHY does the fire cause u so much pain? There is surely something tat..has not yet been surrendered in our hearts. And it is tat piece of dirt/impurity, tat will be taken out thru the fire, but ONLY if u let God take that dirt away. Our response can be to whine, cry and complain. OR we can choose to cry out to GOD and He is able to cleanse us and bring us thru. And u noe wat? the good thing is tat after the fire, YOU and ME, we become like pure gold. Our end is betta than the beginning.
I pray tat I never get bitter, but I get betta.
YEst at cg, I had a revelation...
kinda knew it all along, but it was revealed to me tat....
many a times we go thru trials..and disappointments happen and discouragement sets in. As long as we dun deal with it, it grows and fosters into something called bitterness.
And this bitterness grows..and ur distance from God grows, unknowingly..anger and doubt creep in.
And no longer we feel the peace and love of God.
But thankfully it is all a matter of choice..no matter how difficult, it takes only a choice and a decision to praise God in all situations, and to know tat, His plan is greater than ours...and we enter into a place of refuge with Him. When u noe tat ur savior...He holds u in His hand...and when u dun see Him in action, know for sure that God is never late but ALWAYS on time for u.
Prayed for a job tat pays well, and a job where I can still serve God in the cg. And indeed my job pays well and also I get to go home at 6 plus everyday? The latest I went home so far is at 740pm.
I think tat things are building up and I will be more stressed later on. But meanwhile it has been good. I think watever time I can, I will try and stay back and learn more stuffs. Every Tues and fri I gotto buzz off for church and cg so its like..hehe...my manager and colleagues stay till 8 plus I think..or the manager stays till 9 plus. I feel bad...but my fellow new colleague, goes off with me at the same time, smtimes even earlier.
I guess it is a moulding period..tho...easy, yet really difficult. It is hard to spend the whole day in the office! And when I reach home I have to reply emails for SE...and also cg stuffs. So its really like..thankfully, the shorter hrs enable me to do other stuffs also, else I will really go mad. Its really very stressful. :(
This week's msg abt FAITH totally spoke to me. Because faith is not the absence of fear, but faith is going forward inspite of fear. Honestly, who can have no fear? The man..who wanted healing for his son, told Jesus, I believe, but take away my unbelief! The msg went on to say tat we only need to have faith the size of a mustard seed. And u mix this little faith u have, with actions. In the end, we can believe all we want, until we step out and do something..tats when God also moves when we move.
I also think tat in our fire...trials and tribulations, the true condition of our hearts are revealed. Wat do u hold on closely to? And...how much do u want it? Can the fire...cause u to give up..and also WHY does the fire cause u so much pain? There is surely something tat..has not yet been surrendered in our hearts. And it is tat piece of dirt/impurity, tat will be taken out thru the fire, but ONLY if u let God take that dirt away. Our response can be to whine, cry and complain. OR we can choose to cry out to GOD and He is able to cleanse us and bring us thru. And u noe wat? the good thing is tat after the fire, YOU and ME, we become like pure gold. Our end is betta than the beginning.
I pray tat I never get bitter, but I get betta.
YEst at cg, I had a revelation...
kinda knew it all along, but it was revealed to me tat....
many a times we go thru trials..and disappointments happen and discouragement sets in. As long as we dun deal with it, it grows and fosters into something called bitterness.
And this bitterness grows..and ur distance from God grows, unknowingly..anger and doubt creep in.
And no longer we feel the peace and love of God.
But thankfully it is all a matter of choice..no matter how difficult, it takes only a choice and a decision to praise God in all situations, and to know tat, His plan is greater than ours...and we enter into a place of refuge with Him. When u noe tat ur savior...He holds u in His hand...and when u dun see Him in action, know for sure that God is never late but ALWAYS on time for u.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Everything happens for a purpose
Everything in life happens for a purpose. A very divine timing. The ple u meet with, circumstances u are placed in.
I tend to tink tat Faith isn't just abt fighting battles.
Faith is a belief in your heart.
God is God who touches the heart. Deep in your soul, He speaks to u.
Faith is smtimes a quiet strength, a quiet belief. And strength.
It is a peace u have while the world ard u is in turmoil.
=)
---
It has been a good weekend so far. And interestingly, God brought interesting ple into my life. Some of them, I can't help noticing, they struggle with problems I had before, or now in the midst of working on. No wonder He says with the grace He helps us to overcome, we share with others.
I tink tat ple are interesting. Every human being, whether old or young, fat or thin, confident or low self-esteem, all of us are flesh and blood.
And ple will get weary, tired and heavy laden, and at some pt we need rest.
Men need fellowship.
Men need companionship and love.
I sometimes feel tat God has given me a gift. I feel tremendous grieve for hurting ple, a strong pain in my heart. Why shd I deny this gift?
I shd instead use this gift to pray..fr the depths of my heart for the hurting souls. And I pray tat He will use me to reach out to them.
Most of all...
to speak the words I can't speak. To convict the heart in His manner.
This I feel...is wat the gospel is abt.
Reaching out to ple..loving ple
and living out a life for Christ.
I tend to tink tat Faith isn't just abt fighting battles.
Faith is a belief in your heart.
God is God who touches the heart. Deep in your soul, He speaks to u.
Faith is smtimes a quiet strength, a quiet belief. And strength.
It is a peace u have while the world ard u is in turmoil.
=)
---
It has been a good weekend so far. And interestingly, God brought interesting ple into my life. Some of them, I can't help noticing, they struggle with problems I had before, or now in the midst of working on. No wonder He says with the grace He helps us to overcome, we share with others.
I tink tat ple are interesting. Every human being, whether old or young, fat or thin, confident or low self-esteem, all of us are flesh and blood.
And ple will get weary, tired and heavy laden, and at some pt we need rest.
Men need fellowship.
Men need companionship and love.
I sometimes feel tat God has given me a gift. I feel tremendous grieve for hurting ple, a strong pain in my heart. Why shd I deny this gift?
I shd instead use this gift to pray..fr the depths of my heart for the hurting souls. And I pray tat He will use me to reach out to them.
Most of all...
to speak the words I can't speak. To convict the heart in His manner.
This I feel...is wat the gospel is abt.
Reaching out to ple..loving ple
and living out a life for Christ.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Teach me..where I shd go...left or right?
I come to a point in life...where I tink I am going into a new place.
But I dunno how to explain to anyone the situation.
Its like..u come to this point where there is only u and God...
In this secret place where u commune with Him.
And where only He understands?
Shd I turn to the left or to the right?
And...
wat this moulding and waiting is doing...
It is polishing me up.
Good things and bad happen all at one time.
Its like the good things required lotsa sacrifice..and, they are really comforting to have.
The bad things aka challenges are also opportunities.
Need God to direct la...
But I dunno how to explain to anyone the situation.
Its like..u come to this point where there is only u and God...
In this secret place where u commune with Him.
And where only He understands?
Shd I turn to the left or to the right?
And...
wat this moulding and waiting is doing...
It is polishing me up.
Good things and bad happen all at one time.
Its like the good things required lotsa sacrifice..and, they are really comforting to have.
The bad things aka challenges are also opportunities.
Need God to direct la...
Your Existing Situation
Imaginative and sensitive; seeking an outlet for these qualities--especially in the company of someone equally sensitive. Interest and enthusiasm are readily aroused by the unusual or the adventurous.
Your Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.
Imaginative and sensitive; seeking an outlet for these qualities--especially in the company of someone equally sensitive. Interest and enthusiasm are readily aroused by the unusual or the adventurous.
Your Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.
Your Desired Objective
Strives for a life rich in activity and experience, and for a close bond offering sexual and emotional fulfillment.
Your Actual Problem
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.
Your Actual Problem #2
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.
http://www.colorquiz.com
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Music baton
Tis is from eunice..
wow...
now then i take the baton. Sorrie gal..been so busy.
Total Volume of Music files in my Computer
392 MB, 174 files
Haha...
Eunice...mine is not an obsene figure. Sigh. U noe why? Cos computer breakdown la!! reformatted it so many times.
The last CD i bought was
I don't buy CDs, I free ride.
Sister bought for me No Longer I -Christian City Church Youth. Was great, as they sang christian music in a v contemporary way..free flow.
Song playing right now
"Drops of Jupitar" by Tanya Chua(Guess who bought the cd? Haha. My sis!)
Five Songs that I listen to a lot, or mean a lot to me
1. Fall to Fly by Corrine May
I like the lyrics, because the persona speaks of how she didn't realise that when she falls she could actually fly. Has great personal meaning to me. Always remember that when we let go of our lives, and let God take over, then we truly could fly.
2. Dou Jiang You Tiao by Lin Jun Jie
I could identify with the lyrics of how the dou jiang needed the you tiao, in one of my frenships with a fren. It was so close and we were so bonded together. I like the fast paced chirpy tune.
3. The Reason by Hoobastank
I liked the song the first time I heard it cos I like the beat of the song and the lazy way in which it is being sung. The lyrics are very sweet, in order for someone to change himself for you. Wow. Its a very heartfelt song. One day I hope tat my love one sing this song to me. HINT!!!
4. Fly Away by FIR
I like the positive lyrics. Fly away..no matter what happens, to be strong and to keep on keeping on. Super positive. Can see a future. 'Fly away, bu guan wei lai you duo kun nan, wo ren ran neng gan jue xing tiao hai zai. Nothing I will be afraid"!!
5. Jue Jiang (Stubborn) by Wu Yue Tian aka Mayday
The drums, music background is great. I like the feel of the song...gives me a very freed up feeling. The lyrics tell of pressing on..keeping on as well. I like the chorus. "Wo he wo zui hou the jue jiang, wo jin shuang shou jue dui bu fang". "Jiu suan shi wang bu neng jue wang". Hope is so important to any individual.
6. Still by Hillsongs
"Hide me now, under Your wings"
Its my fave song to listen to whenever I am tired. Always will cry when I sing the song. I love the chorus..and everything. Its like in the midst of the storm, being still, and knowing that God is there..and that I am hiding under His wings.
"Know His power in quietness and trust."
7. Superman-its not easy to be me by Five for Fighting
I like how it comes in very soft and the voice of the singer. And then at the chorus it comes to a peak. I can identify with the lyrics everytime. Cos ple tink tat superheros are ever strong, but superheros aka leaders also have their weak moments being misunderstood. I mean superman..is after all just a human la.
4 people i'm passing the baton on to
Everyone can feel free to do it la..
wow...
now then i take the baton. Sorrie gal..been so busy.
Total Volume of Music files in my Computer
392 MB, 174 files
Haha...
Eunice...mine is not an obsene figure. Sigh. U noe why? Cos computer breakdown la!! reformatted it so many times.
The last CD i bought was
I don't buy CDs, I free ride.
Sister bought for me No Longer I -Christian City Church Youth. Was great, as they sang christian music in a v contemporary way..free flow.
Song playing right now
"Drops of Jupitar" by Tanya Chua(Guess who bought the cd? Haha. My sis!)
Five Songs that I listen to a lot, or mean a lot to me
1. Fall to Fly by Corrine May
I like the lyrics, because the persona speaks of how she didn't realise that when she falls she could actually fly. Has great personal meaning to me. Always remember that when we let go of our lives, and let God take over, then we truly could fly.
2. Dou Jiang You Tiao by Lin Jun Jie
I could identify with the lyrics of how the dou jiang needed the you tiao, in one of my frenships with a fren. It was so close and we were so bonded together. I like the fast paced chirpy tune.
3. The Reason by Hoobastank
I liked the song the first time I heard it cos I like the beat of the song and the lazy way in which it is being sung. The lyrics are very sweet, in order for someone to change himself for you. Wow. Its a very heartfelt song. One day I hope tat my love one sing this song to me. HINT!!!
4. Fly Away by FIR
I like the positive lyrics. Fly away..no matter what happens, to be strong and to keep on keeping on. Super positive. Can see a future. 'Fly away, bu guan wei lai you duo kun nan, wo ren ran neng gan jue xing tiao hai zai. Nothing I will be afraid"!!
5. Jue Jiang (Stubborn) by Wu Yue Tian aka Mayday
The drums, music background is great. I like the feel of the song...gives me a very freed up feeling. The lyrics tell of pressing on..keeping on as well. I like the chorus. "Wo he wo zui hou the jue jiang, wo jin shuang shou jue dui bu fang". "Jiu suan shi wang bu neng jue wang". Hope is so important to any individual.
6. Still by Hillsongs
"Hide me now, under Your wings"
Its my fave song to listen to whenever I am tired. Always will cry when I sing the song. I love the chorus..and everything. Its like in the midst of the storm, being still, and knowing that God is there..and that I am hiding under His wings.
"Know His power in quietness and trust."
7. Superman-its not easy to be me by Five for Fighting
I like how it comes in very soft and the voice of the singer. And then at the chorus it comes to a peak. I can identify with the lyrics everytime. Cos ple tink tat superheros are ever strong, but superheros aka leaders also have their weak moments being misunderstood. I mean superman..is after all just a human la.
4 people i'm passing the baton on to
Everyone can feel free to do it la..
Thursday, June 09, 2005
quick update
Hi..
its been a super packed week and tiring...wake up early, go home late.
Today went to church for emerge conference. Went right after work, and reached at 7. Took cab from boon lay mrt. WHoa, the whole church was packed, and gate locked. So couldn't go in.
Then called eyoung, who was also making his way down, to go for dinner. It was a good chat and dinner. Nice dinner of omlette with noodles at some jap fast food. All the way home, sharing abt slackers, life and nerds. :)
Yo bro, nerds are also great ple ok!!
Yups. So I really need a lot a lot of grace.
Its been q crazy during office hrs. Have to make phone calls to sponsors/SE committee/cg during lunch time. Tats practically the only time I can talk..cos the office is pretty quiet. And everyone will hear u on the phone. Then smses keep coming in my hp. Work wise it is still ok..can cope. A lot of figures to check.
In this transistion period, I am seeking God for a new vision. Where is this launching pad going to? This time of preparation. A new place..a new vision, and lots of moulding. Need lots of His strength and guidance.
Tues nite emerge was fantastic. It was amazing presence of the Lord. So strong..and so near. The Holy Spirit's presence. And pastor preached a very simple message abt Mary vs MArtha. Heard this upteen times, but it was a great message..and at the end..when pastor started singing, whoa, something happened inside my heart. So near...the presence, where only u and God.
its been a super packed week and tiring...wake up early, go home late.
Today went to church for emerge conference. Went right after work, and reached at 7. Took cab from boon lay mrt. WHoa, the whole church was packed, and gate locked. So couldn't go in.
Then called eyoung, who was also making his way down, to go for dinner. It was a good chat and dinner. Nice dinner of omlette with noodles at some jap fast food. All the way home, sharing abt slackers, life and nerds. :)
Yo bro, nerds are also great ple ok!!
Yups. So I really need a lot a lot of grace.
Its been q crazy during office hrs. Have to make phone calls to sponsors/SE committee/cg during lunch time. Tats practically the only time I can talk..cos the office is pretty quiet. And everyone will hear u on the phone. Then smses keep coming in my hp. Work wise it is still ok..can cope. A lot of figures to check.
In this transistion period, I am seeking God for a new vision. Where is this launching pad going to? This time of preparation. A new place..a new vision, and lots of moulding. Need lots of His strength and guidance.
Tues nite emerge was fantastic. It was amazing presence of the Lord. So strong..and so near. The Holy Spirit's presence. And pastor preached a very simple message abt Mary vs MArtha. Heard this upteen times, but it was a great message..and at the end..when pastor started singing, whoa, something happened inside my heart. So near...the presence, where only u and God.
Monday, June 06, 2005
:)
its been a long week and weekends are not weekends cos they are also filled with activities!
Just dropped to say HI I am still alive!!
Jasmine came for lunch today near my wk place. :) So glad she came. It was like seeing someone familiar in a strange setting. If u noe wat i mean? She came in her jeans and T-shirt hehe..
and I was observing the working lunch crowd..in their silettoes (spelling?), long sleeved shirts..men smoking and smirking away..
Lost in a crowd of working ple...
and lost in a lifestyle.
But behind those are the real you.
And u kinda let down ur hair when u are with ur frens...(close ones I mean!)
when u are talking with sponsors, clients, colleagues...
its any part of urself tat u show.
But who is the real u?
The real u...behind the facade..
has his fears/insecurities/cares..
Oke..tata for tonite
zzz
Just dropped to say HI I am still alive!!
Jasmine came for lunch today near my wk place. :) So glad she came. It was like seeing someone familiar in a strange setting. If u noe wat i mean? She came in her jeans and T-shirt hehe..
and I was observing the working lunch crowd..in their silettoes (spelling?), long sleeved shirts..men smoking and smirking away..
Lost in a crowd of working ple...
and lost in a lifestyle.
But behind those are the real you.
And u kinda let down ur hair when u are with ur frens...(close ones I mean!)
when u are talking with sponsors, clients, colleagues...
its any part of urself tat u show.
But who is the real u?
The real u...behind the facade..
has his fears/insecurities/cares..
Oke..tata for tonite
zzz
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Moses
Apart from Jesus, who is your favorite Bible character? Describe in detail how you've been personally impacted by the life and experiences of this character.
Moses is my favorite character in the bible. In different times and seasons of my life, the life of Moses influenced my values and transformed me.
My fascination with Moses began when I was a young Christian. As a young Christian, I wondered whether God ever called someone who was not eloquent to speak and to be His leader. The usual examples of leaders I saw were men and women who were charismatic with leadership qualities. Moses was one such person who was not eloquent when he was called. When he was first called, Moses said to God, "O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." (Exodus 4:10) I sat up when I saw this verse because I felt just like Moses. I had a vision to be a cell group leader, but I was not eloquent. I was easily intimidated by people, and whenever I spoke publicly, I would be very nervous. On one occasion in Junior College where I was supposed to make an announcement to the class, my voice was so soft and I was so nervous that no one could hear me speak. Such incidences made me feel very discouraged, and I felt that it was impossible for me to ever be a CGL.
But God said, “Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say." (v11, 12) This verse was a revelation to me. God could use anyone, and He would teach us the words to say wherever we went. At this point, Moses instead of being full of faith, asked God to send someone else. Moses needed his brother Aaron to communicate to the people. From this incident, God showed his graciousness toward men. Even when fear inhibited us from doing whatever He called us to do, He was patient and gave us time to change.
Moses overcame his fear as time went by and became a man full of authority and faith. He overcame numerous trials and problems which surfaced during his ministry. He parted the red sea, reprimanded the people, and God used him to perform many other miracles. As time passed, Moses began to address the people directly. As he came to the end of his life, he summarized all that had happened, and addressed the Israelites with a powerful speech (Deuteronomy). I was amazed by the source of his transformation. Moses overcame his fear because he walked so closely with God! It was as if the one leading the people was God and not Moses. All the instructions that Moses had for the people such as the 10 commandments came from God. Every instruction he gave was a fresh word from God. If Moses could overcome his sense of intimidation and low self-esteem, I knew that I could too.
The bible says that God spoke to Moses as if he were His friend. While the rest of the Israelites shrunk away from God’s presence (Exodus 20:18-21), Moses went into the cloud of God’s glory, and climbed up the mountain to seek Him. When he came down from Mount Sinai, the skin of his face shone. Moses had the confidence and authority to lead the people not on the basis of his own character, but because he had God on his side.
Moses was a man that sought after God’s presence before ministry. To him, it was either God or nothing. In 2003, the cell group I belonged to was not growing. I was then a helper in the cell group and I felt very burdened. It became tiring to be the one most on fire in the cell group, and being the one to encourage the people. I could not sense God’s presence. I was tired of ministry and wanted to give up. As I was reading the bible, I read a prayer that Moses made. Moses prayed from the depths of his soul. He said, "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are upon the face of the earth." (Exodus 33: 15-16)
As I read these verses, I was touched by the way Moses put God’s presence above God’s promise to bring them to the promise land. Moses was essentially saying that it was either God or no ministry. In other words, the ministry in terms of bringing people to the promise land was only worth anything if God went with them. I was convicted that I had done things the other way round, I had been focusing on ministry rather than God. I told God that we wanted His presence in the cell group more than anything, and if not, there was no point in having the cell group, because we needed His presence. I cried as I prayed this prayer because I felt a release of the ministry to God. Almost immediately, the presence of God came into the room and touched me.
In 2004, I became a CGL, and the character of Moses still inspires me today. Recently, I read Drawing Near by John Bevere. In the book, Pastor Bevere expounded on the same passage in Exodus, and I had a greater revelation of Moses’s character. Pastor Bevere said that Moses wanted God’s presence more than God’s promises for him. Whereas the whole of Israel was looking for God to bring them to the promise land, Moses yearned for God Himself. Moses understood that God’s first calling was first to Himself and not to ministry. If our focus was on having our needs met by God, we would be discouraged and upset when He did answer our prayers. However, if we were really seeking after God, then being in fellowship and communion with Him was sufficient to satisfy us. Everyday, I cried out to God to anoint me as a CGL, but I missed out on the most important part of being a Christian, and that was to commune and to fellowship with God.
Not only was Moses seeking after God’s heart, Moses also loved the people he led wholeheartedly. Indeed, a good shepherd would lay down his life for his sheep, and Moses demonstrated time and time again, he was willing to die with the people if God wanted to punish them. Moses led a group of people who kept complaining and murmuring. Moses led a group of people, who had experienced God’s miracle in parting the red sea, providing manna and water within the desert. Nevertheless, they lived in a backslidden state and were always full of doubt. They were often prideful, challenging the authority of Moses, and at other times, they sought after other idols. Moses always pleaded before God for the people. In Exodus 32:32, God was angry with the Israelites for the golden calf they had made, and he told God “Yet now, if You will forgive their sin--but if not, I pray, blot me out of Your book which You have written." Moses identified with the sin of his people even though he had not sinned. At another time, God said He would destroy the Israelites and give Moses a new group of people to lead, but Moses refused. Any other leader would perhaps have pleaded with God to give them more teachable people to lead, but not Moses. Moses genuinely cared for the people and he loved them in spite of their sins. Whenever I go through a difficult time in dealing with members, I am reminded of how Moses loved his people. Whatever nasty person I experience, I am reminded that Moses had a much tougher time. Even though the bible does not describe how Moses felt, I could imagine the burden he felt and it was at least 10000 times heavier than whatever I felt in leading a group of 15 people in the cell group.
At the end, Moses committed a mistake that cost him his destiny. He could not enter the promise land. It would be easy for us to point fingers and accuse Moses for striking the rock two times. However, we as Christians also make mistakes of the same nature in being disobedient toward God. It is important for us to guard our hearts so that at the end of the day, we can obtain the prize. This mistake only showed the imperfection of Moses as a human, and how he struggled with his fleshly nature. Nevertheless, Moses remains my favorite character in the bible. Someone who was human, and yet someone who drew so close to God that he spoke face to face with Him, like a friend.
Moses is my favorite character in the bible. In different times and seasons of my life, the life of Moses influenced my values and transformed me.
My fascination with Moses began when I was a young Christian. As a young Christian, I wondered whether God ever called someone who was not eloquent to speak and to be His leader. The usual examples of leaders I saw were men and women who were charismatic with leadership qualities. Moses was one such person who was not eloquent when he was called. When he was first called, Moses said to God, "O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." (Exodus 4:10) I sat up when I saw this verse because I felt just like Moses. I had a vision to be a cell group leader, but I was not eloquent. I was easily intimidated by people, and whenever I spoke publicly, I would be very nervous. On one occasion in Junior College where I was supposed to make an announcement to the class, my voice was so soft and I was so nervous that no one could hear me speak. Such incidences made me feel very discouraged, and I felt that it was impossible for me to ever be a CGL.
But God said, “Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say." (v11, 12) This verse was a revelation to me. God could use anyone, and He would teach us the words to say wherever we went. At this point, Moses instead of being full of faith, asked God to send someone else. Moses needed his brother Aaron to communicate to the people. From this incident, God showed his graciousness toward men. Even when fear inhibited us from doing whatever He called us to do, He was patient and gave us time to change.
Moses overcame his fear as time went by and became a man full of authority and faith. He overcame numerous trials and problems which surfaced during his ministry. He parted the red sea, reprimanded the people, and God used him to perform many other miracles. As time passed, Moses began to address the people directly. As he came to the end of his life, he summarized all that had happened, and addressed the Israelites with a powerful speech (Deuteronomy). I was amazed by the source of his transformation. Moses overcame his fear because he walked so closely with God! It was as if the one leading the people was God and not Moses. All the instructions that Moses had for the people such as the 10 commandments came from God. Every instruction he gave was a fresh word from God. If Moses could overcome his sense of intimidation and low self-esteem, I knew that I could too.
The bible says that God spoke to Moses as if he were His friend. While the rest of the Israelites shrunk away from God’s presence (Exodus 20:18-21), Moses went into the cloud of God’s glory, and climbed up the mountain to seek Him. When he came down from Mount Sinai, the skin of his face shone. Moses had the confidence and authority to lead the people not on the basis of his own character, but because he had God on his side.
Moses was a man that sought after God’s presence before ministry. To him, it was either God or nothing. In 2003, the cell group I belonged to was not growing. I was then a helper in the cell group and I felt very burdened. It became tiring to be the one most on fire in the cell group, and being the one to encourage the people. I could not sense God’s presence. I was tired of ministry and wanted to give up. As I was reading the bible, I read a prayer that Moses made. Moses prayed from the depths of his soul. He said, "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are upon the face of the earth." (Exodus 33: 15-16)
As I read these verses, I was touched by the way Moses put God’s presence above God’s promise to bring them to the promise land. Moses was essentially saying that it was either God or no ministry. In other words, the ministry in terms of bringing people to the promise land was only worth anything if God went with them. I was convicted that I had done things the other way round, I had been focusing on ministry rather than God. I told God that we wanted His presence in the cell group more than anything, and if not, there was no point in having the cell group, because we needed His presence. I cried as I prayed this prayer because I felt a release of the ministry to God. Almost immediately, the presence of God came into the room and touched me.
In 2004, I became a CGL, and the character of Moses still inspires me today. Recently, I read Drawing Near by John Bevere. In the book, Pastor Bevere expounded on the same passage in Exodus, and I had a greater revelation of Moses’s character. Pastor Bevere said that Moses wanted God’s presence more than God’s promises for him. Whereas the whole of Israel was looking for God to bring them to the promise land, Moses yearned for God Himself. Moses understood that God’s first calling was first to Himself and not to ministry. If our focus was on having our needs met by God, we would be discouraged and upset when He did answer our prayers. However, if we were really seeking after God, then being in fellowship and communion with Him was sufficient to satisfy us. Everyday, I cried out to God to anoint me as a CGL, but I missed out on the most important part of being a Christian, and that was to commune and to fellowship with God.
Not only was Moses seeking after God’s heart, Moses also loved the people he led wholeheartedly. Indeed, a good shepherd would lay down his life for his sheep, and Moses demonstrated time and time again, he was willing to die with the people if God wanted to punish them. Moses led a group of people who kept complaining and murmuring. Moses led a group of people, who had experienced God’s miracle in parting the red sea, providing manna and water within the desert. Nevertheless, they lived in a backslidden state and were always full of doubt. They were often prideful, challenging the authority of Moses, and at other times, they sought after other idols. Moses always pleaded before God for the people. In Exodus 32:32, God was angry with the Israelites for the golden calf they had made, and he told God “Yet now, if You will forgive their sin--but if not, I pray, blot me out of Your book which You have written." Moses identified with the sin of his people even though he had not sinned. At another time, God said He would destroy the Israelites and give Moses a new group of people to lead, but Moses refused. Any other leader would perhaps have pleaded with God to give them more teachable people to lead, but not Moses. Moses genuinely cared for the people and he loved them in spite of their sins. Whenever I go through a difficult time in dealing with members, I am reminded of how Moses loved his people. Whatever nasty person I experience, I am reminded that Moses had a much tougher time. Even though the bible does not describe how Moses felt, I could imagine the burden he felt and it was at least 10000 times heavier than whatever I felt in leading a group of 15 people in the cell group.
At the end, Moses committed a mistake that cost him his destiny. He could not enter the promise land. It would be easy for us to point fingers and accuse Moses for striking the rock two times. However, we as Christians also make mistakes of the same nature in being disobedient toward God. It is important for us to guard our hearts so that at the end of the day, we can obtain the prize. This mistake only showed the imperfection of Moses as a human, and how he struggled with his fleshly nature. Nevertheless, Moses remains my favorite character in the bible. Someone who was human, and yet someone who drew so close to God that he spoke face to face with Him, like a friend.
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