=)
Hi everyone..hope everyone is having a good CNY. Burp...burp...result of drinking too much beer and volka. Just joking! I'm really really enjoying for 2 day break plus weekends. Its been so long since I really had a full rest. And just now I packed my stuffs and all. And today I went Little India with Jon..and then yesterday I just watched tv and talked to my cousins and played with my nephew.
Well,being in a r/s made me realise that a relationship needs much time, effort, commitment, communication to grow. And its a blessing indeed fr God that two ple can love each other and that they can commit to one another and grow with each other. So every wedding is really a blessing. Heh. To be able to walk down the altar and say I do takes much much more than the initial spark of romance. =) I'm grateful for the one He has brought me, and I pray that He will continue to guide us. That also indeed seeking to bless/love the other more than loving oneself...and ofcos that God may be the centre of it all.
Did some of my goal settings today. And I looked at my 2005 goals. Not bad, managed to achieve quite a bit of them. =P I think I am generally in transition. In ministry, relationships..even in work. Wats my future for work and shd I stay in this line and how long shd I stay here?
Oh yeah this year I hope to go on a mission trip! Really really keen to do that. And to sign up for a counseling course. =)
Okies....i noe my 2006 goal setting is a bit delayed. YEah...but aniwae happy new year. I'm glad to have 2 days of holiday..feels like a student all over again!
Monday, January 30, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
To be a blessing..
Hi! =) Its a friday morning, and its wonderful that the chinese new year is here and 2 days of holiday! Woohoo!! Holidays never meant so so so much to me when I was a student.
Been thinking abt quite a few things yesterday. Prayed over lunch time and thinking thru some stuffs. =P Remember very vividly my days in bizad..the flexi hrs. Heh..actually I was much more free. Doing projects, waking up late..bus trips...sitting around the bizad benches, chatting with ple in the round tables in the canteen, giving dap bible study in NUS...freed up lifestyle to do watever I wanted! To arrange my proj times as and when I wanted. =) Oh I miss those days....even though at times I had to stay up till late or spend my weekends doing work. Yet it was so freed up to do the things I like.
I was jolted out of my self pitying mode yest night when my parents had a quarrel with my sis. And it was terrible. While XY and I prayed together, she said with all her heart that she will trust God in all these. And I teared as well. These days have been dark for me. And yet me too, I must learn to trust God. Can I not trust Him that He will lead me? Though one episode may be over, its the start of another. There are still so many needs to be met..so many things to do..and I wanna pour out my life to serve God.
Studies....My philosophy had always been to put God first in my studies and He will always bless me. In any case...while I was in bizad, I don't tink that I spent as much time studying e.g. for tests and doing projects, cos I think my time can be effectively used for other things. The implication of being an employee is different. Cos now u gotto be accountable to yr boss. U can't say...oooh..work is not impt, so I won't do it. I pray that I may adjust soon and that I have FAITH that as an employee, I don't wanna stay late hrs, but I wanna be an effective worker to finish all my tasks. And that, I may have time to do other stuffs!!! What other stuffs? Hmm..I'm not so sure myself. Giving bible studies..to continue to do that..And SE and also to read up on development (hehe). YUps....
Okies tats all enuff for a friday morning. Wishing one and all a happy chinese new year!
Been thinking abt quite a few things yesterday. Prayed over lunch time and thinking thru some stuffs. =P Remember very vividly my days in bizad..the flexi hrs. Heh..actually I was much more free. Doing projects, waking up late..bus trips...sitting around the bizad benches, chatting with ple in the round tables in the canteen, giving dap bible study in NUS...freed up lifestyle to do watever I wanted! To arrange my proj times as and when I wanted. =) Oh I miss those days....even though at times I had to stay up till late or spend my weekends doing work. Yet it was so freed up to do the things I like.
I was jolted out of my self pitying mode yest night when my parents had a quarrel with my sis. And it was terrible. While XY and I prayed together, she said with all her heart that she will trust God in all these. And I teared as well. These days have been dark for me. And yet me too, I must learn to trust God. Can I not trust Him that He will lead me? Though one episode may be over, its the start of another. There are still so many needs to be met..so many things to do..and I wanna pour out my life to serve God.
Studies....My philosophy had always been to put God first in my studies and He will always bless me. In any case...while I was in bizad, I don't tink that I spent as much time studying e.g. for tests and doing projects, cos I think my time can be effectively used for other things. The implication of being an employee is different. Cos now u gotto be accountable to yr boss. U can't say...oooh..work is not impt, so I won't do it. I pray that I may adjust soon and that I have FAITH that as an employee, I don't wanna stay late hrs, but I wanna be an effective worker to finish all my tasks. And that, I may have time to do other stuffs!!! What other stuffs? Hmm..I'm not so sure myself. Giving bible studies..to continue to do that..And SE and also to read up on development (hehe). YUps....
Okies tats all enuff for a friday morning. Wishing one and all a happy chinese new year!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Moving on
hi!
Its a saturday morning and I slept till 1045am. hehe. Yay....catching up my lost sleep for the past few days. My current lifestyle is not ideal. A 13-15 hr working day (including traveling time), 6 hrs sleep...and that leaves me 3 hrs to do my own things. Pray, talk on phone, read books and counsel. Only have weekends to give bible study, catch up sleep. Hopefully the next few weeks would be better when all the quarterly reports are over. =)There are so many needs out there and so many things to do for God's kingdom. And my current lifestyle is not gonna help it.
Yesterday was the first CG meeting of the year! And bro MJ took the cg. And I sat with the cg as a mbr! =P It was strange feeling at first but the cg was good. Bro MJ shared abt his life and how his mum atttempted to commit suicide when he wanted to go to church. =) I believe that God has done tremendous things in his life. I'm so glad that he will be able to help and bring the cg to a new level. I'm glad that I was obedient to God, tho doubts did come up over and over again whether I was being disobedient instead. Anyway during worship, I was so encouraged by God. The lyrics went "One thing I ask, that I may dwell in your house forever". And thats from Psalms..where David says that he would rather be a doorkeeper in God's house..where he may dwell in God's house forever. I pray that I may never harden my heart and that I may always be together with God..in His presence. I know that my steps are ordered by God..and He will never cast me down. Time for me to move on and have a new beginning in my life and in my ministry.
Its a saturday morning and I slept till 1045am. hehe. Yay....catching up my lost sleep for the past few days. My current lifestyle is not ideal. A 13-15 hr working day (including traveling time), 6 hrs sleep...and that leaves me 3 hrs to do my own things. Pray, talk on phone, read books and counsel. Only have weekends to give bible study, catch up sleep. Hopefully the next few weeks would be better when all the quarterly reports are over. =)There are so many needs out there and so many things to do for God's kingdom. And my current lifestyle is not gonna help it.
Yesterday was the first CG meeting of the year! And bro MJ took the cg. And I sat with the cg as a mbr! =P It was strange feeling at first but the cg was good. Bro MJ shared abt his life and how his mum atttempted to commit suicide when he wanted to go to church. =) I believe that God has done tremendous things in his life. I'm so glad that he will be able to help and bring the cg to a new level. I'm glad that I was obedient to God, tho doubts did come up over and over again whether I was being disobedient instead. Anyway during worship, I was so encouraged by God. The lyrics went "One thing I ask, that I may dwell in your house forever". And thats from Psalms..where David says that he would rather be a doorkeeper in God's house..where he may dwell in God's house forever. I pray that I may never harden my heart and that I may always be together with God..in His presence. I know that my steps are ordered by God..and He will never cast me down. Time for me to move on and have a new beginning in my life and in my ministry.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
=P
hi..good morning! Left office yesterday at 10pm, was doing my presentation. But it was not that bad as I had cup noodles with WY and Ivan for dinner. We went down to the lounge and tried to fiddle with the KTV system..sadly, the TV wasn't able to be switched on and the cd played some old romantic song. Heh. A nice song at a wrong place and time. Sitting in front of the comp till 10pm with my nerdy specs reminds me of being in a school camp or rushing a project in sch. Did one proj in sch b4 till 11 plus at night. I remember that was corporate finance. Anyway thank God for nice colleagues and virtual hugs :). Presentation is later. Then still got 3 more reports to rush by friday. Then I can have a KIT KAT! yay!
yups...praying for lotsa strength and that God will grant me favour and that hearts will be open. Working life is really not easy, and its so tiring and u gotto hang on to God as yr source. Anyway same for any busy person, Jia you anyone reading this! =)
Oh yeah...went to JB for half a day on tues...was q a nice short break. =) Happy to spend time together with Jon cos its his Birthday! =) Yeah...
Okies gotto work!
yups...praying for lotsa strength and that God will grant me favour and that hearts will be open. Working life is really not easy, and its so tiring and u gotto hang on to God as yr source. Anyway same for any busy person, Jia you anyone reading this! =)
Oh yeah...went to JB for half a day on tues...was q a nice short break. =) Happy to spend time together with Jon cos its his Birthday! =) Yeah...
Okies gotto work!
Monday, January 16, 2006
monday blues
haa..I'm feeling the monday blues as I've a zillion and one things to complete this week. :( Din feel like I had enuff sleep over the weekend. But went out with the girls yesterday for dinner...good seafood and beef. And on saturday met up with SE ple. Heh. Had a good chat with them on saturday....then stayed with eunice (lim) and andrew for crabs after that. It was the opening of High Point Social Enterprise Ark. =) Saw my "hero", pastor Don, who asked me when I was going to change job and going over to help them. Heh. He said Don't live for money but live by God's revelation! heh.....Still praying abt it. Don't feel the peace to leave yet.
Anyway thank God in advanced for this week and lots of grace and strength! =)
Oh yeah..there are two things I wanna work on this year..1. Boldness in God 2. Fear of man. Share somemore again...work is piling! byeee!
Anyway thank God in advanced for this week and lots of grace and strength! =)
Oh yeah..there are two things I wanna work on this year..1. Boldness in God 2. Fear of man. Share somemore again...work is piling! byeee!
Friday, January 13, 2006
hiz
harlo
its been so long since I blogged! Realised the last blog was on 1st Jan of new year! Guess I've been pretty busy.Work has been busy and been reaching home at ard 845 or 9pm. Heh thats late for me. And then been tinking abt so many things and also adjusting to the transitions in my life. Been reading more of the bible and having more time for myself. =) Had lunch today with Christina..worthy of mentioning. Cos we weren't so close when I was a cgl, but somehow that day she called at the right time, and I shared some stuffs with her. yay. YEah..and she kinda encouraged me today during lunch time. On monday I also met Jesslyn for lunch!! =P My rgs fren who is in FCBC now..and it was good catching up. Quite interesting that Jess is in the same firm as Eu. Small small world.
Realise that I do have the time and space now to minister more to ple and meeting up with ple. So thats good. And also I still have a lot of issues to settle and to face them head on..after all the stuffs and reality sets in. But one thing that I pray is that I will not forfeit God's destiny for my life. Was praying and then kept being reminded of the reasons for my stepping down. And to be honest I feel a bit lost to be in this position. But HOPE keeps me on. Having a expectation of smthing new in my life. =)
SO fr here I gotto decide which cg to go to..whether to go on in this cg as helper or to move on to an adult cg. =P Where shd I go fr here?
its been so long since I blogged! Realised the last blog was on 1st Jan of new year! Guess I've been pretty busy.Work has been busy and been reaching home at ard 845 or 9pm. Heh thats late for me. And then been tinking abt so many things and also adjusting to the transitions in my life. Been reading more of the bible and having more time for myself. =) Had lunch today with Christina..worthy of mentioning. Cos we weren't so close when I was a cgl, but somehow that day she called at the right time, and I shared some stuffs with her. yay. YEah..and she kinda encouraged me today during lunch time. On monday I also met Jesslyn for lunch!! =P My rgs fren who is in FCBC now..and it was good catching up. Quite interesting that Jess is in the same firm as Eu. Small small world.
Realise that I do have the time and space now to minister more to ple and meeting up with ple. So thats good. And also I still have a lot of issues to settle and to face them head on..after all the stuffs and reality sets in. But one thing that I pray is that I will not forfeit God's destiny for my life. Was praying and then kept being reminded of the reasons for my stepping down. And to be honest I feel a bit lost to be in this position. But HOPE keeps me on. Having a expectation of smthing new in my life. =)
SO fr here I gotto decide which cg to go to..whether to go on in this cg as helper or to move on to an adult cg. =P Where shd I go fr here?
Sunday, January 01, 2006
A new chapter of my life
I had a most wonderful countdown yesterday nite or should I say this morning? =P After service, I went to meet Jon at Bedok hawker centre for dinner. Then we went to Marina Bay to look for Alan and Jasmine and then Eyoung joined us. Very soon it was 1130pm, and we wanted to make our way to the Esplanade because the last bus from Marina Bay was 1145pm. But the silly old bus came only at 1150pm and it hit 12am on the bus! The fireworks came on over the skies over us and we peered outta the bus windows and the whole bus was shouting HAPPY NEW YEAR! And I also screamed and shrieked at the top of my voice! =) Yay!! And I felt to blessed to be sitting next to my dear to welcome the new year. Anyway later we went to esplanade and the 5some of us had a very good time! Yeah and esplanade was filled with ple, and it felt super liberating walking at nite and the air was refreshing!
Starting from next year January, I will no longer be a CGL. Hence 2006 is really like a new beginning for me. It was really a difficult decision to make. As u guys can see from my blogs, >50% of my blogs are on ministry and my cg. The ministry, the cg has been a part of my life for more than 2 years. And so stepping down is like giving up my baby. There are 3 reasons that I made this decision, but even then I asked God for signs to confirm it, and at 3 various ocasions, 3 ple shared some stuff with me that confirmed it.
I asked myself this question, is it really because God calls us to different things at different seasons in our lives, or is it because it was getting difficult, and I just wanted to give up. Is a calling to another area an excuse for me to give up? And I struggled for very long about this. But I also realise that the verse in the bible says that Delight yrself in the Lord and He will give u the desire of our hearts. And God will not go against our will, and many times our desires are aligned to His if we walk closely to Him.
Through these weeks and mths of praying, I asked the Lord, why He called me to be a cgl, only to have me step down. Did I listen wrongly fr the very start? But I know with all my heart that I had been obedient to His call at the very start. And I know His still small voice of assurance. I know there were times when I was discouraged and the Holy Spirit never failed to give me His assurance that He had called me. And then I realised one thing, that it was necessary for me to go through the fires and humbling and moulding of these 2 years. And without these 2 years, I would not have drawn so close to God. I'm happy for that and praise God for these 2 years for His grace has been so sufficient for me. I know with all my heart that I am not a born leader or born with leadership qualities, but by His grace He sustained me through the 2 years, and I am glad that I can be a blessing to the ple whom He called me to serve.
The cg is made up of different individuals, and by others' standards it is a quiet cg, ple who don't talk much. I also know that many of us share some similar personality traits, and that is we are all quite pensive in nature, and sometimes even melancholic (Not speaking of everyone in the cg). And I am usually drawn to melancholic ple cos I understand how they feel cos there are times when I am in my pensive moods. My sister often asks me, why I read so much into things, but I can't help it, I like so much to reflect and sometimes my mind and brain wanders all over and I have to renew my mind with His word. And Paul also said b4, that even as God gives us comfort in our weakness, with the same comfort we can comfort other ple. I never regret being a cgl and it has been some amazing times in my life. And I really loved ministering to ple's needs, and counseling them and seeing ple grow.
I've shared before my two dreams: 1. heal hurting hearts, 2. Impact the Business place. I'm not sure so much what will happen in the future but one thing I know for very sure is that I have a desire to minister to the marginalised, or ple who are depressive. My heart goes out to them and I wish that I can give them a great big heart. Alan asked me why I became a cgl in the first place and I told him that cos being a cgl is someone who meets ple's needs! But being a cgl also involves other admin stuffs etc. And I know that there are days when I am so drained by the time I finish the admin, and have no time to meet anyone's needs. And I feel really sad about that. I want to have to the time to do something as simple as visiting Rama at his one room flat with Jonathan, is something that makes me really happy.
What and who is a minister? I think he/she is someone who demonstrates God's love and lives out a Christ like life. I was listening to this tape from Tom Smail (I hope I got his name correctly), and he says that many times we thought that Jesus defeated the devil somewhat like a scene in Star wars, but the truth is Jesus defeated the devil by taking on sin on Himself, through calvary love, and the power of the Spirit is in the power of calvary love.
In 2004 I remember at the thanksgiving cg, when I laid hands on the mbrs, I was wondering why the power and anointing did not come upon them. But this year, there was a breakthrough and the anointing and power came so strongly in the cg meetings. Anointing comes as a result of brokenness, as a result of the surrendering to God. A presence of God that comes when we dethrone I and enthrone Him. So the power and anointing are really what comes out of our walk with God. =)
On another note, I thank God for giving me a special one this year.
Jon has been very good and encouraging, and my sis also. Heh. Both of them have to bear with my whinning and my doubts and what-nots. Last friday was my last cg, and then after it ended to my surprise, Jon said he was reaching my house soon. He knew I was gonna be very sad and wanted to be there for me. And I am thankful for that. Sometimes I also wonder what he sees in me, and I also think I have not been very giving, cos all the time it is me and my whinning. And then I am so reminded of how God loves us unconditionally and unreservedly..and that we don't have to earn our reward to be loved by Him.
Thank God for thesis and SE forum. Two other major hurdles in my life. I am happy! Yay that I completed my thesis and went for the topic that I was passionate about. =)
Thank God for a good job He blessed me with almost immediately after I graduated. Though I have not yet adjusted to the little sleeping hours. SOB SOB. I pray that in the new year I will!!
Thank God for all my frens. Thank you for reading this long blog. =) Happy new year and may be 2006 be a better year for all!!
Starting from next year January, I will no longer be a CGL. Hence 2006 is really like a new beginning for me. It was really a difficult decision to make. As u guys can see from my blogs, >50% of my blogs are on ministry and my cg. The ministry, the cg has been a part of my life for more than 2 years. And so stepping down is like giving up my baby. There are 3 reasons that I made this decision, but even then I asked God for signs to confirm it, and at 3 various ocasions, 3 ple shared some stuff with me that confirmed it.
I asked myself this question, is it really because God calls us to different things at different seasons in our lives, or is it because it was getting difficult, and I just wanted to give up. Is a calling to another area an excuse for me to give up? And I struggled for very long about this. But I also realise that the verse in the bible says that Delight yrself in the Lord and He will give u the desire of our hearts. And God will not go against our will, and many times our desires are aligned to His if we walk closely to Him.
Through these weeks and mths of praying, I asked the Lord, why He called me to be a cgl, only to have me step down. Did I listen wrongly fr the very start? But I know with all my heart that I had been obedient to His call at the very start. And I know His still small voice of assurance. I know there were times when I was discouraged and the Holy Spirit never failed to give me His assurance that He had called me. And then I realised one thing, that it was necessary for me to go through the fires and humbling and moulding of these 2 years. And without these 2 years, I would not have drawn so close to God. I'm happy for that and praise God for these 2 years for His grace has been so sufficient for me. I know with all my heart that I am not a born leader or born with leadership qualities, but by His grace He sustained me through the 2 years, and I am glad that I can be a blessing to the ple whom He called me to serve.
The cg is made up of different individuals, and by others' standards it is a quiet cg, ple who don't talk much. I also know that many of us share some similar personality traits, and that is we are all quite pensive in nature, and sometimes even melancholic (Not speaking of everyone in the cg). And I am usually drawn to melancholic ple cos I understand how they feel cos there are times when I am in my pensive moods. My sister often asks me, why I read so much into things, but I can't help it, I like so much to reflect and sometimes my mind and brain wanders all over and I have to renew my mind with His word. And Paul also said b4, that even as God gives us comfort in our weakness, with the same comfort we can comfort other ple. I never regret being a cgl and it has been some amazing times in my life. And I really loved ministering to ple's needs, and counseling them and seeing ple grow.
I've shared before my two dreams: 1. heal hurting hearts, 2. Impact the Business place. I'm not sure so much what will happen in the future but one thing I know for very sure is that I have a desire to minister to the marginalised, or ple who are depressive. My heart goes out to them and I wish that I can give them a great big heart. Alan asked me why I became a cgl in the first place and I told him that cos being a cgl is someone who meets ple's needs! But being a cgl also involves other admin stuffs etc. And I know that there are days when I am so drained by the time I finish the admin, and have no time to meet anyone's needs. And I feel really sad about that. I want to have to the time to do something as simple as visiting Rama at his one room flat with Jonathan, is something that makes me really happy.
What and who is a minister? I think he/she is someone who demonstrates God's love and lives out a Christ like life. I was listening to this tape from Tom Smail (I hope I got his name correctly), and he says that many times we thought that Jesus defeated the devil somewhat like a scene in Star wars, but the truth is Jesus defeated the devil by taking on sin on Himself, through calvary love, and the power of the Spirit is in the power of calvary love.
In 2004 I remember at the thanksgiving cg, when I laid hands on the mbrs, I was wondering why the power and anointing did not come upon them. But this year, there was a breakthrough and the anointing and power came so strongly in the cg meetings. Anointing comes as a result of brokenness, as a result of the surrendering to God. A presence of God that comes when we dethrone I and enthrone Him. So the power and anointing are really what comes out of our walk with God. =)
On another note, I thank God for giving me a special one this year.
Jon has been very good and encouraging, and my sis also. Heh. Both of them have to bear with my whinning and my doubts and what-nots. Last friday was my last cg, and then after it ended to my surprise, Jon said he was reaching my house soon. He knew I was gonna be very sad and wanted to be there for me. And I am thankful for that. Sometimes I also wonder what he sees in me, and I also think I have not been very giving, cos all the time it is me and my whinning. And then I am so reminded of how God loves us unconditionally and unreservedly..and that we don't have to earn our reward to be loved by Him.
Thank God for thesis and SE forum. Two other major hurdles in my life. I am happy! Yay that I completed my thesis and went for the topic that I was passionate about. =)
Thank God for a good job He blessed me with almost immediately after I graduated. Though I have not yet adjusted to the little sleeping hours. SOB SOB. I pray that in the new year I will!!
Thank God for all my frens. Thank you for reading this long blog. =) Happy new year and may be 2006 be a better year for all!!
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