You are my dearest daughter

Tuesday started with a shakey morning again with quarrels over housework. I'm not good at conversing face to face with my mum, so ended up smsing her after I left the house instead. Told her I tried my best at home but always didn't feel good enough. Part of her response by sms:
"you are always my dearest daughter. love from mum"

Couldn't hold back my tears which flowed freely on the bus. Busy dabbing my eyes with tissue and hoping no one saw me.

But it has been stressful, and I know the root problem of my stress. I don't think I am a good enough daughter. I think I should be doing more housework. I feel upset and unappreciated and unloved.

I'm still trying to grasp what love means. And this incident taught me something...I thought that my parents love toward me is conditional? But I realise that whatever I do, my parents will always love me. The problem lies with the way they communicate their love to me, which may be interpreted as a lack of concern. Such imperfect love, yet this love is vast...and I pray that I may also be able to comprehend what God's unconditional love means for me.

Caught Good Will Hunting again..finally, which is needed for my counseling assignment. Ahh...Will Hunting suffered from such a low self esteem. As I would quote Sean (the counselor)- Will was rejected by the very people he loved when he was young, and he now pushes people away before they can leave him.

Hmm..Actually this tough exterior that people have on the outside is quite common ya..Maybe we assume that's how someone is...and that someone never bothers to share about his life..until u really know him.

We had farewell for Abe on Monday night..and had a session of singing...songs like Guan Huai Fang Shi and Sometimes when we touch in Abe's living room. Thankful in a way yes.....learning to see people in a deeper manner I hope...learning to see the nice part of mankind...learning to love.