Having Confidence

Had another good counseling class on wednesday, and we did a quiz for ourselves. Realise that my self esteem score wasn't very high. My anxiety and perfectionism were high! And then honestly, I realise, to capture everything in essence, that I am truly not a very confident person. I am not confident of my choices, esp when it comes to being different from others. My self esteem is not high, I seek after a lot of affirmation from people. And I am intimidated when I talk to people who are very confident.
So yes, I have many big dreams/ ideals that I want to acheive, but many of them are held back by simply my lack of confidence and sense of intimidation by situations and people. But I need to work on this area of my life. Really need to be moulded. I believe that He is shaping me for the future things that I will serve Him in. Confidence!!
He also talked abt this woman who lost her husband, and from the conversation, we realised she was more in love with the idea of love than with her husband. And I asked the lecturer how to differentiate the two, cos it seems like if u love someone, the concept of love is part of u loving that someone...
Well..loving someone, for himself/herself is that u put the person above yrself. When the man was dying, she shouted, "John, Don't do this to me!!" And so I started asking myself, had I been in love with the idea? And I know I pass the test of love, cos deep within, it matters more to me that the one I loved was happy, above my own well being.

Will be in Bangkok from Sunday to Wed!! heh. Yeah. Good rest and reflection time... Yups...away from work. Been really bz this week..and super tired physically. Wanna get away from it all!!! aaahhaaa...