That very first joy...

The first joy of seeing the kids with rosy cheeks
The first joy of hearing a little kid say I am pretty
The first joy of seeing chinese with hands lifted up high in worship
The first joy of holding the hand of the lady we helped built houses for
The first joy of singing worship songs in chinese....then in Bahasa...
The first joy of praying for the lady in the corner, crying

Oh Lord..
Help me find back that first joy of serving You.
My heart is weary...my body is tired....
But my life is Yours. And I believe in You.

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Still don't manage to hit the quota of daily words...the office is quiet...except for the ocassional talk with M which I am thankful for...
Last minute things to do....deadlines to meet...smses late in the night and early in the morning and on my off days asking me abt wrk.

It seems so much easier to be a volunteer. And I am whinning to God.

What I am thankful for...
Exciting projects coming up...Lives getting impacted...women getting employed...children getting educated.

Of sickness, weight-loss and nightmare....

I've been ill for the past few days...started with some indigestion, then diarrhoa. :S Been feeling weak! Went to the gym yest, and the instructor asked me to stop after 30 min, cos I was weak, cldn't lift the weights nor do the climbing machine properly. heh...and we did the in-body thing, and my muscles weight decreased! Overall I've lost 1 kg of weight. Not sure if its due to my sickness or due to the busyness at work!

Yah...so I've been feeling tired again! I know this keeps cropping up. Sigh, i wished I knew the solution to being perky and refreshed. I think its really tiring even if its just a normal work week, as by the time I get home there is so little time to do anything! And even if I sleep at 12am......its 6+ hrs of sleep, and it doesn't feel enough!

Last night I had a nightmare, of a turtle biting me. When the alarm clock rang, I thought that the turtle was still biting me, and I had to make a conscious effort to wake myself up, and to my relief realise that it was a dream. Lots of pent up anxieties.

I don't know how...Pls keep me in prayers! =D

Vengence is mine- says the Lord

Just came bk from WL's wedding dinner! =) It was nice at a restaurant in Labrador Park, with a live band. So happy to meet all my ex-colleagues again. I miss them! Its comfortable to be in an environment whereby I can be myself. I think they bring out the extroverted and crazy side of me.

Last week, I almost wanted to react to an email. While talking to my colleague, I almost teared! It was due to an accumulation of vented up frustration. I gave myself up to 6pm, for God to speak to me, otherwise I would react. And then at ard 545, a VCF senior whom I hadn't been talking to for some time suddenly msged me! And I chatted with him and told him my situation. Thank God that he processed my feelings with me, and adviced me against reacting. I prayed and committed the situation to God, and told Him that vengence is His (Thank God also for the reminder from another friend in the morning).

The other interesting thing was, I finished reading 3 Kings by Gene Edwards just the night before. I wanted to read it since mths ago, was prompted by the Holy Spirit to read, but didn't. In the end I finished it in one night, since it was very easy to read. Its a very thought provoking book that analysed Saul, David and Absolom. Sometimes we face Sauls in our lives and we think we are a David. But actually sometimes it is due to the Saul nature in us that we view others as Saul. Maybe that Saul is a David instead. But whatever the case, God is the one who anoints His leaders, and He has a reason for bringing certain people into our lives. And God treasures brokenness in our lives. I wonder how much more gotto break on the inside of me.

Thank God anyway that I didn't react that day, and prayed. The next day, I felt an increased compassion, and that oppressive fear was gone. =) I'm thankful that God allows crisis in our lives, so that He can set us free, use us more, draw us close to Him.

What really matters??

I usually have some anxiety before I travel for work...this time is no different. =D
Feeling the stress...even though it will just be one weekend at Aceh. Some plans are not firmed up yet, and I feel worried....
Thank God for frens who are praying for me, and listening to my venting =)

Do pray for me pls!

2 days ago I installed some anti-virus software, and my comp suddenly went mad...basically my profile got corrupted, and my docs and emails all disappeared. Though I know its somewhere in the C: drive. I was a bit upset....but not THAT upset. What got me upset....precious email correspondences with frens, social enterprise documents, some pics that had not yet been saved, my thesis....etc etc...thank God it was all in the C: drive.
So anyway, mum prayed for us, and I was a skeptic, standing behind the comp, but praying inwardly as well. And suddenly, everything came back! My profile cld be loaded and the settings all set properly. =D It was amazing. And thank God for my mum's faith.
So anyway, I realise that nothing is permanent. But what got me upset abt losing at that time...indicates the things that matter to me...
Thank God I still have my faith in JESUS. =)

So...I'm starting to sound incoherent...and I want to get my 7 hrs of sleep.....this has been an untypical post of sorts!