I was praying last night, sniffy nose and all. And on and off, this question has been flirting in my head. "Do you know I love you?"
The sniffy nose me started to cry, and ask God, God- Why do You love me? What exactly about me do You love?
And the question kept repeating, "Do you know I love you?"
Me: "No, I don't know. Why do You love me? There's nothing about me that deserves to be loved."
Images of myself in the past, things I've done, things I've not done.
But these were not impt.
Yes, I know that God loves me unconditionally. He loves me because I am me.
---------------
Service was great today. Talking about the MarketPlace again. But it was a radical message to surrender to the Lordship of Christ in our lives.
With reference to Col 3:24, 4:1, Pastor Edmund said that these were not only written to instruct us to bear a good testimony as christians in the mkt place, or as bosses we pity our subordinates. But really, the whole book of Colossians was about the Preeminance of Christ, Jesus must be Lord over every arena of our lives.
Why do you work? Puritans viewed work as a stewardship to God. Who do you work for? Your master should be God, and not yr mthly pay cheque.
We are a faithful witness when we demonstrate the transformation of God in every arena of our lives.
Was touched when Pastor Edmund shared about what he told his domestic helper. On the first weekend that she had an off day, he sat her down with his wife and two children, and told her that they treated him like a daughter in the family. Every day- off, and they gave her some money and said- Go and enjoy yourself.
Wow. To be in a position of authority- and yet not lording over others, but being Christlike.
Then he brought our attention to Lev 25:43- The year of Jubilee and what is in God's heart.
The grant reversal of greatness in the bible- Whereas the way of the crowd equates success to being in a position of authority, the way of the cross equates success as stewardship & servanthood. That is what is radical about Paul's message.
Can it be that, a person who loses everything for the sake of Christ- is actually the true success story?
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Drinking Beer
I received a phone call from HY last night around 7ish, was on my way home for dinner! And she asked if I was free to join her at her aunt's pub @ Central Mall. Was an enticing offer. Had dinner at home and reached there about 1030pm. Yeah the night was still young. HY's bro and HJ were also there. It wasn't like Balaclava or Paulaner, it was quite a small place, and we settled comfortably outside. It was just such a break from mundaneness. Have never drank with HY before actually, only with colleagues and other frens. :)
I like to drink beer! And I like to stay out late at night cos it is just so cooling, and it feels like it is easy to talk.
Went back abt 1ish, and HY's bro drove us back. Think I haven't been home so late before except for overnight prayer meeting, and christmas and new year's.
Along the way HY and I were talking abt everything, from Singapore to the govt to entrepreneurship to SE to money, i.e. the high cost of living in Singapore, how Singaporeans are unhappy, and how we compromise to behave like everyone else. I am just so amazed how we kind of progress together wrt to our thoughts. And God has indeed blessed me with a gem of a friend whom I can relate to. :)
Was awoken this morning by my parents arguing abt curtains. SIGH. Even though I slept at 3am. Went for prayer walk @ Woodlands in the afternoon...took me 1.5 hrs to get there by a bus that goes by the expressway. Covenant is building a church at Woodlands, and today was survey day and also prayer walk the HDB flats/schs etc. Had a good chat with my church mates. Felt a sense of deja vu, praying and mingling with church people, getting into fellowship of church mates. Yet a bit apprehensive and afraid. Read- my spiritual blog post to understand what I mean.
But I am all sniffy now, I think I caught a cold due to the drizzle... ha....and late night's sleep.
I like to drink beer! And I like to stay out late at night cos it is just so cooling, and it feels like it is easy to talk.
Went back abt 1ish, and HY's bro drove us back. Think I haven't been home so late before except for overnight prayer meeting, and christmas and new year's.
Along the way HY and I were talking abt everything, from Singapore to the govt to entrepreneurship to SE to money, i.e. the high cost of living in Singapore, how Singaporeans are unhappy, and how we compromise to behave like everyone else. I am just so amazed how we kind of progress together wrt to our thoughts. And God has indeed blessed me with a gem of a friend whom I can relate to. :)
Was awoken this morning by my parents arguing abt curtains. SIGH. Even though I slept at 3am. Went for prayer walk @ Woodlands in the afternoon...took me 1.5 hrs to get there by a bus that goes by the expressway. Covenant is building a church at Woodlands, and today was survey day and also prayer walk the HDB flats/schs etc. Had a good chat with my church mates. Felt a sense of deja vu, praying and mingling with church people, getting into fellowship of church mates. Yet a bit apprehensive and afraid. Read- my spiritual blog post to understand what I mean.
But I am all sniffy now, I think I caught a cold due to the drizzle... ha....and late night's sleep.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Habitat for Humanity
Habitat people came over to our company today to do a briefing. Even though we have been raising money for them, there was a nagging feeling within me, somehow wasn't very convicted about their work. But I am really glad that I clarified with them some doubts I had today. One of the questions that I asked was, why build houses for the poor? Of all things that people need, houses seem a bit secondary to basic needs. The reply was that they find that sometimes, having a house also means that other areas of a person's life fall into place. Very often with a house, the poor also start having stable jobs and their kids start getting education. It's like one of the basics that people need. Something that we may never understand cos we always take for granted having a place to live in. Also, Habitat works closely with World Vision and other NGOs to help meet other needs of the poor.
Another question, why send people over there to build houses, when we have no expertise and money can be used much more effectively if we just sent money over? The answer was on how much more a person gained when he went there- starting to look at price tags before they purchased things. Furthermore, an example was given of a grp of women who went to Papau New Guinea. In that village, only men worked, so the villagers were all amazed seeing women coming out to build houses. On the second day, the women in the village started coming out to help build as well, and the men also chip in. Our presence there- brings a certain transformation too.
Question, why must people pay for their houses? This helps them to take responsibility of their house. There were examples of NGOs that went into villages and then build the houses, and 1-2 years later, the place just looked like a high class slum. Actually, houses are not that expensive. In some places, if a household manages to collect 3 chicken eggs per day, he may be able to pay for a house in 6 years time. This kind of incentive encourages the villagers to work as well, knowing that for their work, they will be able to own a house after some years. Many even move on to higher paying jobs. Habitat also works with other NGOs and microfinance firms to help the poor.
Well, this concept of the people paying back must mean that one day Habitat will become self sustainable. But no, the reason being, the number of houses being built increases exponentially, and furthermore, not everyone repays their loans. Money also goes to advocacy work.
And then I begin to ponder about another thing. Social Entrepreneurship is a wonderful concept that helps people to become self sustainable, but question is can we ever leave the model of outright charitable donations? Hmm. Probably not. People still have needs. People will still need the freebies. But how can we best give to them and teach them too, to that people can live dignified lives.
Another thing, these days the discussion on donor fatigue and how we expect VWOs to utilise our donations wisely. Low salaries pls, don't use our money for administrative purposes or too much on fund raising expenses. Ofcos, golden taps are way out. But then are we so self righteous to simply stand on the other side and accuse people of making too much money? Someone close to me is going to start working in church, and then the in-charged promises they will try to match her current salary, tho it prob wun be possible. Which on one hand seems fair enough, on the other hand I think, I will be worried if they can match the salary. So which side are you on? Are fair wages fair for fair work? (The word is "fair", and how much is really "fair")
What exactly helps people get out of poverty? Recently been reading economist online, and there are pretty interesting articles that tackle global issues. Taking half day off tmr as well as monday. Just need a good break for myself. Nothing better than to curl up at the library and READ!! Some time to watch silly Korean dramas too.
Yeah...I'm becoming a kind of a bookworm. Actually not really too. Starting to try and meet up with long lost friends. Most recently met up with 2 sec sch classmates, and it was enjoyable despite the different backgrounds and careers paths we are on now. Was interesting to listen abt the civil service and...umm..hmm..I felt comparatively quite thankful for my job. But prob that's a generalisation too. I think it is important when relating to people, to suspense judgment, and to see them with our hearts. The concept of the "other" often is reinforced by our lack of interaction with them. Though people may have different choices from us, I think we learn to love, and to see people beyond the issues we disagree with them about.
Another question, why send people over there to build houses, when we have no expertise and money can be used much more effectively if we just sent money over? The answer was on how much more a person gained when he went there- starting to look at price tags before they purchased things. Furthermore, an example was given of a grp of women who went to Papau New Guinea. In that village, only men worked, so the villagers were all amazed seeing women coming out to build houses. On the second day, the women in the village started coming out to help build as well, and the men also chip in. Our presence there- brings a certain transformation too.
Question, why must people pay for their houses? This helps them to take responsibility of their house. There were examples of NGOs that went into villages and then build the houses, and 1-2 years later, the place just looked like a high class slum. Actually, houses are not that expensive. In some places, if a household manages to collect 3 chicken eggs per day, he may be able to pay for a house in 6 years time. This kind of incentive encourages the villagers to work as well, knowing that for their work, they will be able to own a house after some years. Many even move on to higher paying jobs. Habitat also works with other NGOs and microfinance firms to help the poor.
Well, this concept of the people paying back must mean that one day Habitat will become self sustainable. But no, the reason being, the number of houses being built increases exponentially, and furthermore, not everyone repays their loans. Money also goes to advocacy work.
And then I begin to ponder about another thing. Social Entrepreneurship is a wonderful concept that helps people to become self sustainable, but question is can we ever leave the model of outright charitable donations? Hmm. Probably not. People still have needs. People will still need the freebies. But how can we best give to them and teach them too, to that people can live dignified lives.
Another thing, these days the discussion on donor fatigue and how we expect VWOs to utilise our donations wisely. Low salaries pls, don't use our money for administrative purposes or too much on fund raising expenses. Ofcos, golden taps are way out. But then are we so self righteous to simply stand on the other side and accuse people of making too much money? Someone close to me is going to start working in church, and then the in-charged promises they will try to match her current salary, tho it prob wun be possible. Which on one hand seems fair enough, on the other hand I think, I will be worried if they can match the salary. So which side are you on? Are fair wages fair for fair work? (The word is "fair", and how much is really "fair")
What exactly helps people get out of poverty? Recently been reading economist online, and there are pretty interesting articles that tackle global issues. Taking half day off tmr as well as monday. Just need a good break for myself. Nothing better than to curl up at the library and READ!! Some time to watch silly Korean dramas too.
Yeah...I'm becoming a kind of a bookworm. Actually not really too. Starting to try and meet up with long lost friends. Most recently met up with 2 sec sch classmates, and it was enjoyable despite the different backgrounds and careers paths we are on now. Was interesting to listen abt the civil service and...umm..hmm..I felt comparatively quite thankful for my job. But prob that's a generalisation too. I think it is important when relating to people, to suspense judgment, and to see them with our hearts. The concept of the "other" often is reinforced by our lack of interaction with them. Though people may have different choices from us, I think we learn to love, and to see people beyond the issues we disagree with them about.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Greenridge Shopping Centre & Bukit Panjang Shopping Centre
In the area I live in, Marine Parade/East coast, I hardly go to the Choa Chu Kang area, except for 1 year ago when we had some cgs there at Pending. Wow...it is really a very long ride to Covenant, have to take a bus to Orchard and then change to 190 and then walk down the reservoir to reach the church. Maybe takes 1.5 hrs? When I told some church friends that, someone remarked- Wow, u must really get blessed going to church every week! ;) That was quite amusing. Just like my mum's grouses on why "choose new church choose somewhere so far?", or questions like "You stay near Bukit Panjang?".
Yeah I must admit the distance is quite a deterence...and it gets lonely when most of my friends there stay in the west area. But I like it there enough to want to travel there every week. :) Today's msg was on the Mkt place. I felt it was a good and balanced teaching. And really led me to evaluate my attitude towards work and my job. I hope that I may do everything heartily unto God, and with a good attitude. The speaker said something, "if the meat decays, don't blame the flesh, blame the salt"- in context of how we christians are to be the salt and light in the mkt place. I hope that I may be....found faithful steward, and pleaser of God, not men. Oh yah, we sang my favourite song today- "You alone- You are the peace that guards my heart...."
Had a good laugh with some of the cg people. Am looking out for a new cg in the east. Nevertheless, am thankful for this fellowship that God has blessed me with. I enjoy our fellowships at Greenridge shopping centre and Bukit Panjang....haha....unfamiliar territories- whether in terms of geographical location or people. Needs time to get used to. :)
Yeah I must admit the distance is quite a deterence...and it gets lonely when most of my friends there stay in the west area. But I like it there enough to want to travel there every week. :) Today's msg was on the Mkt place. I felt it was a good and balanced teaching. And really led me to evaluate my attitude towards work and my job. I hope that I may do everything heartily unto God, and with a good attitude. The speaker said something, "if the meat decays, don't blame the flesh, blame the salt"- in context of how we christians are to be the salt and light in the mkt place. I hope that I may be....found faithful steward, and pleaser of God, not men. Oh yah, we sang my favourite song today- "You alone- You are the peace that guards my heart...."
Had a good laugh with some of the cg people. Am looking out for a new cg in the east. Nevertheless, am thankful for this fellowship that God has blessed me with. I enjoy our fellowships at Greenridge shopping centre and Bukit Panjang....haha....unfamiliar territories- whether in terms of geographical location or people. Needs time to get used to. :)
Friday, October 20, 2006
It helps to be honest
I've been listening to FIR's Flight Tribe. It is really very soothing. Can identify with many of the high and low emotions depicted in the lyrics of the songs in the album. In particular I like the song "Tian Tian Ye Ye". It starts with LeAnn Rimes's "How do I live without you", and then the lyrics speak of lost love, but go somewhat like being embraced by you, feeling your presence every night, and remaining in that moment of being loved. And it is really very lovely. :)
I think FIR are christians, cos I remember they said thank you God when they received some prize. And in this album, it begins with the recordings of a voice saying "A voice came from the mountains, from the creator of the universe, saying you shall be my people, forever."
Feeling quite tired. Has been a very hectic 3 weeks? With counseling test, assignments, the fund raising for Habitat as well as quarterly reports at work. Its like a wound up spring waiting to unloose itself. Ha..late nights home and less than 6 hours of sleep everyday. ;D Now just feeling quite lerthargic and almost feel like my brain cells are not working anymore. I'm so glad the weekend is here, and the holiday on Tuesday. I think I need a good long break to recharge, sleep, rest my mind from thinking & decision making and just let loose.
A friend bought a $450 bag from a sale...a bag that would otherwise have cost $1200. Ofcos it is none of my business how people spend their money. But it breaks my heart to think and know that someone else is starving, while we are having our $450 bags. A very vivid analogy that always remains in my mind...is something a friend told me. We were sitting at Haagan Das, and he pointed to the shops downstairs and said, imagine below it was a slum, or there were people starving and poor there, will u still have the heart to spend yr money sitting here and having yr ice-cream, will u still build yr 41 million church building? It's because these people are so far away from us that we don't think about it.
It breaks my heart when I think of that.
Right now my mind is clear when I talk about this. For the past few mths struggling with a mixture of emotions. But now that all is calm, I am glad that I understand better how I am feeling! :> And I am not just being emotional. I am serious! It's just that most people don't think about this, or how unfair it is, or how privileged we are.
I think that there are signs that I have healed. :D Very glad for that. Lots of crying and prayer before the Lord. And the healing was really a process but the breakthroughs came when I released my pain to God, knowing that He understands how I feel, and I am thankful that I never have to face any painful moment alone, and that I can honestly face that pain. Okay, I am having pain, but I know that God u understand. It really helps being honest with yr emotions. :)
Counseling classes have been really good too, in the self discovery process, and cognitive behaviour therapy I apply on myself to correct some of my wrong thinking and assumptions. Yeah yeah...
I'm glad....though still feeling lost wrt to my future. What should I do? Where should I go? Where should I belong. Hence a certain anxiety, but yet a peace that sits in my heart, knowing that He is with me right now and understands my fears. Thank You.
I think FIR are christians, cos I remember they said thank you God when they received some prize. And in this album, it begins with the recordings of a voice saying "A voice came from the mountains, from the creator of the universe, saying you shall be my people, forever."
Feeling quite tired. Has been a very hectic 3 weeks? With counseling test, assignments, the fund raising for Habitat as well as quarterly reports at work. Its like a wound up spring waiting to unloose itself. Ha..late nights home and less than 6 hours of sleep everyday. ;D Now just feeling quite lerthargic and almost feel like my brain cells are not working anymore. I'm so glad the weekend is here, and the holiday on Tuesday. I think I need a good long break to recharge, sleep, rest my mind from thinking & decision making and just let loose.
A friend bought a $450 bag from a sale...a bag that would otherwise have cost $1200. Ofcos it is none of my business how people spend their money. But it breaks my heart to think and know that someone else is starving, while we are having our $450 bags. A very vivid analogy that always remains in my mind...is something a friend told me. We were sitting at Haagan Das, and he pointed to the shops downstairs and said, imagine below it was a slum, or there were people starving and poor there, will u still have the heart to spend yr money sitting here and having yr ice-cream, will u still build yr 41 million church building? It's because these people are so far away from us that we don't think about it.
It breaks my heart when I think of that.
Right now my mind is clear when I talk about this. For the past few mths struggling with a mixture of emotions. But now that all is calm, I am glad that I understand better how I am feeling! :> And I am not just being emotional. I am serious! It's just that most people don't think about this, or how unfair it is, or how privileged we are.
I think that there are signs that I have healed. :D Very glad for that. Lots of crying and prayer before the Lord. And the healing was really a process but the breakthroughs came when I released my pain to God, knowing that He understands how I feel, and I am thankful that I never have to face any painful moment alone, and that I can honestly face that pain. Okay, I am having pain, but I know that God u understand. It really helps being honest with yr emotions. :)
Counseling classes have been really good too, in the self discovery process, and cognitive behaviour therapy I apply on myself to correct some of my wrong thinking and assumptions. Yeah yeah...
I'm glad....though still feeling lost wrt to my future. What should I do? Where should I go? Where should I belong. Hence a certain anxiety, but yet a peace that sits in my heart, knowing that He is with me right now and understands my fears. Thank You.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Of the image of the child on the door post
There have been a couple of interesting news on the Straits Times & Today rcently. Yesterday Today reported that there were too many Voluntary Welfare Organizations (VWOs) vying for too little donor funds. One of the reasons was that it was too easy to register a VWO in Singapore. Some of the VWOs could be combined and streamlined to help others more effectively. I'm glad that there are many individuals who have the heart to do something for others- hence many start VWOs to help. I think I kind of agree though, that merging some of the smaller ones together may increase effectiveness.
Now the issues that face Singapore or any developed nation tends to defer from a developing country. These are strictly my own unread opinions. I think a developed country faces a lot of issues of the heart-loneliness & purposelessness & depression. Hence we have delinquency, forsaken elderly, lovelorn people and depression.
Perhaps in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, these are on top of the pyramid. After fulfilling their basic needs for food, shelter/security, next on the line is love, and esteem and self actualization. Hmm...Maslow does have some insights there. How many people in the city of Singapore feel unloved, and have low self esteems? Ha..I really don't know.
When we were seeking for extra leave for our Philippines trip, a director asked why don't we start in Singapore first. I don't know. It seems like the usual arguement is that there are also problems in Singapore. I think there will always be problems everywhere. The thing is it can be difficult bringing across to people the extent of the problems elsewhere. Cos if we live in a glass box and sheltered environment, we can't see out of the box to see the problems elsewhere. How would we know anyway, how the people in developing countries are starving and homeless? And those are the images that we need to have in our hearts, to move us with compassion to do more.
Yes we must do more. Thankful in a way that MCYS has many comprehensive policies for the low income. The government in Singapore indeed does quite a good job in helping to eradicate poverty locally. Can we then set our eyes elsewhere beyond our own shores and help others?
Abt 2 mths ago when Anil was here, one of my friends asked- Singapore seems to have not much problems. Cos social entrepreneurship seeks to help where there is a lack. E.g. Anil was saying that when he was in Nepal, he saw a child tied up to to the door post of a house because the mother was taking a 3 hour walk to the village well to fetch water. I think we all need to see images like this! Visually or inside our hearts! And then Anil was saying if we are so good in Singapore, why don't we impart some policies to help other developing countries?
Ha..I will like to, except unfortunately I am not an expert in policy making or development. But for now I hope to bring more people to see these images.
Just how can we be happily eating our big macs and sakae sushi and buying more prada and gucci and what nots when there are people dying? And what we are getting for ourselves- yes, unfortunately, is to fulfill our esteem needs.
I don't know who agrees with me. Maybe we are just desensitized to all these. Maybe our own problems have blinded us to others' problems. I know that it feels terrible to wake up in the morning at 7am...go to work and come back at 9pm from overtime. Most of my colleagues are so tired of their work...and it is really so meaningless. Hence we need more psychologists and counselors and more leisurely activities to make us relax and feel happy. Spas and shopping sprees and all that. When will these vicious cycles end?
What if we meet our esteem needs by helping others? What if the image of the child on the house post is ingrained in our minds and hearts? Would this world be a happier place? Would we be more thankful for what we have? And will we stop striving to be top of the rat race cos even if we win we are still rats? When will we have enough to make us happy?
Okay enough ranting! Lets go back to happier and positive posts....
One of the dilemmas I face while raising funds for Philippines is that I don't want people to give out of compulsion or emotional blackmail. But from their hearts, they want to chip in cos they feel something. And that's impt! Though..it is also impt to challenge ple and make them (us) feel uncomfortable abt the way we are carelessly spending our money.
Thankful for the wonderful team of people! 13 of us are going, plus abt 5 others helping in Singapore. And have been so encouraged by the way they organize the garage sales, staying late to pack stuffs, taking lunch time to do the sales, taking weekends to do the posters. :)
Here's a brick that we are giving to everyone who pledges $10. If u are interested, do contact me. The words on it say "Every Brick Matters".
Oh yah, I was talking abt 2 articles. There's another one today on Straits Times. Mohammad Yunus has received a nobel prize. :)I am so happy for him. He is the one who started microfinancing at the Grameen Bank in Bangladesh. He didn't come from a poor family either. Neither did Bunker Roy. ;) And I believe that we are in our privileged positions for a reason. God must have a reason for placing us in Singapore, to be well educated and all that. So that we can extend our hands to help others with the expertise that we have learnt.
Now the issues that face Singapore or any developed nation tends to defer from a developing country. These are strictly my own unread opinions. I think a developed country faces a lot of issues of the heart-loneliness & purposelessness & depression. Hence we have delinquency, forsaken elderly, lovelorn people and depression.
Perhaps in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, these are on top of the pyramid. After fulfilling their basic needs for food, shelter/security, next on the line is love, and esteem and self actualization. Hmm...Maslow does have some insights there. How many people in the city of Singapore feel unloved, and have low self esteems? Ha..I really don't know.
When we were seeking for extra leave for our Philippines trip, a director asked why don't we start in Singapore first. I don't know. It seems like the usual arguement is that there are also problems in Singapore. I think there will always be problems everywhere. The thing is it can be difficult bringing across to people the extent of the problems elsewhere. Cos if we live in a glass box and sheltered environment, we can't see out of the box to see the problems elsewhere. How would we know anyway, how the people in developing countries are starving and homeless? And those are the images that we need to have in our hearts, to move us with compassion to do more.
Yes we must do more. Thankful in a way that MCYS has many comprehensive policies for the low income. The government in Singapore indeed does quite a good job in helping to eradicate poverty locally. Can we then set our eyes elsewhere beyond our own shores and help others?
Abt 2 mths ago when Anil was here, one of my friends asked- Singapore seems to have not much problems. Cos social entrepreneurship seeks to help where there is a lack. E.g. Anil was saying that when he was in Nepal, he saw a child tied up to to the door post of a house because the mother was taking a 3 hour walk to the village well to fetch water. I think we all need to see images like this! Visually or inside our hearts! And then Anil was saying if we are so good in Singapore, why don't we impart some policies to help other developing countries?
Ha..I will like to, except unfortunately I am not an expert in policy making or development. But for now I hope to bring more people to see these images.
Just how can we be happily eating our big macs and sakae sushi and buying more prada and gucci and what nots when there are people dying? And what we are getting for ourselves- yes, unfortunately, is to fulfill our esteem needs.
I don't know who agrees with me. Maybe we are just desensitized to all these. Maybe our own problems have blinded us to others' problems. I know that it feels terrible to wake up in the morning at 7am...go to work and come back at 9pm from overtime. Most of my colleagues are so tired of their work...and it is really so meaningless. Hence we need more psychologists and counselors and more leisurely activities to make us relax and feel happy. Spas and shopping sprees and all that. When will these vicious cycles end?
What if we meet our esteem needs by helping others? What if the image of the child on the house post is ingrained in our minds and hearts? Would this world be a happier place? Would we be more thankful for what we have? And will we stop striving to be top of the rat race cos even if we win we are still rats? When will we have enough to make us happy?
Okay enough ranting! Lets go back to happier and positive posts....
One of the dilemmas I face while raising funds for Philippines is that I don't want people to give out of compulsion or emotional blackmail. But from their hearts, they want to chip in cos they feel something. And that's impt! Though..it is also impt to challenge ple and make them (us) feel uncomfortable abt the way we are carelessly spending our money.
Thankful for the wonderful team of people! 13 of us are going, plus abt 5 others helping in Singapore. And have been so encouraged by the way they organize the garage sales, staying late to pack stuffs, taking lunch time to do the sales, taking weekends to do the posters. :)
Here's a brick that we are giving to everyone who pledges $10. If u are interested, do contact me. The words on it say "Every Brick Matters".
Oh yah, I was talking abt 2 articles. There's another one today on Straits Times. Mohammad Yunus has received a nobel prize. :)I am so happy for him. He is the one who started microfinancing at the Grameen Bank in Bangladesh. He didn't come from a poor family either. Neither did Bunker Roy. ;) And I believe that we are in our privileged positions for a reason. God must have a reason for placing us in Singapore, to be well educated and all that. So that we can extend our hands to help others with the expertise that we have learnt.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Tired
Thankful. Finished 2 days of garage sales...
Just packed up. Ha..I'm so tired.. in times like this that I miss having shoulders to lean on.
I feel totally zonked out.
Now gotto continue working in office...maybe will grab dinner and stay till 10? I'm so glad tmr is Saturday! :)
Just packed up. Ha..I'm so tired.. in times like this that I miss having shoulders to lean on.
I feel totally zonked out.
Now gotto continue working in office...maybe will grab dinner and stay till 10? I'm so glad tmr is Saturday! :)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Thank God its over!
So so so so relieved that my counseling psych test and assignments are over! It has been a totally busy 2 weeks and I am so tired! Loads of emails in the office on the fund raising projects as well...and endless emails for work too. So it has been tough juggling the many different hats. One moment it is numeric, the next it is counseling and the next it is fund raising. Phew...
Anyway thur and fri we are having our garage sales. I hope all goes well! It is just like me to worry abt everything...and I am really feeling tired...but I think it is God's grace that pushes me forward. Just one step at a time, keep walking.
We watched Catch me if u can after the test today.. and it was quite nice. I've watched it before some years ago, but don't really remember it that much. I really liked this phrase "Sometimes it is easier living in a lie". And wow, that was simple but profound. Really. I mean when Frank (Leonardo Dicapro) heard his dad was dead, he knew that once and for all, his hope that his mum and dad will one day reconcile collapsed. But the axe that totally collapsed his whole idea that his mum will get back with his dad if the dad became rich again was when he saw his mum happily remarried with a daughter.
So we must all stop living in lies. Even though they make us feel better.
I am learning to trust God that in His own right timing, He will bring me what is best for myself. And for others too. And that, I think, is genuine love. Took me so long to figure out. Don't wrestle against God, u never win. But trust in Him, in due season, He will bring things into pass. Though...I hope that He will give me what I like.
Anyway thur and fri we are having our garage sales. I hope all goes well! It is just like me to worry abt everything...and I am really feeling tired...but I think it is God's grace that pushes me forward. Just one step at a time, keep walking.
We watched Catch me if u can after the test today.. and it was quite nice. I've watched it before some years ago, but don't really remember it that much. I really liked this phrase "Sometimes it is easier living in a lie". And wow, that was simple but profound. Really. I mean when Frank (Leonardo Dicapro) heard his dad was dead, he knew that once and for all, his hope that his mum and dad will one day reconcile collapsed. But the axe that totally collapsed his whole idea that his mum will get back with his dad if the dad became rich again was when he saw his mum happily remarried with a daughter.
So we must all stop living in lies. Even though they make us feel better.
I am learning to trust God that in His own right timing, He will bring me what is best for myself. And for others too. And that, I think, is genuine love. Took me so long to figure out. Don't wrestle against God, u never win. But trust in Him, in due season, He will bring things into pass. Though...I hope that He will give me what I like.
Monday, October 09, 2006
The width and length and depth and height: of His love
Ephesians 3:14-21
14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, F6 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-- 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Spent some time praying today before getting down to study for my test, and was very encouraged by God's reminder that He loved me so much. It was as if He engulfed me with His love. And this love, as Paul has described, is so hard to comprehend. It means that even if I mess up, am notti, imperfect, din meet my expectations, God still loves me. And how can I comprehend this love? How can I understand how much He loves me, for even myself, I cannot say I love myself unconditionally, whether I perform or not. But His love so touched my heart tonight. ;)
Was listening to my mp3, and then it came to this song:
I Simply Live, Hillsongs
Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep, I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You
Chorus:
As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship, we will meet You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
By Your word, You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simply live, I simply live for You
And it brought so many memories. Cos I remember I sang this song when I was in JC, and that was abt 1 year after I had converted, so full of faith in God, and just growing. Starting and learning to put my trust in Him. And I remember when I first converted, we had such a difficult time at home, not being able to attend meetings/cgs and being scolded when we got home late, being shouted at and all tat. And when I sang this, I really meant it with all my heart. Though right now at this pt, I can look back and know that many of the things I declared then might not have been tested...it was really true many years after JC to now, that slowly God moulded my heart. Yet, I could remember myself then, just having tat kind of simple faith to believe in God, that I simply live for Him. And one of the miracles that happened was that my parents got saved! We prayed for 3-4 years? Before they finally did. And yup, I know nothing is too great for my God...
How can I even begin to comprehend His love for me? So unconditional. Dear God, help me to understand this love...when i get depressed, tired and lost. Help me God. Amen.
14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, F6 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-- 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Spent some time praying today before getting down to study for my test, and was very encouraged by God's reminder that He loved me so much. It was as if He engulfed me with His love. And this love, as Paul has described, is so hard to comprehend. It means that even if I mess up, am notti, imperfect, din meet my expectations, God still loves me. And how can I comprehend this love? How can I understand how much He loves me, for even myself, I cannot say I love myself unconditionally, whether I perform or not. But His love so touched my heart tonight. ;)
Was listening to my mp3, and then it came to this song:
I Simply Live, Hillsongs
Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep, I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You
Chorus:
As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship, we will meet You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
By Your word, You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simply live, I simply live for You
And it brought so many memories. Cos I remember I sang this song when I was in JC, and that was abt 1 year after I had converted, so full of faith in God, and just growing. Starting and learning to put my trust in Him. And I remember when I first converted, we had such a difficult time at home, not being able to attend meetings/cgs and being scolded when we got home late, being shouted at and all tat. And when I sang this, I really meant it with all my heart. Though right now at this pt, I can look back and know that many of the things I declared then might not have been tested...it was really true many years after JC to now, that slowly God moulded my heart. Yet, I could remember myself then, just having tat kind of simple faith to believe in God, that I simply live for Him. And one of the miracles that happened was that my parents got saved! We prayed for 3-4 years? Before they finally did. And yup, I know nothing is too great for my God...
How can I even begin to comprehend His love for me? So unconditional. Dear God, help me to understand this love...when i get depressed, tired and lost. Help me God. Amen.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Do u really know me?
You Don't Know Me
Artist: Jann Arden
You give your hand to me and then you say, "Hello,"
And I can hardly speak; my heart is beating so.
And anyone can tell you think you know me well,
But you don't know me
No, you don't know the one who dreams of you at night,
And longs to kiss your lips and longs to hold you tight.
To you I'm just a friend; that's all I've ever been,
Oh, you don't know me.
(Bridge:)
*For I never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you.
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by,
The chance you might have loved me, too.
You give your hand to me and then you say goodbye;
I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy.
You'll never, never know the one who loves you so,
No, you don't know me.
Artist: Jann Arden
You give your hand to me and then you say, "Hello,"
And I can hardly speak; my heart is beating so.
And anyone can tell you think you know me well,
But you don't know me
No, you don't know the one who dreams of you at night,
And longs to kiss your lips and longs to hold you tight.
To you I'm just a friend; that's all I've ever been,
Oh, you don't know me.
(Bridge:)
*For I never knew the art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you.
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by,
The chance you might have loved me, too.
You give your hand to me and then you say goodbye;
I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy.
You'll never, never know the one who loves you so,
No, you don't know me.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Of undue worries...and special giftings
Just came back from a mooncake fest celebration with some elderly from CCWA. My colleague organized a trip there. ;) It was okay I guess...din have much interaction with the elderly, and it brought back some memories of my late grandparents. ;( These elderly came from surrounding one-room flats, and many were deserted by their children. And it also brought to my mind- my parents are going to grow old and elderly, and it was a rather scary thought.
I do care for the elderly ofcos, but this trip has helped put in better perspective what my passion is. Standing in the room, the one that caught my attention was this thin indian woman sitting at the corner, she had a cute toothy smile. ;) I don't know if someone like her could be described as "marginalised". Perhaps she is just different from the roomful of chinese elderly. But strangely it was her who stirred my heart. Just like in the mission trip, the broody boy at the corner, and the shy gal at the other side were the ones who caught my attention. And I think yup...I do have the patience & love to stay with these people, be there for them, and care for them, even if no one loves them.
And so in a way I found my "niche". Heh. Yah. Was really Feng Lao Shi's letter to me, and she was saying how Christ used me to love people. And I am thankful. I think at times I just feel so unloving. But God has given me the gift of mercy- and I think that means being patient and kind to people whom others dun care two hoots abt.
-----
I felt the weight of the stress this week upon me as I was asked to decide on which airline to book, whether to re-do the bricks etc. (The miniature bricks are tokens we are giving to anyone who donates to our blding proj) Don't laugh at me, maybe these are quite simple decisions for u, but they are tough for me cos I hate to make decisions esp if they implicate other people. Its fine if the implication is on myself. And so I felt stressed out with people seeking me for yes and nos. But this time I learn to wait upon God, and to try and lay aside these pressures to seek Him at night in quiet time. And I'm just glad. I'm going to start over again and re-learn from my past mistakes- I was so burnt out due to undue worry and trying to do things by my own strength.
Met with 2 colleagues from CF this afternoon to pray. And just lifted up the burdens to God. The amazing thing was yest night as I was praying for this morning's meeting with the community trip team, I just had inspiration to share some stuffs about the trip. This morning when we had our Habitat meeting, I just shared with them abt the motivation behind this trip- that it was not pushing for brick sales, but rather, it was to approach ple with sincerity. More than that, the motivation I had was to see people more charitable in the company. And then when I shared, it just reminded me of being in a cell group. Except those ple aren't from my cg, but I've a dream and hope tat in the same way, God will touch their hearts and will anoint my lips. ;) Other then the gift of mercy, I think there is smthing of a pastorial heart within me.
I do care for the elderly ofcos, but this trip has helped put in better perspective what my passion is. Standing in the room, the one that caught my attention was this thin indian woman sitting at the corner, she had a cute toothy smile. ;) I don't know if someone like her could be described as "marginalised". Perhaps she is just different from the roomful of chinese elderly. But strangely it was her who stirred my heart. Just like in the mission trip, the broody boy at the corner, and the shy gal at the other side were the ones who caught my attention. And I think yup...I do have the patience & love to stay with these people, be there for them, and care for them, even if no one loves them.
And so in a way I found my "niche". Heh. Yah. Was really Feng Lao Shi's letter to me, and she was saying how Christ used me to love people. And I am thankful. I think at times I just feel so unloving. But God has given me the gift of mercy- and I think that means being patient and kind to people whom others dun care two hoots abt.
-----
I felt the weight of the stress this week upon me as I was asked to decide on which airline to book, whether to re-do the bricks etc. (The miniature bricks are tokens we are giving to anyone who donates to our blding proj) Don't laugh at me, maybe these are quite simple decisions for u, but they are tough for me cos I hate to make decisions esp if they implicate other people. Its fine if the implication is on myself. And so I felt stressed out with people seeking me for yes and nos. But this time I learn to wait upon God, and to try and lay aside these pressures to seek Him at night in quiet time. And I'm just glad. I'm going to start over again and re-learn from my past mistakes- I was so burnt out due to undue worry and trying to do things by my own strength.
Met with 2 colleagues from CF this afternoon to pray. And just lifted up the burdens to God. The amazing thing was yest night as I was praying for this morning's meeting with the community trip team, I just had inspiration to share some stuffs about the trip. This morning when we had our Habitat meeting, I just shared with them abt the motivation behind this trip- that it was not pushing for brick sales, but rather, it was to approach ple with sincerity. More than that, the motivation I had was to see people more charitable in the company. And then when I shared, it just reminded me of being in a cell group. Except those ple aren't from my cg, but I've a dream and hope tat in the same way, God will touch their hearts and will anoint my lips. ;) Other then the gift of mercy, I think there is smthing of a pastorial heart within me.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Same side of the Moon
Since it is mid-autumn fest. And the big round moon.
I was listening to this song, and it is a very poignant song.
BTW, I realise Corrinne May has a blog.
S A M E S I D E O F T H E M O O N
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 1998, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)
I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray
I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.
I picture you across the oceans
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change
It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I was listening to this song, and it is a very poignant song.
BTW, I realise Corrinne May has a blog.
S A M E S I D E O F T H E M O O N
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 1998, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)
I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray
I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.
I picture you across the oceans
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change
It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Why are you doing what you are doing?
One of the most impt questions that we must ask ourselves is- Why are u doing what u are doing? What's yr motivation behind it? Because the best of things that we do can be done out of the wrong motivations.
I was quite happy this morning, and woke up feeling a deep sense of God's peace. And I felt this confirmation from God abt some of the decisions I had made. And esp wrt church, I just felt this tremendous peace and assurance. Been waiting for very long for God's confirmation wrt my change of church. Will still need to keep praying about it, but I am thankful.
For these months I've been asking myself do I want to change church because I am sick, tired and disillusioned, or is it really I want to grow and find a church where I can identiy with its vision. And I'm glad that after such a long time, I can finally say that it is the latter. ;)
Now about jobs- I am still trying to figure out my motivation for wanting to work in the social sector/developing country. Is it because I don't enjoy my work and want to escape from it? Is it because it is something at the spur of the moment? Is it because I want to prove something? All these are questions I need to answer to. Roughly have some dates sorted out for myself which I am aiming for. But are those dates right and appropriate?
Until I get my intentions sorted out, I know as real as it can be, when I get thrown into a ministry kind of role, I will simply be serving out of impure intentions, and then when I fall, I will get disillusioned and angry with life.
I need to have the faith to believe God that this is not where I am going to continue forever, 830am to 6pm. There must be something more.
I was quite happy this morning, and woke up feeling a deep sense of God's peace. And I felt this confirmation from God abt some of the decisions I had made. And esp wrt church, I just felt this tremendous peace and assurance. Been waiting for very long for God's confirmation wrt my change of church. Will still need to keep praying about it, but I am thankful.
For these months I've been asking myself do I want to change church because I am sick, tired and disillusioned, or is it really I want to grow and find a church where I can identiy with its vision. And I'm glad that after such a long time, I can finally say that it is the latter. ;)
Now about jobs- I am still trying to figure out my motivation for wanting to work in the social sector/developing country. Is it because I don't enjoy my work and want to escape from it? Is it because it is something at the spur of the moment? Is it because I want to prove something? All these are questions I need to answer to. Roughly have some dates sorted out for myself which I am aiming for. But are those dates right and appropriate?
Until I get my intentions sorted out, I know as real as it can be, when I get thrown into a ministry kind of role, I will simply be serving out of impure intentions, and then when I fall, I will get disillusioned and angry with life.
I need to have the faith to believe God that this is not where I am going to continue forever, 830am to 6pm. There must be something more.
Little Miss Sunshine
Little Miss Sunshine was such a fantastic movie. One of the best I've seen for some time. Really shd go catch it.
The family is dysfunctional, there are issues of drug addiction, homosexuality, pornography, depression etc. But how the script writer just injected humour in bringing across his message. That we are basically all messed up people, carrying with us all our personal baggages. And yet at the end of the day how we accept each other, and learn what it truly means to be human. It challenges the definition of success, being loserish and all that. As one of the character says- he thinks that life is just a series of beauty peagents. But at the end of the day- life I think, is what we define and make of it. How we define success, or how society defines success, and what it means to just be ourselves. How the writer pokes fun at the irony of how society functions in putting up fronts- when these fronts can be even more dirty than people who seem dysfunctional outright. Or how the most dysfunctional people could actually be more human, than those who put up a front and do not admit that they are also dysfunctional in the same way on the inside.
But it was all brought together with many humourous parodies/ironies/actions etc. ;) And yup, maybe life is like that- we shdn't take things too seriously and accept that there will always be imperfections.
A pastor said that self-righteousness is worse than un-righteousness. I find that so true. And so very profound. And so what if I have a semblance of perfection on the outside? On the inside we are all messed up people in need of our saviour. We can't do things on our own.
I had an enjoyable day today, met HY for lunch at Tanjong Katong for clayfish horfun at a coffeeshop. Cheap and yummy! I got myself a dinosaur too. We went to parkway, I ran my errands and she went to gym. I sat down at Burger King and read C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity for a bit (very good and philosophical book). And very very spontaneously, we decided to have dinner with her cousin and brother at night, and then catch Little Miss Sunshine.
I would have wanted to catch the 715 show, and not the 935 one, if not that she felt it was too rushed. We ended up having quite a cosy time, the 4 of us. Was telling her how I miss group settings so much. ;) Got home at 12ish am...yay. Finally a break from my usual sat and sun routines....and I felt so happy today. :) I learn to take things less seriously amidst the imperfection.
The family is dysfunctional, there are issues of drug addiction, homosexuality, pornography, depression etc. But how the script writer just injected humour in bringing across his message. That we are basically all messed up people, carrying with us all our personal baggages. And yet at the end of the day how we accept each other, and learn what it truly means to be human. It challenges the definition of success, being loserish and all that. As one of the character says- he thinks that life is just a series of beauty peagents. But at the end of the day- life I think, is what we define and make of it. How we define success, or how society defines success, and what it means to just be ourselves. How the writer pokes fun at the irony of how society functions in putting up fronts- when these fronts can be even more dirty than people who seem dysfunctional outright. Or how the most dysfunctional people could actually be more human, than those who put up a front and do not admit that they are also dysfunctional in the same way on the inside.
But it was all brought together with many humourous parodies/ironies/actions etc. ;) And yup, maybe life is like that- we shdn't take things too seriously and accept that there will always be imperfections.
A pastor said that self-righteousness is worse than un-righteousness. I find that so true. And so very profound. And so what if I have a semblance of perfection on the outside? On the inside we are all messed up people in need of our saviour. We can't do things on our own.
I had an enjoyable day today, met HY for lunch at Tanjong Katong for clayfish horfun at a coffeeshop. Cheap and yummy! I got myself a dinosaur too. We went to parkway, I ran my errands and she went to gym. I sat down at Burger King and read C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity for a bit (very good and philosophical book). And very very spontaneously, we decided to have dinner with her cousin and brother at night, and then catch Little Miss Sunshine.
I would have wanted to catch the 715 show, and not the 935 one, if not that she felt it was too rushed. We ended up having quite a cosy time, the 4 of us. Was telling her how I miss group settings so much. ;) Got home at 12ish am...yay. Finally a break from my usual sat and sun routines....and I felt so happy today. :) I learn to take things less seriously amidst the imperfection.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)