"You are too serious".
Seriously, I was talking to a friend who is running an NGO in Thailand this afternoon, and this is what he commented after we talked for a while!
I was shocked. But his comment hit the nail on the spot. My seriousness, or rather my intensity or rather my sense of responsibility, or rather my perfectionism kills me big time! I won't be able to survive in NGO world if I keep up this seriousness. I need to play hard, laugh a lot and have fun!
Yesterday I went back to have dinner with my ex colleagues. And I was early cos I attended a workshop before that. So I decided to reminisce old times by sitting down at Starbucks with a book and tea. I wrote this:
"Dear God,
I can't believe it but I actually felt nervous stepping into Capital Tower again. And I actually felt relieved seeing "normal" people in "civilised" settings. I missed that smell. I felt different from the crowd. Yet once where I belonged. What could be running through the heads of each one as they took the escalator down and headed home? Can they tell I am different? Though I am probably dressed like a typical executive, what's going on in my mind? What kind of different perspectives do I bring? What kind of different experiences?...
It dawned on me, it was not so much the form in which we present ourselves. It is the life and the substance within the form. To be rested in a fast paced executive environment. To be rested in a uncertain stressful NGO job. To find meaning, to find You, Jesus. In the midst of everything, to dwell in You."
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Sometimes in my intensed moments, I can't see beyond the cloud around my head. I need to lift up my eyes and see Jesus. And actually maybe...this seems to be a characteristic of many people who hold multiple responsibilities!!!
I just need to learn to laugh at myself.
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