I'm really feeling kinda happy cos I just had dinner with HY at a quaint nice restaurant that I've always wanted to try!! :) Its called Mana Mana. Its reasonable priced (mains avg costs about $12-16), its alfresco dining, next to the beach. Its near the Cable Ski area, very near where I used to stay at Laguna Park. Had nice cosy talk with HY as usual...thankful that she indulged in my whims and fancies to have dinner there. Its overlooking the sea, and that stretch of the sand where I always sit to pray looking at the seas in the evenings. It was lovely. :)
Yep I drank some beer hehe...cos it was so chill out kinda place..
And guess what, today was my LAST DAY OF WORK for 2009. hurhur..
I'm flying to Indo for missions from 26 Dec - 4 Jan, a whole 10 days trip. Doing children's programmes in village and orphanage. YAYYYYYYYY. Don't know a whole lot abt children. But the last few days we are going to be exposed to some relief work, and I'm really super excited about it!
Trying to reflect for 2009, haven't managed to do a lot. Its been a really tough year, and I have difficulty giving thanks actually! But I think mainly I'm just tired. Will sleep in tmr. And after much sleep, I would be able to think properly and remember all that happened hopefully! :P It has been a dramatic year tho, of people speaking into my lives, of someone saying he saw angels around me....of divine coincidences somehow. Yeah, of God's faithfulness in changing hearts, and yes! I've built resilience on the inside. And learnt to love difficult people (in the process seeing the difficult me).
Actually...thinkg abt it I'm by nature a very shy and timid gal. You must be thinking in yr heads - you shy??? Well, God has changed me a lot. On the inside many times I still struggle with intimidation and fear, but courage is going forward in spite of fear. He has changed me and given me the courage to pursue the path that is difficult. While we learnt balloon sculpturing on Mon, I was so scared that the balloons would burst on me. They did, a couple burst on me! :S Meiyin says this balloon sculpturing reflects yr personality a lot. It is true- I'm not gung ho by nature, but very cautious. Ehh..God has given me much courage, and put a dream in my heart....And the path towards that destiny is sometimes kinda road not travelled. :P Not pursuing radicalness for its own sake...but somehow finding that pursusing God leads to a radical path. ;p
Went for Dialogue in the Dark last week....
Going through Dialogue in the Dark which is like a 1 hr guided tour by a blind guide into a totally dark place. You feel like you are blind cos its total darkness. Feeling my way around made me appreciate my sense of touch much more. Smelling stuff, hearing birds chirping and all was nice. Sitting down in the "park" was nice. I was present for the moment. Having sight kind of distracts u I realise, since u get to look ard at yr surroundings, and sometimes form unwarrented judgement calls about people and things. Its like when you are blind, you hear people better instead of jumping into conclusion. And that touch is so reassuring, to know that someone is near you when you can't see. So there's things u can "see" when you are blind. I strongly recommend for you to visit it! It made me remember this line in King Lear by Gloucester “I stumbled when I saw”.
Okay Im gonna sleep now. Tmr is a rest day! Yay..and packing and planning... :)
GOOD NIGHT!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
God of small things
Today I went to the chinese service with a chinese student -J, whom someone introduced to me some time ago. I have been meeting her for lunch and service whenever she comes to church. I was intending to go for some christmas shopping, but decided to go for chinese svc with her instead. And it was nice to spend time with her, and we also met 2 other young chinese gals who just came to Singapore for 2 weeks. It was interesting seeing J dishing out advice to the gals about what hp card to buy, about taking MRT etc and whatnots... And gosh, there's so many of these chinese gals in Singapore who need such advice.
It reminded me abt what Pastor Matt shared with us last week, about how Jesus met the needs of people one by one. I used to think that I need to plan some major event, or start some social enterprise, but I never felt that God is the God of small things more than today..
It was that Starfish story that inspired me, abt saving the starfish one by one, throwing them back into the sea. Oh but I think I got bogged down by all the different issues. Its really kind of hard to be praying for people in general. But if u have specific people in yr head and heart to pray for, that really makes prayer meaningful. It was during that 30 min of chatting with the gals that made me feel so happie and alive....that nice feeling of just loving and caring for one person at a time!
It reminded me abt what Pastor Matt shared with us last week, about how Jesus met the needs of people one by one. I used to think that I need to plan some major event, or start some social enterprise, but I never felt that God is the God of small things more than today..
It was that Starfish story that inspired me, abt saving the starfish one by one, throwing them back into the sea. Oh but I think I got bogged down by all the different issues. Its really kind of hard to be praying for people in general. But if u have specific people in yr head and heart to pray for, that really makes prayer meaningful. It was during that 30 min of chatting with the gals that made me feel so happie and alive....that nice feeling of just loving and caring for one person at a time!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Broken alabaster jar
I've been feeling rather angsty about my future and calling in life recently, but today, its really a breakthrough after a long conversation with a volunteer. I talked about how stuck I felt, and she brought new perspectives to me. It was good. =)
I've lost myself cos I don't remember why/how I came to the decision to work here. Cos I'm so tired. But thinking about it for the past few days, I remembered again why I wanted to work in a NGO.
I wanted to explore missions. Long term missions overseas. I have a heart for the poor and the marginalized. I wanna do social enterprise to help the poor in a sustainable way. I want to bring healing to the broken hearted. But I don't have guts to be based overseas, cos I need to explore that calling by serving in a position based in Singapore first.
Heh now that I remember myself, I wonder if the past 1.5 years have helped me to acheive what I wanted to do?
One thing is a job based in Singapore doesn't let me go to the ground as often as I would like. And if I go, I deal with more macro level stuff like meeting partners.
I'm thinking how do I get from point A to point B. As of now...point B is pretty blurry, pretty unsure abt where I am heading.
But as long as I keep moving....and trusting...and actually resting in God. I think He will not just reveal point B, but each day is that process of moulding me on the inside. So that I would become stronger, more courageous, more loving, more thankful, more joyful....like a broken alabaster Jar, that comes forth from it fragrance.
------------------
Thinking...
What skills/expertise can I offer to people overseas? I need to build myself up now. I thought of doing more mentoring of youths, more nurturing for new believers, more leading of worship, more preaching and sharing.
But its kind of weird, to think that serving in SG is a means of moulding me for the future. And sometimes I wonder if wanting to go overseas is afterall an escape of reality here. That kind of adventurous and forsaking all kind of life. And actually there's oppty for me to be based in Cambodia office for example. And a one year time off away from SG sounds like a kinda nice thing to do. =)
But ya, I still have difficulty letting go of this sense of needing control over the outcomes of situation, and wanting to know wats ahead of me.
Actually....I am really looking forward to my new cell group. And hoping to also mentor some youths in my church! As in doing these things for its own sake, and not as a means to prepare me to go overseas.
Maybe..its counter intuitive that serving actively would bring abt rest. Maybe, rest is really...as what I learnt, not slowing down, but centering down on one's purpose/priorities/direction.
And as the year winds down, today as I walked home fr the MRT, my mind settled down to clarity. Thinking abt the whole journey and experience from leading a youth cg, to giving bible studies to diff ones, to mentoring Fel, to leading a peer DG, and now the administrative experience of sending teams. That wealth of experience, I believe....is a testimony of God's hand never letting go of me. I'm thankful. Very very thankful for this moment of peace.
I've lost myself cos I don't remember why/how I came to the decision to work here. Cos I'm so tired. But thinking about it for the past few days, I remembered again why I wanted to work in a NGO.
I wanted to explore missions. Long term missions overseas. I have a heart for the poor and the marginalized. I wanna do social enterprise to help the poor in a sustainable way. I want to bring healing to the broken hearted. But I don't have guts to be based overseas, cos I need to explore that calling by serving in a position based in Singapore first.
Heh now that I remember myself, I wonder if the past 1.5 years have helped me to acheive what I wanted to do?
One thing is a job based in Singapore doesn't let me go to the ground as often as I would like. And if I go, I deal with more macro level stuff like meeting partners.
I'm thinking how do I get from point A to point B. As of now...point B is pretty blurry, pretty unsure abt where I am heading.
But as long as I keep moving....and trusting...and actually resting in God. I think He will not just reveal point B, but each day is that process of moulding me on the inside. So that I would become stronger, more courageous, more loving, more thankful, more joyful....like a broken alabaster Jar, that comes forth from it fragrance.
------------------
Thinking...
What skills/expertise can I offer to people overseas? I need to build myself up now. I thought of doing more mentoring of youths, more nurturing for new believers, more leading of worship, more preaching and sharing.
But its kind of weird, to think that serving in SG is a means of moulding me for the future. And sometimes I wonder if wanting to go overseas is afterall an escape of reality here. That kind of adventurous and forsaking all kind of life. And actually there's oppty for me to be based in Cambodia office for example. And a one year time off away from SG sounds like a kinda nice thing to do. =)
But ya, I still have difficulty letting go of this sense of needing control over the outcomes of situation, and wanting to know wats ahead of me.
Actually....I am really looking forward to my new cell group. And hoping to also mentor some youths in my church! As in doing these things for its own sake, and not as a means to prepare me to go overseas.
Maybe..its counter intuitive that serving actively would bring abt rest. Maybe, rest is really...as what I learnt, not slowing down, but centering down on one's purpose/priorities/direction.
And as the year winds down, today as I walked home fr the MRT, my mind settled down to clarity. Thinking abt the whole journey and experience from leading a youth cg, to giving bible studies to diff ones, to mentoring Fel, to leading a peer DG, and now the administrative experience of sending teams. That wealth of experience, I believe....is a testimony of God's hand never letting go of me. I'm thankful. Very very thankful for this moment of peace.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Little Children
Its kinda interesting that I've taken an interest to children recently. hehe. The bible says let the little children come into God's kingdom. There's a simplicity about children that warms my heart. And ofcos the immense potential that each kiddo carries. =) I think that children's ministry would be a crucial component too, in missions work, bcos in teaching the children while they are young the right values, it builds up their character for the future. Did I not also first learn about Jesus and praying and God when I was in primary school from my domestic helper? She was such a big influence in my life, teaching me to pray on a daily basis.
Had a dream that day of little kiddos singing with adults in a concert few nights ago. Think its cos I listened to too many songs of kids singing.
This Dec 26- 2 Jan I would be at Indonesia Pekanbaru, going to an orphanage. I really dunno anything much about ministering to children. But I pray that the little kids may know that even though they are orphans on earth, they are dearly loved by the heavenly Father, accepted and adopted into His family.
My trip to Cambodia meanwhile is still unconfirmed! It is targetted to be from the 7-18 Dec. I don't like the uncertainty, but I have decided not to live my life based on that limbo mode. But each day as I can (well, at least from now to the 7th, and after the 18th), I shall make all my appts and carry on with life. Xmas started early this year for me, started buying presents already, in view of my traveling. I shall keep you posted on my travels and learn to live each day at a time, giving thanks for each day.
Had a dream that day of little kiddos singing with adults in a concert few nights ago. Think its cos I listened to too many songs of kids singing.
This Dec 26- 2 Jan I would be at Indonesia Pekanbaru, going to an orphanage. I really dunno anything much about ministering to children. But I pray that the little kids may know that even though they are orphans on earth, they are dearly loved by the heavenly Father, accepted and adopted into His family.
My trip to Cambodia meanwhile is still unconfirmed! It is targetted to be from the 7-18 Dec. I don't like the uncertainty, but I have decided not to live my life based on that limbo mode. But each day as I can (well, at least from now to the 7th, and after the 18th), I shall make all my appts and carry on with life. Xmas started early this year for me, started buying presents already, in view of my traveling. I shall keep you posted on my travels and learn to live each day at a time, giving thanks for each day.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
thanksgiving
Today is Thanksgiving Day in America. We don't celebrate it in SG, but anyhow, I went for a dinner tonight in which a few ple made short speeches of thanksgiving. It moved my heart to think about all the things to give thanks for.
Flashes of people, scenerios, provisions came to mind. So clear that HE led me thru each of these.
Spent a short while at the playground just now, just stopping. Just being present where I am. And reflected. Has He not always provided, is His hand shortened? And would He not provide?
I prayed for and said encouraging words to 2 people this month, people whom I had issues with, whom I had difficulty relating to. Thankful bcos the gesture enlarged my heart to love.
Thankfulness, truly the remedy to a complaining spirit.
This week at service, Pastor Ed Wong talked abt how to break thru in desert grd. One of the pts was how God called us to witness even in the midst of the difficulties we face. Somehow I think, life is not going to get any easier, but we can choose how to respond to our situations, and God grants us the grace to love others even when it is difficult.
If I could like...give thanks for the work He is doing, find joy & satisfaction in my work...that would be...the gift of God. (Ecclesiastics)
Funny thing happened to me tis week. I was contemplating attending a talk, and the speaker of the talk emailed me wrongly. She was replying to a grp of people and somehow i ended up in her cc. It was so strange! Kind of knew I was supposed to go for the talk. I went and at the end I said hi to her, and she said GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH, which made me want to cry. It was like this small little setup...seems like a coincidence, but whatever it is, God enabled it just to tell me a message that HE loves me.
Well it has been a tough year, insommia, relationship issue, work stress, disillusionment, bordering on depression and hopelessness. Somehow, sometimes, it is embracing the pain, and knowing that Jesus walks thru the pain with you. Really holding on to your hand, and telling u, I am so proud of you my precious girl. =) And its all worth the while for Him.
Flashes of people, scenerios, provisions came to mind. So clear that HE led me thru each of these.
Spent a short while at the playground just now, just stopping. Just being present where I am. And reflected. Has He not always provided, is His hand shortened? And would He not provide?
I prayed for and said encouraging words to 2 people this month, people whom I had issues with, whom I had difficulty relating to. Thankful bcos the gesture enlarged my heart to love.
Thankfulness, truly the remedy to a complaining spirit.
This week at service, Pastor Ed Wong talked abt how to break thru in desert grd. One of the pts was how God called us to witness even in the midst of the difficulties we face. Somehow I think, life is not going to get any easier, but we can choose how to respond to our situations, and God grants us the grace to love others even when it is difficult.
If I could like...give thanks for the work He is doing, find joy & satisfaction in my work...that would be...the gift of God. (Ecclesiastics)
Funny thing happened to me tis week. I was contemplating attending a talk, and the speaker of the talk emailed me wrongly. She was replying to a grp of people and somehow i ended up in her cc. It was so strange! Kind of knew I was supposed to go for the talk. I went and at the end I said hi to her, and she said GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH, which made me want to cry. It was like this small little setup...seems like a coincidence, but whatever it is, God enabled it just to tell me a message that HE loves me.
Well it has been a tough year, insommia, relationship issue, work stress, disillusionment, bordering on depression and hopelessness. Somehow, sometimes, it is embracing the pain, and knowing that Jesus walks thru the pain with you. Really holding on to your hand, and telling u, I am so proud of you my precious girl. =) And its all worth the while for Him.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Staying is harder than leaving?
I was supposed to go to Cambodia this week. Within the span of a few hours, the decision fluctuated between leaving on Friday, then Saturday, then Thursday - thur no flights. A longer wait and at night it was decided a no go!
I really wonder what God is trying to teach me at such times. I was kinda frustrated and uptight the whole of yesterday waiting for the decision to be made. I'm serving in the Banquet of Honour on Friday and Sunday so I really didn't know what/how to pray about going or not going. I felt a tremendous sense of relief when the decision was finally made, cos I won't be hanging in the middle. But I felt disappointed I won't be going to Cambodia. But it also means that its more likely I would be going to India. I really don't know what to make of it!
I figured that I would have felt equally disappointed if I was going, and I couldn't serve in the Banquet of Honour. I guess ultimately the lesson is that of faith and surrendering of my life to God. Literally, for Him to bring me wherever He wants to and whenever. Its a surrender of my rights as I have no control over the situation at all.
And maybe again its not about the pomp about going anywhere, jetsetting, or telling others hey I'm leaving for Cambodia. Its really doing admin work, tying up details, briefing people, preparing people in Singapore. And reaching out to internationals in Singapore. None too glorious, but an ultimate test of my heart. Why do I want to go?
Sometimes maybe, staying is harder than leaving.
I really wonder what God is trying to teach me at such times. I was kinda frustrated and uptight the whole of yesterday waiting for the decision to be made. I'm serving in the Banquet of Honour on Friday and Sunday so I really didn't know what/how to pray about going or not going. I felt a tremendous sense of relief when the decision was finally made, cos I won't be hanging in the middle. But I felt disappointed I won't be going to Cambodia. But it also means that its more likely I would be going to India. I really don't know what to make of it!
I figured that I would have felt equally disappointed if I was going, and I couldn't serve in the Banquet of Honour. I guess ultimately the lesson is that of faith and surrendering of my life to God. Literally, for Him to bring me wherever He wants to and whenever. Its a surrender of my rights as I have no control over the situation at all.
And maybe again its not about the pomp about going anywhere, jetsetting, or telling others hey I'm leaving for Cambodia. Its really doing admin work, tying up details, briefing people, preparing people in Singapore. And reaching out to internationals in Singapore. None too glorious, but an ultimate test of my heart. Why do I want to go?
Sometimes maybe, staying is harder than leaving.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Today
I went for my first mass run today with Jas and YX. It was organized by Great Eastern. =P
It was kinda fun, at first I felt like I was running on the spot cos it was so crowded, and I could barely move. But coming to about 2.5km onwards, people started to become more spread out, and I could fly! =p The last 100 m was exhilarating. Running to the end with crowds of people all around you! I finished 5km in 29min 32sec (and I should minus some minutes for the starting as I started so far away fr the starting point).
Haha, yea, u see my competitive nature even in running. ;p I never was too good in sports, but ever since going to the gym, my stamina has improved a lot, and I do enjoy challenging my own limits in running!
I went to church in the afternoon for lunch & a training on the Banquet of Honour. Its a series of dinners and lunches organized for the migrant workers- Domestic workers and blue collared to honour them and thank them for their service in Singapore. Its organized by churches in Singapore. =) I would be serving, provided I'm not traveling. I'm really looking forward to it. A bit apprehensive about pouring drinks and scooping rice, cos I'm not that good at serving, but I really like that concept of upside down leadership. Of how Jesus Himself was an example of servanthood...when he stooped down and washed His disciples feet.
So anyway I got a partial lift home, thankful for my friend =) For the first sunday in a long while, I actually got home at 3ish. I was so zonked that I slept for 2 hours.....really felt so exhausted and my body is finally letting itself rest and replenish itself a bit. Spent the rest of the evening watching tv.
I watched Jay Chou's movie 不能说的秘密. And it was kinda disturbing..eerie..and sad. Why disturbing? Other then the sudden twist in the middle of the show, I realise for me, it is because the female protagonist died without knowing the truth- that the male protagonist loves her with all his heart.
Hmm. I also watched a korean drama about a traditional family....and the little boy in the show was kinda cute. =) It was cute watching the dynamics between the different generations from great grandson to father to grand father etc.
One particular Conversation went like this
Great grandson (Crying because parents divorced, and mother moved away without telling him): Great Grandpa, it hurts, my heart is in pain
Great Grandpa: Your heart will become stronger, next time when you encounter painful things, it would not hurt so much
So much truth in that- in building resilence and becoming stronger thru pain.
Alright I'm just verbal diarhoeing my day. ;p Off to sleep and another rest day tmr. Thank God..
It was kinda fun, at first I felt like I was running on the spot cos it was so crowded, and I could barely move. But coming to about 2.5km onwards, people started to become more spread out, and I could fly! =p The last 100 m was exhilarating. Running to the end with crowds of people all around you! I finished 5km in 29min 32sec (and I should minus some minutes for the starting as I started so far away fr the starting point).
Haha, yea, u see my competitive nature even in running. ;p I never was too good in sports, but ever since going to the gym, my stamina has improved a lot, and I do enjoy challenging my own limits in running!
I went to church in the afternoon for lunch & a training on the Banquet of Honour. Its a series of dinners and lunches organized for the migrant workers- Domestic workers and blue collared to honour them and thank them for their service in Singapore. Its organized by churches in Singapore. =) I would be serving, provided I'm not traveling. I'm really looking forward to it. A bit apprehensive about pouring drinks and scooping rice, cos I'm not that good at serving, but I really like that concept of upside down leadership. Of how Jesus Himself was an example of servanthood...when he stooped down and washed His disciples feet.
So anyway I got a partial lift home, thankful for my friend =) For the first sunday in a long while, I actually got home at 3ish. I was so zonked that I slept for 2 hours.....really felt so exhausted and my body is finally letting itself rest and replenish itself a bit. Spent the rest of the evening watching tv.
I watched Jay Chou's movie 不能说的秘密. And it was kinda disturbing..eerie..and sad. Why disturbing? Other then the sudden twist in the middle of the show, I realise for me, it is because the female protagonist died without knowing the truth- that the male protagonist loves her with all his heart.
Hmm. I also watched a korean drama about a traditional family....and the little boy in the show was kinda cute. =) It was cute watching the dynamics between the different generations from great grandson to father to grand father etc.
One particular Conversation went like this
Great grandson (Crying because parents divorced, and mother moved away without telling him): Great Grandpa, it hurts, my heart is in pain
Great Grandpa: Your heart will become stronger, next time when you encounter painful things, it would not hurt so much
So much truth in that- in building resilence and becoming stronger thru pain.
Alright I'm just verbal diarhoeing my day. ;p Off to sleep and another rest day tmr. Thank God..
Monday, October 26, 2009
Social entrepreneurship
I went to SMU's Social Icon dinner on Friday night. It was kinda nice, but I was sad that I missed the whole day's conference with really good speakers. I met Anil & Sinee again after a long long time!
Social Innovation & entrepreneurship which is really solving social problems in a sustainable, innovative and systemic way, gets me excited because of the sense of passion and idealism that bubbles in the sector. i.e. Its not just feeding a fish to a man, but teaching a man how to fish, and revitalizing the whole fishing industry. There's a very good special edition writeup on some social innovators who were awarded funding in Saturday's Straits Times.
I always thought I wanted to be a social entrepreneur of sorts, because how nice it would be if I could meet needs in a sustainable way. But when I look at the world with so many diversed problems, I really wonder, what is the cause that I am passionate about?
Passionate actually...about people...because I believe no human made in the image of God should live like an animal. And ofcos, to share the greatest news of all times through my actions, making God's love tangible to people....
The Greatest News of God's redemption, His forgiveness of our sins, reconciliation with Him, and joy forevermore. In Him, we experience the greatest and deepest everlasting love.
Social Innovation & entrepreneurship which is really solving social problems in a sustainable, innovative and systemic way, gets me excited because of the sense of passion and idealism that bubbles in the sector. i.e. Its not just feeding a fish to a man, but teaching a man how to fish, and revitalizing the whole fishing industry. There's a very good special edition writeup on some social innovators who were awarded funding in Saturday's Straits Times.
I always thought I wanted to be a social entrepreneur of sorts, because how nice it would be if I could meet needs in a sustainable way. But when I look at the world with so many diversed problems, I really wonder, what is the cause that I am passionate about?
Passionate actually...about people...because I believe no human made in the image of God should live like an animal. And ofcos, to share the greatest news of all times through my actions, making God's love tangible to people....
The Greatest News of God's redemption, His forgiveness of our sins, reconciliation with Him, and joy forevermore. In Him, we experience the greatest and deepest everlasting love.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Letting go of the one you love
I watched a very good movie - My Sister's Keeper just now. I went to watch it without knowing what the show was about...
There were quite a few heart wrenching scenes, mainly weaving around themes of lost, grieve, dilemmas, letting go...
It really portrayed the difficulties that a family with a child with cancer goes through, that pain of seeing your child die away, esp for the mum, how difficult it is to let go of her, as she finds ways and means to help her live. And the kind of tensions that it builds up within the family as the focus is on the sick child. Whereas the rest of the children play second fiddle.
I teared with them in some of the scenes, cos I could relate to that feeling of losing someone you love. And I'm so blessed because my family members are all healthy. But still grieve is real, even in terms of break up in relationships, in losing your dreams etc.
Even though the loses that I experienced seem so much milder, yet pain and grieve is real. And the irreversibility of the situation, whereby the past becomes just memories is real.
And yes in the third world, the suffering is so common as loved ones die daily because of lack of food or poor governments. Or when people die in natural disasters. The pain is so real and great.
Yet everywhere, even when we are comfortable and all, as humans, each of us suffer from different loses and grieve. As long as we are humans, and we have treasured relationships, when people die, or when people leave our lives, we grieve. As long as it hurts, there is pain. Who is to judge that my pain is less real than yours?
Its really difficult to see a loved one slowly wither away. And in one particular scene, the mum sobbed as she finally let go of her daughter. In some cases, love can be suffocating. When we love others in our own terms, and we don't want to lose the person, whereas letting go is really being loving to the person.
The greatest form of love I guess, to pray, and be happy for the loved one when he is happy. Even if he has to leave. U really wonder like, are you really loving a person by making him/her stay with you, or is it really for your own sake that you want he/her to stay (i.e. to live on?).
Letting go...is such a painful thing to do...
There were quite a few heart wrenching scenes, mainly weaving around themes of lost, grieve, dilemmas, letting go...
It really portrayed the difficulties that a family with a child with cancer goes through, that pain of seeing your child die away, esp for the mum, how difficult it is to let go of her, as she finds ways and means to help her live. And the kind of tensions that it builds up within the family as the focus is on the sick child. Whereas the rest of the children play second fiddle.
I teared with them in some of the scenes, cos I could relate to that feeling of losing someone you love. And I'm so blessed because my family members are all healthy. But still grieve is real, even in terms of break up in relationships, in losing your dreams etc.
Even though the loses that I experienced seem so much milder, yet pain and grieve is real. And the irreversibility of the situation, whereby the past becomes just memories is real.
And yes in the third world, the suffering is so common as loved ones die daily because of lack of food or poor governments. Or when people die in natural disasters. The pain is so real and great.
Yet everywhere, even when we are comfortable and all, as humans, each of us suffer from different loses and grieve. As long as we are humans, and we have treasured relationships, when people die, or when people leave our lives, we grieve. As long as it hurts, there is pain. Who is to judge that my pain is less real than yours?
Its really difficult to see a loved one slowly wither away. And in one particular scene, the mum sobbed as she finally let go of her daughter. In some cases, love can be suffocating. When we love others in our own terms, and we don't want to lose the person, whereas letting go is really being loving to the person.
The greatest form of love I guess, to pray, and be happy for the loved one when he is happy. Even if he has to leave. U really wonder like, are you really loving a person by making him/her stay with you, or is it really for your own sake that you want he/her to stay (i.e. to live on?).
Letting go...is such a painful thing to do...
Friday, October 09, 2009
Rethinking what service learning means
This morning started off on a wrong note.
On Tues, we delivered 3 boxes of jeans to school X. These jeans are donated for our beneficiaries in Cambodia, and school X is going on a service learning trip to our sites. So teacher in charged said that it was okay for the students to help us bring up the jeans.
I received a phone call today, the VP was not happy and scolded the teacher plus our partner for asking their students to carry these boxes for us. It is ironic that the students are going for a SERVICE learning trip, so where does service begin? Ofcos bringing up the boxes is a voluntary thing that they are doing to help us, and we have no right to force it upon them. I can also see it fr the point of view of the school, that they are afraid of parents complaining that their students have to carry heavy weights, or the bags of their little kids will break. But precisely because our kids are too sheltered, that they need to be exposed to situations whereby they do things at their inconvenience so as to serve others. Its perhaps time to rethink what service learning means. I thought thats the whole point of a service learning trip, which begins not just playing with the kids at Cambodia, but begins with that attitude of humility and servitude.
So yes, we had to travel again from Upper Serangoon Road to another end of Singapore, 1 hr two and fro, just to pick up the boxes. (yup we travelled that 1 hr on Tuesday too to deliver the boxes)
Anyway, this incident was neutralized by the kindness of my friend. My friend who is in the midst of looking for another job now picked me up from town, and drove me to the school, following which drove me back to the office at Upper Serangoon. I'm deeply thankful ofcos, and know that in the midst of every challenge, God provides His angelic resources to keep us going. Thank you! =)
My colleague says I should not let these episodes get the better of me. Indeed these days I'm finding it rather hard to contain my emotions. I think little things start to prick me and irritate me. Maybe I take things too personally. Maybe I am too idealistic and perfectionistic. Maybe my sense of right and wrong is too strong. Maybe I don't accept that there are grey areas in life. But why Oh why...is the world so imperfect, and why are people so incongruent?
Praying for God's grace to let go of all these things to Him.
On Tues, we delivered 3 boxes of jeans to school X. These jeans are donated for our beneficiaries in Cambodia, and school X is going on a service learning trip to our sites. So teacher in charged said that it was okay for the students to help us bring up the jeans.
I received a phone call today, the VP was not happy and scolded the teacher plus our partner for asking their students to carry these boxes for us. It is ironic that the students are going for a SERVICE learning trip, so where does service begin? Ofcos bringing up the boxes is a voluntary thing that they are doing to help us, and we have no right to force it upon them. I can also see it fr the point of view of the school, that they are afraid of parents complaining that their students have to carry heavy weights, or the bags of their little kids will break. But precisely because our kids are too sheltered, that they need to be exposed to situations whereby they do things at their inconvenience so as to serve others. Its perhaps time to rethink what service learning means. I thought thats the whole point of a service learning trip, which begins not just playing with the kids at Cambodia, but begins with that attitude of humility and servitude.
So yes, we had to travel again from Upper Serangoon Road to another end of Singapore, 1 hr two and fro, just to pick up the boxes. (yup we travelled that 1 hr on Tuesday too to deliver the boxes)
Anyway, this incident was neutralized by the kindness of my friend. My friend who is in the midst of looking for another job now picked me up from town, and drove me to the school, following which drove me back to the office at Upper Serangoon. I'm deeply thankful ofcos, and know that in the midst of every challenge, God provides His angelic resources to keep us going. Thank you! =)
My colleague says I should not let these episodes get the better of me. Indeed these days I'm finding it rather hard to contain my emotions. I think little things start to prick me and irritate me. Maybe I take things too personally. Maybe I am too idealistic and perfectionistic. Maybe my sense of right and wrong is too strong. Maybe I don't accept that there are grey areas in life. But why Oh why...is the world so imperfect, and why are people so incongruent?
Praying for God's grace to let go of all these things to Him.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
New things...
hihi, just decided to come in to update abt my life for a short while! I guess blogging is quite a narcissistic thing to do actually.
Well time really flies, and I really can't account for all the stuff I have been doing. Some days just went by in a blur. Especially at work.
Maybe just a few things that were out of norm...I visited 2 churches with my friend last last Sunday. They were youthful churches, and it was interesting. I liked the passionate & radical declaration of God's love, and ofcos the praying in tongues. heh. But somehow maybe age has caught up with me.....I didn't know more than half of the songs. And yup...some of the lyrics though catchy, I have problems singing because I think some are rather radical declarations of our love for God, and it takes more than singing to a nice tune to really mean it fr the heart.
Hmm...Monday I had to wake at 4am to reach Changi Aiport to send off a team to Phnom Penh, cos they were bringing some clothes for us. I hardly slept for 3 hrs when the alarm rang. :S Anyway it was kinda fun, sitting on the sky train cabin alone at early hrs. And taking the first MRT back home! Got to sleep in after...
Today I was blessed again, cos I was delivering clothes to schools for them to help us bring up to Cambodia. And my ex-colleague gave me a free ride all the way from Upp Serangoon (my office) to Bukit Panjang and Bukit Batok. And at the first school, this smiley guy came over and asked to help me carry the box. He was wearing a christian T-shirt saying God is my refuge and strength. Kinda thought these people are God sent angels to help me and remind me that He is there for me. =P
Alright time for bed! Good night!
Well time really flies, and I really can't account for all the stuff I have been doing. Some days just went by in a blur. Especially at work.
Maybe just a few things that were out of norm...I visited 2 churches with my friend last last Sunday. They were youthful churches, and it was interesting. I liked the passionate & radical declaration of God's love, and ofcos the praying in tongues. heh. But somehow maybe age has caught up with me.....I didn't know more than half of the songs. And yup...some of the lyrics though catchy, I have problems singing because I think some are rather radical declarations of our love for God, and it takes more than singing to a nice tune to really mean it fr the heart.
Hmm...Monday I had to wake at 4am to reach Changi Aiport to send off a team to Phnom Penh, cos they were bringing some clothes for us. I hardly slept for 3 hrs when the alarm rang. :S Anyway it was kinda fun, sitting on the sky train cabin alone at early hrs. And taking the first MRT back home! Got to sleep in after...
Today I was blessed again, cos I was delivering clothes to schools for them to help us bring up to Cambodia. And my ex-colleague gave me a free ride all the way from Upp Serangoon (my office) to Bukit Panjang and Bukit Batok. And at the first school, this smiley guy came over and asked to help me carry the box. He was wearing a christian T-shirt saying God is my refuge and strength. Kinda thought these people are God sent angels to help me and remind me that He is there for me. =P
Alright time for bed! Good night!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I don't understand...
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if time was not linear? i.e. you can see past present and future at one glance. I watched The Time Travellor's Wife about 2 weeks ago. It made me think of how I would behave differently, if I knew what was going to happen to me in the future. Would I love more? Would I make certain different choices? And most of all, I thought of God who knew all things beforehand, because a thousand years to Him is like a second. And imagine He already knew that at X time, u are going to meet Y person. But you aren't gonna be meeting Y person just yet because ABCD has to happen.
Today when I got on the MRT, there was some vomit like spill on the floor in front of two vacant seats. I don't know what had happened before that for the vomit to be on the floor. But 2 stops later, to my surprise, an elderly cleaning aunty came in with newspapers, trashbag, mop and bucket in tow. She started using the newspapers to clean up the mess, and yup, some of the stuff sipped into the newspapers, i could see, and Im sure her hands got dirty as a result. I felt sad. If she were my grandma, i would be sad to see her mopping the floor and cleaning stuff while the MRT was moving. But yet I don't know....because we do need cleaning aunties, and others to do very menial tasks, but essential to keep our environment clean.
So anyway, she finished cleaning in 2 stops, and what struck me was this. The people who came in after she left the MRT had no idea at all what happened there. And there it was, even after she had cleaned the floor, the 2, now 3 seats remained empty. NO one who had witnessed this thing wanted to step on wet and once dirty floor. And this guy who came on the next station just happily sat down, and was lookg ard at why people were not sitting.
This made me think abt a lot of scenerios in life. Because of our limitations in perspective, and time being linear, we don't know what had happened a min or even a second before to any person, or at any place. Only God is omniscient. I really wished with all my heart that certain outcomes would have been different in my life. But I realise that they are what they are for a reason, and I don't know why, but there's a reason. Can I trust God then, that He knows the best? That everything that happens in the world is in His hands. Choices people make interplay with divine orchestration. Sometimes I really wish i could replay scenes I missed though...so i can understand...sometimes I wonder why certain people left my life, why God has to take them away. And really...mabbe....there's a reason I don't know. Its painful I know. I don't understand, but He does and He allows something to happen or not happen in a season for a reason.
Talking abt rubbish cleaning, GB has a camp called Fast, Food N Fuzz, which has elements of simple food (porridge), sleeping on cardboard boxes, games and prayer for third world countries to help girls understand abstinance and poverty. This is for the primary 4 onwards girls. I really like the concept. One particular game, expired food is poured into a bucket, and girls need to dig out breadtags from inside to exchange for food. The bucket has all the goey stuff. Trust me, you wouldn't want to stick yr hand in there. When I saw the little girls sticking their hands inside, I wanted to cry. Cos I remembered in Philippines and Cambodia, little children were running ard the dump picking up rubbish to recycle. I wanted to cry, because it is so degrading, that a child made in the image of God has to beg and survive on residual rubbish food. Its just a game for the girls alright, but children in the third world do that everyday to feed their tummies. Why such a stark difference in living conditions? Why some are born in sunny, safe Singapore, and others in war torn, flood areas? I don't know. I really don't know. I don't pretend to understand. But one day, in Heaven, my God will wipe away every tear. And justice will reign.
Today when I got on the MRT, there was some vomit like spill on the floor in front of two vacant seats. I don't know what had happened before that for the vomit to be on the floor. But 2 stops later, to my surprise, an elderly cleaning aunty came in with newspapers, trashbag, mop and bucket in tow. She started using the newspapers to clean up the mess, and yup, some of the stuff sipped into the newspapers, i could see, and Im sure her hands got dirty as a result. I felt sad. If she were my grandma, i would be sad to see her mopping the floor and cleaning stuff while the MRT was moving. But yet I don't know....because we do need cleaning aunties, and others to do very menial tasks, but essential to keep our environment clean.
So anyway, she finished cleaning in 2 stops, and what struck me was this. The people who came in after she left the MRT had no idea at all what happened there. And there it was, even after she had cleaned the floor, the 2, now 3 seats remained empty. NO one who had witnessed this thing wanted to step on wet and once dirty floor. And this guy who came on the next station just happily sat down, and was lookg ard at why people were not sitting.
This made me think abt a lot of scenerios in life. Because of our limitations in perspective, and time being linear, we don't know what had happened a min or even a second before to any person, or at any place. Only God is omniscient. I really wished with all my heart that certain outcomes would have been different in my life. But I realise that they are what they are for a reason, and I don't know why, but there's a reason. Can I trust God then, that He knows the best? That everything that happens in the world is in His hands. Choices people make interplay with divine orchestration. Sometimes I really wish i could replay scenes I missed though...so i can understand...sometimes I wonder why certain people left my life, why God has to take them away. And really...mabbe....there's a reason I don't know. Its painful I know. I don't understand, but He does and He allows something to happen or not happen in a season for a reason.
Talking abt rubbish cleaning, GB has a camp called Fast, Food N Fuzz, which has elements of simple food (porridge), sleeping on cardboard boxes, games and prayer for third world countries to help girls understand abstinance and poverty. This is for the primary 4 onwards girls. I really like the concept. One particular game, expired food is poured into a bucket, and girls need to dig out breadtags from inside to exchange for food. The bucket has all the goey stuff. Trust me, you wouldn't want to stick yr hand in there. When I saw the little girls sticking their hands inside, I wanted to cry. Cos I remembered in Philippines and Cambodia, little children were running ard the dump picking up rubbish to recycle. I wanted to cry, because it is so degrading, that a child made in the image of God has to beg and survive on residual rubbish food. Its just a game for the girls alright, but children in the third world do that everyday to feed their tummies. Why such a stark difference in living conditions? Why some are born in sunny, safe Singapore, and others in war torn, flood areas? I don't know. I really don't know. I don't pretend to understand. But one day, in Heaven, my God will wipe away every tear. And justice will reign.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Since when did fear become a norm?
Today my good friend Andrew came to my office to have a meeting with me and our social enterprise BI. I didn't realise I missed him being present in my life so much, we were really close in university organizing the social entrepreneurship forum together. Meeting him and his friend who are socially conscious & passionate abt SE made me feel so happy. Sometimes Im like a little girl, so easily pleased, I realise.
So anyway, his coming and my talk with S, made me realise that I had gotten use to fear so much that it has become a norm. Talking in soft tones and threading on egg shells. Getting used to people being unkind and protecting their own territory, so to speak, not sharing or working in teams. Yah. And prolonged exposure to this thinking has normalized me into suppressing my need for justice & fairness. How sad..
And because of human nature's innate need for justice, suppressing it feels no good yeah. I need to stop normalizing unfair or rude treatment, and stand up for rights. Its such a thin line between being resilient, growing wiser VS hardening your heart, and normalizing yourself to oppression. No wonder they say little elephants who are being tied to a pole and try to set themselves free cannot. When they are bigger, they can easily pull themselves off, but they remember the childhood trauma and stay stuck to the pole.
Had a good meeting in the afternoon too...with someone who is going to help us run a workshop on social justice. I don't know why but I felt God's presence with us, and I was so happy cos I feel our hearts kind of resonnated abt social justice, fairness, and abt Singapore also having migrant workers and all who are in need of help.
I've been thinking more and more abt the marketplace recently. In particular, the corporate world. ;p Will pray more and see how it goes next year!
Meanwhile, work is really building up with year end trips coming up.
So anyway, his coming and my talk with S, made me realise that I had gotten use to fear so much that it has become a norm. Talking in soft tones and threading on egg shells. Getting used to people being unkind and protecting their own territory, so to speak, not sharing or working in teams. Yah. And prolonged exposure to this thinking has normalized me into suppressing my need for justice & fairness. How sad..
And because of human nature's innate need for justice, suppressing it feels no good yeah. I need to stop normalizing unfair or rude treatment, and stand up for rights. Its such a thin line between being resilient, growing wiser VS hardening your heart, and normalizing yourself to oppression. No wonder they say little elephants who are being tied to a pole and try to set themselves free cannot. When they are bigger, they can easily pull themselves off, but they remember the childhood trauma and stay stuck to the pole.
Had a good meeting in the afternoon too...with someone who is going to help us run a workshop on social justice. I don't know why but I felt God's presence with us, and I was so happy cos I feel our hearts kind of resonnated abt social justice, fairness, and abt Singapore also having migrant workers and all who are in need of help.
I've been thinking more and more abt the marketplace recently. In particular, the corporate world. ;p Will pray more and see how it goes next year!
Meanwhile, work is really building up with year end trips coming up.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Anniversary dinner!
I went for the anniversary dinner on Sunday night for The New Charis Missions. I had written about it some time ago.
This is one of my favourite ministries, because it resonnates so much with my heart, and I feel with God's heartbeat. That He is the God of 2nd chances, and more than that - 3rd, 4th, 5th, until we come back to Him.
You see big burly men with tattoos, or thin frail ones, with a past of drug addictions/ offenders. You see them worshipping God, praying and playing lovely music. You realise that we are linked inextricably - hanging on God's grace, His mercy and His love =).
Its amazing!
It was interesting...explaining to my new found friend at the anniversary dinner how I knew about TNCM. Thank God for good conversation! First MCYS Social enterprise, then how it led to thesis, and me trying to do some business consultancy work for High Pt, and finally TNCM, and going to Indonesia with them to explore SE opportunities. Yea, travelled alone with a grp of people I don't know to indonesia, but I loved it there, and enjoyed being amongst them. And maybe...yea...I thought of my life journey, and what a journey it has been!
And went for Officers Retreat over weekend at Johor (i.e. a retreat for volunteers with us), and I was reminded of how last year and this year has changed. Aunty told me that I have improved a lot since last year, and this year really I am a bit more savvy. And more aware of my surroundings, more wise. And there's new staff in the office I can hang out and pray with.
Write the Vision....though it tarry, it would come to pass.....
This is one of my favourite ministries, because it resonnates so much with my heart, and I feel with God's heartbeat. That He is the God of 2nd chances, and more than that - 3rd, 4th, 5th, until we come back to Him.
You see big burly men with tattoos, or thin frail ones, with a past of drug addictions/ offenders. You see them worshipping God, praying and playing lovely music. You realise that we are linked inextricably - hanging on God's grace, His mercy and His love =).
Its amazing!
It was interesting...explaining to my new found friend at the anniversary dinner how I knew about TNCM. Thank God for good conversation! First MCYS Social enterprise, then how it led to thesis, and me trying to do some business consultancy work for High Pt, and finally TNCM, and going to Indonesia with them to explore SE opportunities. Yea, travelled alone with a grp of people I don't know to indonesia, but I loved it there, and enjoyed being amongst them. And maybe...yea...I thought of my life journey, and what a journey it has been!
And went for Officers Retreat over weekend at Johor (i.e. a retreat for volunteers with us), and I was reminded of how last year and this year has changed. Aunty told me that I have improved a lot since last year, and this year really I am a bit more savvy. And more aware of my surroundings, more wise. And there's new staff in the office I can hang out and pray with.
Write the Vision....though it tarry, it would come to pass.....
Friday, August 28, 2009
Birthday Wishes
My Birthday came and went...some people say that as they get older, bdays seem to mean less, i.e. its just another day. Maybe I haven't grown that old yet, I still think that birthdays are special!
But I really did catch on something this year. I had meals with some of my closest friends separately. These were very blessed times. I realise, it is not about the number of friends you have, what matters is having a few friends who believe in you.
It has been tremendously encouraging reading cards from these few, and sms texts. They really make me feel like I'm worth a million dollars, and that I'm the nicest friend on earth.
I spent my birthday with all the people who meant loads to me. What was most meaningful was sitting at the East Coast Beach for an hour, on a date with God. =) Listening to the waves, praying, and singing to Him...and Him singing over me. ;)
I'm incredibly grateful to the few friends who mean a lot to me. U all know who u are. And yes, for my family.
Surprised that my volunteer bought me a cake during a meeting this week. Its been nice having co-laborers to serve God together with. And her husband, a Pastor, prayed for me from Psalms 1- that I would Fear Not, and be fruitful in Him. Amen and amen.
Believe that this is a new season whereby God is birthing new things in me, in the ministry etc. I need to have faith to believe in Him, to know who God really is.
Oh and finally, my birthday wish is World Peace.
And more...shh..
its a secret. ;)
But I really did catch on something this year. I had meals with some of my closest friends separately. These were very blessed times. I realise, it is not about the number of friends you have, what matters is having a few friends who believe in you.
It has been tremendously encouraging reading cards from these few, and sms texts. They really make me feel like I'm worth a million dollars, and that I'm the nicest friend on earth.
I spent my birthday with all the people who meant loads to me. What was most meaningful was sitting at the East Coast Beach for an hour, on a date with God. =) Listening to the waves, praying, and singing to Him...and Him singing over me. ;)
I'm incredibly grateful to the few friends who mean a lot to me. U all know who u are. And yes, for my family.
Surprised that my volunteer bought me a cake during a meeting this week. Its been nice having co-laborers to serve God together with. And her husband, a Pastor, prayed for me from Psalms 1- that I would Fear Not, and be fruitful in Him. Amen and amen.
Believe that this is a new season whereby God is birthing new things in me, in the ministry etc. I need to have faith to believe in Him, to know who God really is.
Oh and finally, my birthday wish is World Peace.
And more...shh..
its a secret. ;)
Friday, August 21, 2009
Final Destination- A sudden thought
I used to think that every experience was a preparation towards something bigger I would be doing in the future. Now that I don't know what is ahead in the future, and I realise that I can do no big thing.
I think that maybe, life is never about reaching a destination. It is a process of doing small things daily, and each day being a destination in itself.
I think that maybe, life is never about reaching a destination. It is a process of doing small things daily, and each day being a destination in itself.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
To laugh and play and love life
"You are too serious".
Seriously, I was talking to a friend who is running an NGO in Thailand this afternoon, and this is what he commented after we talked for a while!
I was shocked. But his comment hit the nail on the spot. My seriousness, or rather my intensity or rather my sense of responsibility, or rather my perfectionism kills me big time! I won't be able to survive in NGO world if I keep up this seriousness. I need to play hard, laugh a lot and have fun!
Yesterday I went back to have dinner with my ex colleagues. And I was early cos I attended a workshop before that. So I decided to reminisce old times by sitting down at Starbucks with a book and tea. I wrote this:
"Dear God,
I can't believe it but I actually felt nervous stepping into Capital Tower again. And I actually felt relieved seeing "normal" people in "civilised" settings. I missed that smell. I felt different from the crowd. Yet once where I belonged. What could be running through the heads of each one as they took the escalator down and headed home? Can they tell I am different? Though I am probably dressed like a typical executive, what's going on in my mind? What kind of different perspectives do I bring? What kind of different experiences?...
It dawned on me, it was not so much the form in which we present ourselves. It is the life and the substance within the form. To be rested in a fast paced executive environment. To be rested in a uncertain stressful NGO job. To find meaning, to find You, Jesus. In the midst of everything, to dwell in You."
---
Sometimes in my intensed moments, I can't see beyond the cloud around my head. I need to lift up my eyes and see Jesus. And actually maybe...this seems to be a characteristic of many people who hold multiple responsibilities!!!
I just need to learn to laugh at myself.
Seriously, I was talking to a friend who is running an NGO in Thailand this afternoon, and this is what he commented after we talked for a while!
I was shocked. But his comment hit the nail on the spot. My seriousness, or rather my intensity or rather my sense of responsibility, or rather my perfectionism kills me big time! I won't be able to survive in NGO world if I keep up this seriousness. I need to play hard, laugh a lot and have fun!
Yesterday I went back to have dinner with my ex colleagues. And I was early cos I attended a workshop before that. So I decided to reminisce old times by sitting down at Starbucks with a book and tea. I wrote this:
"Dear God,
I can't believe it but I actually felt nervous stepping into Capital Tower again. And I actually felt relieved seeing "normal" people in "civilised" settings. I missed that smell. I felt different from the crowd. Yet once where I belonged. What could be running through the heads of each one as they took the escalator down and headed home? Can they tell I am different? Though I am probably dressed like a typical executive, what's going on in my mind? What kind of different perspectives do I bring? What kind of different experiences?...
It dawned on me, it was not so much the form in which we present ourselves. It is the life and the substance within the form. To be rested in a fast paced executive environment. To be rested in a uncertain stressful NGO job. To find meaning, to find You, Jesus. In the midst of everything, to dwell in You."
---
Sometimes in my intensed moments, I can't see beyond the cloud around my head. I need to lift up my eyes and see Jesus. And actually maybe...this seems to be a characteristic of many people who hold multiple responsibilities!!!
I just need to learn to laugh at myself.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Small breakthroughs
I gave a training at work today for 1 hr to about 40 new volunteers and really it was a breakthrough for me, cos I don't think I ever talked that long! I tried to inject some stories inside including personal ones, as well as interesting videos. Some told me it was info overload, esp cos my session was after lunch. But there were a few who expressed interest in helping with overseas extension! yay! :)
Thankful, because I had been feeling stressed abt doing this presentation cum training. :P This morning on the bus I recalled when I did my first presentation in NUS, I was so nervous that I trembled. It was after that I realised I placed high expectations on myself.
This week have been toggling with this idea...does what I do make a difference to the world? And a friend reminded me of making differences in small ways. Thankful. But ya, it has been a struggle sometimes, to put things in perspective, and to accept that no matter how imperfect I am, God loves me.
Thankful, because I had been feeling stressed abt doing this presentation cum training. :P This morning on the bus I recalled when I did my first presentation in NUS, I was so nervous that I trembled. It was after that I realised I placed high expectations on myself.
This week have been toggling with this idea...does what I do make a difference to the world? And a friend reminded me of making differences in small ways. Thankful. But ya, it has been a struggle sometimes, to put things in perspective, and to accept that no matter how imperfect I am, God loves me.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
My current lifestage....
I had a meeting last night until 930pm. So I am super tired this morning as I only slept at 130am after eating my dinner, practicing my guitar and reading and praying. Technically I can get time off this morning, but I came in on time (just 5 min late), trying to be a heroine to rush out all my work!
Yesterday's night meeting was on a training trip to Indonesia that 3 of my volunteers will be embarking on. My heart is probably going to fly partially with them, because I was almost supposed to go on the trip. But in the end, I submitted to the decision of the leadership, and also feel that another volunteer should go and be exposed since I have been going on so many trips already. Another one of life's mini-surrenders. I really miss the people at Malang though..the bible school students, the cool atmosphere, and yeah...away fr the hussle and bussle.
But it struck me that now, I have changed roles.....I am becoming more and more like a mobilizer. I don't just go, I encourage others to go, and now we are planning mission trip training for leaders etc to equip them. Likewise in my role at church with the youths. It is interesting! Because it also takes a certain surrender, in that it always feels more fun and inspiring to be there on the ground. Who wants to do the admin details and sit in the office! grr..eek eek. But yet much needed processes and systems need to be set in place, so that anyone who takes over can carry on from there. I am glad at least some procedures are up!
And then even as I got home, and I thought about what we had discussed on training, i.e. what women there need. I realise that each one of us bring ourselves and our experiences overseas, and as I was thinking abt what expertise I can offer - not in education or nutrition or healthy living. And then I recalled, O yes, I have spent 4 years studying Business & Finance, including management, marketing etc. Business is a general degree to many, but I think whatever I have learnt is useful in life. Suddenly I thought of CAPM model, and risk free rates and statistics and significance and maslow and purchasing power parity...surely all these knowledge should not go to waste? I should impart or apply them in some way. And you know, I actually NEVER regretted taking Business. If I had to choose all over again, I can recall as clear as the blue sky why I did not choose social work or psychology. I like business....And getting to know about Social Entrepreneurship was just an instant wow! Marrying social needs and business.
And so....I'm starting to have clarity on issues, and I am thankful. =)
Yesterday's night meeting was on a training trip to Indonesia that 3 of my volunteers will be embarking on. My heart is probably going to fly partially with them, because I was almost supposed to go on the trip. But in the end, I submitted to the decision of the leadership, and also feel that another volunteer should go and be exposed since I have been going on so many trips already. Another one of life's mini-surrenders. I really miss the people at Malang though..the bible school students, the cool atmosphere, and yeah...away fr the hussle and bussle.
But it struck me that now, I have changed roles.....I am becoming more and more like a mobilizer. I don't just go, I encourage others to go, and now we are planning mission trip training for leaders etc to equip them. Likewise in my role at church with the youths. It is interesting! Because it also takes a certain surrender, in that it always feels more fun and inspiring to be there on the ground. Who wants to do the admin details and sit in the office! grr..eek eek. But yet much needed processes and systems need to be set in place, so that anyone who takes over can carry on from there. I am glad at least some procedures are up!
And then even as I got home, and I thought about what we had discussed on training, i.e. what women there need. I realise that each one of us bring ourselves and our experiences overseas, and as I was thinking abt what expertise I can offer - not in education or nutrition or healthy living. And then I recalled, O yes, I have spent 4 years studying Business & Finance, including management, marketing etc. Business is a general degree to many, but I think whatever I have learnt is useful in life. Suddenly I thought of CAPM model, and risk free rates and statistics and significance and maslow and purchasing power parity...surely all these knowledge should not go to waste? I should impart or apply them in some way. And you know, I actually NEVER regretted taking Business. If I had to choose all over again, I can recall as clear as the blue sky why I did not choose social work or psychology. I like business....And getting to know about Social Entrepreneurship was just an instant wow! Marrying social needs and business.
And so....I'm starting to have clarity on issues, and I am thankful. =)
Monday, August 03, 2009
I like to be normal
Just came back from wedding dinner of a good friend from Bizad, and was on a table of people who I hardly knew. But I enjoyed good conversation with a Bizad senior who happened to work in the non profit sector for 2 years too! I miss my bizadder friends and hanging ard with my peers...
On Saturday, I enjoyed good conversations with my friends from GIC too. All the ex colleagues who are around my age!! I miss the fun blanter and laughter!
I don't really miss the job. But I guess, I miss being in a place of comfort, i.e. hanging out with people sharing similar culture, background and life stage. I miss being in a "normal" place. And being in normal places reminds me of how conventional I really am. And maybe, it makes me think of who I really am created to be, what makes me tick, what makes me happy and satisfied. At the end of the day, it is not abt suffering for suffering sake. It is about being at the right place at the right time where God calls me to be. And who knows 9 months from now, it may still be in the non profit, or it could jolly well be in the mkt place. I miss the mkt place and the people there. ;p
These angsty feelings on the inside are strangely gone....I feel that my heart is in a more rested place.. Attended a YWAM training for mission trip leaders on sat too, and Jo Chean as inspiring as ever...he said we are not God, but we should ask God where our role is, in fulfilling God's dream for Asia- i.e. the knowledge of the glory of God will cover the earth.
On Saturday, I enjoyed good conversations with my friends from GIC too. All the ex colleagues who are around my age!! I miss the fun blanter and laughter!
I don't really miss the job. But I guess, I miss being in a place of comfort, i.e. hanging out with people sharing similar culture, background and life stage. I miss being in a "normal" place. And being in normal places reminds me of how conventional I really am. And maybe, it makes me think of who I really am created to be, what makes me tick, what makes me happy and satisfied. At the end of the day, it is not abt suffering for suffering sake. It is about being at the right place at the right time where God calls me to be. And who knows 9 months from now, it may still be in the non profit, or it could jolly well be in the mkt place. I miss the mkt place and the people there. ;p
These angsty feelings on the inside are strangely gone....I feel that my heart is in a more rested place.. Attended a YWAM training for mission trip leaders on sat too, and Jo Chean as inspiring as ever...he said we are not God, but we should ask God where our role is, in fulfilling God's dream for Asia- i.e. the knowledge of the glory of God will cover the earth.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Lost and Found
I was at the Bedok Reservoir last night.
Standing under the dark blue sky, whilst the ripples of water glistened under the bright half moon. It was beautiful.
It was where it started and where it ended its final note.
Good bye, my Love.
It was beautiful while it lasted. And the Beautiful memories are etched in my mind.
----------
Listening to this song in the morning. And thought of the man who found the pearl in the bible and sold all he had, because he found it. He found the Kingdom of God.
I've been searching...trying to find...that elusive something to satisfy me.
God found me, and brought me back to Himself. I thought of the God who would search for the one lost sheep...the one missing coin...
Last night I lost something, but this morning I felt joyful amidst the sorrow. Because somehow...I found Jesus. Or rather,
Jesus found me.
Sun Ho- Eternal Blossom
我怕 我失去我自己
像摔坏的玩具
该这么缝補
空洞的眼睛
想哭 找不到理由哭
呼吸已经麻痹
一百个谎言
是我的面具
到底 谁来救赎这封闭的世界
我不想孤独面对我自己
救我 脱离一切
终于我 找到了你
就像一朵不凋零的花
我的心 像被你紧紧拥抱的小孩
你就是爱 永远不会更改
Standing under the dark blue sky, whilst the ripples of water glistened under the bright half moon. It was beautiful.
It was where it started and where it ended its final note.
Good bye, my Love.
It was beautiful while it lasted. And the Beautiful memories are etched in my mind.
----------
Listening to this song in the morning. And thought of the man who found the pearl in the bible and sold all he had, because he found it. He found the Kingdom of God.
I've been searching...trying to find...that elusive something to satisfy me.
God found me, and brought me back to Himself. I thought of the God who would search for the one lost sheep...the one missing coin...
Last night I lost something, but this morning I felt joyful amidst the sorrow. Because somehow...I found Jesus. Or rather,
Jesus found me.
Sun Ho- Eternal Blossom
我怕 我失去我自己
像摔坏的玩具
该这么缝補
空洞的眼睛
想哭 找不到理由哭
呼吸已经麻痹
一百个谎言
是我的面具
到底 谁来救赎这封闭的世界
我不想孤独面对我自己
救我 脱离一切
终于我 找到了你
就像一朵不凋零的花
我的心 像被你紧紧拥抱的小孩
你就是爱 永远不会更改
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The joys of Volunteerism
Just finished watching Channel U's Stars for a Cause featuring Mindee Ong. Enjoyed it a lot. Reminded me of my first volunteer trip to Yunnan to a village school and playing with the kids. Reminded me of giving tuition to quiet kids when I was in Interact Club. The joys of volunteerism- It always reminds one how vast the universe is, how diverse people are, and being able to share love and care to someone is always a blessing to the one who showers love. It makes one wonder, who can I not forgive? No issue is too big to overcome with that milk of human kindness.
Yes volunteerism....maybe I should become a volunteer again. Mingling with the kids, loving them, hugging them. Kiddos clammering all around me. ;P
And then one wonders is volunteerism afterall not altruistic but you know...a fulfilment of self. Actually when one goes into volunteerism, a big no no attitude is to think that I want to help someone, and I can make an impact. Because actually after the "fun" dies down, we are merely just sojourners of a person's life. And we leave footprints...but in humility, recognizing that there is nothing much we can do to help someone...except to extend that hand of love, and receive back the lessons that the other has to teach. No wonder whenever you hear of people going into rural areas, they say that they receive more than they give. Its true....service learning...I serve you so that I can learn from you... There is so much to learn from the simple joys of the rural people...And even amongst the city dwellers- the abandoned, aged, children, etc, maybe in their eyes, you see a reflection of yourself. And what can we do...except to love and extend that hand of love towards fellow mankind. =)
So inspired that I finished this post in 10 min, in a groggy state of mind.
Yes volunteerism....maybe I should become a volunteer again. Mingling with the kids, loving them, hugging them. Kiddos clammering all around me. ;P
And then one wonders is volunteerism afterall not altruistic but you know...a fulfilment of self. Actually when one goes into volunteerism, a big no no attitude is to think that I want to help someone, and I can make an impact. Because actually after the "fun" dies down, we are merely just sojourners of a person's life. And we leave footprints...but in humility, recognizing that there is nothing much we can do to help someone...except to extend that hand of love, and receive back the lessons that the other has to teach. No wonder whenever you hear of people going into rural areas, they say that they receive more than they give. Its true....service learning...I serve you so that I can learn from you... There is so much to learn from the simple joys of the rural people...And even amongst the city dwellers- the abandoned, aged, children, etc, maybe in their eyes, you see a reflection of yourself. And what can we do...except to love and extend that hand of love towards fellow mankind. =)
So inspired that I finished this post in 10 min, in a groggy state of mind.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Humdrum...
The deepest thoughts are the hardest to share. Which explains my long periods of silences. Some thoughts need processing, some are too personal on a blog. Which leaves the frivalous, and may not be so meaningful to share!
Sometimes the will of God befuddles me! Sometimes I pray and I thought I heard... but it somehow doesn't end up according to whatever I heard! Ofcos the answer could be yes, no or wait, and I never know! But yup I was nursing some wounds and now July, I am feeling so much so much better. Yay! Thank God!
July is a busy month with all sorts of meeting up. Ex-colleagues and more ex-colleagues, ex classmates/ sch friends, church friends, Philippines trip friends etc etc. Had dinner with an ex colleague last night with her friend at Love the World Soul Rock Cafe and I talked about my philippines trip and the things I had learnt, and they were touched! How glad I am.... And today I met another stranger at a prayer meeting, and she was so facinated by my job.
Though the novelty of a job ends after some time, it also means that the steep learning curve starts to straighten. The humdrum begins, the new rythmn starts. Its not monotony for me, definitely not. Its like waves and waves of new things, new situations to handle, and new stressful deals. But u get used to the waves coming up, and u know that the waves will eventually settle down into peace....Speaking from experience, God has delivered again and again.
So in a sense, July is a good month =) More activities coming up, and August too. It was good that there was a time for recess in June before things go full blown again. Recess meaning being forced to work from home! =p And being self quarantined...
And so...the Father has His reasons for different seasons in our lives. What is not meant to be will not be. Though affections die hard, and desires remain when they are retriggered!
But as I was pondering today the meaning of faith.....I reread Heb 11 several times about the men of Faith that the bible mentions.....
Faith...the substance of things hoped for, the prove of the things unseen...
It is holding on to the God who loves us...who never lets us go, and who knows what is best for us. It is NOT naming or claiming whatever we want. It IS praying for what He has promised to come to pass.
A volunteer said to me that I have a very sweet spirit. And I asked, what do you mean by sweet spirit. She said...very gentle.....something along that lines. And I was secretly very pleased. Because I guess I always wanted to be more rough, more eloquent etc.....but being gentle is also a positive characteristic uh? =)2 Peter says that God is pleased with a gentle and quiet spirit.
Sometimes the will of God befuddles me! Sometimes I pray and I thought I heard... but it somehow doesn't end up according to whatever I heard! Ofcos the answer could be yes, no or wait, and I never know! But yup I was nursing some wounds and now July, I am feeling so much so much better. Yay! Thank God!
July is a busy month with all sorts of meeting up. Ex-colleagues and more ex-colleagues, ex classmates/ sch friends, church friends, Philippines trip friends etc etc. Had dinner with an ex colleague last night with her friend at Love the World Soul Rock Cafe and I talked about my philippines trip and the things I had learnt, and they were touched! How glad I am.... And today I met another stranger at a prayer meeting, and she was so facinated by my job.
Though the novelty of a job ends after some time, it also means that the steep learning curve starts to straighten. The humdrum begins, the new rythmn starts. Its not monotony for me, definitely not. Its like waves and waves of new things, new situations to handle, and new stressful deals. But u get used to the waves coming up, and u know that the waves will eventually settle down into peace....Speaking from experience, God has delivered again and again.
So in a sense, July is a good month =) More activities coming up, and August too. It was good that there was a time for recess in June before things go full blown again. Recess meaning being forced to work from home! =p And being self quarantined...
And so...the Father has His reasons for different seasons in our lives. What is not meant to be will not be. Though affections die hard, and desires remain when they are retriggered!
But as I was pondering today the meaning of faith.....I reread Heb 11 several times about the men of Faith that the bible mentions.....
Faith...the substance of things hoped for, the prove of the things unseen...
It is holding on to the God who loves us...who never lets us go, and who knows what is best for us. It is NOT naming or claiming whatever we want. It IS praying for what He has promised to come to pass.
A volunteer said to me that I have a very sweet spirit. And I asked, what do you mean by sweet spirit. She said...very gentle.....something along that lines. And I was secretly very pleased. Because I guess I always wanted to be more rough, more eloquent etc.....but being gentle is also a positive characteristic uh? =)2 Peter says that God is pleased with a gentle and quiet spirit.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Fussing over hair
Yesterday I went to have my hair cut and also highlighted. And it was strange how when Mike - my hairdresser was fussing around with my hair that I thought of B- a christian sister I had met in a village in China. Its a village in high multitudes, and she was the only christian there. Because they don't have bathing facilities there, the people hardly bathe. And we hadn't bathe for a few days. So B offered to wash our hair for us. It was funny using the tap outside her house, and her putting the shampoo on for us in the cold weather, massaging our heads. It was very fun, and I felt very loved! I think there's a little child in me that still loves to have someone wash my hair for me and fuss over me.
Nothing much to update. Except that I have been pretty uptight about some work issues. But then for the past few days, learning to let go. And I actually dreamt about work! Its a signal I think, to let go and not want to be in control over situations I have no control over. And also to stop doing things I am not required or called to do!
Quite looking forward to meeting up with some friends this week- esp my ex colleagues tmr. =) Catching up with people has been good....
Alright! Thats all for updates for now!
Nothing much to update. Except that I have been pretty uptight about some work issues. But then for the past few days, learning to let go. And I actually dreamt about work! Its a signal I think, to let go and not want to be in control over situations I have no control over. And also to stop doing things I am not required or called to do!
Quite looking forward to meeting up with some friends this week- esp my ex colleagues tmr. =) Catching up with people has been good....
Alright! Thats all for updates for now!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
The Shadow of the Almighty
June came and would be gone soon. The sweltering weather that left us drenched with perspiration. I slept with the aircon on for almost the whole month.
Last week I spent 3 nights in the Village School in Kalimantan, and the weather was so hot too! But no aircon. It wasn't really the weather, but I couldn't sleep well, drifting in and out of sleep with my mind heavy.
Traveling for work has its plus and minus points. Plus- see many beautiful sights, of lovely people. And learn of ministries that have been started for years, and the hard work and prayer that have gone into it. These always make me feel so encouraged, cos I know God works in my brothers and sisters overseas, and it is only Him who can convict hearts to serve Him in such a manner. So yes, my heart is often uplifted and sings praises to Him, seeing the work amongst His people. People who are so different culturally, but so similar in that we worship the one and same almighty God.
Minus- seeing more, also means feeling more for the people. Seeing the needs can be so overwhelming. Learning about the hardships and struggles that people go through make me sad. And planning for trips and praying for people to go for trips sometimes is such an uphill task. Realise if I'm not careful, it just becomes one trip after the next, and I lose focus as to why I am doing what I am doing in the first place.
H1N1 scare. I had to be self quarantined for 3 times, now being the third. First after Philippines, second after a volunteer suspected of H1N1 (b4 I flew to Indonesia), third now! Indonesia has strangely only reported 2 cases (haha, do u believe them???), but its listed under the countries affected. So students who have been to Indonesia need to quarantine themselves for 7 days after trip. I went back to office on Fri, but boss asked me to work from home yesterday (sat) since there were lots of girls coming. I had a minor cough and was sneezy yesterday. And there was this oppressive fear in my head...what if I got the flu, what if I pass it to someone yadda yadda. Fear not bcos I am afraid abt my own health, but more so about affecting people. In the evening I got better, and I went out to watch a concert with HY, Jas and ZW. Heh...Are you going Tsk Tsk now?
I'm feeling better today, but I'm feeling SO SO SO super tired. I think its the accumulated lack of sleep. I really don't know how to rest!!! I feel so out of my element resting. I slept today until 11am, drifting in and out of sleep since 10am. And then I listened to a sermon, and then slotted my philippines photos, prayed and then cooked lunch. Facebooked a bit, and had to reply smses from volunteer, before going back to sleep again, and waking up to reply smses abt work again (sigh!). Actually rest is really not a physical thing, but emotional and spirtual. I am praying on Psalms 91, that God will protect me under the shadow of His wings.
But yes, sleep has been so good, and I'm still so tired and exhausted now actually. But in my mind, I'm thinking, am I supposed to be working on something or not...or what...or reply emails...or.....?
Heh....I salute u if u manage to finish reading this, cos this has been a lot of ranting. =) I appreciate your prayers at the end of reading this! I'm seeking God in this season...refocusing...wanting Him...loving Him.
Btw, isn't this cute? Its a pict I took with the kids from the school! =) P/S if u are interested in teaching English, whether 1 month or 1 year at the school in Kalimantan, pls let me know. They are greatly in need of English teachers. This is a christian school for the Dayaks from the villages.
Last week I spent 3 nights in the Village School in Kalimantan, and the weather was so hot too! But no aircon. It wasn't really the weather, but I couldn't sleep well, drifting in and out of sleep with my mind heavy.
Traveling for work has its plus and minus points. Plus- see many beautiful sights, of lovely people. And learn of ministries that have been started for years, and the hard work and prayer that have gone into it. These always make me feel so encouraged, cos I know God works in my brothers and sisters overseas, and it is only Him who can convict hearts to serve Him in such a manner. So yes, my heart is often uplifted and sings praises to Him, seeing the work amongst His people. People who are so different culturally, but so similar in that we worship the one and same almighty God.
Minus- seeing more, also means feeling more for the people. Seeing the needs can be so overwhelming. Learning about the hardships and struggles that people go through make me sad. And planning for trips and praying for people to go for trips sometimes is such an uphill task. Realise if I'm not careful, it just becomes one trip after the next, and I lose focus as to why I am doing what I am doing in the first place.
H1N1 scare. I had to be self quarantined for 3 times, now being the third. First after Philippines, second after a volunteer suspected of H1N1 (b4 I flew to Indonesia), third now! Indonesia has strangely only reported 2 cases (haha, do u believe them???), but its listed under the countries affected. So students who have been to Indonesia need to quarantine themselves for 7 days after trip. I went back to office on Fri, but boss asked me to work from home yesterday (sat) since there were lots of girls coming. I had a minor cough and was sneezy yesterday. And there was this oppressive fear in my head...what if I got the flu, what if I pass it to someone yadda yadda. Fear not bcos I am afraid abt my own health, but more so about affecting people. In the evening I got better, and I went out to watch a concert with HY, Jas and ZW. Heh...Are you going Tsk Tsk now?
I'm feeling better today, but I'm feeling SO SO SO super tired. I think its the accumulated lack of sleep. I really don't know how to rest!!! I feel so out of my element resting. I slept today until 11am, drifting in and out of sleep since 10am. And then I listened to a sermon, and then slotted my philippines photos, prayed and then cooked lunch. Facebooked a bit, and had to reply smses from volunteer, before going back to sleep again, and waking up to reply smses abt work again (sigh!). Actually rest is really not a physical thing, but emotional and spirtual. I am praying on Psalms 91, that God will protect me under the shadow of His wings.
But yes, sleep has been so good, and I'm still so tired and exhausted now actually. But in my mind, I'm thinking, am I supposed to be working on something or not...or what...or reply emails...or.....?
Heh....I salute u if u manage to finish reading this, cos this has been a lot of ranting. =) I appreciate your prayers at the end of reading this! I'm seeking God in this season...refocusing...wanting Him...loving Him.
Btw, isn't this cute? Its a pict I took with the kids from the school! =) P/S if u are interested in teaching English, whether 1 month or 1 year at the school in Kalimantan, pls let me know. They are greatly in need of English teachers. This is a christian school for the Dayaks from the villages.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Rescue mission
Due to some glitches, I didn't fly yesterday, and will be flying tmr morning instead. It was an eventful day as I awoke all ready to go, with my luggage all packed. The uncertainty showed me what it means to be (1) Battle ready - i.e. having your luggage packed and ready to go (2) Trusting and Waiting - For God's timing in uncertainty.
I'm glad I was at home to witness a most touching event. As I have told some of you before, a pair of birds (honey bird) built their nest at the bamboo tree outside my house door. This is the third time they have a kid here. Two other baby birds have hatched and flew off.
But this naughty little baby bird, probably kicks a lot in the nest, plus the nest has really worn out after 2 baby birds. I heard the day before, the baby bird was dropping out of the nest, and my dad & mum had to scoop up the bird and put it back into its nest. Yesterday, the same thing happened to the bird. It was hanging on its legs, upside down in a precarious situation. Dad put the bird into the nest a few times, and even used toothpicks to stick the nest together. As the nest really looked like it was going to break, he put a box below for the bird to land. The baby bird really dropped on the box, and the mother bird was flying all ard the garden anxiously. I noticed the father bird only came after much later. (I was thinking to myself.....The male and female characteristics apply in the animal kingdom too? haha..)
I'm glad I was at home to witness a most touching event. As I have told some of you before, a pair of birds (honey bird) built their nest at the bamboo tree outside my house door. This is the third time they have a kid here. Two other baby birds have hatched and flew off.
But this naughty little baby bird, probably kicks a lot in the nest, plus the nest has really worn out after 2 baby birds. I heard the day before, the baby bird was dropping out of the nest, and my dad & mum had to scoop up the bird and put it back into its nest. Yesterday, the same thing happened to the bird. It was hanging on its legs, upside down in a precarious situation. Dad put the bird into the nest a few times, and even used toothpicks to stick the nest together. As the nest really looked like it was going to break, he put a box below for the bird to land. The baby bird really dropped on the box, and the mother bird was flying all ard the garden anxiously. I noticed the father bird only came after much later. (I was thinking to myself.....The male and female characteristics apply in the animal kingdom too? haha..)
Okay here is the poor birdy....
And mum and dad thought of cutting down the original nest and put it into this basket, before putting poor baby inside. So that baby will not fall again. It was kinda sweet....Mummy bird and Daddy bird were so worried tweeting all around. And later when the discovered baby bird was safe in the new man-made nest, they continued their tweeting melody. ;)
For more info, u may visit my mum's blog which gives a narration of the whole incident plus photos. ;p
It was the most beautiful rescue mission that I saw....and a representation of love between parents and their kids, and my parents with animals ;p I see God in nature.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
What would you bring up to a helicopter?
Its really been some time since I blogged! Life has been somewhat busy. I'm flying again on Wednesday from 17-24 June to Indonesia (Jakarta and Pontianak). I kind of like the "image" of being on the move and flying here and there, but deep inside me, part of me feels a little bit tired and lonely. Traveling can be quite lonely, and when I get touched about some people or things, I can only journal them down (if there's no one to share with, but yea, I am thankful for the different ones I've travelled with and the divine conversations). And also I can't sleep properly in a new place, I usually take some time to get used to it! I'm also thinking about the greenish looking water in the village that we use to bathe........
Sigh I have become so pampered! Was it a change? I find that the older I get, I get exposed to different things, and my "want" list increases. This year I bought Nike & Birkenstock shoes. Recently I tried Clinique products and I like them, so I got some from an online shop that sells it cheaper. I also have taken a liking to Bodyshop stuff like the White Musk shower gel is simply so luxurious! Last year I signed on the gym membership and personal training, and going to the gym has made me feel like my body is being so taken care of, and I give thanks that I get to enjoy such a luxury. And then food wise, it is hard to resist good food, and also I enjoy drinking (chilling) with friends, and a glass of beer costs a lot. Hmm...what else.. as the weather is so hot, I've started sleeping with the aircon on every night! Last night I went to this wedding dinner, and the food was so lavish, with lobster, sharksfin (literally pieces and pieces), scallops, birds nest etc.
Maybe like Paul...he is contented with much and with little? Not sure when it crosses the line. The gist is, I guess, taking all things as temporal. But yeah I am thankful each time I have much. And having said all this, I think it is still more blessed to be with loved ones than to have the gold and treasures of the earth. And also the realisation (not that I didn't know, it just became so apparent recently) that I am so well taken care of at home. Maybe it took my friends to have children before I realised the difficulties of raising a kid, caring for a baby etc. When I get home, my mum cooks wonderful meals and heats them up for me, I just have to eat and wash up. I always think my parents should get more involved in missions, but indirectly, they have supported missions by taking care of me and releasing me to travel so much. This I am so thankful for.
Recently i came across some really good resources from World Vision on teaching youths abt global issues and what the bible says about them. One of the questions they asked was, if there was a flood, what are the things u will bring to the roof top. What are the things you will bring up to the helicopter. To the helicopter I can think of my family ofcos, and all my identification cards like I/C, passport, and my hard disk & camera which contain a lot of info...most of my money is in the bank anyway. And to the rooftop, you know what....I think I may bring my books up, and some momentos that really mean a lot to me from people. Hmm. How about you? This ques helps to identify which are really really dear things to you!! Maybe it also depends how much time I have to bring these things up yea.
Sigh I have become so pampered! Was it a change? I find that the older I get, I get exposed to different things, and my "want" list increases. This year I bought Nike & Birkenstock shoes. Recently I tried Clinique products and I like them, so I got some from an online shop that sells it cheaper. I also have taken a liking to Bodyshop stuff like the White Musk shower gel is simply so luxurious! Last year I signed on the gym membership and personal training, and going to the gym has made me feel like my body is being so taken care of, and I give thanks that I get to enjoy such a luxury. And then food wise, it is hard to resist good food, and also I enjoy drinking (chilling) with friends, and a glass of beer costs a lot. Hmm...what else.. as the weather is so hot, I've started sleeping with the aircon on every night! Last night I went to this wedding dinner, and the food was so lavish, with lobster, sharksfin (literally pieces and pieces), scallops, birds nest etc.
Maybe like Paul...he is contented with much and with little? Not sure when it crosses the line. The gist is, I guess, taking all things as temporal. But yeah I am thankful each time I have much. And having said all this, I think it is still more blessed to be with loved ones than to have the gold and treasures of the earth. And also the realisation (not that I didn't know, it just became so apparent recently) that I am so well taken care of at home. Maybe it took my friends to have children before I realised the difficulties of raising a kid, caring for a baby etc. When I get home, my mum cooks wonderful meals and heats them up for me, I just have to eat and wash up. I always think my parents should get more involved in missions, but indirectly, they have supported missions by taking care of me and releasing me to travel so much. This I am so thankful for.
Recently i came across some really good resources from World Vision on teaching youths abt global issues and what the bible says about them. One of the questions they asked was, if there was a flood, what are the things u will bring to the roof top. What are the things you will bring up to the helicopter. To the helicopter I can think of my family ofcos, and all my identification cards like I/C, passport, and my hard disk & camera which contain a lot of info...most of my money is in the bank anyway. And to the rooftop, you know what....I think I may bring my books up, and some momentos that really mean a lot to me from people. Hmm. How about you? This ques helps to identify which are really really dear things to you!! Maybe it also depends how much time I have to bring these things up yea.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Random...blues...
I've been feeling a bit disoriented and blue since I came back from Philippines..
I think partly it is cos I have been on a series of high activities like church retreat and philippines. And now that life has returned to normalcy, and the work emails start flooding in again, I'm feeling blue!! :(
There are a few issues hanging at work, that I don't know how to settle. I'm in need of God's grace to see me through.
The other reason for the low energy, I think is cos I've been sick. The doct gave me 2 days of MC cos she heard I had been traveling, so better to stay away from people. That was fri and sat. And since I don't have fever, and my cough is recovering, I think I am cleared!
The 2 days of rest suddenly gave me loads of time and space alone. And made me realise I have been running on full speed engine for the past few months, just one activity after the next! Including the relaxing activities, like gym, free massage etc etc, but nevertheless still running from one place to the next. And because I'm coughing, I decided to skip gym today on my off day. It makes me realise how much time gym actually takes up! 45 min travel & changing time, 1 hr 15min workout, 45 min clean up and travel back. Wah that's 2 hours 45 min! Almost half a day is gone of my free day..
Sunday was a super packed day, having to reach church at 830am for the IDT test which I think I did quite badly, cos of the cough mixture, I can't remember some of the memory verses. And then served as a welcomer. Church service, and then meeting on missions, cos am now serving in the missions pillar for young adults.
I know I'm sounding a bit whinny and complainy today. heh..actually there's nothing much to complain abt. =p Still in my lull mood. The hot weather makes me grumpy.
But yup, thankful for lunch with a good fren/ex colleague, and telephone call with a dear friend!
I think partly it is cos I have been on a series of high activities like church retreat and philippines. And now that life has returned to normalcy, and the work emails start flooding in again, I'm feeling blue!! :(
There are a few issues hanging at work, that I don't know how to settle. I'm in need of God's grace to see me through.
The other reason for the low energy, I think is cos I've been sick. The doct gave me 2 days of MC cos she heard I had been traveling, so better to stay away from people. That was fri and sat. And since I don't have fever, and my cough is recovering, I think I am cleared!
The 2 days of rest suddenly gave me loads of time and space alone. And made me realise I have been running on full speed engine for the past few months, just one activity after the next! Including the relaxing activities, like gym, free massage etc etc, but nevertheless still running from one place to the next. And because I'm coughing, I decided to skip gym today on my off day. It makes me realise how much time gym actually takes up! 45 min travel & changing time, 1 hr 15min workout, 45 min clean up and travel back. Wah that's 2 hours 45 min! Almost half a day is gone of my free day..
Sunday was a super packed day, having to reach church at 830am for the IDT test which I think I did quite badly, cos of the cough mixture, I can't remember some of the memory verses. And then served as a welcomer. Church service, and then meeting on missions, cos am now serving in the missions pillar for young adults.
I know I'm sounding a bit whinny and complainy today. heh..actually there's nothing much to complain abt. =p Still in my lull mood. The hot weather makes me grumpy.
But yup, thankful for lunch with a good fren/ex colleague, and telephone call with a dear friend!
Monday, May 25, 2009
I can reach the heavens above (part 2)
I have started taking an interest in photography. It was a gradual thing, as I enjoyed photo taking previously, but I think it built up one year ago as I got my own Canon IXUS (the colours really turn out nice, even if I use auto mode, and don't do any special setting. Not like I know how to do much special settings. ;) )
And secondly, because I travel so much, I try to take as many photos as possible to capture the essence of the feelings I get looking at the people and scenery.
I love taking the blue sky, white clouds, hills, mountains, lakes, children, and recently flowers. As much as possible, freeze that moment and bring it home, sigh, though a picture speaks a thousand words, yet it cannot totally bring back that moment.
Told a friend before, that sometimes, when I am looking at a beautiful sunset, I wished I had someone to share it with. I think it is the same for photos. Being able to share it with friends, or the stories behind the photos truly doubles the joy. So here are a few selections of the photos in Bohol, from my collection. ENJOY! =) (Click on the photos to see a bigger and expanded version)
I'm thinking of going for a course to learn more about photography. And someday, maybe I will get a SLR camera! If you know of any good part time courses, let me know!
And secondly, because I travel so much, I try to take as many photos as possible to capture the essence of the feelings I get looking at the people and scenery.
I love taking the blue sky, white clouds, hills, mountains, lakes, children, and recently flowers. As much as possible, freeze that moment and bring it home, sigh, though a picture speaks a thousand words, yet it cannot totally bring back that moment.
Told a friend before, that sometimes, when I am looking at a beautiful sunset, I wished I had someone to share it with. I think it is the same for photos. Being able to share it with friends, or the stories behind the photos truly doubles the joy. So here are a few selections of the photos in Bohol, from my collection. ENJOY! =) (Click on the photos to see a bigger and expanded version)
I'm thinking of going for a course to learn more about photography. And someday, maybe I will get a SLR camera! If you know of any good part time courses, let me know!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I can reach the heavens above (part 1)
I got back last night from Bohol! I had a very blessed trip. Even though I have been going to villages and rural areas for missions trips and work before, but this time it was different, because I was going as a sponsor with World Vision!
These are some of the things to give thanks for:
1. Empowerment of women and children
I left the place feeling encouraged, because I didn't feel like the people I met were pitiful or poor. They were empowered individuals. I met many of the community leaders who World Vision is training up to be leaders, and these are the people on the ground running the programmes and the projects. Many of these are volunteers, and they belong to the community receiving help.
Everyone I met had dignity in their eyes, and I know that after I leave and after World Vision leaves, development will continue there.
2. Hidden treasures within the children & youths
We met some of the "child leaders" as they call them. They hosted the programmes, sang for us, held the children's programmes. And I was touched at one point when these two youths sang this song titled "I Can". Part of the lyrics went like this:
I can live, I can love
I can reach the heavens above
I can right what is wrong
I can sing just any song
I can dance, I can fly
And touch the rainbow in the sky
The youth leader shared, that they are so blessed, of all the barangay (something like village), World Vision chose them. It touched my heart, that a sum of 45 dollar a month contribution meant so much to them. Call the contribution small, compared to how much we have in Singapore. But it made such an impact in their lives.
I was touched by the meaning behind the donation. That it meant more than an act of kindness. It meant seeds of hope for those in remote places/villages/forests. It meant helping to release the poor into their destiny. It meant empowerment. It meant releasing them to fulfill their potential. And of all places, God would choose to go to remote places to seek and find that which is lost.
If more people could be convicted that their 45 dollars meant so much, wouldn't we do much more?
3. Because God first loved
I know that my gift is small, and I can only love because God first loved me. It is not a coincidence, but each sponsor and child, God divinely matchmade together because He knows our needs and desires at different seasons in our lives.
I was encouraged that my love meant something when the people stood up to give us keychains and bracelets. I embraced this old lady -community leader who gave me my gift. I cried. Cos I felt so loved and appreciated, and the thankfulness that they expressed towards us. I know we blessed them by our presence and they had blessed us so much too with the genuinity of their hearts. I felt like saying, thank God, not me, because we did nothing. He is the source of love. At that moment, I felt God's deep sense of love. Love for the lost, the litle children.
4. It has come full circle
One of the child leaders - a 16 year old youth, gave me a white coloured rosary, which he said was something that meant a lot to him. And that he prayed that God will protect me, and I should hold the rosary in my hand because God will protect me.
It stirred up memories of the brown rosary - same design and all, given by my domestic helper, who shared Christ with me when I was 6 or 7 years old. I would put the rosary in my hand before I slept, dutifully, every night. I think it went on for a few years. Even though I was a child, and not a church goer back then, I prayed to God. And I believe that this full circle back, God reminded me that He was with me, from the very beginning. And He already knew what was ahead.
5. Surrender....
Surrendered to God. Some of the desires I still had. The difficulties I faced. The seemingly tough and lonely untreaded road ahead. And even though it is difficult, the reminder of the Father's love. The Father who unceasingly reaches out to everyone in the World, young and old, far and near, city and rural, rich or poor. The God who holds all things in His hands.
---
Lastly, I pray that you would consider sponsoring a child. 45 dollars may mean nothing to you, or just a little pinch, or a little less savings in your bank, or 2-3 less meals at restaurants. But it means a world of a difference to a child. (Even at the risk of sounding very cliche, but I really never knew what it meant, until I went on this trip)
http://www.worldvision.org.sg/st_sponsorchild.php
Some photos and videos to follow...videos are taking super long to upload!! Grr.
These are some of the things to give thanks for:
1. Empowerment of women and children
I left the place feeling encouraged, because I didn't feel like the people I met were pitiful or poor. They were empowered individuals. I met many of the community leaders who World Vision is training up to be leaders, and these are the people on the ground running the programmes and the projects. Many of these are volunteers, and they belong to the community receiving help.
Everyone I met had dignity in their eyes, and I know that after I leave and after World Vision leaves, development will continue there.
2. Hidden treasures within the children & youths
We met some of the "child leaders" as they call them. They hosted the programmes, sang for us, held the children's programmes. And I was touched at one point when these two youths sang this song titled "I Can". Part of the lyrics went like this:
I can live, I can love
I can reach the heavens above
I can right what is wrong
I can sing just any song
I can dance, I can fly
And touch the rainbow in the sky
The youth leader shared, that they are so blessed, of all the barangay (something like village), World Vision chose them. It touched my heart, that a sum of 45 dollar a month contribution meant so much to them. Call the contribution small, compared to how much we have in Singapore. But it made such an impact in their lives.
I was touched by the meaning behind the donation. That it meant more than an act of kindness. It meant seeds of hope for those in remote places/villages/forests. It meant helping to release the poor into their destiny. It meant empowerment. It meant releasing them to fulfill their potential. And of all places, God would choose to go to remote places to seek and find that which is lost.
If more people could be convicted that their 45 dollars meant so much, wouldn't we do much more?
3. Because God first loved
I know that my gift is small, and I can only love because God first loved me. It is not a coincidence, but each sponsor and child, God divinely matchmade together because He knows our needs and desires at different seasons in our lives.
I was encouraged that my love meant something when the people stood up to give us keychains and bracelets. I embraced this old lady -community leader who gave me my gift. I cried. Cos I felt so loved and appreciated, and the thankfulness that they expressed towards us. I know we blessed them by our presence and they had blessed us so much too with the genuinity of their hearts. I felt like saying, thank God, not me, because we did nothing. He is the source of love. At that moment, I felt God's deep sense of love. Love for the lost, the litle children.
4. It has come full circle
One of the child leaders - a 16 year old youth, gave me a white coloured rosary, which he said was something that meant a lot to him. And that he prayed that God will protect me, and I should hold the rosary in my hand because God will protect me.
It stirred up memories of the brown rosary - same design and all, given by my domestic helper, who shared Christ with me when I was 6 or 7 years old. I would put the rosary in my hand before I slept, dutifully, every night. I think it went on for a few years. Even though I was a child, and not a church goer back then, I prayed to God. And I believe that this full circle back, God reminded me that He was with me, from the very beginning. And He already knew what was ahead.
5. Surrender....
Surrendered to God. Some of the desires I still had. The difficulties I faced. The seemingly tough and lonely untreaded road ahead. And even though it is difficult, the reminder of the Father's love. The Father who unceasingly reaches out to everyone in the World, young and old, far and near, city and rural, rich or poor. The God who holds all things in His hands.
---
Lastly, I pray that you would consider sponsoring a child. 45 dollars may mean nothing to you, or just a little pinch, or a little less savings in your bank, or 2-3 less meals at restaurants. But it means a world of a difference to a child. (Even at the risk of sounding very cliche, but I really never knew what it meant, until I went on this trip)
http://www.worldvision.org.sg/st_sponsorchild.php
Some photos and videos to follow...videos are taking super long to upload!! Grr.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Greetings from Bohol!
Greetings from Bohol, Philippines! =) Using internet in the hotel.
Couldn't resist checking my email, and yup, as suspected, my inbox is flooded. Ignore! **
Seeing my kid tmr...
Meanwhile, it has been a good rest so far, and reflecting abt stuff.
Back on Saturday evening.
Blessings
Couldn't resist checking my email, and yup, as suspected, my inbox is flooded. Ignore! **
Seeing my kid tmr...
Meanwhile, it has been a good rest so far, and reflecting abt stuff.
Back on Saturday evening.
Blessings
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
We can do no great things, only small things with great love - Mother Teresa
As I was preparing a presentation for some polytechnic students today, this quote by Mother Teresa came to my mind:
We can do no great things, only small things with great love
One of the reasons why I feel more rested now, is because I have started adopting this philosophy unknowingly.
When I first got into NGO work, I was upset because the vision/mission varied so far from reality. And I looked to others to give me answers, especially my bosses.
The ground is very hard. There's stress from all ends, sometimes there is a tension between meeting the needs of the employees, the beneficiaries, the trippers, the volunteers etc.
So I got pretty stressed up and upset over these things.
As time passed, I realised the limitations of everyone, and bosses don't have all the answers. Thankful that I am finally able to accept some grey areas. And yeah, I celebrated my one year anniversary in non profit work on the 2 of May! =) Clap Clap..
I wonder how many years there are to come. But I am really starting to find that I am getting paid for something I really like to do. Increasingly, as I understand things better, I am convicted that lifeskills and literacy skills matter a lot, and even though it is so hard to find resources to support the training, what we have right now is really good, and we need to continue to work on it.
Seeing things in small pieces, and looking to the vision which may be fulfilled in a few years times really help. I wish the vision can be fulfilled the next day, and all the systems/processes/syllabus/programmes/committees are all set in place. But that really takes a lot of time, effort, hardwork, and prayer to work.
Though I still meet nasty and weird people. Should try and ignore them...
I am so humbled, and am starting to pray more for each project.
And today, I got to share about our work with some psychology and community service students! Its the second time I got to interact directly with students, and not through a teacher. I enjoyed seeing their interested and inquisitve faces a lot, absorbing what I had to share. =)
-----------------------------
I'm going to Philippines on Sunday (17/5) to Sat (23/5). I got some chocs & souvenirs for the family, and a jacket and a Mighty Warrior children's bible for my kid (sponsored through world vision)! =) I felt so happy carrying the big bags of gifts home. Its such a blessing to be able to give to others! This may be the only time I get to meet my kid, Buboy in my lifetime, so yup, giving him the best. Hope that its not too extravagant.
We can do no great things, only small things with great love
One of the reasons why I feel more rested now, is because I have started adopting this philosophy unknowingly.
When I first got into NGO work, I was upset because the vision/mission varied so far from reality. And I looked to others to give me answers, especially my bosses.
The ground is very hard. There's stress from all ends, sometimes there is a tension between meeting the needs of the employees, the beneficiaries, the trippers, the volunteers etc.
So I got pretty stressed up and upset over these things.
As time passed, I realised the limitations of everyone, and bosses don't have all the answers. Thankful that I am finally able to accept some grey areas. And yeah, I celebrated my one year anniversary in non profit work on the 2 of May! =) Clap Clap..
I wonder how many years there are to come. But I am really starting to find that I am getting paid for something I really like to do. Increasingly, as I understand things better, I am convicted that lifeskills and literacy skills matter a lot, and even though it is so hard to find resources to support the training, what we have right now is really good, and we need to continue to work on it.
Seeing things in small pieces, and looking to the vision which may be fulfilled in a few years times really help. I wish the vision can be fulfilled the next day, and all the systems/processes/syllabus/programmes/committees are all set in place. But that really takes a lot of time, effort, hardwork, and prayer to work.
Though I still meet nasty and weird people. Should try and ignore them...
I am so humbled, and am starting to pray more for each project.
And today, I got to share about our work with some psychology and community service students! Its the second time I got to interact directly with students, and not through a teacher. I enjoyed seeing their interested and inquisitve faces a lot, absorbing what I had to share. =)
-----------------------------
I'm going to Philippines on Sunday (17/5) to Sat (23/5). I got some chocs & souvenirs for the family, and a jacket and a Mighty Warrior children's bible for my kid (sponsored through world vision)! =) I felt so happy carrying the big bags of gifts home. Its such a blessing to be able to give to others! This may be the only time I get to meet my kid, Buboy in my lifetime, so yup, giving him the best. Hope that its not too extravagant.
Here's a pict of the cool jacket and bible and misc gifts. I really found the jacket super cool! But then I realise that it is for kids 1.50 m tall (12 years old), but when I got home to check, my kid was only 1.22m tall 2 years ago. I hope he can fit into it now that he is 11 years old.
----------------------------
It feels a bit strange to be not worried by something...O well. Actually the stress level is still there. But yup, thankful for lots of things and looking forward to traveling!!
Thursday, May 07, 2009
It's making sense
Things have been great, felt refreshed and strengthed by the Breakthrough weekend at Johor over the last weekend.
New things are happening at work, there's a new atmosphere of lightness and cohesiveness.
On the home front, parents went overseas, so sis and I have the house to ourselves! It has been more bz doing housework and all, but also a good time of being by ourselves.
Overall, everything has been good. And my spirits have been really uplifted. My mind has been cleared...and I am rethinking about life again. Those desires on the inside arising again, the passion for life....
Looking back at all that happened, and it all makes sense now. :) Why I had to go through certain things, how certain events shaped me...and what I am perhaps created to do.
For now, one step at a time.
New things are happening at work, there's a new atmosphere of lightness and cohesiveness.
On the home front, parents went overseas, so sis and I have the house to ourselves! It has been more bz doing housework and all, but also a good time of being by ourselves.
Overall, everything has been good. And my spirits have been really uplifted. My mind has been cleared...and I am rethinking about life again. Those desires on the inside arising again, the passion for life....
Looking back at all that happened, and it all makes sense now. :) Why I had to go through certain things, how certain events shaped me...and what I am perhaps created to do.
For now, one step at a time.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Rest =0
I'm at home today. Off in lieu for my work trip over Sunday. =) Sent out a few urgent emails just now, and there's still things to do. But decided to just rest at home and do stuff with myself today. Yay!!!! Might make a trip to the beach later... Or get a hair cut...or go to the bank....
Slept lots yesterday too, and went to the gym for a good workout....
Looking forward to tmr's Breakthrough Weekend at Pulai Springs in Johor. All the way until Saturday.
Slept lots yesterday too, and went to the gym for a good workout....
Looking forward to tmr's Breakthrough Weekend at Pulai Springs in Johor. All the way until Saturday.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Before the world rushes in again...
...I want to stop and say I love You
Before the day
by Newsong
Last night while I was sleeping, You were watching over me
While I dreamt about tomorrow, You knew my every need
Now another day is waiting, For me to make it through
And there is no way that I can face it without You
CHORUS
Before the day slips away, I want to stop and say I love You, I love You
Before the world rushes in again
I want to stop and say, There is none above You
There is none above You
I just be still and know that you are God, Be still and know that you are God
There is something about the morning, The stillness of it all
That cause my heart to hear You, When You gently call
Now another day is waiting, For me to make it through
There is no way that I can face it without You
Here I am in your presence, Where I long to be
Alone with you in the silence
Rain down your love and your mercy, Whisper softly to me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNt_4JE992s
Before the day
by Newsong
Last night while I was sleeping, You were watching over me
While I dreamt about tomorrow, You knew my every need
Now another day is waiting, For me to make it through
And there is no way that I can face it without You
CHORUS
Before the day slips away, I want to stop and say I love You, I love You
Before the world rushes in again
I want to stop and say, There is none above You
There is none above You
I just be still and know that you are God, Be still and know that you are God
There is something about the morning, The stillness of it all
That cause my heart to hear You, When You gently call
Now another day is waiting, For me to make it through
There is no way that I can face it without You
Here I am in your presence, Where I long to be
Alone with you in the silence
Rain down your love and your mercy, Whisper softly to me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNt_4JE992s
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Flying and flying around..
Its crazy that things are just starting to build up and get busy, as events run back to back.
For these 2 days, I am helping out at a conference organized by Greenleaf Asia, which is GB's social enterprise arm. And we have to reach Orchid Country Club at Yishun by 730am! Its rather stressful as I am in charged of ushering, but thank God for the provision of someone experienced to advice me...
2 days back in office on Thur and Fri to clear emails, since I'm away from office, and Sat night I am flying to Jakarta with my boss for an urgent meeting. Back on Sunday night.
Wednesday I am going to Breakthrough weekend - a church camp, at Johor. And back on the next Saturday (2/5). And then on 3/5 I may need to go to Cambodia, to bring a partner there.
Yeah, and on the 17/5 I will be at Philippines to visit my sponsored kid with World Vision. =)
Heh....I kinda feel stressed looking at the schedule, I feel its like super hectic. But strangely it gives me a very weird adrenaline rush. Like...I actually feel quite happy to be going different places, doing different things, meeting different people.
These 2 days of conference....tho, has taken up some of my Monday off days for planning, has been some sort of a good time off away from my desk, to meet new people, esp the Greenleaf volunteers.
I've been meeting a lot of godly and more elderly women...and have to overcome my fear of dealing with authority figures, esp strong women figures...
Couldn't sleep last night....maybe slept about 3 hrs....as my brain was functioning at high speed at night.
----------------------------------------------
Maybe...there's not much time to process too much. But I managed to jot these thoughts down a few days ago in my journal.
Love is not merely the happy feeling of seeing someone. It is not just the chemistry. It is not just that romantic feeling of having someone say sweet things. It is not that mad rush to be together. It is not just that desire to hold someone.
It is that plus...getting to know someone as a friend. It is thinking with the head, observing if the person is worthy of opening up one's heart to. It is observing one in the group context, the integrity and the constancy of a person. And...if things still hold after a lifetime.......maybe we can consider love.
For these 2 days, I am helping out at a conference organized by Greenleaf Asia, which is GB's social enterprise arm. And we have to reach Orchid Country Club at Yishun by 730am! Its rather stressful as I am in charged of ushering, but thank God for the provision of someone experienced to advice me...
2 days back in office on Thur and Fri to clear emails, since I'm away from office, and Sat night I am flying to Jakarta with my boss for an urgent meeting. Back on Sunday night.
Wednesday I am going to Breakthrough weekend - a church camp, at Johor. And back on the next Saturday (2/5). And then on 3/5 I may need to go to Cambodia, to bring a partner there.
Yeah, and on the 17/5 I will be at Philippines to visit my sponsored kid with World Vision. =)
Heh....I kinda feel stressed looking at the schedule, I feel its like super hectic. But strangely it gives me a very weird adrenaline rush. Like...I actually feel quite happy to be going different places, doing different things, meeting different people.
These 2 days of conference....tho, has taken up some of my Monday off days for planning, has been some sort of a good time off away from my desk, to meet new people, esp the Greenleaf volunteers.
I've been meeting a lot of godly and more elderly women...and have to overcome my fear of dealing with authority figures, esp strong women figures...
Couldn't sleep last night....maybe slept about 3 hrs....as my brain was functioning at high speed at night.
----------------------------------------------
Maybe...there's not much time to process too much. But I managed to jot these thoughts down a few days ago in my journal.
Love is not merely the happy feeling of seeing someone. It is not just the chemistry. It is not just that romantic feeling of having someone say sweet things. It is not that mad rush to be together. It is not just that desire to hold someone.
It is that plus...getting to know someone as a friend. It is thinking with the head, observing if the person is worthy of opening up one's heart to. It is observing one in the group context, the integrity and the constancy of a person. And...if things still hold after a lifetime.......maybe we can consider love.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
When I run, I feel His pleasure
I have been going to the gym, trying to go about twice a week. When I first signed up for the gym, I wanted to join the cardio step board and pilates classes, cos I attended the lunch time classes back in GIC. And the rates were pretty reasonable. Then I started running on the threadmill, and with much encouragement from the trainer, I improved on my distance and timings.
Running 10 min or even 2km was pretty painful at the start. But now I am running the minimum of 2km, and sometimes up to 20 min and 3km. =) The speed keeps improving, and I am actually starting to enjoy it! As I run, I pray, and I clear my thoughts. It makes me feel very happy to have this personal time. And I think running has taught me many things about perseverance. ;p
Told someone that going to the gym, makes me feel I'm in control, while rest of my life are not in control.
In control...as I see the timings improving, my legs getting thinner, and the muscles building on my arms and shoulders.
Out of control...cos I am not able to control how people treat me, the circumstances that happen, the external stressors...
------------------------------------------
But are other things really not within my control? I've been reading books on boundary setting, the need for separation and attachment with people. The books say that when we fail to set boundaries, sometimes we blame others for our pain, and we think we are victims who are not in control. On the contrary, we can learn to say no to others. I've taken some steps to say no at certain times, and even though I feel a tinge of guilt, I know that these are good steps to take. There is actually healthy withdrawal! That helps us to love others better. =)
P/S. I actually thought of this quote by Eric Liddell "When I run, I feel His pleasure", who was an olympics runner and missionary.
In a lot of ways.."running" can be applied to other gifts and inclinations that God has given to us. We feel pleasure when we do what we were gifted to do.
Running 10 min or even 2km was pretty painful at the start. But now I am running the minimum of 2km, and sometimes up to 20 min and 3km. =) The speed keeps improving, and I am actually starting to enjoy it! As I run, I pray, and I clear my thoughts. It makes me feel very happy to have this personal time. And I think running has taught me many things about perseverance. ;p
Told someone that going to the gym, makes me feel I'm in control, while rest of my life are not in control.
In control...as I see the timings improving, my legs getting thinner, and the muscles building on my arms and shoulders.
Out of control...cos I am not able to control how people treat me, the circumstances that happen, the external stressors...
------------------------------------------
But are other things really not within my control? I've been reading books on boundary setting, the need for separation and attachment with people. The books say that when we fail to set boundaries, sometimes we blame others for our pain, and we think we are victims who are not in control. On the contrary, we can learn to say no to others. I've taken some steps to say no at certain times, and even though I feel a tinge of guilt, I know that these are good steps to take. There is actually healthy withdrawal! That helps us to love others better. =)
P/S. I actually thought of this quote by Eric Liddell "When I run, I feel His pleasure", who was an olympics runner and missionary.
In a lot of ways.."running" can be applied to other gifts and inclinations that God has given to us. We feel pleasure when we do what we were gifted to do.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
下一个天亮
Heh,
I watched Campus Superstar the whole night today with my mum. It was kinda fun watching it with her and making remarks abt the contestants.
One of the songs really touched my heart. I think Jarrod really performed it very well. And it brought out the meaning behind the song.
Got me really emo...
As I have been having flash backs and memories of the past. Some of the memories are really lovely and sweet. And today I fished out a card from my wallet that I didn't even realise was there, written to me by someone who loved me.
And then I realise that during different seasons in my life, there were special people who understood me, and stood by me. And somehow, some of them left my life and moved on. But that doesn't negate the happy memories of the past. ;p And how these ones have been there for me at those difficult moments, holding my hand, or giving me a shoulder to cry on, or writing me a card to encourage me.
Guess I really liked the hope & positivity in the song too. Cos, there will definitely be a dawn the next day. =)
Okay I guess I am extrapolating some stuff that are not really from the song. But things I have been thinking about anyway.
I am waiting for the next Dawn....
郭静 - 下一个天亮
用起伏的背影 挡住哭泣的心
有些故事 不必说给 每个人听
许多眼睛 看的太浅太近
错过我没被看见 那个自己
用简单的言语 解开超载的心
有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听
你的热泪 比我激动怜惜
我发誓要更努力 更有勇气
等下一个天亮
去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗
有些积雪会自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂
等下一个天亮
把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发
和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光
时间可以磨去我的棱角
有些坚持却永远磨不掉
请容许我 小小的骄傲
因为有你这样的依靠
I watched Campus Superstar the whole night today with my mum. It was kinda fun watching it with her and making remarks abt the contestants.
One of the songs really touched my heart. I think Jarrod really performed it very well. And it brought out the meaning behind the song.
Got me really emo...
As I have been having flash backs and memories of the past. Some of the memories are really lovely and sweet. And today I fished out a card from my wallet that I didn't even realise was there, written to me by someone who loved me.
And then I realise that during different seasons in my life, there were special people who understood me, and stood by me. And somehow, some of them left my life and moved on. But that doesn't negate the happy memories of the past. ;p And how these ones have been there for me at those difficult moments, holding my hand, or giving me a shoulder to cry on, or writing me a card to encourage me.
Guess I really liked the hope & positivity in the song too. Cos, there will definitely be a dawn the next day. =)
Okay I guess I am extrapolating some stuff that are not really from the song. But things I have been thinking about anyway.
I am waiting for the next Dawn....
郭静 - 下一个天亮
用起伏的背影 挡住哭泣的心
有些故事 不必说给 每个人听
许多眼睛 看的太浅太近
错过我没被看见 那个自己
用简单的言语 解开超载的心
有些情绪 是该说给 懂的人听
你的热泪 比我激动怜惜
我发誓要更努力 更有勇气
等下一个天亮
去上次牵手赏花那里散步好吗
有些积雪会自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁达的天堂
等下一个天亮
把偷拍我看海的照片送我好吗
我喜欢我飞舞的头发
和飘着雨还是眺望的眼光
时间可以磨去我的棱角
有些坚持却永远磨不掉
请容许我 小小的骄傲
因为有你这样的依靠
Monday, April 06, 2009
Kudos to Friends
I'm kinda happy that life has some how gotten back to that happy pace...
Its a season (and moment) in my life whereby I don't feel angsty, feel thankful and somewhat hopeful. =)
I hope it won't just last a moment, but it will last a long time.
Things are somewhat going at a good pace at church, and yeah, ministries I'm serving in are starting to bear fruit, as I see lives being changed.
With the veil lifted, I kind of can give thanks for where God has placed me at work. In a position of influence, to reach out to women and children in Asia. To be part of community development projects, empower and touch lives.
I'm starting to enjoy friendships. A friend told me- sometimes, what we are simply looking for is Friends, and not a mate. That statement made me ponder a lot. I've maybe unconsciously overlooked the role and importance of friends in my life. Having someone to be there for you, a friend to walk long distances with, to talk abt anything under the sun, and to pray together. That kind of resonance with another person- deep and lasting friendship.
There's things that a mate can do with you that a friend can't ofcos. But for now, I'm giving thanks for friends.
We had our JC gathering on Sat night, and we went for KTV! I haven't gone for maybe a year, and it was nice singing and laughing together with my ex-classmates of a decade. =) In a sense- a "friend" is so loosely defined, that we call anyone our friend. Whereas a "friend" in its truest sense encompasses so much more. Of inputting and giving into each others lives. I am blessed to have a few friends from my JC class.
C.S. Lewis deferentiates friends from companions...maybe i will elaborate another time. But friends.....X tells Y abt something, and Y goes, yes, I feel the same way too! And X and Y start becoming friends....
Yest I had dinner with a small grp of church friends too, cos it was someone's bday. We had dinner at 5 Star Chicken Rice at Upper Bukit Timah. Yeah...so far for a eastie like me. After that we had icecream at Sunset Way- Daily Scoops. Trust me, I never knew the existance of these places until I started attending CEFC. But it was again a nice time of laughing and sharing over dinner. And I'm thankful for friendships built over the past 2 years plus in church =)
Yeah...so in that sense....I'm in a happy place. I really need FRIENDS!
Its a season (and moment) in my life whereby I don't feel angsty, feel thankful and somewhat hopeful. =)
I hope it won't just last a moment, but it will last a long time.
Things are somewhat going at a good pace at church, and yeah, ministries I'm serving in are starting to bear fruit, as I see lives being changed.
With the veil lifted, I kind of can give thanks for where God has placed me at work. In a position of influence, to reach out to women and children in Asia. To be part of community development projects, empower and touch lives.
I'm starting to enjoy friendships. A friend told me- sometimes, what we are simply looking for is Friends, and not a mate. That statement made me ponder a lot. I've maybe unconsciously overlooked the role and importance of friends in my life. Having someone to be there for you, a friend to walk long distances with, to talk abt anything under the sun, and to pray together. That kind of resonance with another person- deep and lasting friendship.
There's things that a mate can do with you that a friend can't ofcos. But for now, I'm giving thanks for friends.
We had our JC gathering on Sat night, and we went for KTV! I haven't gone for maybe a year, and it was nice singing and laughing together with my ex-classmates of a decade. =) In a sense- a "friend" is so loosely defined, that we call anyone our friend. Whereas a "friend" in its truest sense encompasses so much more. Of inputting and giving into each others lives. I am blessed to have a few friends from my JC class.
C.S. Lewis deferentiates friends from companions...maybe i will elaborate another time. But friends.....X tells Y abt something, and Y goes, yes, I feel the same way too! And X and Y start becoming friends....
Yest I had dinner with a small grp of church friends too, cos it was someone's bday. We had dinner at 5 Star Chicken Rice at Upper Bukit Timah. Yeah...so far for a eastie like me. After that we had icecream at Sunset Way- Daily Scoops. Trust me, I never knew the existance of these places until I started attending CEFC. But it was again a nice time of laughing and sharing over dinner. And I'm thankful for friendships built over the past 2 years plus in church =)
Yeah...so in that sense....I'm in a happy place. I really need FRIENDS!
Friday, April 03, 2009
The dark shroud
The dark shroud that veiled my mind got lifted up. I feel hope arising in my heart once again. :)
I'm Thankful.
A heart operation. It seems. A replacing of the jaded heart with a young heart. Being able to dream once again makes me feel alive. Makes me feel liberated.
Realise there are different options to go by.
Realise I'm not stuck in my situation.
Realise that I need not live in defeat.
Christ has brought light and He is victorious.
Each day is a daily surrender of ones thoughts to the Cross. The Cross life, comes with pain. It also comes with joy and liberty.
I pray that this remains!
I'm Thankful.
A heart operation. It seems. A replacing of the jaded heart with a young heart. Being able to dream once again makes me feel alive. Makes me feel liberated.
Realise there are different options to go by.
Realise I'm not stuck in my situation.
Realise that I need not live in defeat.
Christ has brought light and He is victorious.
Each day is a daily surrender of ones thoughts to the Cross. The Cross life, comes with pain. It also comes with joy and liberty.
I pray that this remains!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
While I'm waiting
My sis bought the Fireproof DVD, and I watched it yesterday with my mum.
I kinda liked the movie, though I found the front part a bit preachy.
But there was a question asked- who would be able to keep loving, and get rejected? It was a good reminder of Christ who loved us while we were sinners, and He has kept loving us.
It brought to mind the question of what Love means, and what loving someone really means.
I liked this song, cos it really spoke to me.
While I’m Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller
"The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait.
Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.”
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
I kinda liked the movie, though I found the front part a bit preachy.
But there was a question asked- who would be able to keep loving, and get rejected? It was a good reminder of Christ who loved us while we were sinners, and He has kept loving us.
It brought to mind the question of what Love means, and what loving someone really means.
I liked this song, cos it really spoke to me.
While I’m Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller
"The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait.
Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.”
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
Monday, March 23, 2009
I could not love thee, if I loved not honour more
Just a short continuation to the previous post...
Read more of C.S. Lewis's Four Loves, and one statement caught my eye:
"I could not love thee, if I loved not honour more" by a poet.
At once, I could grasp the parallel. That I could not love (X), if I loved not God more.
Loving X, is because I loved God much more.
C.S. Lewis says that it is not exactly christian to love with a protectionistic stance.
"We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him, throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken and if He chooses this is the way in which they should break, so be it."
This is a certain sort of liberation I think. To think that it is more of the "smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinancy."
It is true that someone said.....God knows all our desires. The key is not to deny those desires. It is to surrender the desires to God.
I hope I'm making sense, and that I didn't misquote C.S. Lewis in any manner. His book is too "chim", and its hard to actually express in totality the points that he brought out.
Read more of C.S. Lewis's Four Loves, and one statement caught my eye:
"I could not love thee, if I loved not honour more" by a poet.
At once, I could grasp the parallel. That I could not love (X), if I loved not God more.
Loving X, is because I loved God much more.
C.S. Lewis says that it is not exactly christian to love with a protectionistic stance.
"We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him, throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken and if He chooses this is the way in which they should break, so be it."
This is a certain sort of liberation I think. To think that it is more of the "smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinancy."
It is true that someone said.....God knows all our desires. The key is not to deny those desires. It is to surrender the desires to God.
I hope I'm making sense, and that I didn't misquote C.S. Lewis in any manner. His book is too "chim", and its hard to actually express in totality the points that he brought out.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Love and the Pain of Leaving
Should I or should I not love?
"Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies ... the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking."
Henri Nouwen
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
C.S. Lewis
Whether it is choosing to love someone in a relationship, or to love someone in ministry, it requires one to be vulnerable and to give of oneself to another. Sometimes...we grow tired in ministry and disillusioned and jaded, cos we have given, and it's painful when what we have given is perceived as unreciprocrated. Or we have given, and it seems like there is no point in giving. We then numb ourselves so as to hide from the pain of rejection. We pretend that we don't care.
One thing I realise though, in order to love others properly, we ought to know that we are loved by God, greatly precious and valued by Him. Because we have the right perspective of ourselves, we know that we should be treated rightly by others. And to learn to say no, when boundaries are crossed. To love oneself enough to be able to say no.
Its such a thin line to thread on though. When is loving a person enough? How does one know that one has crossed beyond the boundary, such that loving others becomes harmful to oneself? I guess....when loving others becomes a means to receive love, rather than being able to love out of a sense of security of who you are in Christ. Does it make any sense?
"Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies ... the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking."
Henri Nouwen
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
C.S. Lewis
Whether it is choosing to love someone in a relationship, or to love someone in ministry, it requires one to be vulnerable and to give of oneself to another. Sometimes...we grow tired in ministry and disillusioned and jaded, cos we have given, and it's painful when what we have given is perceived as unreciprocrated. Or we have given, and it seems like there is no point in giving. We then numb ourselves so as to hide from the pain of rejection. We pretend that we don't care.
One thing I realise though, in order to love others properly, we ought to know that we are loved by God, greatly precious and valued by Him. Because we have the right perspective of ourselves, we know that we should be treated rightly by others. And to learn to say no, when boundaries are crossed. To love oneself enough to be able to say no.
Its such a thin line to thread on though. When is loving a person enough? How does one know that one has crossed beyond the boundary, such that loving others becomes harmful to oneself? I guess....when loving others becomes a means to receive love, rather than being able to love out of a sense of security of who you are in Christ. Does it make any sense?
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