A new chapter of my life

I had a most wonderful countdown yesterday nite or should I say this morning? =P After service, I went to meet Jon at Bedok hawker centre for dinner. Then we went to Marina Bay to look for Alan and Jasmine and then Eyoung joined us. Very soon it was 1130pm, and we wanted to make our way to the Esplanade because the last bus from Marina Bay was 1145pm. But the silly old bus came only at 1150pm and it hit 12am on the bus! The fireworks came on over the skies over us and we peered outta the bus windows and the whole bus was shouting HAPPY NEW YEAR! And I also screamed and shrieked at the top of my voice! =) Yay!! And I felt to blessed to be sitting next to my dear to welcome the new year. Anyway later we went to esplanade and the 5some of us had a very good time! Yeah and esplanade was filled with ple, and it felt super liberating walking at nite and the air was refreshing!

Starting from next year January, I will no longer be a CGL. Hence 2006 is really like a new beginning for me. It was really a difficult decision to make. As u guys can see from my blogs, >50% of my blogs are on ministry and my cg. The ministry, the cg has been a part of my life for more than 2 years. And so stepping down is like giving up my baby. There are 3 reasons that I made this decision, but even then I asked God for signs to confirm it, and at 3 various ocasions, 3 ple shared some stuff with me that confirmed it.
I asked myself this question, is it really because God calls us to different things at different seasons in our lives, or is it because it was getting difficult, and I just wanted to give up. Is a calling to another area an excuse for me to give up? And I struggled for very long about this. But I also realise that the verse in the bible says that Delight yrself in the Lord and He will give u the desire of our hearts. And God will not go against our will, and many times our desires are aligned to His if we walk closely to Him.

Through these weeks and mths of praying, I asked the Lord, why He called me to be a cgl, only to have me step down. Did I listen wrongly fr the very start? But I know with all my heart that I had been obedient to His call at the very start. And I know His still small voice of assurance. I know there were times when I was discouraged and the Holy Spirit never failed to give me His assurance that He had called me. And then I realised one thing, that it was necessary for me to go through the fires and humbling and moulding of these 2 years. And without these 2 years, I would not have drawn so close to God. I'm happy for that and praise God for these 2 years for His grace has been so sufficient for me. I know with all my heart that I am not a born leader or born with leadership qualities, but by His grace He sustained me through the 2 years, and I am glad that I can be a blessing to the ple whom He called me to serve.

The cg is made up of different individuals, and by others' standards it is a quiet cg, ple who don't talk much. I also know that many of us share some similar personality traits, and that is we are all quite pensive in nature, and sometimes even melancholic (Not speaking of everyone in the cg). And I am usually drawn to melancholic ple cos I understand how they feel cos there are times when I am in my pensive moods. My sister often asks me, why I read so much into things, but I can't help it, I like so much to reflect and sometimes my mind and brain wanders all over and I have to renew my mind with His word. And Paul also said b4, that even as God gives us comfort in our weakness, with the same comfort we can comfort other ple. I never regret being a cgl and it has been some amazing times in my life. And I really loved ministering to ple's needs, and counseling them and seeing ple grow.

I've shared before my two dreams: 1. heal hurting hearts, 2. Impact the Business place. I'm not sure so much what will happen in the future but one thing I know for very sure is that I have a desire to minister to the marginalised, or ple who are depressive. My heart goes out to them and I wish that I can give them a great big heart. Alan asked me why I became a cgl in the first place and I told him that cos being a cgl is someone who meets ple's needs! But being a cgl also involves other admin stuffs etc. And I know that there are days when I am so drained by the time I finish the admin, and have no time to meet anyone's needs. And I feel really sad about that. I want to have to the time to do something as simple as visiting Rama at his one room flat with Jonathan, is something that makes me really happy.

What and who is a minister? I think he/she is someone who demonstrates God's love and lives out a Christ like life. I was listening to this tape from Tom Smail (I hope I got his name correctly), and he says that many times we thought that Jesus defeated the devil somewhat like a scene in Star wars, but the truth is Jesus defeated the devil by taking on sin on Himself, through calvary love, and the power of the Spirit is in the power of calvary love.

In 2004 I remember at the thanksgiving cg, when I laid hands on the mbrs, I was wondering why the power and anointing did not come upon them. But this year, there was a breakthrough and the anointing and power came so strongly in the cg meetings. Anointing comes as a result of brokenness, as a result of the surrendering to God. A presence of God that comes when we dethrone I and enthrone Him. So the power and anointing are really what comes out of our walk with God. =)

On another note, I thank God for giving me a special one this year.
Jon has been very good and encouraging, and my sis also. Heh. Both of them have to bear with my whinning and my doubts and what-nots. Last friday was my last cg, and then after it ended to my surprise, Jon said he was reaching my house soon. He knew I was gonna be very sad and wanted to be there for me. And I am thankful for that. Sometimes I also wonder what he sees in me, and I also think I have not been very giving, cos all the time it is me and my whinning. And then I am so reminded of how God loves us unconditionally and unreservedly..and that we don't have to earn our reward to be loved by Him.

Thank God for thesis and SE forum. Two other major hurdles in my life. I am happy! Yay that I completed my thesis and went for the topic that I was passionate about. =)

Thank God for a good job He blessed me with almost immediately after I graduated. Though I have not yet adjusted to the little sleeping hours. SOB SOB. I pray that in the new year I will!!

Thank God for all my frens. Thank you for reading this long blog. =) Happy new year and may be 2006 be a better year for all!!