Am glad in a way for the MC today, so I can stay at home, and slept a lot. Also did some reading, and sorted out my tutorial notes for counseling psych. Reminds me of how much I miss my days of schooling! Working sometimes makes one cranky and tired.
Was looking at some blogs just now, and visited a few friends' blogs. People who are my age. Couldn't help but notice the tinge of jadedness and bitterness beneath the posts. And as we grow up, we truly realise that the world is not as perfect as we thought it out to be. And at my age -ple who just got into the workforce, these overwhelming feelings are magnified with the processes of job search, interaction with people way above yr age (when u were in school, u thot that all the teachers were so old and u will never get there. But now yr colleagues are 20 years older than u).
We form a new world view of how we shd relate to people, and what you -as a person stands for. What are some things u wanna do in the future? What kind of visions and goals do u have? And sometimes trip over an event that happens in our life, and our worldview is forever changed. The quarter life crisis can make or break us. That is when we decide what we want for the rest of our adulthood- the route of positivity, or towards the never-ending pit of bitterness.
Ofcourse, people don't just have one chance in their lives. They have a few turning pts and a few crisis. But each decision that we make affects our future. People we let in and let out of our lives affect our worldview. Yet it all can be a blessing in disguise. As crisis help us to know ourselves better.
For me ofcos, I never knew weakness could happen to me. "Those" were the people who were hurt. My role was to be their counselor. Always thot I had my life well planned, in control and all that. Even when I made the statements of strength in weakness, "weakness", I never knew amounted to this much pain. But now truly going thru the valley, I begin to understand how ple who are hurting feel. They just need someone to believe in them, walk alongside them. And sometimes, time with them, not counseling, but just being with them, can bring tremendous healing and acceptance.
It was all a blessing in disguise. I believe that, God brought me thru the valley, and that this valley has taught me so many things about myself, and how to relate to people. If u have never been hurt before, how do u know someone who hurts feel? If u have never been open to yrself about yr emotions-how bad u feel, how do u get someone else to open up? These are really lessons that are impt to me. To open up to others and to love others from my heart.
And I shall take the path of positivity. I know that there will be days of discouragement and anger. Life is NOT a bed of roses. But may I encourage my dear readers that, there is hope yet. :) There will always be.
As long as the earth remains, seed time and harvest will never cease. As long as the earth remains, God remains sovereign in our lives. And He will never let us go, if we choose to hold on to Him.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Deliverance
I went to be prayed for today! And when I was waiting for my turn, I felt the Holy Spirit impress upon my heart that God had a future for my life, and that He was gonna free me from every bondage of the devil. And when I got prayed for, at first it was just crying, and then later I just let go. And when I did, from deep within, there was a shrill scream that came out. And I screamed for a few times. The voice was like not my own, and I know I received inner healing. But really glad for the deliverance, and I feel cleansed. Yup, God came to heal me so that I can live my life afresh, anew, and to know that He has a future for my life. :)
Thank You for Your blood Lord, and I thank You for forgiving me. Most of all, I forgive myself for all the things I've done wrong, and I know U have cleansed me by Your blood of righteousness.
Feeling very ill now though. Dizzy and fever, also feel weak in the legs. Feel like vomiting and have diarrhoa. Please pray for me. Think I wasn't feeling well since this morning. Prob my physical body also wants healing!
Thank You for Your blood Lord, and I thank You for forgiving me. Most of all, I forgive myself for all the things I've done wrong, and I know U have cleansed me by Your blood of righteousness.
Feeling very ill now though. Dizzy and fever, also feel weak in the legs. Feel like vomiting and have diarrhoa. Please pray for me. Think I wasn't feeling well since this morning. Prob my physical body also wants healing!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Care to Dance?
Had quite a good time today DANCING! Yeah u heard me right, went to an event organized by YMCA with 2 dear frens. It was an event for youths to teach the Intellectually Disabled how to dance. I realise that dancing is really quite fun and it helps u to relax! Like the bombay dance we did...which was like an indian dance. :) After joining the gym classes in the company, i.e. cardio step, also enjoy prancing about the step board. Think my sense of coordination is not so bad afterall.
At the start I saw some youths with attitude problems, and commented that these days, youths are no longer like the past. Like my sister who is a teacher also told me some stuffs her students did. However, later when the IDs came in, I was really glad to see the youths interacting with them etc. :) And I was really impressed with the innovative concept- inclusivity. Making the IDs feel included, participating together with the youths in dancing. And whats more to harness the active spirit of youths in dancing to do community service. Reminds me indeed of what Anil said, its not charity mode, but its abt being inclusive. Including the marginalised in our society!!!!
Super tired....
And yest night met XT for dinner. After a long long time. Was good to catch up.
Guess things are sort of going on track now, and God is healing me!
But I am also learning that doing lots of good works to help ple don't satisfy. Only God is the source of satisfaction. And I pray that He will show me a clearer direction and vision as I continue to not grow weary of doing good. That means a lot a lot to me.
On another note tho, I'm so happy interacting with the IDs today. Nothing beats being there for someone. And I wish I can do that daily. But its not good enuff doing random good works. I need a direction, somewhere, from God. I'm not gonna give up the reason for this season..which is to wait on God and receive my healing.
At the start I saw some youths with attitude problems, and commented that these days, youths are no longer like the past. Like my sister who is a teacher also told me some stuffs her students did. However, later when the IDs came in, I was really glad to see the youths interacting with them etc. :) And I was really impressed with the innovative concept- inclusivity. Making the IDs feel included, participating together with the youths in dancing. And whats more to harness the active spirit of youths in dancing to do community service. Reminds me indeed of what Anil said, its not charity mode, but its abt being inclusive. Including the marginalised in our society!!!!
Super tired....
And yest night met XT for dinner. After a long long time. Was good to catch up.
Guess things are sort of going on track now, and God is healing me!
But I am also learning that doing lots of good works to help ple don't satisfy. Only God is the source of satisfaction. And I pray that He will show me a clearer direction and vision as I continue to not grow weary of doing good. That means a lot a lot to me.
On another note tho, I'm so happy interacting with the IDs today. Nothing beats being there for someone. And I wish I can do that daily. But its not good enuff doing random good works. I need a direction, somewhere, from God. I'm not gonna give up the reason for this season..which is to wait on God and receive my healing.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
A letter...
hello,
How's yr work coming along?
Doors are opened for CSR in the co. Its amazing how one person can bring change! Not just me, but another colleague, who was from Bizad as well, is the new community service head in GIC. ;0
So don't think I will be changing job yet. Hope to change the culture in the co.
Wats more, got some new responsibilities that are quite interesting...
Tho don't think I will completely be happy in the corporate sector for long. But think its a good starting/preparation ground. Understand better how corporates work, and how I can get their money! hehehe.
Other than that also wish to do ground work. Like instead of being the organizer of fund raising, to actually get there and be on the ground to counsel ple, and give the poor and sad ple a hug.
Yup yup..
And ofcos...if possible, to do direct preaching to ple who are lost. Not just meeting their physical and emotional needs, but also sharing Christ with them.
How's yr work coming along?
Doors are opened for CSR in the co. Its amazing how one person can bring change! Not just me, but another colleague, who was from Bizad as well, is the new community service head in GIC. ;0
So don't think I will be changing job yet. Hope to change the culture in the co.
Wats more, got some new responsibilities that are quite interesting...
Tho don't think I will completely be happy in the corporate sector for long. But think its a good starting/preparation ground. Understand better how corporates work, and how I can get their money! hehehe.
Other than that also wish to do ground work. Like instead of being the organizer of fund raising, to actually get there and be on the ground to counsel ple, and give the poor and sad ple a hug.
Yup yup..
And ofcos...if possible, to do direct preaching to ple who are lost. Not just meeting their physical and emotional needs, but also sharing Christ with them.
Open doors
Happy today, doors suddenly opened for me. Sent the Habitat proposal (build houses at Thailand) to director and he said he liked it too! And he suggested all sorts of fund raising activities like charity golf, movie screeening, auctioning etc, with the co.'s support. So yup, God just opened doors to top management support. I hope that the whole company climate will change, ple will be more generous and spend their money on things that matter. Ple will be conscious of the needs everywhere! Less golf games that cost hundreds of dollars, less branded clothes for the new season. More love, more compassion. I really don't know how rich ple spend their money. But I'm quite sure about the Robin Hood model! It must not just be a one-off event to donate money, it must bring about a change in the whole culture of the company!
Dear God, I pray it will not just be a series of fund raising events, but God-U will reveal Yr love thru these events, carry it thru, and be glorified. Let the people come to know You. U must be involved in every good work that we do, cos our own righteousness is like filthy rags. All our good works mean nothing, unless they are anchored in You. Be glorified. Be magnified. Be exalted.
I pray also that U may remind me day by day to be a good steward of the finances that U have blessed me with. Amen!
My job is to be obedient-the rest- God is sovereign.
Met Bro MJ today for dinner, he came to Tanjong Pagar to find me! It was a good talk in a way. And there are unresolved things that need to be resolved. Yup. If I don't get a breakthru, I will carry on in this season forever. I pray that this season will be over soon, and I will get my breakthru, watever that God is teaching me.
Went out with Anil and Morgan yest. Asked Anil how to be a social entrepreneur in meeting the needs of depressed ple. And he said- U are going into charity mode! Meeting needs etc. He suggested an alternative- "Inclusivity". Y are ple depressed? Tats the core question. And his idea is to include ple who are marginalised into society.
I've quite a lovely idea- that I will set up a shop and employ ple who are somewhat marginalised cos of their odd behaviour. There, they will learn to interact with each other and will also go thru part time courses and life skills.
One at a time..let me go thru this season first! Thailand project...here we come. Transformation in the company!
Dear God, I pray it will not just be a series of fund raising events, but God-U will reveal Yr love thru these events, carry it thru, and be glorified. Let the people come to know You. U must be involved in every good work that we do, cos our own righteousness is like filthy rags. All our good works mean nothing, unless they are anchored in You. Be glorified. Be magnified. Be exalted.
I pray also that U may remind me day by day to be a good steward of the finances that U have blessed me with. Amen!
My job is to be obedient-the rest- God is sovereign.
Met Bro MJ today for dinner, he came to Tanjong Pagar to find me! It was a good talk in a way. And there are unresolved things that need to be resolved. Yup. If I don't get a breakthru, I will carry on in this season forever. I pray that this season will be over soon, and I will get my breakthru, watever that God is teaching me.
Went out with Anil and Morgan yest. Asked Anil how to be a social entrepreneur in meeting the needs of depressed ple. And he said- U are going into charity mode! Meeting needs etc. He suggested an alternative- "Inclusivity". Y are ple depressed? Tats the core question. And his idea is to include ple who are marginalised into society.
I've quite a lovely idea- that I will set up a shop and employ ple who are somewhat marginalised cos of their odd behaviour. There, they will learn to interact with each other and will also go thru part time courses and life skills.
One at a time..let me go thru this season first! Thailand project...here we come. Transformation in the company!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Energised
Just sent Anil from Airport to NUS Visitor's Lodge. Was a long trip on the cab, and we chatted. Had a free one to one inspirational session with him. He told me when he was abt 25, he already got his Ashoka membership as a fellow. When he was abt 17 or 18, he visited rural parts of Nepal and started some projects. Right now working on the solar energy and bringing them to villages. Most of all, he is such a simple man with no airs.
Some quotable quotes from cab ride:
"If you wake up in the morning and don't like what u are doing, u shd quit yr job."
"You shdn't wait too long or u would just get comfortable"
Anil: "You shd tell a man to imagine getting to the other side of the river, instead of giving him the materials to build a boat. Even if you give him all the materials, and tell him step by step what to do, if he has no imagination, he will no't build the boat. Imagination is important."
XJ:"What if I have no materials?"
Anil:"Imagination is impt. U have no materials, the government doesn't allow u to ride a boat, the river is closed, if u have imagination, u will still get to the other side anyway."
Some quotable quotes from cab ride:
"If you wake up in the morning and don't like what u are doing, u shd quit yr job."
"You shdn't wait too long or u would just get comfortable"
Anil: "You shd tell a man to imagine getting to the other side of the river, instead of giving him the materials to build a boat. Even if you give him all the materials, and tell him step by step what to do, if he has no imagination, he will no't build the boat. Imagination is important."
XJ:"What if I have no materials?"
Anil:"Imagination is impt. U have no materials, the government doesn't allow u to ride a boat, the river is closed, if u have imagination, u will still get to the other side anyway."
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Part time worker
Was really happy this morning, came into office and got an email from the director to meet him at 2pm for the overseas voluntary project! :)It was a short but good meeting, he was supportive of the idea, and said that several other heads in the company also felt we shd do more community service! He said with their support, getting money shdn't be a problem, as well as getting leave for the staff. Yup, so I emailed Habitat for Humanity, on their projects...might be going thailand to build houses. Not sure yet!
Other then that, tonight Anil will be arriving! He is a social entrepreneur from Ashoka, and yup, a really nice and straightforward man. He will be here tmr at NUS Biz Sch for a talk, so will be taking half day to bring him out for tea/coffee at Orchard.
These things keep me going. Kinda like my fuel. heh. Pseudo worker, full time community service!
Boss is giving me stuff to be in charged of in the office, so that's in a way good as well, can grow and learn new things. Waiting season, shall be moulded, finish the overseas project first, and I know that He will teach me new things. =>
There are so many different needs to be met, important to be obedient to God. I guess for me, the hurting and outcasts has always been on my mind. Pray for opportunities, and yup, God, speak to me.
This week Covenant's message was on not letting ple judge u by the external. And Pastor said that it was about "being", not about "doing". I think that's so right. Always struggle with lots of doing, thats why when I am not doing anything, I feel so lost. But doing...shd proceed naturally out of our right r.s with God. Am glad that things have somehow stabilised a bit. And slowly He will reveal His plans for my life. :)
Other then that, tonight Anil will be arriving! He is a social entrepreneur from Ashoka, and yup, a really nice and straightforward man. He will be here tmr at NUS Biz Sch for a talk, so will be taking half day to bring him out for tea/coffee at Orchard.
These things keep me going. Kinda like my fuel. heh. Pseudo worker, full time community service!
Boss is giving me stuff to be in charged of in the office, so that's in a way good as well, can grow and learn new things. Waiting season, shall be moulded, finish the overseas project first, and I know that He will teach me new things. =>
There are so many different needs to be met, important to be obedient to God. I guess for me, the hurting and outcasts has always been on my mind. Pray for opportunities, and yup, God, speak to me.
This week Covenant's message was on not letting ple judge u by the external. And Pastor said that it was about "being", not about "doing". I think that's so right. Always struggle with lots of doing, thats why when I am not doing anything, I feel so lost. But doing...shd proceed naturally out of our right r.s with God. Am glad that things have somehow stabilised a bit. And slowly He will reveal His plans for my life. :)
Monday, July 24, 2006
One of my fave quote from my fave book
The unqualified truth is, that when I loved Estella with the love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistible. Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection.
-Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
-Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Drinking
Went for dinner tonight again with some colleagues, and then we went to Eski-bar for a drink. Its a place near China Square, and they turn the aircon really low so that it was freezing, but when u went inside the place wasn't that cold. :) The place was quite dark, and in a sense reassuring. And kind of understood why ple enjoy hiding in clubs and bars in the dark, where u can in a way let loose and act silly. I think this is my 4th time at a bar with frens. I'm not really a drinking/clubbing/pubbing person, and about 2-3 years ago when I went to Paulander with my frens for the first time, I didn't really want to step into it, cos there was some stigma I associated drinking with. Then I only took a sip of my fren's dark german beer. And the malt, fresh taste lingered in the throat, and was nice. Tonight I drank a Corona. Yup, I do like beer quite a bit. Especially when we went to europe for holidays, and the weather was so freezing cold, and with the cold beer it was like really nice. I'm not an alcoholic tho. I was so shocked when I came back home tonight and my mum asked if I had been drinking, cos my face was red- didn't realise that until I checked the mirror.
And so yup, I'm about to turn 24 this year, and it is scary knowing u are ageing, and are no longer a youth, but an adult who makes decisions with her life. And my life has been so sheltered over the past 24 years, and my parents make so many decisions for me. Smetimes, I am really not a risk taker, and I hate making decisions. Or perhaps..the looming voice of my dad (No, u should do it this way/ Why are u so silly?) makes me worry that I am really silly. Sometimes, I just need a reassuring voice that I am okay.
I've just made one of the most impt decisions in my life, it has been 9 whole years. But yup. Finally have the courage to move on. When it is more firmed up, I shall share. But yup...I'm glad in a way that there's gonna be a new beginning. :D
Smsed Daph today...and asked her for lunch next week. This deep love that I feel for her, and for my ex-cg members, it just swarmed up all over me, and it was an overwhelming feeling. I miss those relationships, and will truly miss them a whole lot. I'm not confident nor charismatic, but I'm glad in one way or another, God has used the relationships I've had with some of the mbrs, in diff seasons of their lives. And really thankful...really thankful for that. That in my inadequacy, God chooses the weak to shame the strong.
So yup, it's a new beginning for me. And in all things, always thankful, grateful to God. For yup...still loving me and accepting me, no matter how sometimes I feel I have failed Him. And yah...I just wanna say...to Him, thank You so so so much, for sometimes, I just cannot see Yr love for me, cos I am so self absorbed with my worries and cares. :)Thank You for still believing in me.
And so yup, I'm about to turn 24 this year, and it is scary knowing u are ageing, and are no longer a youth, but an adult who makes decisions with her life. And my life has been so sheltered over the past 24 years, and my parents make so many decisions for me. Smetimes, I am really not a risk taker, and I hate making decisions. Or perhaps..the looming voice of my dad (No, u should do it this way/ Why are u so silly?) makes me worry that I am really silly. Sometimes, I just need a reassuring voice that I am okay.
I've just made one of the most impt decisions in my life, it has been 9 whole years. But yup. Finally have the courage to move on. When it is more firmed up, I shall share. But yup...I'm glad in a way that there's gonna be a new beginning. :D
Smsed Daph today...and asked her for lunch next week. This deep love that I feel for her, and for my ex-cg members, it just swarmed up all over me, and it was an overwhelming feeling. I miss those relationships, and will truly miss them a whole lot. I'm not confident nor charismatic, but I'm glad in one way or another, God has used the relationships I've had with some of the mbrs, in diff seasons of their lives. And really thankful...really thankful for that. That in my inadequacy, God chooses the weak to shame the strong.
So yup, it's a new beginning for me. And in all things, always thankful, grateful to God. For yup...still loving me and accepting me, no matter how sometimes I feel I have failed Him. And yah...I just wanna say...to Him, thank You so so so much, for sometimes, I just cannot see Yr love for me, cos I am so self absorbed with my worries and cares. :)Thank You for still believing in me.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
..continuation...
Yup, and so to continue on the middle east crisis, I asked HY what she thought of Israel? Cos they are God's chosen ple and nation. But I feel a sense of injustice for Palestians and the Lebonese, and I pray for the govt to exercise wisdom in their decisions. The Prime Minister said that the attacks was not just to bring back the soldiers in hostage, but it was to gun down terrorism, and ensure the safety of its ple. I'm not so sure that the attacks are a good choice to ensure the safety of its civillians. But the attacks sure caused a lot of deaths in Lebanon and the houses and infrastructure are all destroyed.
I can't comment much cos I don't really know the history of all that's happening. And HY said that she feels this is a spiritual war, not just a physical one. And I thought about it, in a way, it was true. And in a parallel way, I often asked God why is it that in the bible, the ungodly nations were just destroyed like that in war by the Israelites. E.g. the Amaleks, Phillistines. How abt Sodom that God destroyed? To question that would be questioning God's justice. And I have no doubt at all that God is just and merciful, and He loves the people He created much more than I do.
All I can do right now, I don't understand it...but I pray for the people, pray for Israel's govt leaders to have wisdom. And when Abraham was pleading for Sodom's behalf, it was like if there were any righteous men left in Sodom, God will not destroy it. I believe in God's justice and His sovereignity in redemption.
So back to Ecclesiastics, I think Solomon got so tired thinking of all these.
As mentioned, met up with Sinee in Bangkok, and also M-one of the staff in Ashoka. M was from the States and just spent 1 year volunteering at Ashoka Thailand, and was going to Paris (I think it is paris) to join her family for 1 year, before becoming a staff in Ashoka. And she will be in Singapore next week for the One Degree Asia http://www.onedegreeasia.org/
From all that, I gather that her family must be pretty rich, in order for her to be able to throw aside her family, do a year of volunteer work w/o pay, and then go Paris. In a way Maslow's hierarchy of needs comes in here. That ple must first settle their food and lodgings before they talk abt idealistic stuffs e.g. Self actualisation.
I wanna so much to spend 1 year volunteering as well. And I think in a way I can do that, cos I know my parents have enuff savings for themselves. I really love them a lot, want to be a filial daughter, and know that they are happy. And so I've been praying that they will understand when the time comes. And that they will be happy. And that their philosophy may change. The general chinese philosophy, to save for a rainy day may be changed to it is more blessed to give than to receive. And that, yes, God will, and must provide, watever route that I choose.
I can't comment much cos I don't really know the history of all that's happening. And HY said that she feels this is a spiritual war, not just a physical one. And I thought about it, in a way, it was true. And in a parallel way, I often asked God why is it that in the bible, the ungodly nations were just destroyed like that in war by the Israelites. E.g. the Amaleks, Phillistines. How abt Sodom that God destroyed? To question that would be questioning God's justice. And I have no doubt at all that God is just and merciful, and He loves the people He created much more than I do.
All I can do right now, I don't understand it...but I pray for the people, pray for Israel's govt leaders to have wisdom. And when Abraham was pleading for Sodom's behalf, it was like if there were any righteous men left in Sodom, God will not destroy it. I believe in God's justice and His sovereignity in redemption.
So back to Ecclesiastics, I think Solomon got so tired thinking of all these.
As mentioned, met up with Sinee in Bangkok, and also M-one of the staff in Ashoka. M was from the States and just spent 1 year volunteering at Ashoka Thailand, and was going to Paris (I think it is paris) to join her family for 1 year, before becoming a staff in Ashoka. And she will be in Singapore next week for the One Degree Asia http://www.onedegreeasia.org/
From all that, I gather that her family must be pretty rich, in order for her to be able to throw aside her family, do a year of volunteer work w/o pay, and then go Paris. In a way Maslow's hierarchy of needs comes in here. That ple must first settle their food and lodgings before they talk abt idealistic stuffs e.g. Self actualisation.
I wanna so much to spend 1 year volunteering as well. And I think in a way I can do that, cos I know my parents have enuff savings for themselves. I really love them a lot, want to be a filial daughter, and know that they are happy. And so I've been praying that they will understand when the time comes. And that they will be happy. And that their philosophy may change. The general chinese philosophy, to save for a rainy day may be changed to it is more blessed to give than to receive. And that, yes, God will, and must provide, watever route that I choose.
Bangkok!
I'm back from Bangkok! It was a quite a good trip, tho a little too short, and bangkok is not really the place for rest. Lotsa cheap shopping and eating, but not much of space as there are cars and people everywhere. Bought quite a lot of stuff like clothes, bags, shoes, notebooks...some for others too! We went to Chatuchak Mkt, the weekend mkt on sunday and that was where the shopping spree began! Most of the clothes were under 10 bucks, and was telling HY that we can come BKK once a year to stock up our goods, and that would be enuff for the whole year. Tho when we went back to the hotel that evening, I felt a little bad, and realised some stuffs were bought at the spur of the moment, and could have used that money more wisely. Indeed, having more goods does not make a man satisfied.
Our hotel is located and quite a quiet spot, in a lane, requiring a 1 min drive on the Tutu to drive us out into the main road. The room was spatan, simple, quaint and nothing much. But it was cheap, 71 bucks for 3 nights per person.
We had lotsa cheap and good Thai food. Think that presetation wise, its not very good, but the taste is really good. Had tom yum soup and all that. :)
Thais are very creative people, there were night mkts, and lotsa road side stalls. And on the last night we went to the Suan Lum Night mkt...wow, lotsa varieties of clothes- look like those from Flowers in the Attic at Orchard Cineplex. There were also different designs of lights, furniture, accessories etc. Think most of our stuffs in Singapore are imported from there actually! Was looking out for some bizness ideas, to import some stuffs over to sell. ;) Hope to set up my own small bizness to support the social stuffs.
Also met up with Sinee from Ashoka. yeah...she's always so motherly and nice.
Behind the alleys tho...the "hidden smiles" of siam. Lotsa caucasian men with thai ladies. I can see why they like Thai ladies-cos they have something gentle about them, and they are nice, and somewhat shy. Was asking HY, does she think that any of the caucasian men really love their thai ladies? Well..actually I looked at a book at the airport which said some of them really did end up marrying them. Saw some couples checking into my hotel- which was quite disturbing really.
Who was I to condemn the Thai ladies anyway? I think I am so blessed to be born in Singapore, have my education, and all that.
I appreciate Singapore so much for its clean streets, regulations etc., and the city plan we have, the roads...traffic etc. Yet in a way it kind of snuffed down creativity amongst the people.
Went into this place called Beer Garden for lunch on the last day, and saw like 20-30 Thai women in heavy makeup sitting there, and a few caucasian men. DOn't think HY and I were the right kind of customers there. But was glad in a way to have my meal there, and to observe my surroundings. It was like how this Pastor said- He chose to stay in the slums cos he wanted to be where the urgency was. And truly...yup..being there, among the people, remembering how Jesus ate with the tax collectors and prostitutes. I am no better than them with my own sinful nature- yet redeemed by Christ. Wondering how come I am so blessed to be on shopping spree while there were beggars on the streets and on the overhead bridge with their little kids. What can I do for them except for now to donate some money and give tips to them...and to buy stuffs from them to help them generate income.
Every night we watched BBC, and was thankful for the news. DOn't think local ST news is an adequate representation of world wide events, as compared to BBC. And they had interviews of ple in the middle east. Saw the Israelite Prime Minister speaking for the first time, with so much conviction and certainty. Saw a lady from Hezbolah being interviewed, and she was one gutsy lady who fought for the rights of the ple. I don't think we will ever understand how the people there feel. And they also showed this ship transporting 180 British citizens out of Beirut into Cyprus. Yup...we are all people, yet cos of their nationality as UK citizens, yup..they could get better treatment than those lebonese in Beirut.
Was reading Ecclesiastics....thru out the trip, and then Solomon- I believe rich, yet he said all was vanity...the poor, injustice...and how the rich made so much money but all was vainity. Yet he somehow put things into perspective, that apart from God, everything we did was meaningless. It never lasted. And then it was to be happy- in God, do everything...our work and all that, in God. And that gave meaning to it.
Shall continue on this again...
Our hotel is located and quite a quiet spot, in a lane, requiring a 1 min drive on the Tutu to drive us out into the main road. The room was spatan, simple, quaint and nothing much. But it was cheap, 71 bucks for 3 nights per person.
We had lotsa cheap and good Thai food. Think that presetation wise, its not very good, but the taste is really good. Had tom yum soup and all that. :)
Thais are very creative people, there were night mkts, and lotsa road side stalls. And on the last night we went to the Suan Lum Night mkt...wow, lotsa varieties of clothes- look like those from Flowers in the Attic at Orchard Cineplex. There were also different designs of lights, furniture, accessories etc. Think most of our stuffs in Singapore are imported from there actually! Was looking out for some bizness ideas, to import some stuffs over to sell. ;) Hope to set up my own small bizness to support the social stuffs.
Also met up with Sinee from Ashoka. yeah...she's always so motherly and nice.
Behind the alleys tho...the "hidden smiles" of siam. Lotsa caucasian men with thai ladies. I can see why they like Thai ladies-cos they have something gentle about them, and they are nice, and somewhat shy. Was asking HY, does she think that any of the caucasian men really love their thai ladies? Well..actually I looked at a book at the airport which said some of them really did end up marrying them. Saw some couples checking into my hotel- which was quite disturbing really.
Who was I to condemn the Thai ladies anyway? I think I am so blessed to be born in Singapore, have my education, and all that.
I appreciate Singapore so much for its clean streets, regulations etc., and the city plan we have, the roads...traffic etc. Yet in a way it kind of snuffed down creativity amongst the people.
Went into this place called Beer Garden for lunch on the last day, and saw like 20-30 Thai women in heavy makeup sitting there, and a few caucasian men. DOn't think HY and I were the right kind of customers there. But was glad in a way to have my meal there, and to observe my surroundings. It was like how this Pastor said- He chose to stay in the slums cos he wanted to be where the urgency was. And truly...yup..being there, among the people, remembering how Jesus ate with the tax collectors and prostitutes. I am no better than them with my own sinful nature- yet redeemed by Christ. Wondering how come I am so blessed to be on shopping spree while there were beggars on the streets and on the overhead bridge with their little kids. What can I do for them except for now to donate some money and give tips to them...and to buy stuffs from them to help them generate income.
Every night we watched BBC, and was thankful for the news. DOn't think local ST news is an adequate representation of world wide events, as compared to BBC. And they had interviews of ple in the middle east. Saw the Israelite Prime Minister speaking for the first time, with so much conviction and certainty. Saw a lady from Hezbolah being interviewed, and she was one gutsy lady who fought for the rights of the ple. I don't think we will ever understand how the people there feel. And they also showed this ship transporting 180 British citizens out of Beirut into Cyprus. Yup...we are all people, yet cos of their nationality as UK citizens, yup..they could get better treatment than those lebonese in Beirut.
Was reading Ecclesiastics....thru out the trip, and then Solomon- I believe rich, yet he said all was vanity...the poor, injustice...and how the rich made so much money but all was vainity. Yet he somehow put things into perspective, that apart from God, everything we did was meaningless. It never lasted. And then it was to be happy- in God, do everything...our work and all that, in God. And that gave meaning to it.
Shall continue on this again...
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Having Confidence
Had another good counseling class on wednesday, and we did a quiz for ourselves. Realise that my self esteem score wasn't very high. My anxiety and perfectionism were high! And then honestly, I realise, to capture everything in essence, that I am truly not a very confident person. I am not confident of my choices, esp when it comes to being different from others. My self esteem is not high, I seek after a lot of affirmation from people. And I am intimidated when I talk to people who are very confident.
So yes, I have many big dreams/ ideals that I want to acheive, but many of them are held back by simply my lack of confidence and sense of intimidation by situations and people. But I need to work on this area of my life. Really need to be moulded. I believe that He is shaping me for the future things that I will serve Him in. Confidence!!
He also talked abt this woman who lost her husband, and from the conversation, we realised she was more in love with the idea of love than with her husband. And I asked the lecturer how to differentiate the two, cos it seems like if u love someone, the concept of love is part of u loving that someone...
Well..loving someone, for himself/herself is that u put the person above yrself. When the man was dying, she shouted, "John, Don't do this to me!!" And so I started asking myself, had I been in love with the idea? And I know I pass the test of love, cos deep within, it matters more to me that the one I loved was happy, above my own well being.
Will be in Bangkok from Sunday to Wed!! heh. Yeah. Good rest and reflection time... Yups...away from work. Been really bz this week..and super tired physically. Wanna get away from it all!!! aaahhaaa...
So yes, I have many big dreams/ ideals that I want to acheive, but many of them are held back by simply my lack of confidence and sense of intimidation by situations and people. But I need to work on this area of my life. Really need to be moulded. I believe that He is shaping me for the future things that I will serve Him in. Confidence!!
He also talked abt this woman who lost her husband, and from the conversation, we realised she was more in love with the idea of love than with her husband. And I asked the lecturer how to differentiate the two, cos it seems like if u love someone, the concept of love is part of u loving that someone...
Well..loving someone, for himself/herself is that u put the person above yrself. When the man was dying, she shouted, "John, Don't do this to me!!" And so I started asking myself, had I been in love with the idea? And I know I pass the test of love, cos deep within, it matters more to me that the one I loved was happy, above my own well being.
Will be in Bangkok from Sunday to Wed!! heh. Yeah. Good rest and reflection time... Yups...away from work. Been really bz this week..and super tired physically. Wanna get away from it all!!! aaahhaaa...
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
High class?
Had company 25th Anniversary dinner today! And all the "M"s (aka Ministers) came and chairman of board, MM Lee also came. So it was all high class and everything with our cocktail dresses and men in their suits and ties @ Ritz Carlton. We had our tom yam cream soup, crabs, and cod fish etc. I enjoyed sitting with my table...and laughing with my colleagues. Other then that I was a bit shocked that the scene before me was a scene that I had always aspired towards when young. One of those scenes where all the big shots will be in a hotel ballroom, and I in my lovely dress, mingling with the crowd. Of cos tonight I did not mingle with any crowd, cos I don't know many people except some colleagues. What I felt within was not a happiness at coming closer to my "dream", cos it seems like this was no longer my dream, to be some big shot and high classed person, with my suit and strutting around in high heels. Though in my heart, I was thankful and privileged, to be able to enjoy the food laid before me, and I know that I was just so very very blessed to come from my background and being able to live in Singapore and getting this job at GIC.
Perhaps, somewhere along the line, the attractiveness of this dream had diminished. And instead, what I long for, is simplicity. And indeed, where I can be where the hurting are and be healing them.
I know this sounds a bit flaky. Y can't I just enjoy my high class meal for its own sake. Why must I be analysing all that? I really don't know. MrForest says its like Matrix, where u step into a world and see things that others don't see.
So how...the dream that I aspired towards has ceased to be my dream. I guess...let this be a season of waiting, where God will birth within me a new dream. :)
Perhaps, somewhere along the line, the attractiveness of this dream had diminished. And instead, what I long for, is simplicity. And indeed, where I can be where the hurting are and be healing them.
I know this sounds a bit flaky. Y can't I just enjoy my high class meal for its own sake. Why must I be analysing all that? I really don't know. MrForest says its like Matrix, where u step into a world and see things that others don't see.
So how...the dream that I aspired towards has ceased to be my dream. I guess...let this be a season of waiting, where God will birth within me a new dream. :)
A time for everything
Pastor Don shared a simple msg on sunday, but was good. What struck me really was his sharing about how there are different seasons in our lives-but each season serves its purpose (Eccl). So once that purpose is accomplished, then we can move on to the next season. So he says we must always ask God why the season? What is the reason for the season?
What is my season now- I think it is a time of waiting and healing. What is the purpose for this season? Well, I've always been a person who liked action, control and being able to do something (for the Lord). And there are seasons when God had brought me thru trials and tribulations, yet in a sense, those seasons didn't fulfil its purpose as I still looked onto some man-induced solutions to overcome my trials. And the reason for the season-is truly to learn to TRUST in Him, even if it means waiting, and not seeing His hand. And also, to find my true source in Him. To learn how to truly love people as I receive emotional healing.
Well, I am just so reminded that it is the conviction of the word, that the Holy Spirit speaks to us, and after the simple message, we sang this old song..the lyrics went something like this..."Who are You, Lord? The Lord strong and mighty", something like that, and I broke down into tears again. I think it was the Holy Spirit reminding me that the Lord is strong and mighty. Who is He? Having been a christian for such a long long time....I should know Him right? Well, maybe those of us who think we do, don't really. And as I was crying, I just felt so small suddenly, and I was so desperate and I knew that I had come to the end of myself. And the Holy Spirit impressed upon me something- He said, good, now that u have come to the end of yourself, I can finally take over. Something like that.
As a confirmation of that word, today at Covenant prayer meeting, the pastor also shared about how when we become so desperate and seek God, that is when God hears our prayers.
Who are U, Lord? Strong and mighty. Yes u are.
Was really stressed at work today, lotsa stuff to clear, cos its month end reporting, plus the new investments are up. Yup. No doors are open in a sense, for a change. And if change, then change to where?
I sincerely think that more than making a quick decision to go somewhere and do something somewhere, the season right now is to wait, seek Him, and seek my healing.
What is my season now- I think it is a time of waiting and healing. What is the purpose for this season? Well, I've always been a person who liked action, control and being able to do something (for the Lord). And there are seasons when God had brought me thru trials and tribulations, yet in a sense, those seasons didn't fulfil its purpose as I still looked onto some man-induced solutions to overcome my trials. And the reason for the season-is truly to learn to TRUST in Him, even if it means waiting, and not seeing His hand. And also, to find my true source in Him. To learn how to truly love people as I receive emotional healing.
Well, I am just so reminded that it is the conviction of the word, that the Holy Spirit speaks to us, and after the simple message, we sang this old song..the lyrics went something like this..."Who are You, Lord? The Lord strong and mighty", something like that, and I broke down into tears again. I think it was the Holy Spirit reminding me that the Lord is strong and mighty. Who is He? Having been a christian for such a long long time....I should know Him right? Well, maybe those of us who think we do, don't really. And as I was crying, I just felt so small suddenly, and I was so desperate and I knew that I had come to the end of myself. And the Holy Spirit impressed upon me something- He said, good, now that u have come to the end of yourself, I can finally take over. Something like that.
As a confirmation of that word, today at Covenant prayer meeting, the pastor also shared about how when we become so desperate and seek God, that is when God hears our prayers.
Who are U, Lord? Strong and mighty. Yes u are.
Was really stressed at work today, lotsa stuff to clear, cos its month end reporting, plus the new investments are up. Yup. No doors are open in a sense, for a change. And if change, then change to where?
I sincerely think that more than making a quick decision to go somewhere and do something somewhere, the season right now is to wait, seek Him, and seek my healing.
Friday, July 07, 2006
I've loved u all along...You are the apple of My eyes
Had cell group yesterday at Fang's house again. And I was all prepared to tell her my decision, but I also prayed through out the day and asked for God to direct me. The message was on disappointment, and it was quite a simple msg that had in a way been preached before. But when it came to worship I really wept as I just felt God's love and I told Him that I was so super tired of everything and I don't think I deserve to be in these circumstances. There was ministry and Huifang prayed for me. And she said she felt God showing her that more than anyone/anything, the person I was most disappointed with was myself. I haven't shared much with fang about anything before, my past, my perfectionism, my high expectations, my dad's expectations of me etc. So I do believe it was a word from God to encourage me, and the word struck me inside so much and there was so much pain within me that I couldn't stop crying. She said I felt like a failure, and I was feeling hopeless because I don't think that I will ever be able to do anything great for God. And then she prayed for me to stop being angry with myself, and to just be able to come to God not having to meet any expectations, and for Him to restore to me to joy of my salvation. And she said, God wanted to tell me that He has loved me all along, and that I am the apple of His eyes. :) Vene told me the same thing about 3 years back when she prayed for me, that I was the apple of God's eyes.
It has been a great struggle for me all these years because I have all along been a person who expected much of myself. I don't like to think that I've failed in anything and I like to excel in everything that I do. Hence I drive myself and discipline myself to acheive my goals. I know that sometimes it is not even my fault the way people react to me. I know most of the time, when ple are nasty to u, it is because of the issues they struggle with themselves. Yet because of my sensitivity, I do take the harsh words that people say to me to heart, and sometimes internalise them. Furthermore I always want to be able to meet the needs of the person who is sad and when I don't, this burden for that person remains in me. Why can't I be more eloquent, more loving, more etc etc. to meet that person's needs?
It will take some time for me to be healed, but I believe that God is good, and He will heal me through this time, and that most of all, He loves me and is pleased with me. Though sometimes in my worst days, I feel so hard to believe that I am worthy of His love, yet I must know and call upon Him, and remind myself of His word. He must love me so much- to send Huifang to pray for me, and speak to me thru her.
Dear God- Thank You for loving me. I believe that U must have a plan for me. And may I rest in You, and be able to love myself as well, and see myself through Your eyes.
----
Having SE Forum 2007 meeting tmr. Heh. Deja Vu all over again! Going to meet the new committee- freshies and all tmr. Sigh I really wish I were still in uni where I can have my own life back. Seems like things have moved on and we have managed to get sponsorship for next year. Andrew is planning to have a web portal to link up the SEs, and then they are also doing research now on SEs in the region.
Maybe these days I am not so keen on SE per se, but I am interested in meeting needs of people, and SE is just one of the means to acheive it. There's so much poor and suffering in the world. Sometimes though, I am reminded of the story of the starfish, whereby the boy throws in one starfish at a time and made a difference in each one he threw in. So if today I help someone out of his depression, at least I made a difference in one person's life. Sometimes the needs all over the world can be so overwhelming that we are just so paralysed, and we don't know how to move from here. But truly it is one starfish at a time. Yups..things are also moving on..hopefully, with the overseas trip, wrote a proposal to the recclub president today. And sunday going to meet up with Pastor Don. I'm really quite happy he smsed me this week and reminded me to go visit The New Church on sunday where he will be preaching the first time there, and "perhaps we can seek the Lord to see how we can serve Him better." :)
I'm thankful..ya I wish I have a mentor whom I can share everything with. Recently been reading so much of christian stuffs from other christian denominations. There is just so much of christianity that we need to know. SO much history, tradition and all that. And how shd I reconcile all that back to my faith, and where I am now? Hmm. And where shd I serve Him?
It has been a great struggle for me all these years because I have all along been a person who expected much of myself. I don't like to think that I've failed in anything and I like to excel in everything that I do. Hence I drive myself and discipline myself to acheive my goals. I know that sometimes it is not even my fault the way people react to me. I know most of the time, when ple are nasty to u, it is because of the issues they struggle with themselves. Yet because of my sensitivity, I do take the harsh words that people say to me to heart, and sometimes internalise them. Furthermore I always want to be able to meet the needs of the person who is sad and when I don't, this burden for that person remains in me. Why can't I be more eloquent, more loving, more etc etc. to meet that person's needs?
It will take some time for me to be healed, but I believe that God is good, and He will heal me through this time, and that most of all, He loves me and is pleased with me. Though sometimes in my worst days, I feel so hard to believe that I am worthy of His love, yet I must know and call upon Him, and remind myself of His word. He must love me so much- to send Huifang to pray for me, and speak to me thru her.
Dear God- Thank You for loving me. I believe that U must have a plan for me. And may I rest in You, and be able to love myself as well, and see myself through Your eyes.
----
Having SE Forum 2007 meeting tmr. Heh. Deja Vu all over again! Going to meet the new committee- freshies and all tmr. Sigh I really wish I were still in uni where I can have my own life back. Seems like things have moved on and we have managed to get sponsorship for next year. Andrew is planning to have a web portal to link up the SEs, and then they are also doing research now on SEs in the region.
Maybe these days I am not so keen on SE per se, but I am interested in meeting needs of people, and SE is just one of the means to acheive it. There's so much poor and suffering in the world. Sometimes though, I am reminded of the story of the starfish, whereby the boy throws in one starfish at a time and made a difference in each one he threw in. So if today I help someone out of his depression, at least I made a difference in one person's life. Sometimes the needs all over the world can be so overwhelming that we are just so paralysed, and we don't know how to move from here. But truly it is one starfish at a time. Yups..things are also moving on..hopefully, with the overseas trip, wrote a proposal to the recclub president today. And sunday going to meet up with Pastor Don. I'm really quite happy he smsed me this week and reminded me to go visit The New Church on sunday where he will be preaching the first time there, and "perhaps we can seek the Lord to see how we can serve Him better." :)
I'm thankful..ya I wish I have a mentor whom I can share everything with. Recently been reading so much of christian stuffs from other christian denominations. There is just so much of christianity that we need to know. SO much history, tradition and all that. And how shd I reconcile all that back to my faith, and where I am now? Hmm. And where shd I serve Him?
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Called along side to fortify
Sitting at my desk now during lunch time...heh. Doing some praying and quiet time. I feel so tired today! :S Physically tired...and lack sleep. Didn't really feel like joining the bunch of 7-8 colleagues for lunch, just felt like being by myself.
Anyway, yesterday I went for my first class for Introduction to counseling psychology. It was really good, and I realise where my problem lies. Dr. Toke says that usually when ple are depressed, out of good intention, we try and carry their crosses for them. I tink I carry a lot of ple's crosses on myself. Its really tiring. Dr. Toke further explained that comfort = para klet (Greek). Para= along side; klet=fort=strengthen. Hence to be a counselor, one is supposed to go alongside and strengthen a person. I shd not be the one providing answers and solutions, which will weaken the counselee instead.
Now, doesn't that remind us of the Holy Spirit our parakletos? Our comforter. God gives us the Holy Spirit to empower us, not so that He can take over our responsibilities. Bible calls every christian to take up his cross and follow Jesus. Yup, hence being a christian doesn't eliminate the challenges and problems that we may face in life, but being a christian empowers us to live out our lives IN SPITE of the challenges that we may face in life.
Hmm..anyway guess who I met at the class yesterday? Finally after visiting his website for the past 2 years or so I saw Galvin in real person. He writes very ernest christian songs, and his sharings encourage me, cos in spite of his family problems, I see God working within him and his faith in God. Anyway Galvin is Willie's cg mate. And who is Willie? Willie is my fren in Covenant, so the cg I visited happens to be Galvin's cg as well. Ha..yup...and then Mark -Galvin's fren, happens to work in NYC. Which is really good..cos he says he can point to me the contacts for applying for YEP grant in NYC.
So God...may u strengthen me, give me peace to make right decisions, and may You bring peace/joy/hope to the people whom I love so dearly. They are Yours. Amen!
Anyway, yesterday I went for my first class for Introduction to counseling psychology. It was really good, and I realise where my problem lies. Dr. Toke says that usually when ple are depressed, out of good intention, we try and carry their crosses for them. I tink I carry a lot of ple's crosses on myself. Its really tiring. Dr. Toke further explained that comfort = para klet (Greek). Para= along side; klet=fort=strengthen. Hence to be a counselor, one is supposed to go alongside and strengthen a person. I shd not be the one providing answers and solutions, which will weaken the counselee instead.
Now, doesn't that remind us of the Holy Spirit our parakletos? Our comforter. God gives us the Holy Spirit to empower us, not so that He can take over our responsibilities. Bible calls every christian to take up his cross and follow Jesus. Yup, hence being a christian doesn't eliminate the challenges and problems that we may face in life, but being a christian empowers us to live out our lives IN SPITE of the challenges that we may face in life.
Hmm..anyway guess who I met at the class yesterday? Finally after visiting his website for the past 2 years or so I saw Galvin in real person. He writes very ernest christian songs, and his sharings encourage me, cos in spite of his family problems, I see God working within him and his faith in God. Anyway Galvin is Willie's cg mate. And who is Willie? Willie is my fren in Covenant, so the cg I visited happens to be Galvin's cg as well. Ha..yup...and then Mark -Galvin's fren, happens to work in NYC. Which is really good..cos he says he can point to me the contacts for applying for YEP grant in NYC.
So God...may u strengthen me, give me peace to make right decisions, and may You bring peace/joy/hope to the people whom I love so dearly. They are Yours. Amen!
Monday, July 03, 2006
Overseas community trip!
Yeah! Today we had our first recreation club meeting and I asked the committee whether we could subsidize/support for some overseas voluntary trips. And the replies were pretty positive. The chair is going to ask the GMD on friday! :) Yup! Then we are also pushing for a Green Day to create awareness of environmental issues-how the styrofoam cups and huge stacks of wasteful papers are killing the earth. So we will prob also organize talks and post articles on that. Yups yups. Hopefully lots and lots of articles on poverty as well. Do u know if you see inequality and injustice and u keep quiet about it, you are also aiding the murder passively? Hence we must all be advocates of social justice! Please do make a difference in your community in terms of yr lifestyle (let your choices speak), and educate others to make wise choices as well!
I found this quote pretty interesting, tho it might be a little extreme:
"Preach the gospel all the time; if necessary use words." -Francis of Assisi
How would they know if we don't share right? So not to go to the extreme of not preaching at all. But I think our actions are very very impt. As christians...I think that matters a great deal. And let you light so shine, that when they see yr good works, they shall glorify Your Father in heaven. And I totally feel helpless at times with my lack of eloquence and confidence to persuade. But I think people can see it through yr actions, and it is a passion that comes out from within. That speaks a lot. Moses was not eloquent, but God still used him mightily.
So once again...may I advocate...a simple lifestyle, and a lifestyle of GIVING and love. Often ple say that they don't have that kind of burden for the poor, hurting etc. But smtimes it is not abt the burden, but it is obedience. It is an act of obedience to God to care and love the ple around us.
I found this quote pretty interesting, tho it might be a little extreme:
"Preach the gospel all the time; if necessary use words." -Francis of Assisi
How would they know if we don't share right? So not to go to the extreme of not preaching at all. But I think our actions are very very impt. As christians...I think that matters a great deal. And let you light so shine, that when they see yr good works, they shall glorify Your Father in heaven. And I totally feel helpless at times with my lack of eloquence and confidence to persuade. But I think people can see it through yr actions, and it is a passion that comes out from within. That speaks a lot. Moses was not eloquent, but God still used him mightily.
So once again...may I advocate...a simple lifestyle, and a lifestyle of GIVING and love. Often ple say that they don't have that kind of burden for the poor, hurting etc. But smtimes it is not abt the burden, but it is obedience. It is an act of obedience to God to care and love the ple around us.
Sleepless night..
Couldn't sleep last night. Was it the hot weather, or was it the mind that kept itself active thru-out the night? Managed to fall into slumber at 6am... Now having a bad headache.. Sigh
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Burps
Just came back from buffet. Gave my family a treat at Sakura from the fat bonus I got, and I am so extremely full right now. We played the number game on the table and laughed quite a bit. I was quite surprised too...at the relaxed atmosphere, and truly thank God for that. :) It was at the dinner table that I said I might be quiting my job soon, and I received some objections, but pretty mild ones. I really think I shd be conserving my bonus to tide me thru the time when I may be jobless or volunteering for free/minimal wage at The New Charis (halfway house set up by a pastor I really respect). Thinking of that life makes me feel really happy, and my heart leaps up in gladness. Talk is cheap, its action that's truly difficult. I don't know when I will actually take action. Hope to be a responsible worker at my current company too and make sure that my dearest jie meis don't have to work OT to cover me after I leave. hur hur... Pls pray for me!
I take far too long to make decisions. Arghs. Maybe I shdn't think so much and just go with my heart.
I take far too long to make decisions. Arghs. Maybe I shdn't think so much and just go with my heart.
Renew my vision
Today's service was really good, and I'm glad I went. Pastor Tan shared on Pressing On. He talked about how God came to give us a vision and a future. But then once we feel that our vision from God is threatened, we will tend to go back to what we are familiar with and choose the easy way out. Just like when Jesus foretold of his cruxification, Peter was so anxious to deny it, Peter had given up everything to follow Christ. and with Jesus cruxified, the vision to be a fisher of men was threatened (Matt 16:21-23). So what was he to do if Jesus died?
When Moses took some time to come down from the Mountain, the Israelites' vision of going into the promised land was threatened, (Exo 32:1) they went to idoltry and asked Aaron to make them a gold serpent instead...later they thought it would have been better if they stayed in Egypt.
When our vision seems like it is about to be taken away, sometimes we become critical and cynical!
I was so super blessed by the word. And really a word in season that encouraged me. Looking back for the past few years, I have given up my youth to serve Him...in watever areas, tuition, usher, cgl etc. And because of this have faced parental objection and quarrels, frens laughing at me. I've given up on r/s that were not suitable cos the person is non christian or not a mature christian. And recently my vision has been so threatened! Or shd I say, I think I've lost my vision, and life really has lost much of its meaning.
I know that I am not great, perfect. I know I can sacrifice more. I know there are things that I hold on to that at this point I can't let go. But yet, I know also that God is patient with me, and that I am in a position whereby I am accepted by Him. And all the past sacrifices are worth it. Without a vision, ple will perish. Yup. How can we live on without a purpose in life, or a meaning? So I'm really glad that He has so encouraged me again and reminded me that I have a vision in Him. And indeed He has called me to make a difference in the lives of many many many ple.
When Moses took some time to come down from the Mountain, the Israelites' vision of going into the promised land was threatened, (Exo 32:1) they went to idoltry and asked Aaron to make them a gold serpent instead...later they thought it would have been better if they stayed in Egypt.
When our vision seems like it is about to be taken away, sometimes we become critical and cynical!
I was so super blessed by the word. And really a word in season that encouraged me. Looking back for the past few years, I have given up my youth to serve Him...in watever areas, tuition, usher, cgl etc. And because of this have faced parental objection and quarrels, frens laughing at me. I've given up on r/s that were not suitable cos the person is non christian or not a mature christian. And recently my vision has been so threatened! Or shd I say, I think I've lost my vision, and life really has lost much of its meaning.
I know that I am not great, perfect. I know I can sacrifice more. I know there are things that I hold on to that at this point I can't let go. But yet, I know also that God is patient with me, and that I am in a position whereby I am accepted by Him. And all the past sacrifices are worth it. Without a vision, ple will perish. Yup. How can we live on without a purpose in life, or a meaning? So I'm really glad that He has so encouraged me again and reminded me that I have a vision in Him. And indeed He has called me to make a difference in the lives of many many many ple.
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