I found this poem on Irwin's blog and I really liked it, so here goes:
The Invitation
- by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Doing some merciless thinking
Heh...I have been kind of missing from my Blog for some time =) Shall post some thoughts here...
I guess I have been pretty distracted by some issues for the past 2 weeks, and the complication keeps going round and round in my head. Another thing- Fear abt the future, has made me feel rather incapactitated. I am after all, quite a "feeling" person, and often my moods affect me much more than I really hope them to.
Though, during this time, I treasure the deep and comforting presence of God & His Spirit more than ever. If He is all that I got, I cling on to Him.
Watched Watchmen today. Not the type of show that I will usually watch, but watched it with a friend cos he wanted to watch it. And it actually turned out pretty good!
I liked the part whereby the miracle of life was being described by Dr Manhatten. He says it is like air turning into gold. Indeed, the preciousness of life.
It was depressing looking at all the crime scenes. I also thought about justice and who determines justice? What happens when justice ends up in the hands of people? Individuals have their own sense of right and wrong. And something is wrong when you take matters into your own hands, because in the process of seeking justice, you end up like the very people who are performing the attrocities.
It speaks also of the hiding behind masks....that we all do. Its easier to be a superhero behind a mask. We all wear masks, its easier to do that then to deal with whats really on the inside.
I'm kind of like sleepy so I hope that I am making sense.
-------------
Work hasn't been that busy, and in the quietness of the office, I actually (gasp) have time to reflect and to think. The ironic thing is that sometimes thinking about issues is so scary that I've not managed to think too much. Its stressful to be on the reactive mode all the time- as I had been doing for the past 9 months or so. And when the dust settles down, and its just me, and the computer and the quiet office, the silence sometimes scares me. Forces me to really think on the inside, what really really should be done. And in the silences think about my own life, what I really really want. And then to pause, and realise, gosh, God- where are you in the picture? What do YOU really really want with the ministry and the work?
Without a vision the people will perish. There is no hope when people are like just moving round and round in circles. And I feel that even though it is painful to face the truth sometimes, it is important to mercilessly do some thinking about issues and life. Then.....we can move forward and deal with them...
Thankful for the guidance of a few people here and there to support and show me the way. Maybe the above, doesn't just relate to work, but relates to ministry, to relationships...to everything in life. =O
That quiet place of aloneness. To redefine oneself over and over again....
To face the fears on the inside.
To not be afraid to deal with the darkness.
And this thinking...I'm afraid, only happens in solitude, when one is alone....When the distractions and fearful thoughts are put away, one thinks clearly.
I guess I have been pretty distracted by some issues for the past 2 weeks, and the complication keeps going round and round in my head. Another thing- Fear abt the future, has made me feel rather incapactitated. I am after all, quite a "feeling" person, and often my moods affect me much more than I really hope them to.
Though, during this time, I treasure the deep and comforting presence of God & His Spirit more than ever. If He is all that I got, I cling on to Him.
Watched Watchmen today. Not the type of show that I will usually watch, but watched it with a friend cos he wanted to watch it. And it actually turned out pretty good!
I liked the part whereby the miracle of life was being described by Dr Manhatten. He says it is like air turning into gold. Indeed, the preciousness of life.
It was depressing looking at all the crime scenes. I also thought about justice and who determines justice? What happens when justice ends up in the hands of people? Individuals have their own sense of right and wrong. And something is wrong when you take matters into your own hands, because in the process of seeking justice, you end up like the very people who are performing the attrocities.
It speaks also of the hiding behind masks....that we all do. Its easier to be a superhero behind a mask. We all wear masks, its easier to do that then to deal with whats really on the inside.
I'm kind of like sleepy so I hope that I am making sense.
-------------
Work hasn't been that busy, and in the quietness of the office, I actually (gasp) have time to reflect and to think. The ironic thing is that sometimes thinking about issues is so scary that I've not managed to think too much. Its stressful to be on the reactive mode all the time- as I had been doing for the past 9 months or so. And when the dust settles down, and its just me, and the computer and the quiet office, the silence sometimes scares me. Forces me to really think on the inside, what really really should be done. And in the silences think about my own life, what I really really want. And then to pause, and realise, gosh, God- where are you in the picture? What do YOU really really want with the ministry and the work?
Without a vision the people will perish. There is no hope when people are like just moving round and round in circles. And I feel that even though it is painful to face the truth sometimes, it is important to mercilessly do some thinking about issues and life. Then.....we can move forward and deal with them...
Thankful for the guidance of a few people here and there to support and show me the way. Maybe the above, doesn't just relate to work, but relates to ministry, to relationships...to everything in life. =O
That quiet place of aloneness. To redefine oneself over and over again....
To face the fears on the inside.
To not be afraid to deal with the darkness.
And this thinking...I'm afraid, only happens in solitude, when one is alone....When the distractions and fearful thoughts are put away, one thinks clearly.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Of Rainbows and Covenants
Saw a beautiful rainbow in the sky on Wed night. =) What a sight! It caused all the shoppers along Orchard Road to pause and take photos or look at the Rainbow.
We city dwellers don't get to see much of other beautiful natural sights!
Rainbow is a sign of God's Covenant. We also make covenants with people in relationships. What does a commitment and a covenant entail?
-----------
Watched Slum Dog Millionaire on Wed. My goodness....the kind of conditions that the kids went through, scavenging for rubbish in the slum areas. Same conditions I recall at Cambodia, at Philippines. And I see these kids begging for money when I am a tourist in different cities. We think some of these kids are scums or thieves or pitiful, but we hardly see them as individuals. Each with a past, a family and a story.
-----------
Learning to love people. When I say I love migrant workers, what does this mean? Or when I love people in China? Etc. etc. I find that I need to have more love. How is it that it is so difficult these days to share my faith with others or to pause and talk to them. How do I move from seeing the multitudes to seeing the indvidual? How do I move from pity to love?
------------
3 interns in the office have been a blessing. 2 of them are from RGS, tho they are 8 years my juniors. heh. I feel like a girl gang leader, going for lunch with them etc. I miss peers in the office. But thank God for providing 3 of them to help out with work. They bring so much cheer and hope into the office.
-------------
Felt a bit down today. And I met J, one of the volunteers. She started asking me abt the work in Aceh. I was feeling overwhelmed by problems in the ministry (esp Aceh), plus other personal issues. Wow, and God provided me with someone to talk to. She prayed with me.
Next thing another partner called me and also shared words of encouragement with me.
-----------
So yeah, I definitely believe in rainbows, and God's covenant love. He has shown me so much of His love through work in GB. May I learn to love, as He has first loved. To love Him, to love him, to love her, to love myself.
We city dwellers don't get to see much of other beautiful natural sights!
Rainbow is a sign of God's Covenant. We also make covenants with people in relationships. What does a commitment and a covenant entail?
-----------
Watched Slum Dog Millionaire on Wed. My goodness....the kind of conditions that the kids went through, scavenging for rubbish in the slum areas. Same conditions I recall at Cambodia, at Philippines. And I see these kids begging for money when I am a tourist in different cities. We think some of these kids are scums or thieves or pitiful, but we hardly see them as individuals. Each with a past, a family and a story.
-----------
Learning to love people. When I say I love migrant workers, what does this mean? Or when I love people in China? Etc. etc. I find that I need to have more love. How is it that it is so difficult these days to share my faith with others or to pause and talk to them. How do I move from seeing the multitudes to seeing the indvidual? How do I move from pity to love?
------------
3 interns in the office have been a blessing. 2 of them are from RGS, tho they are 8 years my juniors. heh. I feel like a girl gang leader, going for lunch with them etc. I miss peers in the office. But thank God for providing 3 of them to help out with work. They bring so much cheer and hope into the office.
-------------
Felt a bit down today. And I met J, one of the volunteers. She started asking me abt the work in Aceh. I was feeling overwhelmed by problems in the ministry (esp Aceh), plus other personal issues. Wow, and God provided me with someone to talk to. She prayed with me.
Next thing another partner called me and also shared words of encouragement with me.
-----------
So yeah, I definitely believe in rainbows, and God's covenant love. He has shown me so much of His love through work in GB. May I learn to love, as He has first loved. To love Him, to love him, to love her, to love myself.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Resonance
That elusive sense of restedness, as one gets bombarded by emails, calls and deadlines.
It comes when I realise that I am loved & secured & known.
And...this is what I have been searching for. ;p
When one is secured, one loves others better. As the lenses are no longer coloured, and one is able to let go and allow others the freedom of expressing themselves. Even if their behaviours are different from yours.
-------------------------
I have been enjoying long walks at Bedok Reservoir and ECP. I like to be next to the water, to see the glistening reflection of the moon or the sun on the waters. Most of all, to talk freely about God, nature, books, songs. Bliss is when the deepest heart cry resonates with another.
It comes when I realise that I am loved & secured & known.
And...this is what I have been searching for. ;p
When one is secured, one loves others better. As the lenses are no longer coloured, and one is able to let go and allow others the freedom of expressing themselves. Even if their behaviours are different from yours.
-------------------------
I have been enjoying long walks at Bedok Reservoir and ECP. I like to be next to the water, to see the glistening reflection of the moon or the sun on the waters. Most of all, to talk freely about God, nature, books, songs. Bliss is when the deepest heart cry resonates with another.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Taking a pause
heh haven't been blogging for awhile..
Work is building up again in the office as March Holidays approach, and there are multiple teams going to do community service.
My email inbox is flooded again with loads of emails!
The thing is, the more busy I am, the more I find difficulty in concentrating on each task, and the more I want to chat with people, and do other interesting things. ;P
Life is a little overcrowded with so many things! And this sounds like a line from many of my other blog entries.
I was sorting my pile of letters on Monday and as I was filing something, I stumbled across this certificate of acknowledgement from Singapore Children's Society. And then I recalled during sec 2, I was in the interact club and I made weekly trips to Bukit Merah to give tuition to a pri school girl. Had to walk for a long time from the MRT and climb up a slope of stairs. Remember buying her stickers and sweets. That triggered memories of me in sec 3 and 4 when I went to Jervois Special School to teach the youths there as well. :) I bought marbles to teach counting. We also did craft work with them. Heh..
Its good to remember the meaningful things you did. To pause and take stock of life. Otherwise its just continuous running and running.....
Alrighty, back to my running............
Work is building up again in the office as March Holidays approach, and there are multiple teams going to do community service.
My email inbox is flooded again with loads of emails!
The thing is, the more busy I am, the more I find difficulty in concentrating on each task, and the more I want to chat with people, and do other interesting things. ;P
Life is a little overcrowded with so many things! And this sounds like a line from many of my other blog entries.
I was sorting my pile of letters on Monday and as I was filing something, I stumbled across this certificate of acknowledgement from Singapore Children's Society. And then I recalled during sec 2, I was in the interact club and I made weekly trips to Bukit Merah to give tuition to a pri school girl. Had to walk for a long time from the MRT and climb up a slope of stairs. Remember buying her stickers and sweets. That triggered memories of me in sec 3 and 4 when I went to Jervois Special School to teach the youths there as well. :) I bought marbles to teach counting. We also did craft work with them. Heh..
Its good to remember the meaningful things you did. To pause and take stock of life. Otherwise its just continuous running and running.....
Alrighty, back to my running............
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Gentle Kindness
Today I experienced the kindness of some people. :)
And I thought of how this is a glimpse of God's love. And the Holy Spirit who guides me gently. The tenderness of God's love :)
----------
Few days ago while I was walking, the wind wrapped around me. And I thought to myself, "I was embraced by the wind". It was nature/or God's way of loving me :) The sun, the breeze, and the sky above me.
And I thought of how this is a glimpse of God's love. And the Holy Spirit who guides me gently. The tenderness of God's love :)
----------
Few days ago while I was walking, the wind wrapped around me. And I thought to myself, "I was embraced by the wind". It was nature/or God's way of loving me :) The sun, the breeze, and the sky above me.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
happy lunar new year!
Happy Lunar New Year one and all..
Happy Niu Year!!!
It was a luxurious long 4 day break and it was nice. Just gyming, reading, watching tv, spending time with my family. :) It was strangely nice to just rest.
1 week ago, shirley smsed me, and asked if I was willing to surrender to God my desire! And I was like....how does that work?
But meditating on God's love has been good. And I hope that He fills up my heart with His love..
--------------------
It was difficult dealing with the "loss" of my fave colleague, as we bid farewell last thursday. :( Today the office was really quiet like a ghost town. I had a meeting for the whole morning, after that I stuck to my desk. The image of my fave colleague walking in with his snoopy cup and flask is so vivid! Sigh.
This is just a really random ranting post!
But yup I am thankful for all He has blessed me with.....And trusting Him that all things good come from Him!!
Not hurrying as the bible will say...but waiting...and trusting... in time, He will reveal all things..
Happy Niu Year!!!
It was a luxurious long 4 day break and it was nice. Just gyming, reading, watching tv, spending time with my family. :) It was strangely nice to just rest.
1 week ago, shirley smsed me, and asked if I was willing to surrender to God my desire! And I was like....how does that work?
But meditating on God's love has been good. And I hope that He fills up my heart with His love..
--------------------
It was difficult dealing with the "loss" of my fave colleague, as we bid farewell last thursday. :( Today the office was really quiet like a ghost town. I had a meeting for the whole morning, after that I stuck to my desk. The image of my fave colleague walking in with his snoopy cup and flask is so vivid! Sigh.
This is just a really random ranting post!
But yup I am thankful for all He has blessed me with.....And trusting Him that all things good come from Him!!
Not hurrying as the bible will say...but waiting...and trusting... in time, He will reveal all things..
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Greatest Social Need
I'm a strong supporter of The New Charis Missions, because I've known the founder Pastor Don Wong since my uni days, while he was still at High Point Halfway House. I enjoy the company of his wife and children, they are like my family. But most of all, some of the brothers in the halfway house are like family to me, and I feel so welcomed when I am with them. When I am with them, I feel like christianity is congruent. :) You see strong muscled men, and Hokkien "bings", who are like gentle giants. It is true that God didn't come to make us better people, He came to transform us.
---------------
Radion International is having its Project Lives! from 7-8 Feb.
Tentatively, attached are the list of items which are required :
1 ) Dry/Canned food items (Staples or meat items with at least 3 months towards expiry date)
2 ) Used clothes, blankets, jackets, towels (Washed and in good condition)
3 ) Hygiene Items (Toothbrush, toothpaste, soap)
4 ) Medical/Pharmaceutical items (first aid kits/gloves/masks/bandages)
5 ) New Stationary/Educational Materials (Drawing blocks, coloring books, coloring pencils/crayons)
6 ) Electronics/Technology Items (Solar Panels, Water filtration systems, torch lights, batteries)
7 ) Foam sleeping mattresses/bedding items
8 ) Baby clothes/Nursery Items (Feeding bottles, etc etc)
Do support the outreach!!! And let me know if you want to join forces!
-------------------------
I enjoyed this article in Christianity Today on The Greatest Social Need.
"Today, conservative Christian churches do superb work on poverty, AIDS, sex trafficking, climate change, prison abuses, malaria, and genocide in Darfur. … Today, many evangelicals are powerful internationalists and humanitarians. Other examples abound in politics, foreign policy, and international justice. It's been quite a ride on the racehorse of social action. Despite the advances, none of this constitutes our movement's greatest contribution to the world. None of these good works—nay, great works—deal with the most profound social problem facing humankind.
That social problem is alienation from God."
If you ask me why I am doing what I am doing, its not because I want to be nice. Yes, I want to see the poor getting fed, the broken hearted being healed, and oppressed being set free.
But I'm doing what I am doing because it is congruent to the gospel.
God loves people, men made in His image, each created for a purpose, and men are separated from Him. Surely that is deserving of our attention!
---------------
Radion International is having its Project Lives! from 7-8 Feb.
Tentatively, attached are the list of items which are required :
1 ) Dry/Canned food items (Staples or meat items with at least 3 months towards expiry date)
2 ) Used clothes, blankets, jackets, towels (Washed and in good condition)
3 ) Hygiene Items (Toothbrush, toothpaste, soap)
4 ) Medical/Pharmaceutical items (first aid kits/gloves/masks/bandages)
5 ) New Stationary/Educational Materials (Drawing blocks, coloring books, coloring pencils/crayons)
6 ) Electronics/Technology Items (Solar Panels, Water filtration systems, torch lights, batteries)
7 ) Foam sleeping mattresses/bedding items
8 ) Baby clothes/Nursery Items (Feeding bottles, etc etc)
Do support the outreach!!! And let me know if you want to join forces!
-------------------------
I enjoyed this article in Christianity Today on The Greatest Social Need.
"Today, conservative Christian churches do superb work on poverty, AIDS, sex trafficking, climate change, prison abuses, malaria, and genocide in Darfur. … Today, many evangelicals are powerful internationalists and humanitarians. Other examples abound in politics, foreign policy, and international justice. It's been quite a ride on the racehorse of social action. Despite the advances, none of this constitutes our movement's greatest contribution to the world. None of these good works—nay, great works—deal with the most profound social problem facing humankind.
That social problem is alienation from God."
If you ask me why I am doing what I am doing, its not because I want to be nice. Yes, I want to see the poor getting fed, the broken hearted being healed, and oppressed being set free.
But I'm doing what I am doing because it is congruent to the gospel.
God loves people, men made in His image, each created for a purpose, and men are separated from Him. Surely that is deserving of our attention!
Monday, January 19, 2009
We need community
I enjoy the times when i walk from the MRT back to my house, and there is a sense of His peace. Don't really know how to describe that feeling but with the music in my ears, the clouds ahead and the trees that surround me reaching to the sky, it is a very calm feeling and I give thanks during those times.
Met up with my DG yesterday night to take stock and give thanks for 2008, and share areas we want to grow in 2009. It was a wonderful time of sharing with one another, and encouraging one another. Met Felicia today too, someone I nurtured by divine appointment. Since she went to Australia to study, we only manage to meet about once or twice a year. But it was a wonderful time of sharing as well, and seeing how she has grown in the Lord. So these 2 events made me extremely happy as I take stock of ministry. And ofcos....the christian life is never a lone ranger thing, but we grow in communities.
CNY is coming! Yay....on thursday I will be going back to the CF in GIC. I miss the folks there, esp the few who I am really close to. CNY is a good time of meeting with relatives and friends, and I'm looking forward to it.
Met up with my DG yesterday night to take stock and give thanks for 2008, and share areas we want to grow in 2009. It was a wonderful time of sharing with one another, and encouraging one another. Met Felicia today too, someone I nurtured by divine appointment. Since she went to Australia to study, we only manage to meet about once or twice a year. But it was a wonderful time of sharing as well, and seeing how she has grown in the Lord. So these 2 events made me extremely happy as I take stock of ministry. And ofcos....the christian life is never a lone ranger thing, but we grow in communities.
CNY is coming! Yay....on thursday I will be going back to the CF in GIC. I miss the folks there, esp the few who I am really close to. CNY is a good time of meeting with relatives and friends, and I'm looking forward to it.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
心里充满泪水的医生
Just watched an episode of the Korean drama on doctors. I catch it here and there when I am at home on weekends. Today's episode brought some tears to my eyes.
In the hospital where politics abound, where the management is more concerned about reputation and revenue, where doctors plot against one another and are more concerned about their status and promotion, where reputation counts more than a patient's life... A very very tired Dr. Cui (snr & compassionate doctor) tells Dr. Li (young & idealistic doctor) this:
"你要做一个心里充满温暖的医生,一个心里充满泪水的医生".
It was an episode whereby dreams were sheltered. Idealism was challenged. A tired Dr. Cui asks himself what it meant to be a doctor. His aim- to save lives, give a patient an extra day of life, even if it means 10 hrs of surgery. But what did he get in the end?
A disillusioned Dr. Li leaves the hospital in his motor bike, his eyes filled with tears- he was giving up his dream of being a doctor to save lives.
How many times I've felt like that last year. The struggle with disillusionment and idealism. But I want to be a person filled with tears in my heart. When I stop having tears in my heart, I think thats a bad sign.
I want to be filled with tears for the poor, the marginalized and the lost.
----------------------------------------------
Today Pastor Ed shared one episode of temptation in his life. I was so blessed to hear it coming from him. It must have taken much courage & humility to share it with the congregation. At the same time, the feelings he described were feelings I experienced before too. Why can't I get what I want? This feeling of regret, feelings of lost. But temptation...yeah...we are to flee from it. And it is not about us, it is about a loving God who helps us.
In the hospital where politics abound, where the management is more concerned about reputation and revenue, where doctors plot against one another and are more concerned about their status and promotion, where reputation counts more than a patient's life... A very very tired Dr. Cui (snr & compassionate doctor) tells Dr. Li (young & idealistic doctor) this:
"你要做一个心里充满温暖的医生,一个心里充满泪水的医生".
It was an episode whereby dreams were sheltered. Idealism was challenged. A tired Dr. Cui asks himself what it meant to be a doctor. His aim- to save lives, give a patient an extra day of life, even if it means 10 hrs of surgery. But what did he get in the end?
A disillusioned Dr. Li leaves the hospital in his motor bike, his eyes filled with tears- he was giving up his dream of being a doctor to save lives.
How many times I've felt like that last year. The struggle with disillusionment and idealism. But I want to be a person filled with tears in my heart. When I stop having tears in my heart, I think thats a bad sign.
I want to be filled with tears for the poor, the marginalized and the lost.
----------------------------------------------
Today Pastor Ed shared one episode of temptation in his life. I was so blessed to hear it coming from him. It must have taken much courage & humility to share it with the congregation. At the same time, the feelings he described were feelings I experienced before too. Why can't I get what I want? This feeling of regret, feelings of lost. But temptation...yeah...we are to flee from it. And it is not about us, it is about a loving God who helps us.
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