I was supposed to go to Cambodia this week. Within the span of a few hours, the decision fluctuated between leaving on Friday, then Saturday, then Thursday - thur no flights. A longer wait and at night it was decided a no go!
I really wonder what God is trying to teach me at such times. I was kinda frustrated and uptight the whole of yesterday waiting for the decision to be made. I'm serving in the Banquet of Honour on Friday and Sunday so I really didn't know what/how to pray about going or not going. I felt a tremendous sense of relief when the decision was finally made, cos I won't be hanging in the middle. But I felt disappointed I won't be going to Cambodia. But it also means that its more likely I would be going to India. I really don't know what to make of it!
I figured that I would have felt equally disappointed if I was going, and I couldn't serve in the Banquet of Honour. I guess ultimately the lesson is that of faith and surrendering of my life to God. Literally, for Him to bring me wherever He wants to and whenever. Its a surrender of my rights as I have no control over the situation at all.
And maybe again its not about the pomp about going anywhere, jetsetting, or telling others hey I'm leaving for Cambodia. Its really doing admin work, tying up details, briefing people, preparing people in Singapore. And reaching out to internationals in Singapore. None too glorious, but an ultimate test of my heart. Why do I want to go?
Sometimes maybe, staying is harder than leaving.
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