NATAs fair is this week! Want to much to go traveling...vast skies and blue open lakes......
When, O when, O Lord?
Project initiated by a small group from my Youth Expetition Program group to Mizhi Village (Yunnan). If u are keen to sponsor a child thru education there! ;)
http://www.projhatch.com
Papa Samuel Doctorian came over to Capital Tower yesterday during lunch time to share. There were abt 30 people there. It was really a privilege to be so up close and personal with him. He is so full of the joy of the Lord, it was as if God was so real & close to him, that he just carried God wherever he went, and whatever that he spoke. ;) Really an elderly man in his 70s, bursting with joy in the Lord. It's so encouraging and inspiring to see him. And I wish tat I could have the joy too. That I may learn to fix my eyes on Christ and I may truly let go of my burdens and simply trust in Him.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
What did I think about 1 and 3/4 years ago?
I stumbled upon this article I had written for a friend in 2004, after my YEP trip to Yunnan. It was really one of the most fantastic times that I had. ;) Will be submitting this article on the company intranet too! Think it will tie nicely with the Philippines project.
I don't remember much of myself in the past, maybe it is because I ruminate too much on my failures and shortcomings. But reading this, a flood of lovely memories came up again. And yup, we can never change the core of our beings. I didn't realise that all along I had these feelings already for the poor & for a simple life. Perhaps they were never properly brought out of defined. :) So glad to rediscover myself over and over again.
Happy reading!
------------------------
I went on a Youth Expedition Program to Yunnan, Mizhi Village from the 1st December to 18th December 2004. I was really blessed by the experience in the village. We received more than whatever we gave. We went to the village with two aims, to refurbish the youth centre, and secondly, to set up the infrastructure for their youth club.
I took part in this program because I wanted to experience life in a rural village, which was different from searching on the internet. I also have a special passion for China. My family went to China on holiday several times, but each time, it was with a tour group. That kind of touch and go experience merely gave me a vague idea of China.
There were several first things that we experienced in the village. When we reached the place, crowds of students in the basketball courts stopped to look at us. Due to the long journey, many of us had to visit the toilet. The toilet consists of about 10 holes and there were no cubicles. There was no flushing system and the excretions remained below the hole. Every morning, the students took turns to use a water hose to wash away the excretions at the bottom into a drainage system. I almost felt like vomiting the first time I went into the place. From then on, we brought in air fresheners and tissue whenever we visited the toilet.
We slept in 2 empty classrooms, and there were bed stands in the classrooms. We placed our sleeping bags on it. There were also some comforters we shared and 2 movable heaters. We were still pampered! As the classrooms were located about 5 minutes away from the toilet, each day we had to wear our thick jackets and sweaters before going downstairs to wash up. The heater for the water in the toilet used a solar system. During the winter, the sun hardly came out, but when it did, the sun was scorching hot and drying, and the water was warm. We boiled water which we mixed with the cold water to bathe and to wash up. The water that flowed from the taps was freezing cold. At times we rinsed our mouths with cold water and after washing, our hand were numbed.
No expedition will be complete without an interaction with the people. We interacted with a wide range of people from the children in primary school, to the youths from secondary school those in their 20s. On one occasion, as I was playing board games with 3 girls, they told me in a class of 59, only the top 10 out of 59 could go to high school. The rest were to go back to farm to help their parents. Upon checking this out with other officials, I realised that the quota was lower in the villages because they did not have enough money to send their children to school. Also, there were few high schools in the vicinity to speak of. We went to a primary school and saw many little kids. They had really rosy cheeks. One girl in particular caught my attention. She wore a short sleeved t-shirt and looked really cold. Her skin looked really dry.
I was touched by how warm the people were. Whenever we passed by a house, people would welcome us into their homes. When I visited one of the students’ homes, the grandmother took a handful of sweets and pushed them into my hands. As for the students, they were so appreciative and warm. One student made two lilies for me using origami, and another student gave me a rabbit soft toy that she had kept with her since young.
One of the memories always etched in my mind is this scene. We held a cultural day where we cooked Singaporean food for the students. We had satay, chicken curry, agar agar, chin teng, vegetables and bak kut teh. The food was polished up within minutes of it being displayed. The queue for satay was very long, and one of the students I interacted with had been queuing for about 20 minutes. When it came to her turn, she looked to me, and wanted to pass her satay to me. She remarked, “Sister, I give you my satay, cos you have not had food yet.” I was very touched by her gesture. I cannot imagine a Singaporean Youth doing that.
We had a wonderful time singing and performing for the students. We sang “guan huai fang shi”, “jia” and feliz navidad. It was great. The students also taught us to dance their cultural dances.
One of the nights, we stayed up to look at meteor showers. There were shooting stars, we saw several of them, and I think I saw 13 of them. The stars reminded me of the Abrahamic covenant (Psalms 8:3). Who made the stars but God!!
God loves His people very much. He created each one of us unique and special. The trip created in me a desire to go on a mission trip. To share with people about God’s love.
Many a times, we have fixed notions or prejudices against people, and we assume that people of a certain culture behave in a certain way. These prejudices can be far from the truth. The only way to find out is to go there and experience life. Make no mistake about it, the people in Mizhi are not to be sympathised with. They are rich in their soul and rich in culture, and there are things that they know, that we Singaporeans do not. They are independent, and they learn to treasure and appreciate the fine things of life. They are sufficient and happy. There is also something that links us together. Despite our difference in culture and upbringing, humans when faced with adversity react in the same way. Every one of us are created with dreams and a longing for something greater, until with a God- given purpose in life.
I will miss Mizhi dearly. I seem to want to stay there forever to watch the shooting stars, to walk the streets, to shop in the mama shop, to sing in the youth centre, to dance in the basket ball court, to curl in my sleeping bag, to sing in a group and huddle, to huddle in front of the heater, and to use the stinky toilet. The roads, filled with pigs running, little dogs that bark but don't bite.
I don't remember much of myself in the past, maybe it is because I ruminate too much on my failures and shortcomings. But reading this, a flood of lovely memories came up again. And yup, we can never change the core of our beings. I didn't realise that all along I had these feelings already for the poor & for a simple life. Perhaps they were never properly brought out of defined. :) So glad to rediscover myself over and over again.
Happy reading!
------------------------
I went on a Youth Expedition Program to Yunnan, Mizhi Village from the 1st December to 18th December 2004. I was really blessed by the experience in the village. We received more than whatever we gave. We went to the village with two aims, to refurbish the youth centre, and secondly, to set up the infrastructure for their youth club.
I took part in this program because I wanted to experience life in a rural village, which was different from searching on the internet. I also have a special passion for China. My family went to China on holiday several times, but each time, it was with a tour group. That kind of touch and go experience merely gave me a vague idea of China.
There were several first things that we experienced in the village. When we reached the place, crowds of students in the basketball courts stopped to look at us. Due to the long journey, many of us had to visit the toilet. The toilet consists of about 10 holes and there were no cubicles. There was no flushing system and the excretions remained below the hole. Every morning, the students took turns to use a water hose to wash away the excretions at the bottom into a drainage system. I almost felt like vomiting the first time I went into the place. From then on, we brought in air fresheners and tissue whenever we visited the toilet.
We slept in 2 empty classrooms, and there were bed stands in the classrooms. We placed our sleeping bags on it. There were also some comforters we shared and 2 movable heaters. We were still pampered! As the classrooms were located about 5 minutes away from the toilet, each day we had to wear our thick jackets and sweaters before going downstairs to wash up. The heater for the water in the toilet used a solar system. During the winter, the sun hardly came out, but when it did, the sun was scorching hot and drying, and the water was warm. We boiled water which we mixed with the cold water to bathe and to wash up. The water that flowed from the taps was freezing cold. At times we rinsed our mouths with cold water and after washing, our hand were numbed.
No expedition will be complete without an interaction with the people. We interacted with a wide range of people from the children in primary school, to the youths from secondary school those in their 20s. On one occasion, as I was playing board games with 3 girls, they told me in a class of 59, only the top 10 out of 59 could go to high school. The rest were to go back to farm to help their parents. Upon checking this out with other officials, I realised that the quota was lower in the villages because they did not have enough money to send their children to school. Also, there were few high schools in the vicinity to speak of. We went to a primary school and saw many little kids. They had really rosy cheeks. One girl in particular caught my attention. She wore a short sleeved t-shirt and looked really cold. Her skin looked really dry.
I was touched by how warm the people were. Whenever we passed by a house, people would welcome us into their homes. When I visited one of the students’ homes, the grandmother took a handful of sweets and pushed them into my hands. As for the students, they were so appreciative and warm. One student made two lilies for me using origami, and another student gave me a rabbit soft toy that she had kept with her since young.
One of the memories always etched in my mind is this scene. We held a cultural day where we cooked Singaporean food for the students. We had satay, chicken curry, agar agar, chin teng, vegetables and bak kut teh. The food was polished up within minutes of it being displayed. The queue for satay was very long, and one of the students I interacted with had been queuing for about 20 minutes. When it came to her turn, she looked to me, and wanted to pass her satay to me. She remarked, “Sister, I give you my satay, cos you have not had food yet.” I was very touched by her gesture. I cannot imagine a Singaporean Youth doing that.
We had a wonderful time singing and performing for the students. We sang “guan huai fang shi”, “jia” and feliz navidad. It was great. The students also taught us to dance their cultural dances.
One of the nights, we stayed up to look at meteor showers. There were shooting stars, we saw several of them, and I think I saw 13 of them. The stars reminded me of the Abrahamic covenant (Psalms 8:3). Who made the stars but God!!
God loves His people very much. He created each one of us unique and special. The trip created in me a desire to go on a mission trip. To share with people about God’s love.
Many a times, we have fixed notions or prejudices against people, and we assume that people of a certain culture behave in a certain way. These prejudices can be far from the truth. The only way to find out is to go there and experience life. Make no mistake about it, the people in Mizhi are not to be sympathised with. They are rich in their soul and rich in culture, and there are things that they know, that we Singaporeans do not. They are independent, and they learn to treasure and appreciate the fine things of life. They are sufficient and happy. There is also something that links us together. Despite our difference in culture and upbringing, humans when faced with adversity react in the same way. Every one of us are created with dreams and a longing for something greater, until with a God- given purpose in life.
I will miss Mizhi dearly. I seem to want to stay there forever to watch the shooting stars, to walk the streets, to shop in the mama shop, to sing in the youth centre, to dance in the basket ball court, to curl in my sleeping bag, to sing in a group and huddle, to huddle in front of the heater, and to use the stinky toilet. The roads, filled with pigs running, little dogs that bark but don't bite.
;)
I haven't been blogging for a while! Well, so what's up with me? I've been really busy at work these 2-3 weeks, and arrgh, i'm feeling the stress and the heat mounting up on me. Sobs. Have to hand in something tmr to my boss, so I stayed till 830pm in the office. 830pm is late/early relative to different ple ofcos, but to me it was a tad too late, and I feel really sleepy and tired and zonked out. I felt happy that I managed to fix the figures and come up with a formula and some explanations. ;) So that's workaholic me, which I guess is always a part of me. And then another part of me just wondered how come I spent such a long part of my life in the office?
How long more, Lord? Maybe like Jesus when He was 30 years old, then He went into ministry!
These few days when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel really strange. I saw another person, with short black hair, slighly curling at the ends, with wrinkles under her eyelids, and some acne. But then, a warm feeling came all over me, and guess what, I really liked the person I saw in the mirror. ;)
I'm so glad that God has given me a new beginning and a chance to start all over again. I want to know Him all over again and again.
Read Moses afresh yesterday, and I saw something that I never saw before. Remember Moses told the Lord to send someone else because he was not eloquent?
I saw in it Acts 7:21 that Moses was "learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and mighty in words and deeds." Definitely, Moses was not as incapable as he thought that he was. Why would Moses say that?
Maybe, his response about him not being eloquent may not be a physical reality, but really how unworthy he felt on the inside to be God's harbinger of truth. Moses, having killed an Egyptian must have lived in 40 years of shame and anger. Moses must have felt torn when he left his adopted mother in Egypt (he had spent 40 years there). He must have felt disillusioned when he saw his fellow Hebrew brothers being enslaved by the Egyptians. Reality hit him! Maybe words of the Hebrew remained in his mind- "who made u a ruler and a judge over us?"
God must have His plans for saving Moses and living him in Pharaoh's household- for all things meant for evil, He turned it around for good, for His most divine plan.
So what is yr Egypt today? And what haunting words have u allowed the devil to taunt u with? And what past failures have u been unable to let go?
Lord, have mercy on me for I am a sinner!
And yup, u can be assured that He welcomes u with His everlasting open arms. ;)
How long more, Lord? Maybe like Jesus when He was 30 years old, then He went into ministry!
These few days when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel really strange. I saw another person, with short black hair, slighly curling at the ends, with wrinkles under her eyelids, and some acne. But then, a warm feeling came all over me, and guess what, I really liked the person I saw in the mirror. ;)
I'm so glad that God has given me a new beginning and a chance to start all over again. I want to know Him all over again and again.
Read Moses afresh yesterday, and I saw something that I never saw before. Remember Moses told the Lord to send someone else because he was not eloquent?
I saw in it Acts 7:21 that Moses was "learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and mighty in words and deeds." Definitely, Moses was not as incapable as he thought that he was. Why would Moses say that?
Maybe, his response about him not being eloquent may not be a physical reality, but really how unworthy he felt on the inside to be God's harbinger of truth. Moses, having killed an Egyptian must have lived in 40 years of shame and anger. Moses must have felt torn when he left his adopted mother in Egypt (he had spent 40 years there). He must have felt disillusioned when he saw his fellow Hebrew brothers being enslaved by the Egyptians. Reality hit him! Maybe words of the Hebrew remained in his mind- "who made u a ruler and a judge over us?"
God must have His plans for saving Moses and living him in Pharaoh's household- for all things meant for evil, He turned it around for good, for His most divine plan.
So what is yr Egypt today? And what haunting words have u allowed the devil to taunt u with? And what past failures have u been unable to let go?
Lord, have mercy on me for I am a sinner!
And yup, u can be assured that He welcomes u with His everlasting open arms. ;)
Friday, September 22, 2006
How many people can u help?
In response to Sydter's comments (thanks bro for yr comments) and to my conversation with a good fren tonight, decided to write this post. ;)
Just how many people can u help by going to the third world? If u are someone influential, you can help more people!
Honestly I used to subscribe to that belief, and my role model used to be Claire Chiang of Banyan Tree. She runs a hotel chain, and yet she engaged the poor villagers by taking their products/crafts to sell in the Banyan Tree retails. She also opened orphanages and sowed in money to improve the irrigation system of the rural places!
Had dinner with a good fren just now, and he said the same thing. He wanted to own a multi million business and then he can be a "pastor" over his 1000 over staff and also use the money to help the poor.
Why not? What's wrong? Then it begets the question whether it is about the process or about the outcome. Outcome= money? Process=?
I'm still trying to come to grasp a bit of those things up there. So don't mind me.
World Vision and the OHF also believe in education. In fact, World Vision links up sponsors with children- cos they believe that children hold the keys to the future. They also do projects in the villages like helping with irrigation systems- essential for agriculture in places with droughts like Africa; get sponsors to purchase bulls-useful also for agriculture.
If everyone were to just be giving money, who is going to do the ground work? Of being there to implement the systems and being with the poor.
As much as "I- want- to- earn- as- much- money- so- I- can- help- the- poor" concept sounds noble, beneath it is also a question of would u be willing to give up yr comfy lifestyle and be there with the poor?
Social entrepreneurship- another of my dreams- is a concept that empowers & engages the poor rather than gives handouts. It is a sustainable model of using innovative ways to help the poor. So to speak, to teach the poor how to fish rather than giving them the fish.
An example of a social entrepreneur is Bunker Roy. Super inspirational.
He came out of a top university, and his course mates became politicians and lawyers and big shots. But he...
He chose the other route, and draws a salary of $77 a month. He applies solar energy concepts in rural India, and also opened a night school for women to attend (he noticed they had to do hsework/farm the land in the mornings).
This I say...is truly inspirational. To be able to give up one's comfy life and go there and make a difference among the poor.
But then here's the other part, people like him need sponsors & support. And we know where that comes from! Rich people! ;)
So I am still trying to figure out whether I belong to the rich people or the bunker roy category. Which ever it is, the latter or the former...
Impt to remember, as a rich person in the corporate sector, to live a lifestyle that is consistent with yr beliefs...i.e. being simple, and generous. And also, willing to give up everything-i.e. seeing God's call as more impt than the business.
Someone said I tend to be naive, another commented of my child likeness. Am I really?
I know it doesn't hurt to imagine the ideal.
Though it is impt- to manage expectations, and to know the world we live in, is much less than perfect. ;)
Friend asked tonight, "But Xiaojia, u must know there is only one Xiaojia. How many people can u help?" I don't know.
And I feel scared living in this world sometimes. When all around me used to be sheltered, and slowly the walls are breaking down.
Reading my blurty blog reminded me of the old me. Those times I spent counseling people, praying, meeting people's needs. They are really such an enjoyment, yet, also times of stretching & tiredness. But when the worldview came crashing down. I can't spend just forever doing "good" works. At the end of the day, like Jesus said, "No one is good but the Father." Really, how much can we trust our own good works? We tire easily. But God is the one with the big picture and knows all things. It is He then, who holds the key. Not us.
May He guide us in all truth. May this be a good time of rest for me. Amen.
Just how many people can u help by going to the third world? If u are someone influential, you can help more people!
Honestly I used to subscribe to that belief, and my role model used to be Claire Chiang of Banyan Tree. She runs a hotel chain, and yet she engaged the poor villagers by taking their products/crafts to sell in the Banyan Tree retails. She also opened orphanages and sowed in money to improve the irrigation system of the rural places!
Had dinner with a good fren just now, and he said the same thing. He wanted to own a multi million business and then he can be a "pastor" over his 1000 over staff and also use the money to help the poor.
Why not? What's wrong? Then it begets the question whether it is about the process or about the outcome. Outcome= money? Process=?
I'm still trying to come to grasp a bit of those things up there. So don't mind me.
World Vision and the OHF also believe in education. In fact, World Vision links up sponsors with children- cos they believe that children hold the keys to the future. They also do projects in the villages like helping with irrigation systems- essential for agriculture in places with droughts like Africa; get sponsors to purchase bulls-useful also for agriculture.
If everyone were to just be giving money, who is going to do the ground work? Of being there to implement the systems and being with the poor.
As much as "I- want- to- earn- as- much- money- so- I- can- help- the- poor" concept sounds noble, beneath it is also a question of would u be willing to give up yr comfy lifestyle and be there with the poor?
Social entrepreneurship- another of my dreams- is a concept that empowers & engages the poor rather than gives handouts. It is a sustainable model of using innovative ways to help the poor. So to speak, to teach the poor how to fish rather than giving them the fish.
An example of a social entrepreneur is Bunker Roy. Super inspirational.
He came out of a top university, and his course mates became politicians and lawyers and big shots. But he...
He chose the other route, and draws a salary of $77 a month. He applies solar energy concepts in rural India, and also opened a night school for women to attend (he noticed they had to do hsework/farm the land in the mornings).
This I say...is truly inspirational. To be able to give up one's comfy life and go there and make a difference among the poor.
But then here's the other part, people like him need sponsors & support. And we know where that comes from! Rich people! ;)
So I am still trying to figure out whether I belong to the rich people or the bunker roy category. Which ever it is, the latter or the former...
Impt to remember, as a rich person in the corporate sector, to live a lifestyle that is consistent with yr beliefs...i.e. being simple, and generous. And also, willing to give up everything-i.e. seeing God's call as more impt than the business.
Someone said I tend to be naive, another commented of my child likeness. Am I really?
I know it doesn't hurt to imagine the ideal.
Though it is impt- to manage expectations, and to know the world we live in, is much less than perfect. ;)
Friend asked tonight, "But Xiaojia, u must know there is only one Xiaojia. How many people can u help?" I don't know.
And I feel scared living in this world sometimes. When all around me used to be sheltered, and slowly the walls are breaking down.
Reading my blurty blog reminded me of the old me. Those times I spent counseling people, praying, meeting people's needs. They are really such an enjoyment, yet, also times of stretching & tiredness. But when the worldview came crashing down. I can't spend just forever doing "good" works. At the end of the day, like Jesus said, "No one is good but the Father." Really, how much can we trust our own good works? We tire easily. But God is the one with the big picture and knows all things. It is He then, who holds the key. Not us.
May He guide us in all truth. May this be a good time of rest for me. Amen.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Future
Was really happy today to receive a CCed email from my director cum recclub president. He was asking the directors to grant those of us going on the Habitat trip 5 days leave! And from the thread of emails, could see that he was helping us push for it! Email went all the way to the GMD. Ofcos there's a little pride there that the proposal I wrote could be read by GMD of the company, but more so than that, I'm happy that God opened doors for me to have some kind of influence on company policy- leave for ple to do comm service! :)
I've been thinking about what I want to do for my future. There are a couple of options that I can choose from. Life's decisions are tough. One turn leads to another I guess. And I am just trying to find back myself. Who am I really? And what is God's call for my life?
1) Well firstly I could pursue counseling & psychology, as I always wanted to in JC, but made a turn in my choice of faculty in the university! Was quite a hard choice. Then again I had the vision to preach to business men, so I took business!
Going thru the counseling dip made me realise I am not a wonderful counselor. I've some attributes of a counselor which my fren has kindly and encouragingly pointed out. I am a good listener and I am sincere. :) I love people and have a heart for them. But I know what I am not (or not yet). To have that kind of non-judgemental attitude towards people, to learn to not take things too personally, and to have that kind of grace & kindness toward people.
Anyway, I can be there for people. But I need to equip myself with that kind of skills! Not to take things personally is also impt. As I've learnt from being a cgl, it can be toxic to meditate on people's comments and problems.
2) I could go to bible school! Go to bible school and then become a full time church worker! There are so much things abt the bible I didn't realise until recently when I read different christian authors. I really like mentoring/shepherding people, and seeing them grow in the Lord. :) It is really much more rewarding investing in people than in financial goods.
3) Go with a missions organization to work overseas. E.g. World Vision? or Operation Hope Foundation . There are short stints, and I am sure spending 1 year overseas could change my whole world view. Or I could be there long termed. It will be great being with the people, seeing the poor but simple lives they lead, and also to spend my life fruitfully serving them. I could set up a SE too! And start some business there to help the poor.
Told my friend this and she said, but what's going to happen at night when u are alone? Will u feel lonely? I think she makes some sense. So it will be wonderful to be there with someone I love, and we can serve God together in the place. But if there is no one to go with me? Don't know yet! But I suppose I can make friends with people there. And that is why learning to be independent now is impt, and so is learning to be emotionally strong.
4) Stay in corporate sector and be a Daniel! God has opened doors in GIC. And I think that He will continue to open doors and place me in strategic positions where I can be an influence in the mkt place. Encouraging the people in the mkt place, challenging them to give more, and at the same time do some SEs as a side line. Can also bring healing among the people and tell them there is something more, and a greater purpose for their lives.
5) Further my studies in economics! I've always liked econs since I was in JC, and did pretty well in uni for the one macro econs module. I like econs for the way that it is so macro and big picture. And econs can be used in development as well wrt helping the poor. So I can go into policy work and development.
6) Use my skills in finance to get a job in the non-profit sector! I'm sure NGOs like Ashoka (social entreprenurship) or Oxfam will need finance specialists! I finally realise that I am not gifted in PR /communications, but I can be disciplined and good with numbers. And hopefully this gets me into a launching pad for something more.
As u can see, there are many options I can take. But most of all, our lives are so short! And the very next day God could take it away from us. So really, a man can plan all he wants, but it is God who directs our steps. And I pray that I may walk in synch with His will for my life. ;) And I believe that women shd be helpers of their men, so I will be glad to work around my future partner's vision (which must honour God). It matters that we are willing to give and take in our relationship, respecting each other for our views. There's a really sweet romantic story here.
I've some short termed goals too! I want to get emotional healing and resolve some of my personal issues. And I want to be emotionally strong to do what I want to do. ;) And yup, to learn to be independent at home, to be my own person apart from my parents and slowly my parents can learn to let go. I want to learn to depend and trust God, even when I feel alone. Lastly, to overcome my timidity and to be bold! From now till December, I am looking forward to the trip to Philippines. And may God lead me in all these, as I learn to meditate on the positive.
And lastly, I forgot I had this blurty blog and this aspect of me. I sounded so happy and enthusiastic! Actually I am a wonderful person aren't I? Sigh have I become old and jaded? ;)
I've been thinking about what I want to do for my future. There are a couple of options that I can choose from. Life's decisions are tough. One turn leads to another I guess. And I am just trying to find back myself. Who am I really? And what is God's call for my life?
1) Well firstly I could pursue counseling & psychology, as I always wanted to in JC, but made a turn in my choice of faculty in the university! Was quite a hard choice. Then again I had the vision to preach to business men, so I took business!
Going thru the counseling dip made me realise I am not a wonderful counselor. I've some attributes of a counselor which my fren has kindly and encouragingly pointed out. I am a good listener and I am sincere. :) I love people and have a heart for them. But I know what I am not (or not yet). To have that kind of non-judgemental attitude towards people, to learn to not take things too personally, and to have that kind of grace & kindness toward people.
Anyway, I can be there for people. But I need to equip myself with that kind of skills! Not to take things personally is also impt. As I've learnt from being a cgl, it can be toxic to meditate on people's comments and problems.
2) I could go to bible school! Go to bible school and then become a full time church worker! There are so much things abt the bible I didn't realise until recently when I read different christian authors. I really like mentoring/shepherding people, and seeing them grow in the Lord. :) It is really much more rewarding investing in people than in financial goods.
3) Go with a missions organization to work overseas. E.g. World Vision? or Operation Hope Foundation . There are short stints, and I am sure spending 1 year overseas could change my whole world view. Or I could be there long termed. It will be great being with the people, seeing the poor but simple lives they lead, and also to spend my life fruitfully serving them. I could set up a SE too! And start some business there to help the poor.
Told my friend this and she said, but what's going to happen at night when u are alone? Will u feel lonely? I think she makes some sense. So it will be wonderful to be there with someone I love, and we can serve God together in the place. But if there is no one to go with me? Don't know yet! But I suppose I can make friends with people there. And that is why learning to be independent now is impt, and so is learning to be emotionally strong.
4) Stay in corporate sector and be a Daniel! God has opened doors in GIC. And I think that He will continue to open doors and place me in strategic positions where I can be an influence in the mkt place. Encouraging the people in the mkt place, challenging them to give more, and at the same time do some SEs as a side line. Can also bring healing among the people and tell them there is something more, and a greater purpose for their lives.
5) Further my studies in economics! I've always liked econs since I was in JC, and did pretty well in uni for the one macro econs module. I like econs for the way that it is so macro and big picture. And econs can be used in development as well wrt helping the poor. So I can go into policy work and development.
6) Use my skills in finance to get a job in the non-profit sector! I'm sure NGOs like Ashoka (social entreprenurship) or Oxfam will need finance specialists! I finally realise that I am not gifted in PR /communications, but I can be disciplined and good with numbers. And hopefully this gets me into a launching pad for something more.
As u can see, there are many options I can take. But most of all, our lives are so short! And the very next day God could take it away from us. So really, a man can plan all he wants, but it is God who directs our steps. And I pray that I may walk in synch with His will for my life. ;) And I believe that women shd be helpers of their men, so I will be glad to work around my future partner's vision (which must honour God). It matters that we are willing to give and take in our relationship, respecting each other for our views. There's a really sweet romantic story here.
I've some short termed goals too! I want to get emotional healing and resolve some of my personal issues. And I want to be emotionally strong to do what I want to do. ;) And yup, to learn to be independent at home, to be my own person apart from my parents and slowly my parents can learn to let go. I want to learn to depend and trust God, even when I feel alone. Lastly, to overcome my timidity and to be bold! From now till December, I am looking forward to the trip to Philippines. And may God lead me in all these, as I learn to meditate on the positive.
And lastly, I forgot I had this blurty blog and this aspect of me. I sounded so happy and enthusiastic! Actually I am a wonderful person aren't I? Sigh have I become old and jaded? ;)
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Memories
I was shopping in Orchard today for a bday present, while coming down the escalator, I saw an old friend I hadn't seen for 8 years! ;) We came from the same pri school, and subsequently sec sch as well. After sec sch, we went to different JCs and lost contact.
In secondary school, this friend and I often chatted all the way on the bus from our home to sch. Only 3 of us went to RGS from our primary school, and it was quite a weird transition for us coming from a neighbourhood pri school. Everyone was suddenly so smart and english speaking! So the two of us were fr the same primary school, and there were some common topics. There was quite a warm feeling to see an old friend! We chatted again all the way home from Orchard today.
Its amazing cos through old friends we are reminded of our past. Our friends are our living memories. :)
She had short cropped hair then! Almost all of us in sec school had short tom boyish hair. Supposedly it makes us look cool. She has long hair now! Haha. But me...I went from short to long and short again. Woohoo.
In secondary school, this friend and I often chatted all the way on the bus from our home to sch. Only 3 of us went to RGS from our primary school, and it was quite a weird transition for us coming from a neighbourhood pri school. Everyone was suddenly so smart and english speaking! So the two of us were fr the same primary school, and there were some common topics. There was quite a warm feeling to see an old friend! We chatted again all the way home from Orchard today.
Its amazing cos through old friends we are reminded of our past. Our friends are our living memories. :)
She had short cropped hair then! Almost all of us in sec school had short tom boyish hair. Supposedly it makes us look cool. She has long hair now! Haha. But me...I went from short to long and short again. Woohoo.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
What would u do if u lose someone you love tonight?
The question was posed during tonight's counseling class. And we were asked to think about what we would do. Would we be lost? We need to face this question ourselves if we wanted to counsel others.
The metaphor of the fruit cake fitted so well. If u pluck the fruits off the cake, the cake was still a cake. But sometimes, we stuff ourselves with so many things/ people, and we think that if we lose them, our whole world collapses.
How apt.
It is so painful to lose the thing that u dearly love. Perhaps like what Dr. Toke said, it was to go back to remember that we were born naked, and that w/o those other things that we hold dear too, we are still ourselves. And sometimes we try to replace the void with another item. But De Toke asked...
Why does that void have to be filled? Can it just remain as a memory of someone who meant so much to u?
Feeling so melancholic on the way home, but thankful for some music, and this song was played:
Somewhere Out There
written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
It is such an old song but it is truly inspirational isn't it? That love will see us through. This whole concept of love.
What would I do if I lost someone I loved tonight? I will be devastated. It is true someone who hasn't experienced the lost of someone they love will never know what the pain feels like.
On days, it feels like a stab in the heart when memories come flooding in. And "crying yr heart out" really means something.
I began to think also of my sister. We are really close, but these days seems like we got less to talk abt. By the time I get home I am so worn out, and she is also tired and marking her scripts or doing work on the comp. Communication is reduced to a few grunts now and then. Sigh.
U know what, we really gotto treasure those whom we have right now, who matter to us before we regret it. Sounds super cliche but true.
-----
Work has been busy this week. Terrible....just rushing this piece of work and then the next and next and next. :S But u know what...
I am just so workholic that I prefer being busy than being not! When I am idle, my mind starts wandering about. When I am bz...yuuppps..its just work on my plates. ;) At least this part is stabilising a bit. And I prayed the prayer that Willie suggested- pray for open doors elsewhere if this is not the place God wants u to be in. Doors haven't been opening much. If the doors did open I am not sure wat I want. I got to find who I am first-my unique person, before I know what is God's calling for me.
We are doing a Garage Sales in the company to raise funds for Habitat project. ;) Heh. Yeah!! Had someone donate a palm top to me today (wow!) for the garage sales. The team has been wonderfully efficient! Read in the papers that many executives are choosing to do service learning aka overseas volunteer trips instead of going on holidays as they find it much more fulfilling.
Yups. I know I know....more than anything, such projects ultimately bless us the most, and not the ones on the receiving end. We could jolly well raise the money and send it over- they have much cheaper labour costs; instead of wasting money on our air tkts and flying there to build houses when we are hardly skilled with our hands. But I am still embarking on this project for various reasons- the macro one is to see GIC culture change! More charity please. And yups, I am sure everyone on the trip will gain a lot. ;) Short term trips do no good if they are just one -off events. I pray that everyone will gain smthing from it, and come back with a much more appreciative and charitable heart.
U know what..sometimes I go to this mode that no matter how much we do, there is still so much suffering out there. Still so much much much more. Does it matter if I do anything at all? Do I make any difference?
Yet it is smthing that everyone shd play a part in...caring for ple, the lost, poor, hungry, hurting. And it is good in a way to have a disatisfaction in what we are doing, cos that will push us to keep doing more and more. [note: not in the context of works versus grace kinda thing]
The metaphor of the fruit cake fitted so well. If u pluck the fruits off the cake, the cake was still a cake. But sometimes, we stuff ourselves with so many things/ people, and we think that if we lose them, our whole world collapses.
How apt.
It is so painful to lose the thing that u dearly love. Perhaps like what Dr. Toke said, it was to go back to remember that we were born naked, and that w/o those other things that we hold dear too, we are still ourselves. And sometimes we try to replace the void with another item. But De Toke asked...
Why does that void have to be filled? Can it just remain as a memory of someone who meant so much to u?
Feeling so melancholic on the way home, but thankful for some music, and this song was played:
Somewhere Out There
written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
It is such an old song but it is truly inspirational isn't it? That love will see us through. This whole concept of love.
What would I do if I lost someone I loved tonight? I will be devastated. It is true someone who hasn't experienced the lost of someone they love will never know what the pain feels like.
On days, it feels like a stab in the heart when memories come flooding in. And "crying yr heart out" really means something.
I began to think also of my sister. We are really close, but these days seems like we got less to talk abt. By the time I get home I am so worn out, and she is also tired and marking her scripts or doing work on the comp. Communication is reduced to a few grunts now and then. Sigh.
U know what, we really gotto treasure those whom we have right now, who matter to us before we regret it. Sounds super cliche but true.
-----
Work has been busy this week. Terrible....just rushing this piece of work and then the next and next and next. :S But u know what...
I am just so workholic that I prefer being busy than being not! When I am idle, my mind starts wandering about. When I am bz...yuuppps..its just work on my plates. ;) At least this part is stabilising a bit. And I prayed the prayer that Willie suggested- pray for open doors elsewhere if this is not the place God wants u to be in. Doors haven't been opening much. If the doors did open I am not sure wat I want. I got to find who I am first-my unique person, before I know what is God's calling for me.
We are doing a Garage Sales in the company to raise funds for Habitat project. ;) Heh. Yeah!! Had someone donate a palm top to me today (wow!) for the garage sales. The team has been wonderfully efficient! Read in the papers that many executives are choosing to do service learning aka overseas volunteer trips instead of going on holidays as they find it much more fulfilling.
Yups. I know I know....more than anything, such projects ultimately bless us the most, and not the ones on the receiving end. We could jolly well raise the money and send it over- they have much cheaper labour costs; instead of wasting money on our air tkts and flying there to build houses when we are hardly skilled with our hands. But I am still embarking on this project for various reasons- the macro one is to see GIC culture change! More charity please. And yups, I am sure everyone on the trip will gain a lot. ;) Short term trips do no good if they are just one -off events. I pray that everyone will gain smthing from it, and come back with a much more appreciative and charitable heart.
U know what..sometimes I go to this mode that no matter how much we do, there is still so much suffering out there. Still so much much much more. Does it matter if I do anything at all? Do I make any difference?
Yet it is smthing that everyone shd play a part in...caring for ple, the lost, poor, hungry, hurting. And it is good in a way to have a disatisfaction in what we are doing, cos that will push us to keep doing more and more. [note: not in the context of works versus grace kinda thing]
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Amazing Grace
I really liked Pastor Edmund Chan's definition of "Revival" during the sunday service- where he defines it as: Nothing less than responding to the transforming presence of God.
Then he spoke also of revival from within. In our christian walk, we shdn't be expecting pushes from external, but we shd have a revival from within! Everyday being revived by joy in Him, then bearing fruits for Him.
I listened to this song before, quite a few mths ago, or even a few weeks back. But today as I was listening, the lyrics just made sense to me and touched my heart so much. ;)
I've come full circle, 4 years back I just wasn't ready for this- an alternative christian perspective. 4 years later, I really appreciate the expounding of the word, and the quiet singing of hymms.
God has a way of changing us and moulding us, nevertheless, all our experiences to make us come closer to Him. If we dare to stick close enuff to Him. Who knows what may happen in another 4 years? What would I think and who would I become? And I think, every event that we go thru in life are programmed to best fit our personality. I truly understand myself better right now. :)
Depth of Mercy
Verse One
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy reaching even me
God the Just His wrath forbears
Me the chief of sinners spares
So many times my heart has strayed
From His kind and perfect ways
Making clear my desperate need
For His blood poured out for me
Verse Two
Give me grace Lord let me own
All the wrongs that I have done
Let me now my sins deplore
Look to You and sin no more
There for me the Savior stands
Holding forth His wounded hands
Scars which ever cry for me
Once condemned but now set free
Original Lyrics Charles Wesley, public domain
Revised lyrics and music,
Bob Kauflin ©1997 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)
All rights reserved. Use only by permission
Then he spoke also of revival from within. In our christian walk, we shdn't be expecting pushes from external, but we shd have a revival from within! Everyday being revived by joy in Him, then bearing fruits for Him.
I listened to this song before, quite a few mths ago, or even a few weeks back. But today as I was listening, the lyrics just made sense to me and touched my heart so much. ;)
I've come full circle, 4 years back I just wasn't ready for this- an alternative christian perspective. 4 years later, I really appreciate the expounding of the word, and the quiet singing of hymms.
God has a way of changing us and moulding us, nevertheless, all our experiences to make us come closer to Him. If we dare to stick close enuff to Him. Who knows what may happen in another 4 years? What would I think and who would I become? And I think, every event that we go thru in life are programmed to best fit our personality. I truly understand myself better right now. :)
Depth of Mercy
Verse One
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy reaching even me
God the Just His wrath forbears
Me the chief of sinners spares
So many times my heart has strayed
From His kind and perfect ways
Making clear my desperate need
For His blood poured out for me
Verse Two
Give me grace Lord let me own
All the wrongs that I have done
Let me now my sins deplore
Look to You and sin no more
There for me the Savior stands
Holding forth His wounded hands
Scars which ever cry for me
Once condemned but now set free
Original Lyrics Charles Wesley, public domain
Revised lyrics and music,
Bob Kauflin ©1997 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)
All rights reserved. Use only by permission
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Hiatus
"Until you feel the love of God ( and you will know when God "hits"), you cannot give geniune wholesome love (and peace) that surpasses all human understanding."
Thank you :)
-----
Just got back from watching The devil wears Prada. I can identify with the female protagonist fresh grad from university and looking for a job! Finally settles in a job that is so disparate from her dreams to be a journalist. Instead she ends up as the assistant of a egomaniac fashion magazine head. That is when she faces the real world, and her own core values are challenged. Eventually though, she grows up thru this crisis and becomes none the wiser and thru the whole experience, she understands who she really is. :)
That is all part of growing up. Where our world view is challenged, and we become less naive abt the world. And yet because we are bombarded with so many choices on the outside, it is a challenge to hold on to who we really are on the inside. We can become so consumed by our environment that we assimilate into it unconsciously. ;P I pray that I may be wise but always pure at heart.
Thank you :)
-----
Just got back from watching The devil wears Prada. I can identify with the female protagonist fresh grad from university and looking for a job! Finally settles in a job that is so disparate from her dreams to be a journalist. Instead she ends up as the assistant of a egomaniac fashion magazine head. That is when she faces the real world, and her own core values are challenged. Eventually though, she grows up thru this crisis and becomes none the wiser and thru the whole experience, she understands who she really is. :)
That is all part of growing up. Where our world view is challenged, and we become less naive abt the world. And yet because we are bombarded with so many choices on the outside, it is a challenge to hold on to who we really are on the inside. We can become so consumed by our environment that we assimilate into it unconsciously. ;P I pray that I may be wise but always pure at heart.
Going for the long haul...
One of the best decisions I made was to go for counseling dip. :) I am currently taking a counseling psych diploma, and we are also given 3 sessions of counseling. It is strange sharing yr thoughts and feelings with a near stranger, but it is good, to be able to open up some of the struggles I had for so long. As my lecturer said, if we wanted to be counsellors ourselves, we must first sort out our own issues and then we can be effective counsellors. I think it is tough to have breakthroughs in our own walk with God, or in our area of weaknesses without being accountable to someone. Sometimes u just need a different perspective to enlighten you, or to remove doubts that weighed you down. Sometimes it was just the wrong notions sitting in yr mind that made u feel angry, guilty or sad, when they need not be sitting there at all.
One of the analogies that on the handphone was so good. And I just need to write this down, lest I forget. If u broke a handphone, if God had a face, what would His expression be, and what do u think he will say to u? Will he be angry with u, smile at u or what?
God will not just smile and say it was okay. He will put His arms around me and lovingly say it is okay. Not only that, He will not give me a look and say next time don't do it again. Instead, He will say to me He believes in me, and has full trust that I will try my best in my next attempt.
Still meditating on this, and it is taking sometime to seep through me, for me to understand God's grace for me over and over again.
Other then that I want to also last in the ministry for Him. It is about going for the long haul. It is not about rushing into it right now, but when I am spiritually, emotionally and financially strong, I can go into the ministry for the long haul. And this is what I want.
Yeah. Going to watch The Devil wears Prada now with some of my colleagues. :) What a really silly title! My abs and legs are aching slightly from the Pilates class I had yesterday. It is one of the company gym lunch time classes which I signed up out of curiousity, and also because my colleagues were all going (5 of them). It turned out quite fun actually. A lot of breathing in and out and curling and bending, and sitting up and sitting down. :)
One of the analogies that on the handphone was so good. And I just need to write this down, lest I forget. If u broke a handphone, if God had a face, what would His expression be, and what do u think he will say to u? Will he be angry with u, smile at u or what?
God will not just smile and say it was okay. He will put His arms around me and lovingly say it is okay. Not only that, He will not give me a look and say next time don't do it again. Instead, He will say to me He believes in me, and has full trust that I will try my best in my next attempt.
Still meditating on this, and it is taking sometime to seep through me, for me to understand God's grace for me over and over again.
Other then that I want to also last in the ministry for Him. It is about going for the long haul. It is not about rushing into it right now, but when I am spiritually, emotionally and financially strong, I can go into the ministry for the long haul. And this is what I want.
Yeah. Going to watch The Devil wears Prada now with some of my colleagues. :) What a really silly title! My abs and legs are aching slightly from the Pilates class I had yesterday. It is one of the company gym lunch time classes which I signed up out of curiousity, and also because my colleagues were all going (5 of them). It turned out quite fun actually. A lot of breathing in and out and curling and bending, and sitting up and sitting down. :)
Friday, September 08, 2006
Friday night!
I haven't updated my blog for a few days! Which is quite a feat. Not sure why this week I have nothing much to share about. Guess pretty much still the same thoughts running about in my head. And it has been good also being transparent and sharing some of my struggles with another christian. I feel quite relieved from the sense of guilt and I think I can move on. :) Happy and glad for that.
I'm still in my office now, leaving soon to go HOME. It has been a long long time since I've been at home on a friday night. Always having dinners or CG on a friday! But it's quite good too to get some rest. Has been a bz week at work and rushing a lot of stuff. :(
I also got myself a book! Its title is called Heaven Lake. About a missionary who is 24 years old, and went to Taiwan, and he is originally quite a staunch person and maybe legalistic? But he goes thru certain issues that makes him realise what faith really is. I have not finished the book. Shall share more abt it again. :) Bye! Going home.
I'm still in my office now, leaving soon to go HOME. It has been a long long time since I've been at home on a friday night. Always having dinners or CG on a friday! But it's quite good too to get some rest. Has been a bz week at work and rushing a lot of stuff. :(
I also got myself a book! Its title is called Heaven Lake. About a missionary who is 24 years old, and went to Taiwan, and he is originally quite a staunch person and maybe legalistic? But he goes thru certain issues that makes him realise what faith really is. I have not finished the book. Shall share more abt it again. :) Bye! Going home.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Bday pic. :)
Sunday, September 03, 2006
It's all black.
I went to cut my hair today!!
I thought of keeping it long, cos it has been a year and 8 mths since I had long hair. ( I think) But I think short hair still suits me better, it makes me look younger & more energetic (& chic?). :) I was so tempted to colour/highlight my hair, but I didn't! Cos I really don't think I want to spend that kind of money, plus it was kind of cool that for once in maybe 3 years, I have a full head of BLACK hair. Can't really see the brown colour anymore, wat remains were cut away. It's quite scary. It reminds me a bit of the days in JC, when I also had short black hair.
I thought of keeping it long, cos it has been a year and 8 mths since I had long hair. ( I think) But I think short hair still suits me better, it makes me look younger & more energetic (& chic?). :) I was so tempted to colour/highlight my hair, but I didn't! Cos I really don't think I want to spend that kind of money, plus it was kind of cool that for once in maybe 3 years, I have a full head of BLACK hair. Can't really see the brown colour anymore, wat remains were cut away. It's quite scary. It reminds me a bit of the days in JC, when I also had short black hair.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Why Donations? How about Sharing?
Met Daphne just now for a while- though it was only an hour, I was glad to meet up with her. She's one of those I really miss after stepping down as a cgl. Yup, but glad that this relationship between us will always continue.
After that went to help out with Pastor Don's charity dinner. A christian lady had felt led to help him organize one, and so it was held at the Arts House (Old Parliament Building) at Viet Lang. I was supposed to be an usher...but I felt pretty awkward standing there cos I didn't know anyone, except Lillian, Pastor Don's wife- Vannessa and some of other Pastor Don's workers. The crowd invited was a group of christian businessmen, and there were about 80 of them that turned up. Some came in their long sleeve shirts and ties! So the mingling about seemed a bit like a networking session and I didn't feel too comfy actually, and a bit self conscious. :(
So anyway the fund raising came in thru the of dinner- was $80 per pax, cost px was lower, a paintings auction, as well as free willed donations- we handed out envelops. The paintings were quite nice, done by a 9 year old girl, who was talented in drawing, but said she wanted to give her part to help the poor. :)
Things were quite awkward for the paintings initially, cos it started off with one of the paintings for $500. And the emcee emphasized that it was for donations, for a good cause, and there was an awkward silence as no one bidded. But subsequently there was one person who raised his hand....And for the other paintings, the emcee had to encourage ple to donate as well. I feel some ple might be getting squermish in their seats. I don't really know.
Actually the thing is, the paintings prob really aren't worth so much. One of them was sold at $2K. I guess it is just a charitable idea to bid for one at that px even when it wasn't worth that much.
I was just wondering at the end when I collected the envelops of donations- why they were called "donations". This is a weird question I guess. But couldn't help thinking, do we have to do so much things for ple to contribute their money? Not just ple but christians! [Note, I told myself not to be judgemental, and I don't know how these christians spend their money/time elsewhere, and this is not to say I am any the better]
And yah.... I think in the ideal state, rich christians shd be sharing! Its not as if we give a few hundred dollars and we feel smug and happy with ourselves. Or we give some of our time to do some community service and we think we have done a lot. We have really done nothing! We have only given God and the poor our spare change! And I am so embarrassed of that sometimes. I think we shd all work towards the ideal state of giving. And yes, Singaporean Christians can definitely afford to live much more simple lives and give more. We shdn't be donating, it should be sharing..it is just doing wat God had called us to do. We shdn't be pitying the poor/marginalised and treating them like the "other", we should be accepting them, and welcoming them into God's family.
After that went to help out with Pastor Don's charity dinner. A christian lady had felt led to help him organize one, and so it was held at the Arts House (Old Parliament Building) at Viet Lang. I was supposed to be an usher...but I felt pretty awkward standing there cos I didn't know anyone, except Lillian, Pastor Don's wife- Vannessa and some of other Pastor Don's workers. The crowd invited was a group of christian businessmen, and there were about 80 of them that turned up. Some came in their long sleeve shirts and ties! So the mingling about seemed a bit like a networking session and I didn't feel too comfy actually, and a bit self conscious. :(
So anyway the fund raising came in thru the of dinner- was $80 per pax, cost px was lower, a paintings auction, as well as free willed donations- we handed out envelops. The paintings were quite nice, done by a 9 year old girl, who was talented in drawing, but said she wanted to give her part to help the poor. :)
Things were quite awkward for the paintings initially, cos it started off with one of the paintings for $500. And the emcee emphasized that it was for donations, for a good cause, and there was an awkward silence as no one bidded. But subsequently there was one person who raised his hand....And for the other paintings, the emcee had to encourage ple to donate as well. I feel some ple might be getting squermish in their seats. I don't really know.
Actually the thing is, the paintings prob really aren't worth so much. One of them was sold at $2K. I guess it is just a charitable idea to bid for one at that px even when it wasn't worth that much.
I was just wondering at the end when I collected the envelops of donations- why they were called "donations". This is a weird question I guess. But couldn't help thinking, do we have to do so much things for ple to contribute their money? Not just ple but christians! [Note, I told myself not to be judgemental, and I don't know how these christians spend their money/time elsewhere, and this is not to say I am any the better]
And yah.... I think in the ideal state, rich christians shd be sharing! Its not as if we give a few hundred dollars and we feel smug and happy with ourselves. Or we give some of our time to do some community service and we think we have done a lot. We have really done nothing! We have only given God and the poor our spare change! And I am so embarrassed of that sometimes. I think we shd all work towards the ideal state of giving. And yes, Singaporean Christians can definitely afford to live much more simple lives and give more. We shdn't be donating, it should be sharing..it is just doing wat God had called us to do. We shdn't be pitying the poor/marginalised and treating them like the "other", we should be accepting them, and welcoming them into God's family.
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