O Well..

After much praying, I talked to my dad on sunday evening..with fear in my heart.
Revealed to him that my passion is really in helping ple, and don't feel much satisfaction in the corporate world. To my relief, he said, I had chosen the wrong course. But he advised me to look at wat other ple were working as, and to talk to more ple, have more choices. And then he said I shd look for a government job cos its stable and I shd have more free time, and then I can go be a volunteer after work. :)
Pretty amused, but glad there wasn't a big hooha, but a mild reaction. And somewhat loving too.
Helped my mum with hsework just now, and kinda am appreciating them more, wish to be a more filial daughter. If I really switched to the social sector, went for missions etc...I want them to be happy, and know that I love them. I know that they can provide for themselves as they have savings and investments. But I definitely want to do my job as a daughter and make them feel loved. =) So have been praying, that the path I choose will not hurt them, and that God will speak to them as well.

Its quite difficult actually...when/if your peers are earning big bucks in banks etc, rising thru the ranks, to choose a deviant path. Praying and seeking God for that. Super confused now. Was talking to the World Vision person, and she said, GIC? Do you know how many people would like to be in yr position? I said..really? haha...and I know in my heart its true...high pay, good benefits, frenly and loving colleagues. But...Maslow Hierarchy of needs? Self Actualization? Being fulfilled in yr role?

Had lunch at amoy today with my two colleagues whom I call my "jie meis". Super grateful for them. And me and AT made a pact that we will leave office by 7pm everyday! And so far it has been true. So happy for that. Had a funny discussion with my neighbour (EY's dad) today. He drives me to work.

Neighbour: Is yr sister's work as a teacher very busy?
Me: Yup, she has a lot of markings to do.
N: When u reach home, has she reached home already?
Me: Yup, ofcos, I reach home at about 8plus, by that time she is home already. But she still got markings to do at night.
N: Why do you reach home so late? Do u know that its very hard for you to have a family if you reach home so late. Divorce rates in Japan are very high cos the husbands work till 11plus everyday, and when they retire, they have so much time and they stay at home. They find that they can't communicate with their wives......
Me: Oh..I find 7 plus quite early already...
N: Did you ever think about being a teacher? I think u shd become a teacher.
Me (amused): Why?
N: Cos my son says you are a good teacher, you are very clear when u teach him maths.
Me: No lar...that's one-to-one teaching...haha..no interest in teaching leh.

Something like that lar...Bro (EY) heh..thanks for your wonderful feedback. So encouraging.

I'm trying desperately to get back my life. Its really super duper difficult. Everyday I try to distract myself with some stuffs like books, TV etc. Argh. But so many conflicting thoughts within me its hard. But I know that everyday I have, is a gift from God. And I AM GOING TO BREAKTHROUGH out of this!

I like this song.. But its a super duper sad song. :~S

Everytime

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me

Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I know as much that I shdn't wallow in self pity, or keep feeling sad. But knowing and living it out is another thing.
Had a good sharing session with a friend that day. We had a short prayer meeting, and spent a long time talking. And he told me how a girl he liked, occupied his mind the whole day. And then he said he was guessing all the time if the girl liked another person...whether he was smsing her too often...whether he was fun that day when they went out etc. When they were frens, she didn't matter that much, but now he seemed to have turned into some needy person. I was like ya ya...I can identify with that so much.
Sometimes love...makes the most secure of us suddenly turn into some needy freaks, and I hate that aspect of myself as well. Pride. Being strong and independent. And then u balance that up with..I want the person I love to know I still care. but...I dun wanna freak him out or make him feel I'm needy. So how does that balance up?

Okie..enuff of that all. :) Feel happier after blogging! Thanks for reading...