Its been a tough week, busy week at work...the week went pass slowly yet very fast...these days time passes by rather slowly actually. And some periods of time are painful.
Read a good fren's blog this week and saw the title of his blog "embracing atheism". Since then I've not spoken to him and can't sms cos he lost his hp. If you are reading this...pls know that I care.
I guess this bothered me pretty much more than I would want to admit. It was painful reading that blog.
At the end of the day, every individual makes his decision to be a christian or not. That's because faith is a personal thing between us and God. No one can make the decision for u, nor force u into believing in Christ. It hurts because I think that this good fren is making a very emotional decision in embracing atheism.
Not a theology expert but speaking from experience. There are times in our lives where christians will doubt God's existence. Even as I go through the process of breakup and stopping ministry, there are times where I feel so alone. And in my tears I ask God, God are u really there or not? Why am I going through all these things and I don't sense u at all. If you are really there then why must I go through these sufferings? Do u care that I am in pain?
But to reject God. I will never. Cos deep within me....how I am intrinsically made, the emotions that I feel, cannot help but point me to the maker. That there is a higher being who created emotions of love and joy and peace.
When I consider the heavens....
When I look at the stars the sky the sea the mountains..I am in awe of nature. And the wonderful work of creation.
And I can't ever believe that these were created by a scientific big bang...
Or that humans naturally evolved from other beings..
Natures laws and natures wonders.
Not trying to persuade anyone here. And the above is not good apologetics. Just some of my deepest thoughts in trying to understand pain and my maker.
Our faith in God is a constant struggle against doubt/unbelief and fear. If u are human u face these emotions.
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These days another things bothers me...
That many are lost and will remain lost.
And in the heart of the Father, His loving nature, smtimes I find it so hard to trust. How can all my frens come to know Him? I can't force them. I can share with them. And that gives me a burden...
How will God reconcille men to Him? In His sovereignity, I pray that He will show it to me.
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I struggle between selfless love and love being selfish by nature.
By virtue of love, one desires to be with the person one loves. To hold, to care for and to be loved back.
Yet love..as the bible teaches us, is long suffering, patient, kind, does not envy, does not bear grudges.
In my moments of being alone, I can't help but recall memories of being loved, of loving, of being, of promises made, of kindness, of joy. And the heart yearns again to experience love.
But love in its greatest form...is Agape..
Unconditional love.
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