World through Your eyes

World through Your eyes, by Reuben Morgan

Hear the silence shout,
highest praise
God to You alone
All creation waits
On Your every word
Where time and heaven meet

Let me see forever
With eyes You've opened
Standing in the beautiful light
Hold me near
Hold me near to You
And let me see the world through Your eyes

In this perfect hour
I am changed
I'll never be the same
Help me follow You
And keep in time with the sound
Of heaven in me

Let me see forever
With eyes You've opened
Standing in Your beautiful light
Hold me near
Hold me near to You
And let me see the world through Your eyes

Hide me in Your love again
Let me hear the songs of Your heart

Over the span of a 9 day break

My 9 day hiatus is almost over, as I will be resuming work on Monday. So what have I been busy with? Contrary to popular belief, I have not been eating and sleeping for the past 7days. The first 3 days were filled with visitations and reunion dinners ofcos. But on Tuesday, I managed to catch a show with a fren whom I found out likes a similar genre of movies as me. I caught Little Children, though I must say it was a depressing film which left me feeling very disturbed. Thought provoking though- about how lonely most of us are, and the repressed desires that we have beneath, suffocated at times by the reality of life and its demands.

Glad too that I managed to meet up with some of the N272 people, had lunch with EY, went to Chin's house for his party, and also met Alan and Eugene there. Brought back many lovely memories, all still too vivid in my mind. ;) Wasn't it like just yesterday we had our evangelistic cell group gathering at Chin's condo function room?

Also had time to read. Reading two books now, Tim Chester's Good News to the Poor and Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline. Reading at Starbucks with my camomile tea was a luxurious rest for me. Many thought provoking ideas raised from Tim Chester's book, very thankful indeed. Also did another thing I enjoyed, praying by the beach, a long stroll down the sandy path, sitting down on a rock and staring into the sea. :) My solitude time.

Hung around with Qifen and her German bf for half a day yesterday. (Gal: I am so happy for u that u found yrself a kind & nice bf. :)) Then went for a steamboat with my colleagues @ marina bay, and thereafter 2 bowling games with them. Ha.. The outcome proves that bowling is not my game. Hope to become better next time!

Well, all was not happy. Had a clash with my dad cos I wanted to go Africa with World Vision for a one week trip. I am still praying about it, different considerations on the weighing scale. How much do I really want to make this trip? Is it worth it if it will strain my r/s with parents? Can I spend the 3K for the trip better by making a donation instead? I guess I just need to put these things in perspective. Ya, and to have a focus for the things I am doing. I guess the main motivation is to explore and widen my perspective, cos I think it might be tough to go Africa on another self organized trip- will be more dangerous and I won't get to see the income generation things that World Vision is doing there.

I've known long ago that my dad and I have different priorities in life. It just saddens me at time. And I feel so repressed at times as I struggle with my ideals, and the realities of life. Reality in the form of parental pragmatism always seems to tie down one side of my foot. Sometimes I feel breathless and suffocated. Sometimes I don't see a way out of this. Sometimes I wonder, when can I start living the life for myself and not for others? I think I should put on a sack cloth and fast and pray like Nehemiah. :D Reminded of one thing though, that I must become stronger emotionally, cos that's impt in the face of persecution which we are bound to meet in our lives as a christian.

This drowsy feeling...

Went for a swim with my sister today! It was more relaxing than I thought it would be. I don't really swim much, and am not good at swimming. It took me some time to get used to the water. After awhile, the feeling of being immersed in water was so comforting and therapeutic. The water seemed to have its calming effects on me, maybe it was the slow ebbing of the waves. :)

Felt really like sleeping after that. But had to await the arrival of my relatives. So whiled away my time watching JJ Lin's concert. I really like his songs!

Was really angry today because of a remark someone made, about him donating money only if social workers were not paid, and that social workers were people who couldn't find jobs elsewhere, hence getting involved in this line. Fumed away for a long long time, and complained to my mum, who put her arm around my shoulder and said that walking with God we will face all sorts of trials and tribulations. It made the most sense to me at that point in time.

Meeting many relatives this year, esp cousins who are finishing their studies, graduating, ORDed, entering university, entering pri 1 (gasp! what happened to that little baby in the cradle), made me much more aware that I am ageing with them. SOBS. Goodbye to year of the dog, no more 24, and hitting "mid" twenties. SOBS again.

I feel really tired. Maybe again, it is the therapeutic effects of the swim? I'm taking a one week hiatus. Took 3 days off from work...so no Wed blues! YIPPEE! I hope that I will get rejuvanated through this rest.

Church was good yesterday, and my friend lingered in the hall after service had ended. Learnt something from him, about lingering in God's presence, simply just waiting and enjoying. Wah. I need a quiet heart, and a restful heart. But during worship, God planted something in my heart, a deep sense of peace. That feeling of restedness. What it felt like when He was in control.

Life without limbs

Yesterday during psych class, the lecturer showed us a video of this guy without limbs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5D_9gklCiY&mode=related&search

U can also read more here

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

Don't we just take our hands and legs for granted? Felt like crying after watching this video. The colour quality is not that great though.

I've written about my Balai trip in my spiritual journal.


If u are interested, get the photos from me! :)

At the end when Pastor Don asked who wanted to give their lives to God, everyone responded. We prayed for them. While we were worshipping, I had this image of heaven- where every tongue and tribe would worship God.

From left to right: Jack, Uno, Me, HY, Bruce, and Don @ Habour Front

What a tiring & eye opening day. Experiences that keep my heart in touch with God.

Visits to developing places

I will be going to Balai, Indonesia for a one day trip on Monday! :) Quite a spontaneous, last minute arrangement to follow Pastor Don and his team there. He goes there every fortnight for the prisons ministry. I'm looking forward to it, being exposed to new ideas and surroundings, and being able to learn from Pastor Don! HY is coming with me. Again, thank God for such a good friend who enjoys exploring new things like me...who is spontaneous and adventurous enough to accompany me.
There's 2 acres of land there that Don hopes to expand into a fish farm or other social enterprises. Yups...One step closer to my dream...One step more, one step more...Yup, gotto keep my heart close to where it matters...living in the first world with my heart in the third world.

Received a World Vision email just now, inviting sponsors to go on a visit to Lesotho to visit their sponsored child! Sounds like a good opportunity to visit South Africa. :)

Been feeling much hopeful these days. I really enjoy my new job scope much more too, get to learn interesting new things in the financial sector and much more freedom to arrange my time and job scope. It is also a new start of serving at church. Tmr will be going to a church retreat, I've been asked to serve in some areas. The one that touches my heart most is the outreach and missions area. But also know that this year, even though there may be a 101 activities that I will plant myself in, I need this restfulness. This r/s with my Father who is the one who builds the house.

Lifesong
Artist: Casting Crowns

Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Chorus:
Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord, I give my life
A living sacrafice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You

The Aftermath

Felt I needed some resolution for the past.
I was praying last night and asking God, I've done the best that I could for the people He placed under my care, but why is it that the CG didn't grow?
And felt He was trying to tell me, My child, yes you have done the best that you could do, but where am I in this equation?

Oh yes, this element of faith. This element of trust. Oh, of letting go and letting God be God. It is simply to let Him be sovereign over people's lives.

What lies beneath...

Did some kind of personality test yesterday, and here are the results of whats impt to me (by ranking):
Enterprise
Money
Family
Love
Sex

Hmm...quite weird right! I think I value love a lot. ;) But come to think of it, if enterprise represents my goals- then maybe, yah...I am very goal oriented. I wonder if I sacrifice relationships along the way?

Money is impt to me..I want lots of money so that I can start my non-profit and go full time without pay.
So is love impt to me?
Haha...

Just like...I left my cosy division and the people I love to go into this new division cos I know I will prefer the new job scope..

Just like...I left my previous church in spite of the relationships I have with the people there cos I know I have to move on and grow in the Lord in other areas of my walk with him.

Heh...maybe just missing the past a little. Past relationships...people I love....actually they mean much more to me than I think (or than they think). Am I much more emotional than how cool and calm I appear on the outside?

Am I much more afraid about the future than how steady I appear to be?

Sigh.

Will you stay if I said please don't go?

Do u think we can make poverty history?

Woohoo..
Interesting topic over lunch after service with some of my cg members. ;) Really happy that there is all this discussion going on. And I have probably also been bombarding everyone's email about poverty, world vision & habitat events.

It feels weird, cos it is not very "me" to try and influence others or to be an advocate of something usually unspoken. It's quite a challenge for me.

But one thing Andrew said that I always remember...that people should start listening to others who are quiet. I can be quiet- like my personality, but I can be quiet and confident, and firm about my views. And often, people will still get the message beneath the quietness.

Went for the Habitat Operation Homeworks on Saturday. It was quite interesting...and happy cleaning the house for an old lady. Though she is probably actually not very poor. Actually realise I am quite blessed to be able to be released to go out and do community work, cos my mum does a lot of the housework at home.
The house we were actually allocated to, was that of an old man, with shoulder length white hair. His house was filled to the brim with stuffs, and it would have been a challenge to clean his house. Alas, he changed his mind and said No...no need, don't want you to clean my house. Sobs. So we went to another aunty's house instead.
Came home and boiled my clothes, there were little black insects that floated on the water. Washed like almost 20 rounds before there were no more insects aka bed bugs....grr...felt so sleepy and exhausted then, and thought of the sacrifice of Christ...and my sacrifice was like really no match to His love. ha..

Cosy little corner...

I really like my new desk location, cos it is near the window, and it is rather spacious. So I feel like it is my cosy little corner where I can work quietly. Yup, and I like my new job scope, it is much less operational and numerical, much more coordination work and qualitative stuffs. :) Still get to see my colleagues around the pantry area and for lunches.

Had sort of a farewell with my colleagues, and they gave me this card:

Was praying last night, and had this image of my cabinet, it was very cluttered and filled to the brim. And the Lord was telling me...this is like my life and the worries that I hold on to. I prayed and tried to let these burdens go.

Sometimes happiness is so elusive. It must be fought hard for. The mind must be renewed again and again. How long do I want to hold on to things and the past? And how long do I want to remain faithless?

I know He is speaking to me, convicting me, but gently too.

Dear God, pls give me the grace to let go.