I accidentally stumbled upon my sec/jc autograph book yesterday, and it brought back such wonderful memories! Esp of sec sch...been so many years since, and forgot what it was like back in sec sch. Had a wonderful clique of frens and we mugged together. Times spent in the canteen studying during recess are still fresh in my mind...and me putting my albows to lean on Gail's shoulders..singing songs with Jasmine...yixiang..xinying...mavis..haha...and the song we made together with our names. It was wonderful. And sec sch are good times of our lives where we let down our guards..go to school, go for recess time, mug etc. Sigh..all so structured. No need to make much decisions.
Was stressed at work today. Have to cover a colleague who's on leave for a week. And then have to make operational decisions etc. Usually get to discuss with my colleague...
Argh...anyway thats not the point of my blog...
A bit happy today cos thought through some stuffs. =) And I dunno why the autograph book really helped me to remember how I used to be. A lot of ple said I was cheerful, always smiling etc. And the JC one too...so many good comments. They really edified me a lot! And yups, after going to uni and working, sometimes feel that I've to put up a brave front to the world, can't express myself so much, and then recently I even find it tiring to smile or talk to ple.
Been listening to a CD didi lent me. Its by Chris Tomlin, and many of the songs inside are really good, encouraged me a lot.
Come Home Running-Chris Tomlin
Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame
Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road
So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are
Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior's blood
And called by name, Daughter and Son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness
And it reminded me of how dearly loved I am by God...how He is my Father who welcomes me. U know many times, I realise that it is hard to forget things/people. But usually, wat helps is a replacing with other things. My fren said her fren took 2 years to forget her bf, until she met her new bf, then she could get over the bf. And I had a revelation, that it was easier for ple to replace what was impt with another. I am not getting a new bf, but its the rembrance of God's love, and the Father's unconditional love, that makes me realise, there is really no greater love than this. And its everlasting..forever.
The best thing that God created on this earth is LOVE. How beautiful. Going to attend 2 weddings this weekend, both christian weddings. And everytime I'm on the bus and see two lovers staring at each other in love, or on the streets with ple holding hands, I'm just reminded of that emotion of LOVE all over again. Its really a lovely lovely feeling to have someone care for u, hold u, and affirm u. And then I thought if a human's love feels so good, what more the love of God? God is the source and originator of all love right? Yups. No wonder Jesus said in heaven there will be no such thing as marriage..cos we are all married to Christ, and this love....will overwhelm us, so the earthly love is merely a representative of the amazing and great love of God. =)
Yups amazing right? Well..child of God, u don't have to look any further, except at the Father's love! And let this love overwhelm u. Let it be the source of yr love towards the ple around u. That makes it undying....continuous and flows...and then with this revelation, I can smile at ple and not be tired smiling at them...but loving them because God has first loved me. Good right?
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
The Goal of the Christian Life
The Goal of the Christian Life
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. - John 12:24The goal of the Christian life is death, not success. A popular teaching says that if we follow God, we will prosper materially. God may, in fact, bless His people materially, but few can make this claim among third-world countries. Wealth must never be the goal of a person's life, only a by-product.
A missionary to a Middle-Eastern country has shared a motto among their ministry team: "God does not require success, but radical, immediate obedience." Jesus' obedience gained Him the cross. It did not gain Him popularity among the heathen, the religious or financial success, or a life of pleasure. His obedience resulted in His death on the cross. This is the same goal Christ has for each of us-death of our old nature so that He might live through us. That may not sell well among outcome-based Christian workplace believers, but it will result in an eternal reward that far exceeds any earthly reward. "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with Me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done" (Rev. 22:12).
The Christian life is a paradox-the first will be last, death in return for life, and we are encouraged to offer praise to God to overcome a spirit of heaviness. It requires faith in a God who operates from a different set of values that are sometimes difficult to measure from human standards. Let death work in you a life that only God can raise up.
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. - John 12:24The goal of the Christian life is death, not success. A popular teaching says that if we follow God, we will prosper materially. God may, in fact, bless His people materially, but few can make this claim among third-world countries. Wealth must never be the goal of a person's life, only a by-product.
A missionary to a Middle-Eastern country has shared a motto among their ministry team: "God does not require success, but radical, immediate obedience." Jesus' obedience gained Him the cross. It did not gain Him popularity among the heathen, the religious or financial success, or a life of pleasure. His obedience resulted in His death on the cross. This is the same goal Christ has for each of us-death of our old nature so that He might live through us. That may not sell well among outcome-based Christian workplace believers, but it will result in an eternal reward that far exceeds any earthly reward. "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with Me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done" (Rev. 22:12).
The Christian life is a paradox-the first will be last, death in return for life, and we are encouraged to offer praise to God to overcome a spirit of heaviness. It requires faith in a God who operates from a different set of values that are sometimes difficult to measure from human standards. Let death work in you a life that only God can raise up.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
For God searches the hearts
I had a good service today. Really liked the message today about being an influence in society thru the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.
Divine empowerment is based upon my acceptance of responsibility for what God has called me to do.
I think thats really true, that many times when we accept responsibility, whether it is in our work place, schools, or even towards the ones we love- that is also when we are given authority, and we gotto trust God to empower us. I really want to be an influence in my society! May I truly be the salt and light.
Went food fair at expo today with Chin, Joel, Alan and Mel. It was quite crowded. And we ate some food standing around. So it was quite good, and brought back many pleasant memories. Went back with Chin on MRT and bus, and told him I was changing to adult cg soon. And he looked sad (I think). haha..and said he will call me often anyway. That made me feel happy. ERM. I know this sounds dumb. :) But I anyway I will really miss the mbrs...everyone of them so much. And I always feel like I've 3 sons (chin, ey and alan) who are the 3 closest to me. Youths...I really love youths. Its an age whereby we are mouldable..our thoughts are shaped..and..such a fun time...schooling, having frens...less responsibility etc etc. Ha..I wish I were a youth all over again. But hanging out with youths...is really good, feel like I can impart smthing to them, that I've gone thru before.
I was reading the bible yesterday, and these verses spoke to me:
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the spirits. Prov 16:2
Another verse says it better:
Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts. Prov 21:2
So in the name of God we can be doing many wonderful things, preaching, casting out demons, praying for ple, reaching out etc. But God looks at our hearts and our spirits.
Many different christian denominations have their own version of the gospel. We choose to focus on certain things, sometimes we miss out certain things. We all have our fixed mindsets of what pleases God and what doesn't. We have our set of "rituals", to-dos and what not to dos. And this sets the culture and visions of our churches.
But God looks at the hearts, and weighs our intentions.
If u ask me, I think we have things we can learn from the catholics and Presbyterians. Or the traditionals. Some of the traditionals expound the bible word by word and go thru the context etc which is really good. Sometimes charismatics tend to pick verses and quote them out of context. Seriously..
But as charismatics, the emphasis on the Holy Spirit is also good, cos it empowers us as christians to live out our christian lives. As He dwells within us. And so u have those terms like "on-fire", spirit filled and all that...and charismatics are enthu in their christian walk. Then we can't make sweeping statements and wipe out the whole tradition of christianity. It evolved from the catholic church.
So what I mean is, I think we need to be more tolerant and loving toward the body of Christ and not be so judgemental.
I was chatting with this colleague (Presbyterians church) last week and he cracked a joke that charismatics foamed in their mouths when they prayed. I was rather offended, tho he meant it as a joke. Well, there were also times when pastors from charismatic churches say that traditional churches are dead and dry, or feel that their church is the best. I think that God is sovereign in His ways to weigh our hearts.
So what I am trying to say is, we may do things that are right in our own eyes, and others may be doing things that are wrong in our eyes, but let God be the judge. Bitterness & cynicism can be like poison that grows within our hearts.
Divine empowerment is based upon my acceptance of responsibility for what God has called me to do.
I think thats really true, that many times when we accept responsibility, whether it is in our work place, schools, or even towards the ones we love- that is also when we are given authority, and we gotto trust God to empower us. I really want to be an influence in my society! May I truly be the salt and light.
Went food fair at expo today with Chin, Joel, Alan and Mel. It was quite crowded. And we ate some food standing around. So it was quite good, and brought back many pleasant memories. Went back with Chin on MRT and bus, and told him I was changing to adult cg soon. And he looked sad (I think). haha..and said he will call me often anyway. That made me feel happy. ERM. I know this sounds dumb. :) But I anyway I will really miss the mbrs...everyone of them so much. And I always feel like I've 3 sons (chin, ey and alan) who are the 3 closest to me. Youths...I really love youths. Its an age whereby we are mouldable..our thoughts are shaped..and..such a fun time...schooling, having frens...less responsibility etc etc. Ha..I wish I were a youth all over again. But hanging out with youths...is really good, feel like I can impart smthing to them, that I've gone thru before.
I was reading the bible yesterday, and these verses spoke to me:
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the spirits. Prov 16:2
Another verse says it better:
Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts. Prov 21:2
So in the name of God we can be doing many wonderful things, preaching, casting out demons, praying for ple, reaching out etc. But God looks at our hearts and our spirits.
Many different christian denominations have their own version of the gospel. We choose to focus on certain things, sometimes we miss out certain things. We all have our fixed mindsets of what pleases God and what doesn't. We have our set of "rituals", to-dos and what not to dos. And this sets the culture and visions of our churches.
But God looks at the hearts, and weighs our intentions.
If u ask me, I think we have things we can learn from the catholics and Presbyterians. Or the traditionals. Some of the traditionals expound the bible word by word and go thru the context etc which is really good. Sometimes charismatics tend to pick verses and quote them out of context. Seriously..
But as charismatics, the emphasis on the Holy Spirit is also good, cos it empowers us as christians to live out our christian lives. As He dwells within us. And so u have those terms like "on-fire", spirit filled and all that...and charismatics are enthu in their christian walk. Then we can't make sweeping statements and wipe out the whole tradition of christianity. It evolved from the catholic church.
So what I mean is, I think we need to be more tolerant and loving toward the body of Christ and not be so judgemental.
I was chatting with this colleague (Presbyterians church) last week and he cracked a joke that charismatics foamed in their mouths when they prayed. I was rather offended, tho he meant it as a joke. Well, there were also times when pastors from charismatic churches say that traditional churches are dead and dry, or feel that their church is the best. I think that God is sovereign in His ways to weigh our hearts.
So what I am trying to say is, we may do things that are right in our own eyes, and others may be doing things that are wrong in our eyes, but let God be the judge. Bitterness & cynicism can be like poison that grows within our hearts.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Passion
I feel happy cos I made someone happier tonight. :) I'm glad for that...was praying throughout the trip on the bus that I could help. And yah...I think bro counseling is my strength and its my PASSION. The next counseling diploma course starts in July and I gotto sign up by 31st May for a discount so that means I must go sign up soon for it. It feels really good helping someone...after the stuffs I've been through, God must have brought me thru them for a reason.
Well first of all, I can understand how it feels to really HATE yourself, and waking up to realise that you are yourself, and there are things u really wanna change but can't change. I sometimes struggle with myself, like why can't I be more confident, decisive and bold? That makes me depressed. But then I realised that I have my own strengths which are sensitivity, patience and empathy. And then I love myself for being me, cos God created me unique, and I'm glad there's only one of me!
What is life all about? Well some ple wanna die, but some ple wanna live and can't live. This girl- Joan, only 18 or 19 I think, recently just passed away from cancer. Think most of u would have seen her in the newspapers. So young and so much potential. She really loved life..
So what is it about life that makes it worthy to live? U know these days when I wake up, I sometimes wake up with this feeling...another horrible day, another dreaded day of meaningless work. And then I "psycho" myself that today I will meet new ple, do new things and do stuffs that are meaningful. What gives me a horrible feeling to the day? A sense that what I am doing is meaningless, not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and knowing that someone I love is not gonna be with me...
But what turns it around to a good day is...
knowing that each day is created by God, and knowing that this day I am going to do something purposeful. To me purpose= helping ple. Though now the structure of how and whom to help is really frizzy.
What makes life worth living? When u know there are ple who care for u, love u and be there for u. I think parents esp....love us always, no matter what.
As much as we talk abt aspirations and values and beliefs and all that, I'm not sure how many of u feel this way, but smtimes I feel what really convinces me is acceptance and love. I mean..if u step into a church and u feel that something about the values don't ressonate within, at least u have a comfy bunch of ple u feel happy with, and u feel valued, loved and respected. Thats how I feel. And thats how I think many ple need to feel. ACCEPTANCE, and love.....instead of rejection...
What makes a day horrid......what makes one depressed...is when....
the mind is crowded with a negative thought that won't go away and it clouds one's mind and goes around in loops. It takes tremendous courage and encouragement to come out of that loop and to think differently. Sometimes it is hard for one to think out of that loop, he needs a sensible fren to tell him to think differently. I think that matters a lot. => Yah..
As for me there are still things that bug me...but I'm taking heart. And knowing that everyday I live is a blessing from God. :)
Well first of all, I can understand how it feels to really HATE yourself, and waking up to realise that you are yourself, and there are things u really wanna change but can't change. I sometimes struggle with myself, like why can't I be more confident, decisive and bold? That makes me depressed. But then I realised that I have my own strengths which are sensitivity, patience and empathy. And then I love myself for being me, cos God created me unique, and I'm glad there's only one of me!
What is life all about? Well some ple wanna die, but some ple wanna live and can't live. This girl- Joan, only 18 or 19 I think, recently just passed away from cancer. Think most of u would have seen her in the newspapers. So young and so much potential. She really loved life..
So what is it about life that makes it worthy to live? U know these days when I wake up, I sometimes wake up with this feeling...another horrible day, another dreaded day of meaningless work. And then I "psycho" myself that today I will meet new ple, do new things and do stuffs that are meaningful. What gives me a horrible feeling to the day? A sense that what I am doing is meaningless, not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and knowing that someone I love is not gonna be with me...
But what turns it around to a good day is...
knowing that each day is created by God, and knowing that this day I am going to do something purposeful. To me purpose= helping ple. Though now the structure of how and whom to help is really frizzy.
What makes life worth living? When u know there are ple who care for u, love u and be there for u. I think parents esp....love us always, no matter what.
As much as we talk abt aspirations and values and beliefs and all that, I'm not sure how many of u feel this way, but smtimes I feel what really convinces me is acceptance and love. I mean..if u step into a church and u feel that something about the values don't ressonate within, at least u have a comfy bunch of ple u feel happy with, and u feel valued, loved and respected. Thats how I feel. And thats how I think many ple need to feel. ACCEPTANCE, and love.....instead of rejection...
What makes a day horrid......what makes one depressed...is when....
the mind is crowded with a negative thought that won't go away and it clouds one's mind and goes around in loops. It takes tremendous courage and encouragement to come out of that loop and to think differently. Sometimes it is hard for one to think out of that loop, he needs a sensible fren to tell him to think differently. I think that matters a lot. => Yah..
As for me there are still things that bug me...but I'm taking heart. And knowing that everyday I live is a blessing from God. :)
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
O Well..
After much praying, I talked to my dad on sunday evening..with fear in my heart.
Revealed to him that my passion is really in helping ple, and don't feel much satisfaction in the corporate world. To my relief, he said, I had chosen the wrong course. But he advised me to look at wat other ple were working as, and to talk to more ple, have more choices. And then he said I shd look for a government job cos its stable and I shd have more free time, and then I can go be a volunteer after work. :)
Pretty amused, but glad there wasn't a big hooha, but a mild reaction. And somewhat loving too.
Helped my mum with hsework just now, and kinda am appreciating them more, wish to be a more filial daughter. If I really switched to the social sector, went for missions etc...I want them to be happy, and know that I love them. I know that they can provide for themselves as they have savings and investments. But I definitely want to do my job as a daughter and make them feel loved. =) So have been praying, that the path I choose will not hurt them, and that God will speak to them as well.
Its quite difficult actually...when/if your peers are earning big bucks in banks etc, rising thru the ranks, to choose a deviant path. Praying and seeking God for that. Super confused now. Was talking to the World Vision person, and she said, GIC? Do you know how many people would like to be in yr position? I said..really? haha...and I know in my heart its true...high pay, good benefits, frenly and loving colleagues. But...Maslow Hierarchy of needs? Self Actualization? Being fulfilled in yr role?
Had lunch at amoy today with my two colleagues whom I call my "jie meis". Super grateful for them. And me and AT made a pact that we will leave office by 7pm everyday! And so far it has been true. So happy for that. Had a funny discussion with my neighbour (EY's dad) today. He drives me to work.
Neighbour: Is yr sister's work as a teacher very busy?
Me: Yup, she has a lot of markings to do.
N: When u reach home, has she reached home already?
Me: Yup, ofcos, I reach home at about 8plus, by that time she is home already. But she still got markings to do at night.
N: Why do you reach home so late? Do u know that its very hard for you to have a family if you reach home so late. Divorce rates in Japan are very high cos the husbands work till 11plus everyday, and when they retire, they have so much time and they stay at home. They find that they can't communicate with their wives......
Me: Oh..I find 7 plus quite early already...
N: Did you ever think about being a teacher? I think u shd become a teacher.
Me (amused): Why?
N: Cos my son says you are a good teacher, you are very clear when u teach him maths.
Me: No lar...that's one-to-one teaching...haha..no interest in teaching leh.
Something like that lar...Bro (EY) heh..thanks for your wonderful feedback. So encouraging.
I'm trying desperately to get back my life. Its really super duper difficult. Everyday I try to distract myself with some stuffs like books, TV etc. Argh. But so many conflicting thoughts within me its hard. But I know that everyday I have, is a gift from God. And I AM GOING TO BREAKTHROUGH out of this!
I like this song.. But its a super duper sad song. :~S
Everytime
Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me
Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry
At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away
And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I know as much that I shdn't wallow in self pity, or keep feeling sad. But knowing and living it out is another thing.
Had a good sharing session with a friend that day. We had a short prayer meeting, and spent a long time talking. And he told me how a girl he liked, occupied his mind the whole day. And then he said he was guessing all the time if the girl liked another person...whether he was smsing her too often...whether he was fun that day when they went out etc. When they were frens, she didn't matter that much, but now he seemed to have turned into some needy person. I was like ya ya...I can identify with that so much.
Sometimes love...makes the most secure of us suddenly turn into some needy freaks, and I hate that aspect of myself as well. Pride. Being strong and independent. And then u balance that up with..I want the person I love to know I still care. but...I dun wanna freak him out or make him feel I'm needy. So how does that balance up?
Okie..enuff of that all. :) Feel happier after blogging! Thanks for reading...
Revealed to him that my passion is really in helping ple, and don't feel much satisfaction in the corporate world. To my relief, he said, I had chosen the wrong course. But he advised me to look at wat other ple were working as, and to talk to more ple, have more choices. And then he said I shd look for a government job cos its stable and I shd have more free time, and then I can go be a volunteer after work. :)
Pretty amused, but glad there wasn't a big hooha, but a mild reaction. And somewhat loving too.
Helped my mum with hsework just now, and kinda am appreciating them more, wish to be a more filial daughter. If I really switched to the social sector, went for missions etc...I want them to be happy, and know that I love them. I know that they can provide for themselves as they have savings and investments. But I definitely want to do my job as a daughter and make them feel loved. =) So have been praying, that the path I choose will not hurt them, and that God will speak to them as well.
Its quite difficult actually...when/if your peers are earning big bucks in banks etc, rising thru the ranks, to choose a deviant path. Praying and seeking God for that. Super confused now. Was talking to the World Vision person, and she said, GIC? Do you know how many people would like to be in yr position? I said..really? haha...and I know in my heart its true...high pay, good benefits, frenly and loving colleagues. But...Maslow Hierarchy of needs? Self Actualization? Being fulfilled in yr role?
Had lunch at amoy today with my two colleagues whom I call my "jie meis". Super grateful for them. And me and AT made a pact that we will leave office by 7pm everyday! And so far it has been true. So happy for that. Had a funny discussion with my neighbour (EY's dad) today. He drives me to work.
Neighbour: Is yr sister's work as a teacher very busy?
Me: Yup, she has a lot of markings to do.
N: When u reach home, has she reached home already?
Me: Yup, ofcos, I reach home at about 8plus, by that time she is home already. But she still got markings to do at night.
N: Why do you reach home so late? Do u know that its very hard for you to have a family if you reach home so late. Divorce rates in Japan are very high cos the husbands work till 11plus everyday, and when they retire, they have so much time and they stay at home. They find that they can't communicate with their wives......
Me: Oh..I find 7 plus quite early already...
N: Did you ever think about being a teacher? I think u shd become a teacher.
Me (amused): Why?
N: Cos my son says you are a good teacher, you are very clear when u teach him maths.
Me: No lar...that's one-to-one teaching...haha..no interest in teaching leh.
Something like that lar...Bro (EY) heh..thanks for your wonderful feedback. So encouraging.
I'm trying desperately to get back my life. Its really super duper difficult. Everyday I try to distract myself with some stuffs like books, TV etc. Argh. But so many conflicting thoughts within me its hard. But I know that everyday I have, is a gift from God. And I AM GOING TO BREAKTHROUGH out of this!
I like this song.. But its a super duper sad song. :~S
Everytime
Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me
Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry
At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away
And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
I know as much that I shdn't wallow in self pity, or keep feeling sad. But knowing and living it out is another thing.
Had a good sharing session with a friend that day. We had a short prayer meeting, and spent a long time talking. And he told me how a girl he liked, occupied his mind the whole day. And then he said he was guessing all the time if the girl liked another person...whether he was smsing her too often...whether he was fun that day when they went out etc. When they were frens, she didn't matter that much, but now he seemed to have turned into some needy person. I was like ya ya...I can identify with that so much.
Sometimes love...makes the most secure of us suddenly turn into some needy freaks, and I hate that aspect of myself as well. Pride. Being strong and independent. And then u balance that up with..I want the person I love to know I still care. but...I dun wanna freak him out or make him feel I'm needy. So how does that balance up?
Okie..enuff of that all. :) Feel happier after blogging! Thanks for reading...
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Forgiveness
Today it was interesting cos Rina came over to give make up cell group. haha..didn't know she was so "I", and she shared a lot of her stories. But one of them that really caught my attention was her story on how the Holy Spirit always prompted her to apologise and makeup with her husband first, even when it wasn't her fault.
And when I came home, I flipped scriptures and looked at them on forgiveness. One of it was a parable of this servant, who was forgiven by his master, and yet he didn't forgive one of his fellow servants. And the master was very angry.
Naturally in the spiritual sense, God had forgiven us of every sin, and we had to forgive our brothers and sisters for the offenses committed against us. Whether or not we feel like..or how justified and self righteous we feel.
This has been bugging me for so long. Feeling so angry, bitter and discouraged by certain leaders' actions/speech/remarks. But nursing this anger has done me no good. I think I am carrying a super bad attitude.
How do I balance that, since Jesus was also angry with the Pharisees, and so were the prophets angry with the ple. How do I balance anger versus forgiveness? How do I balance right teaching versus submission to leadership?
Thats a very very difficult question.
But one thing I know, is that I must not nurse an angry or bitter heart but I choose to forgive and let go. Thank You God, that I have forgiven...XXXXXXX.
This anger impedes me from doing God's will. Sometimes, its totally scary, but I feel so numbed and immune to my feelings. And then sometimes, I can't feel happy. I'm like living my life through the iceberg feelings, not showing the real thing underneath. Sometimes I dun really know how I am feeling.
I need a breakthrough in this area. And I know that one of the keys to it is forgiveness. Which I claim in faith. I have forgiven!!
----
Other then that was reminded of this verse today during worship...
The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone.
This was the Lord's doing. And it is marvelous in our eyes. Matt 21:42
Christ was rejected for our sakes...and likewise, we also go thru times when we feel rejected by the world, rejected for our ideas. Yet...Christ, became the chief cornerstone. So...don't be afraid of rejection. Choose the God way, choose the right way.
And when I came home, I flipped scriptures and looked at them on forgiveness. One of it was a parable of this servant, who was forgiven by his master, and yet he didn't forgive one of his fellow servants. And the master was very angry.
Naturally in the spiritual sense, God had forgiven us of every sin, and we had to forgive our brothers and sisters for the offenses committed against us. Whether or not we feel like..or how justified and self righteous we feel.
This has been bugging me for so long. Feeling so angry, bitter and discouraged by certain leaders' actions/speech/remarks. But nursing this anger has done me no good. I think I am carrying a super bad attitude.
How do I balance that, since Jesus was also angry with the Pharisees, and so were the prophets angry with the ple. How do I balance anger versus forgiveness? How do I balance right teaching versus submission to leadership?
Thats a very very difficult question.
But one thing I know, is that I must not nurse an angry or bitter heart but I choose to forgive and let go. Thank You God, that I have forgiven...XXXXXXX.
This anger impedes me from doing God's will. Sometimes, its totally scary, but I feel so numbed and immune to my feelings. And then sometimes, I can't feel happy. I'm like living my life through the iceberg feelings, not showing the real thing underneath. Sometimes I dun really know how I am feeling.
I need a breakthrough in this area. And I know that one of the keys to it is forgiveness. Which I claim in faith. I have forgiven!!
----
Other then that was reminded of this verse today during worship...
The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone.
This was the Lord's doing. And it is marvelous in our eyes. Matt 21:42
Christ was rejected for our sakes...and likewise, we also go thru times when we feel rejected by the world, rejected for our ideas. Yet...Christ, became the chief cornerstone. So...don't be afraid of rejection. Choose the God way, choose the right way.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Moses & Me
Why did u leave yr palace of luxuries to live a life of suffering?
Moses: Because I was angry when I saw injustice. When I saw my fellow brothers and sisters being treated injustly by the Egyptians. After my eyes were opened, I could no longer stay within the palaces of Egypt.
My favourite character, Moses, today I like to analyse him from another view point. What usually encouraged me was the part where he said he was not eloquent, but God said, who made man's mouth? Other then that...
Moses was a very radical person. He saw injustice and he left, he left the palace an angry & bitter man.
Yet God used him.
I pray that I may not just be a nice, gentle christian, but someone with godly anger. Someone who will stand up for the weak-ple who have no voice in this society.
------
Me...
I'm a very stubborn person.
I remember when I was in secondary school, I liked this singer Eric Moo. I liked him for very long. A few years. Even though his songs started to become "not-as-nice", I still held on cos I liked him! Until one day, I realised that he had a baby with this girl before marriage.. Ha..that was unacceptable to me. And I stopped supporting him.
I miss him a lot. There are so many things that happened that I like to share with him. I wonder when will this stubbornness ever stop?
Did this personality analysis with this HR guy, and he said that I am very rule-conscious. I have a strict set of moral laws that I abide by. Once those are violated, I will be very upset. Its true. ;o But he warned me.. I may become disillusioned.
----
Met up with Leo after such a long long time! Glad he is doing well in his conducting and SSO. We are of the same age! But Leo is pursuing his dream and on his way to fulfilling his dream. He chose an alternative path! That makes me jealous a little while I am slogging in my office being a white collared worker. Hopefully I can be like Moses brave enuff to leave the palace gates! On my way there already...hope it comes through for me. Meanwhile gotto pray and pray and pray.
Moses: Because I was angry when I saw injustice. When I saw my fellow brothers and sisters being treated injustly by the Egyptians. After my eyes were opened, I could no longer stay within the palaces of Egypt.
My favourite character, Moses, today I like to analyse him from another view point. What usually encouraged me was the part where he said he was not eloquent, but God said, who made man's mouth? Other then that...
Moses was a very radical person. He saw injustice and he left, he left the palace an angry & bitter man.
Yet God used him.
I pray that I may not just be a nice, gentle christian, but someone with godly anger. Someone who will stand up for the weak-ple who have no voice in this society.
------
Me...
I'm a very stubborn person.
I remember when I was in secondary school, I liked this singer Eric Moo. I liked him for very long. A few years. Even though his songs started to become "not-as-nice", I still held on cos I liked him! Until one day, I realised that he had a baby with this girl before marriage.. Ha..that was unacceptable to me. And I stopped supporting him.
I miss him a lot. There are so many things that happened that I like to share with him. I wonder when will this stubbornness ever stop?
Did this personality analysis with this HR guy, and he said that I am very rule-conscious. I have a strict set of moral laws that I abide by. Once those are violated, I will be very upset. Its true. ;o But he warned me.. I may become disillusioned.
----
Met up with Leo after such a long long time! Glad he is doing well in his conducting and SSO. We are of the same age! But Leo is pursuing his dream and on his way to fulfilling his dream. He chose an alternative path! That makes me jealous a little while I am slogging in my office being a white collared worker. Hopefully I can be like Moses brave enuff to leave the palace gates! On my way there already...hope it comes through for me. Meanwhile gotto pray and pray and pray.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
OMF website
Very very very encouraged by this:
http://www.sg.omf.org/
A colleague passed a pamphlet to me today. :)
http://www.sg.omf.org/
A colleague passed a pamphlet to me today. :)
Saturday, May 13, 2006
thanks..
Thanks for yr prayers and kind thots, guys! I'm feeling much better already though still got a blocked nose and cough. :)
Was really touched that a fren specially smsed me yesterday to ask how I was. Thanks gal!
Thanks to XT & bro too...and everyone. Also met HY for tea! It was good as usual, always enjoy spending time with her!
Went for Pastor Phil's seminar last night! It was on prayer! It was quite powerful, reminding us of the importance of prayer. And I esp liked this thing he said: The reason we have burdens is so we can give it back to God in prayer.
Sometimes the burdens that I have are so overwhelming that they loom over me like dark clouds. They paralyse me.
But God...wants us to surrender them to Him in prayers.
So we spent some time praying and praying...and as I prayed in the spirit, I cried again. It was like in Romans...we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit intercedes for us with groanings. It was like this...a deep calling unto the deep. And I knew that God heard my prayers. It was such a relief to release them unto Him.
The prophets....many were melancholy..we also had the crying prophets, cos they felt a lot of the burdens for the ple...and God's heartbeat for the ple.
Specifically I am so burdened for the cell group and secondly for China. The cell group is like my baby. But I feel so helpless about it right now.
Pastor Phil is right, he said, if we spent hrs in prayer, a lot of the admin things and planning can be completed within minutes.
Got a ride home from R, and we stopped downstairs my block and talked for abt 1 hr....or longer...unknowingly, time passed. One thing led to the other and other and we kept talking and talking abt wat we felt abt our spiritual lives/journeys, the church etc. But we had no conclusion to our conversation. Ha.. But I believe R is much more articulate than me. I can write abt issues brillantly, but when it comes to saying face to face, I tone down a lot.
May He guide us in our weaknesses!
Was really touched that a fren specially smsed me yesterday to ask how I was. Thanks gal!
Thanks to XT & bro too...and everyone. Also met HY for tea! It was good as usual, always enjoy spending time with her!
Went for Pastor Phil's seminar last night! It was on prayer! It was quite powerful, reminding us of the importance of prayer. And I esp liked this thing he said: The reason we have burdens is so we can give it back to God in prayer.
Sometimes the burdens that I have are so overwhelming that they loom over me like dark clouds. They paralyse me.
But God...wants us to surrender them to Him in prayers.
So we spent some time praying and praying...and as I prayed in the spirit, I cried again. It was like in Romans...we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit intercedes for us with groanings. It was like this...a deep calling unto the deep. And I knew that God heard my prayers. It was such a relief to release them unto Him.
The prophets....many were melancholy..we also had the crying prophets, cos they felt a lot of the burdens for the ple...and God's heartbeat for the ple.
Specifically I am so burdened for the cell group and secondly for China. The cell group is like my baby. But I feel so helpless about it right now.
Pastor Phil is right, he said, if we spent hrs in prayer, a lot of the admin things and planning can be completed within minutes.
Got a ride home from R, and we stopped downstairs my block and talked for abt 1 hr....or longer...unknowingly, time passed. One thing led to the other and other and we kept talking and talking abt wat we felt abt our spiritual lives/journeys, the church etc. But we had no conclusion to our conversation. Ha.. But I believe R is much more articulate than me. I can write abt issues brillantly, but when it comes to saying face to face, I tone down a lot.
May He guide us in our weaknesses!
Thursday, May 11, 2006
not feeling so good
My cough has turned into a fever...sigh dun feel so good.
Feel especially vulnerable and tired.
Not just physically tired, but the past months events make me feel so tired..
Maybe I just need some shoulders to rest on.
U know this verse encourages me so much:
14 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Heb 4:14-16
It encourages me to know that Jesus-sympathizes with our weaknesses. For He was fully human. Help me, God, in my weakness.
Feel especially vulnerable and tired.
Not just physically tired, but the past months events make me feel so tired..
Maybe I just need some shoulders to rest on.
U know this verse encourages me so much:
14 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Heb 4:14-16
It encourages me to know that Jesus-sympathizes with our weaknesses. For He was fully human. Help me, God, in my weakness.
*coughs*
Hi..
Sighz, been feeling quite sick since I came back from my trip, at first it was sore throat, now its a bad cough...can't stifle the coughs, and my throat feels itchy all the time. Think I had a fever last night. :( Overslept this morning cos of the cough mixture that made me feel super drowsy. Sigh...how I wish someone will buy me cough drops, make me herbal soup and tuck me to bed. :)
Sorry for the whining. Do pray for me! Looking forward to tmr's public holiday.
Sighz, been feeling quite sick since I came back from my trip, at first it was sore throat, now its a bad cough...can't stifle the coughs, and my throat feels itchy all the time. Think I had a fever last night. :( Overslept this morning cos of the cough mixture that made me feel super drowsy. Sigh...how I wish someone will buy me cough drops, make me herbal soup and tuck me to bed. :)
Sorry for the whining. Do pray for me! Looking forward to tmr's public holiday.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Thankful :)
I'm back from my trip! I think this will be a long post as I've so much to write.
Well, most of all, as u can see from the title of this blog, I am really thankful! Thank God for bringing us back home safely, protecting us, allowing me to go for the trip and for broadening my perspectives. :)
There were 4 of us in this trip, Me, Guorong, Jessica and Grace. Everyday we went to the bible school to teach a group of 20 students. A day went like this- we reached there around 845am, and school started at 9am, after that we had games, praise and worship and bible studies. Lunch break, then games, praise and worship and bible studies, and we end around 530pm. We also broke them up into groups for discussions. Then we took turns to lead games, and praise and worship and each took a group for discussions. Guorong-who is a CGL in the chinese church, gave all the bible studies except one, which Jessica gave. We had a lot of fun...they are really funny ple! Heh..we did all the P&W and games in chinese, so it was challenging, but slowly we got used to it!
We went to a bible school where the students were aged from 16-24 years old. They were undergoing bible school for 1 year, and after that they will be dispersed to various parts of the country to be full-time missionaries/evangelists or to serve at the churches. Some of them only have education up to secondary school or even primary school! And they felt God's call to come and serve full time. Some of them have christian parents who also serve actively in church,and they sent their children here for studying and training. The bible school is a stay-in place, means they are not allowed to loiter outside w/o permission. Having been to this country quite a few times, I was surprised that their thinking was totally different from the "world" they lived in. Chinese I know placed great importance on studies, rising up and position. But without even finishing their education, at such a young age, they dedicated their life to serve God! Though I must say it can be a bit challenging when they are not exposed to the world, and study under a sheltered environment. Yet it reminded me a lot of Peter etc who were fishermen and called by Jesus, gave up their livelihood to follow Him. So its not abt our education or how wonderful we are, but God empowered and gave wisdom, even to the founders of the church who were not highly educated (pri or sec sch only).
They were so warm towards us and they cooked for us everyday. There were all sorts of meat from rabbit meat to donkey meat to...erm... Worms (in chinese "can3"). They also brought us to restaurants for a few meals. And when we couldn't finish, they da bao the food in bags to bring back. Was really glad. What can I say? I felt strange being treated cos they refused to let us treat them, but then we were the ones who were more well off! They were so hospitable and happy we were there!Reminded me a lot of the Acts church of sharing..where none had things that were their own. They lived such humble lives. And there was this Brother who fetched us from the airport who was a taxi driver, who shared it was hard in his profession, but yet he spent so much time of the day ferrying us about. The trip from the airport to that place was already 2 hrs...to and fro would be 4 hrs, and every week our church sent a team there...and then he had to pay road tax. I really wonder where they got the money from to buy all the food...including coca cola, almond milk, ice cream, fruits and packets of their local produce to bring back. God provides! =>
It reminded me of the church in Macedonia, that they gave beyond their ability and gave willingly freely (1 Cor 8:1-4)
There were also lots of sharings of miracles, e.g. a girl shared with me when she was 6 years old, her family was praying and then suddenly they all started speaking in tongues and received the baptism of the Holy Spirit! Then also stories of healing and of God's provision. God must love this land a lot. Not only that, the ple in their simplicity of hearts were also hungry and willing. =>
This made me thank God even more. Cos it reminded me of His sovereignity. His plan for redemption, the desire for all to be saved! Many were added to the church just like in Acts where miracles abounded. I pray for revival to come to this place!
Besides being encouraged by the church there, God also spoke to me with regards to my own life. I was reminded of this verse in Hebrews4:16, Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. It encouraged me a lot and took away this shame that made me feel unworthy. Even as we were going to minister to the ple, immed I reminded myself of this word, and that gave me boldness to minister in His authority. We laid hands on the ple etc, and I felt the power and anointing. Ple were slain, got delivered and weeped. It was a powerful verse just right for me at this time in my life. And even as the bible studies were on the Holy Spirit, it reminded me of the impt of building up my spirit man, for it is in that I can have a zoe life, full of energy to serve Him!
There was also pride that God had to deal with. I hoped to lead worship or to preach. But then I can't really preach in chinese, and then I was thinking hmm.. I wanna lead, let me lead! But then God checked me for my pride. That worship and preaching was meant to glorify Him, and not for my own purposes. So it doesn't matter who did it, wat matters more is submission. And hence with that humble attitude, I began to realise that it was not abt myself budging myself to lead etc, but waiting was obedience to Him. In the same way, I am not sure where I will go to serve etc after this, but its not just abt focusing on the need, and what I wanted to do. Whatever I desired must go in accordance to God's timing and God's plan.
Lastly, I was also reminded that Christ was the head of the church. No matter what imperfections, God in His sovereignity will still make His will be done. The grouse that I have for the churches in developed countries is that we are not as sympathetic towards the poor and many christians are full, contented but SELF contented. Hence we hoard up our riches and pray for blessings for ourselves. U know what..the ple there have to go church secretly! And they are definitely not as well off, but they are so hungry. Anyway they were so blessed by our bible studies. I must admit our materials on the Holy Spirit are really quite good, and a lot of churches that miss out on that miss out on the empowering that our Helper provided for our christian lives. =) Yup, so I'm really glad that the materials help them. And in a way their lack was supplied by our abundance.
Juan...a girl I prayed for, cried and told me she was sad cos everyone "heard" from God or saw visions except her. I told her that our faith in Christ is not like that. Its not about how we feel. Neither is it she focuses on hearing something or seeing something, cos that will distract her from focusing on God. I think thats a problem...this competitive spirit even in the Kingdom of God...telling ourselves we will do GREAT things for Him, and if our focus is not right it can be of the flesh. But anyway I was glad to be able to encourage her. I like her a lot, and when we left, she hugged me and cried on my shoulders. Yups...And then I was really happy to meet her need.
When I saw some of them cry during worship, something jumped within me..this heart of compassion. And He asked..if I were to minister to these ple was I willing? And I prayed to God, cos I do not want to do GREAT things for Him, I just want to be obedient and if I may just minister one on one to these ple..the marginalised, disadvantaged, hurting, ple who are hard to understand, and I asked for the grace to do that. I know that I will do that. And He is moulding me toward that. :)
Well, most of all, as u can see from the title of this blog, I am really thankful! Thank God for bringing us back home safely, protecting us, allowing me to go for the trip and for broadening my perspectives. :)
There were 4 of us in this trip, Me, Guorong, Jessica and Grace. Everyday we went to the bible school to teach a group of 20 students. A day went like this- we reached there around 845am, and school started at 9am, after that we had games, praise and worship and bible studies. Lunch break, then games, praise and worship and bible studies, and we end around 530pm. We also broke them up into groups for discussions. Then we took turns to lead games, and praise and worship and each took a group for discussions. Guorong-who is a CGL in the chinese church, gave all the bible studies except one, which Jessica gave. We had a lot of fun...they are really funny ple! Heh..we did all the P&W and games in chinese, so it was challenging, but slowly we got used to it!
We went to a bible school where the students were aged from 16-24 years old. They were undergoing bible school for 1 year, and after that they will be dispersed to various parts of the country to be full-time missionaries/evangelists or to serve at the churches. Some of them only have education up to secondary school or even primary school! And they felt God's call to come and serve full time. Some of them have christian parents who also serve actively in church,and they sent their children here for studying and training. The bible school is a stay-in place, means they are not allowed to loiter outside w/o permission. Having been to this country quite a few times, I was surprised that their thinking was totally different from the "world" they lived in. Chinese I know placed great importance on studies, rising up and position. But without even finishing their education, at such a young age, they dedicated their life to serve God! Though I must say it can be a bit challenging when they are not exposed to the world, and study under a sheltered environment. Yet it reminded me a lot of Peter etc who were fishermen and called by Jesus, gave up their livelihood to follow Him. So its not abt our education or how wonderful we are, but God empowered and gave wisdom, even to the founders of the church who were not highly educated (pri or sec sch only).
They were so warm towards us and they cooked for us everyday. There were all sorts of meat from rabbit meat to donkey meat to...erm... Worms (in chinese "can3"). They also brought us to restaurants for a few meals. And when we couldn't finish, they da bao the food in bags to bring back. Was really glad. What can I say? I felt strange being treated cos they refused to let us treat them, but then we were the ones who were more well off! They were so hospitable and happy we were there!Reminded me a lot of the Acts church of sharing..where none had things that were their own. They lived such humble lives. And there was this Brother who fetched us from the airport who was a taxi driver, who shared it was hard in his profession, but yet he spent so much time of the day ferrying us about. The trip from the airport to that place was already 2 hrs...to and fro would be 4 hrs, and every week our church sent a team there...and then he had to pay road tax. I really wonder where they got the money from to buy all the food...including coca cola, almond milk, ice cream, fruits and packets of their local produce to bring back. God provides! =>
It reminded me of the church in Macedonia, that they gave beyond their ability and gave willingly freely (1 Cor 8:1-4)
There were also lots of sharings of miracles, e.g. a girl shared with me when she was 6 years old, her family was praying and then suddenly they all started speaking in tongues and received the baptism of the Holy Spirit! Then also stories of healing and of God's provision. God must love this land a lot. Not only that, the ple in their simplicity of hearts were also hungry and willing. =>
This made me thank God even more. Cos it reminded me of His sovereignity. His plan for redemption, the desire for all to be saved! Many were added to the church just like in Acts where miracles abounded. I pray for revival to come to this place!
Besides being encouraged by the church there, God also spoke to me with regards to my own life. I was reminded of this verse in Hebrews4:16, Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. It encouraged me a lot and took away this shame that made me feel unworthy. Even as we were going to minister to the ple, immed I reminded myself of this word, and that gave me boldness to minister in His authority. We laid hands on the ple etc, and I felt the power and anointing. Ple were slain, got delivered and weeped. It was a powerful verse just right for me at this time in my life. And even as the bible studies were on the Holy Spirit, it reminded me of the impt of building up my spirit man, for it is in that I can have a zoe life, full of energy to serve Him!
There was also pride that God had to deal with. I hoped to lead worship or to preach. But then I can't really preach in chinese, and then I was thinking hmm.. I wanna lead, let me lead! But then God checked me for my pride. That worship and preaching was meant to glorify Him, and not for my own purposes. So it doesn't matter who did it, wat matters more is submission. And hence with that humble attitude, I began to realise that it was not abt myself budging myself to lead etc, but waiting was obedience to Him. In the same way, I am not sure where I will go to serve etc after this, but its not just abt focusing on the need, and what I wanted to do. Whatever I desired must go in accordance to God's timing and God's plan.
Lastly, I was also reminded that Christ was the head of the church. No matter what imperfections, God in His sovereignity will still make His will be done. The grouse that I have for the churches in developed countries is that we are not as sympathetic towards the poor and many christians are full, contented but SELF contented. Hence we hoard up our riches and pray for blessings for ourselves. U know what..the ple there have to go church secretly! And they are definitely not as well off, but they are so hungry. Anyway they were so blessed by our bible studies. I must admit our materials on the Holy Spirit are really quite good, and a lot of churches that miss out on that miss out on the empowering that our Helper provided for our christian lives. =) Yup, so I'm really glad that the materials help them. And in a way their lack was supplied by our abundance.
Juan...a girl I prayed for, cried and told me she was sad cos everyone "heard" from God or saw visions except her. I told her that our faith in Christ is not like that. Its not about how we feel. Neither is it she focuses on hearing something or seeing something, cos that will distract her from focusing on God. I think thats a problem...this competitive spirit even in the Kingdom of God...telling ourselves we will do GREAT things for Him, and if our focus is not right it can be of the flesh. But anyway I was glad to be able to encourage her. I like her a lot, and when we left, she hugged me and cried on my shoulders. Yups...And then I was really happy to meet her need.
When I saw some of them cry during worship, something jumped within me..this heart of compassion. And He asked..if I were to minister to these ple was I willing? And I prayed to God, cos I do not want to do GREAT things for Him, I just want to be obedient and if I may just minister one on one to these ple..the marginalised, disadvantaged, hurting, ple who are hard to understand, and I asked for the grace to do that. I know that I will do that. And He is moulding me toward that. :)
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