This is my first post on this blog to welcome 2009!
Alas, I have taken ill today...started with a sore throat since 31st Dec 2008. But I received strepsils from 2 nice friends! :)
Went to work today, and left early to see a doctor, and got an MC. After that I managed to sleep for 2 hours in the afternoon. Felt so refreshed after that. Its been a long while since I felt like that!
Actually had the leisurely time to upload photos unto my facebook. These are the photos I took during my work travel.
People have been asking what I do when I travel! So far I've visited schools, bible schools, villagers etc. Most of these are recee trips, to access needs, to get a feel of the ground, so that I can tie up teams interested to go on trips with projects overseas.
So here's the link to the FB photos(Cambodia, Indonesia) have a good time seeing!
Other than uploading photos, I also managed to read a good chunk of Five People you meet in Heaven. It has been quite thought provoking. Its interesting to review one's life after death in this manner. We live with pain in our lives, and assumptions about people. But our lives told from another's perspectives, helps us to understand why certain things had to happen in a certain manner.
In the chunk I just read, there's one part whereby the protagonist meets his wife in heaven. And the wife talked abt "lost love". She asked the husband "you had to live without love for many years, didn't you?"
In the chap before, there was this paragraph "Love like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive." Some of our love stories never find nourishment from below and it withers!
It kind of tied up with what I had been thinking about, as I speak to various ones who had experienced heartbreak. In every relationship, we give a part of our hearts to someone, and someone else becomes a part of us. That part of lost love remains in the recesses of one's heart. Can one ever say that you no longer have any feelings for the one you used to love? Can one be whole again after a part has been taken away? I believe God can heal the heart and make it complete in Him. :) Though memories remain and one can't help but think back of lost love.
I've been somewhat intrigued to continue with episode after episode of Little Nyonya too. Cos the female lead is like so courageous to solve one problem after the next. I like the ending song, which is titled: 爱是一种需要.
Alright...the medication is making me drowsy and I'm off to sleep!
Friday, January 02, 2009
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Simplying life
I had a long break from work since 24 Dec, and back to office 30 Dec. I must admit though, that my mind keeps wandering to work, and I've been doing some work here and there at home, and checking my emails daily!
I dread to go back to an overcrowded life. Of rushing here and there, waking up with just enough time to wash up, read the headlines in the newspapers, dress up and rush out of the house. And then a full day of work, rushing reports and reacting to emails, then night meetings or night outs with friends. I wonder if it is neccessary to work at break neck speed. I wonder if there is an alternative to this? I wonder if this is the nature of the job, or is there simply something that can be done abt the organization?
A close colleague has tendered. I am sad. : ( and wonder how I am going to carry on without random chats and advice from him.
HY got married yesterday! It seemed like a dream. I teared during the march-in that led immediately to the worship. Cos I felt that God is so good! I recalled scenes of us in our rgs and vjc uniforms, going to cell grp meetings. I recalled our times with the ex-cell grp in CHC indeed! HY is my fruit because I was the one who brought her to church in sec 4! Since then we have grown together in the faith, and recently I've seen her faith grow so much and I'm truly encouraged. So yup, as we sang of God's goodness, I was very touched! And reminded of His presence with us from 13 years ago up to this very present moment.
It was nice on Friday doing pampering stuffs for myself. :P Heh. i.e. finding bags and accessories to match my clothes, going for manicure with HY and doing up my hair. The price to pay for vanity! Couldn't sleep well the whole night cos of the clips all over my hair. In a sense I enjoyed the luxury of spending time on this one thing and setting apart time for her wedding prep and the wedding day itself.
Managed to finish Edmund Chan's Growing Deep in God. In the book, he says we must simplify priorities. I found it hard to list down my priorities! God, family, ministry? How abt the poor, the marginalised and oppressed! How urgent are these matters? The answer really is...we can only serve out of intimacy and relationship with God. So I guess that is of priority. And I pray that in the new year, I've lots of time to do that. I don't want to rush here and there with a million tasks to complete!
I dread to go back to an overcrowded life. Of rushing here and there, waking up with just enough time to wash up, read the headlines in the newspapers, dress up and rush out of the house. And then a full day of work, rushing reports and reacting to emails, then night meetings or night outs with friends. I wonder if it is neccessary to work at break neck speed. I wonder if there is an alternative to this? I wonder if this is the nature of the job, or is there simply something that can be done abt the organization?
A close colleague has tendered. I am sad. : ( and wonder how I am going to carry on without random chats and advice from him.
HY got married yesterday! It seemed like a dream. I teared during the march-in that led immediately to the worship. Cos I felt that God is so good! I recalled scenes of us in our rgs and vjc uniforms, going to cell grp meetings. I recalled our times with the ex-cell grp in CHC indeed! HY is my fruit because I was the one who brought her to church in sec 4! Since then we have grown together in the faith, and recently I've seen her faith grow so much and I'm truly encouraged. So yup, as we sang of God's goodness, I was very touched! And reminded of His presence with us from 13 years ago up to this very present moment.
It was nice on Friday doing pampering stuffs for myself. :P Heh. i.e. finding bags and accessories to match my clothes, going for manicure with HY and doing up my hair. The price to pay for vanity! Couldn't sleep well the whole night cos of the clips all over my hair. In a sense I enjoyed the luxury of spending time on this one thing and setting apart time for her wedding prep and the wedding day itself.
Managed to finish Edmund Chan's Growing Deep in God. In the book, he says we must simplify priorities. I found it hard to list down my priorities! God, family, ministry? How abt the poor, the marginalised and oppressed! How urgent are these matters? The answer really is...we can only serve out of intimacy and relationship with God. So I guess that is of priority. And I pray that in the new year, I've lots of time to do that. I don't want to rush here and there with a million tasks to complete!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas :)
thankful for Christmas, the day that God sent us the greatest gift of His Love. :) Thankful for Jesus who came to save us.
This Christmas I am happy that one of my secondary sch frens, whom I've know since I was 15 prayed to receive Christ in church. It was a touching moment, walking with her down to the altar. She's fr my clique in sec sch, and since I became a Christian at 16, I've been praying for her and a few others, and have invited some of them to church before. Though this year's church drama was not like the musical dramas at CHC, it was very thought provoking, and I liked it. I liked the sermon too, peace beyond all fears; strength beyond all sorrows; love beyond all failures. It didn't promise blue skies after we became christians, but promised God's peace, strength and love amidst all our troubles. :)
Pastor Tony shared of the goose story, i.e. a man wanted to direct some hungry and cold geese into the barn for shelter, but they flew all over the place instead of into the barn. And in the end he had to carry his own goose on his shoulder, and run into the barn with the goose, before the geese flew in together. At that moment, he said he wished he could be a goose to speak to them and bring them to shelter earlier. Our God is constantly trying to reach out and speak to us. And His best gift was to send His most precious son to earth. He is a God who understands our failures, pain, fears.
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Had a packed day yesterday. :) Went to the gym, and had lunch with my gym instructor. It was interesting meal over fish bee hoon, cos we come from such different backgrounds and usually only communicated in the gym.
After that I went with HY to her bridal studio to pick up her dress and my bridesmaid dress. She looked beautiful in her wedding gown. And I'm so happy for her & Shane!
After the dress, I met Delia for tea. Delia is a teacher/officer from GB, and we got connected cos she brought her sch girls to Cambodia on a trip this year! I really liked her enthusiasm, care for the girls, and love for God. Towards the end of the conversation, I asked what church she was fr. To my amazement, she has been coming to CEFC for the past few months. :) Recently I've been meeting to many CEFCers and seeing a certain kind of ple who flock to the church. Tkful for the time of sharing.
Ended the day at my uncle's house for Christmas dinner. Gosh my cousins have all grown up! Going into JC, Uni etc, and dressing so funky. Teased one cousin that he looked like JJ Lin with his cap.
---------------------------
In search of that perfect wedding dress (Bridesmaid!)....
Looked ard the shopping centres and couldn't find any that made me go Aha! This is the one. Though not a exact parallel, but some resemblance to finding the other half. Not abt finding one who is perfect, but one who fits in the way he is supposed to fit. Next year looks pretty challenging at work as well. Prayed and shared my anxieties with God. As I shared earlier, I wish for someone to walk with me this journey. But I'm thankful for a place of intimacy between Him and me. And for new friends that I've gotten to know. They have been such a blessing.
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Friday, December 19, 2008
If you are buying me a Christmas present....
My wish list....
Its a bit too late now though!
(keke, some of the items are a bit expensive, you can always contribute to a voucher)
1. White Musk Shower gel from Body Shop******
2. Sports gear, e.g. nice dri-fit tops or three quarter bottoms
3. Birkenstock sandals
4. iPod Dock with radio
5. Christian books (deep and thought provoking ones. You-can't-go-wrong authors are Elizabeth Eliot, C.S. Lewis)
6. Books on development & poverty eradication
7. A HUG!
8. A card of encouragement
Sigh...actually most of the items look expensive! heh!
no. 7 and 8 are always welcome. :)
Its a bit too late now though!
(keke, some of the items are a bit expensive, you can always contribute to a voucher)
1. White Musk Shower gel from Body Shop******
2. Sports gear, e.g. nice dri-fit tops or three quarter bottoms
3. Birkenstock sandals
4. iPod Dock with radio
5. Christian books (deep and thought provoking ones. You-can't-go-wrong authors are Elizabeth Eliot, C.S. Lewis)
6. Books on development & poverty eradication
7. A HUG!
8. A card of encouragement
Sigh...actually most of the items look expensive! heh!
no. 7 and 8 are always welcome. :)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I see Grace
I see Grace by New Creation Church
Jesus my help,
I call on Your name!
I cast my cares on You.
Jesus my hope,
My tower of strength!
My faith is found in You.
I see You pierced, wounded for me,
When I look to the cross, I see.....
I see grace,
Sealed by Your sacrifice.
I see love reaching for me.
Precious blood,
Washes and sanctifies.
Healing flows,
Setting me free.
I see grace.....
Bearer of sin,
Afflicted and tried!
You paid redemption's price.
Bearing my curse,
You've set me on high!
Your death has brought me life.
I see You pierced, wounded for me,
When I look to the cross I see.....
I see grace,
Sealed by Your sacrifice!
I see love reaching for me.
Precious blood,
Washes and sanctifies.
Healing flows,
Setting me free.
I see grace.....
Monday, December 15, 2008
Travel Journals
Had the time, space, mood to write again this time at Indonesia. Here are excerpts from my notebook:
10/12/08
Landed at Jakarta at 9 plus. Was picked up by our Indonesian partner, and travelled for 1 hr before we riched a beautiful big house. This was the house of one of the board members. It was so nice and comfy, and I got to stay in the daughter's room as she was in America. I thought it was generous to let me stay in the daughter's room.
Thought of what a difference it makes if I grew up in this kind of environment. But 80% (maybe) of the population lives in abject poverty. Do they? Is it wrong to be rich? Do we need to be rich to give to others and to supply resources for the work? What if I stayed more simply and gave more? How simple is simple? God determines the hearts. Can rich indonesians give to their own kind? Definitely!
11/12/08
We took the morning flight to Pontianak (Kalimantan) to a christian school in the village, for the village people.
Education-
Realised today that if education was a means to share the gospel with the people, and to uplift the people out of poverty, then learning how to run a school is very important. There are so many aspects to consider, like syllabus, quality of teachers, a sch building etc. In Singapore I take it for granted that schs have good teachers and structure etc. That's why it didn't dawn on me what good Piaget (an established sch in Medan using Singapore syllabus & teachers) was doing and why they would want to follow the stressful singapore education system.
Villages-
Saw that we passed by countless villages, now that I've seen many different villages, people look similar in villages cos they don't have much. The kids usually have no clothes and the homes look like they are built from zinc & wood.
Thought of this whole thing about economic progression and the transition from a village to city; from cottage industries to industralization. I wonder what's the price to pay for these! Does the progression come naturally? Who would reach out to these ones found in forsaken places that requires long drives into villagers? God has not forsaken these ones. Perhaps, change is best brought about by their own kind, i.e. rich indonesians who understand the language and geography better. And what then do we offer these ones? Education? Livelihood skills? If education, the the importance of schools.
I was touched by MIKA & GB & TPMC building this school for - as the newspaper article said- the "disadvantaged". Giving youths, children an opportunity to learn. This school was the outcome of a vision.
Worship-
I loved the way the kids (youths/students) play their guitars in small groups and worship God. Its amazing, lifting up our voices to the same God who holds the universe.
This is a school with domitaries for the youths. There are currently 320 students in the school.
Positions in the marketplace-
It makes sense to encourage these ones to pursue excellence, cos that comes from God. To go for positions of influence in the government, business, education etc. Cos that's how change can take place. How does this balance up with my original idea that not everyone is a Daniel? Maybe the importance is on the focus and intention. Being a Daniel so that I can effect changes in the govenment. Not so that I can be of status according to human standards. Not success for success's sake. Does that make sense? But a life of possibilities, the seed of greatness in each person, to fulfil His God given potential. The aim- To glorify God. The means- To influence. Radical influence. Must this influence be obtained positionally?
12/12/08
Simplicity-
I've said often that we should live simple lives. I change my words. The measure of godliness is not by how simple a person lives, but by how much he loves money. Why do I say that?
2 years ago when I shared this with a friend, he said, how simple is simple? Who measures that? I was upset, and insisted we shd live simply. But this trip spurred me to think a lot of things. I saw the life of the well to do businessman and his sincere love for people and generiosity. Do I fault him bcos he lives in a nice big house in a place of poverty? How did he get this house? Who paid for it? How much does it costs etc? Do I know the ans? No I don't. Hence I say that the true measure if not how simple one lives. But rather, God is the one who judges the hearts. And at the end of the day, the poor can be a miser becos he holds on tightly to money. While the rich man dispenses of his wealth freely to those in need.
13/12/08
The essence of faith is not that God works according to what we want, but we trust that the outcomes are what God wants, and it is good.
K (my fren from indonesia) and I both saw the goodness of God. God showed me this verse (2 COr 1:8-12). I must say I despaired of life during some periods this year. The verse says that so that I know it is God who delivers, and will continue to dliver, so that we may not rely on ourselves but on God. I know, what I went through was far beyond my ability to endure. But it is God who has delivered me. And yes, He will deliver again.
14/12/08
Because from Kalimantan, my next flight was at 9pm, I was invited by our Indonesian partner to his house. The generiosity of this family touched my heart. They didn't have a lot but treated me to a meal and let me rest in their son's room. I realise that the measure of a man is not in how much he has, but rather what is the stronghold these things have on him. That the son didn't complain that someone was going to rest on his bed showed me that the parents taught their son how to share and care for others. Not to be owned by possessions but possessions for usage.
Thought of the other partner and his house and his generiosity. And the doctor who let us rest in his house, gave the keys to his neighbours to prepare the house for us. Its really real life sharing of possessions. Thought of my own background and how much sharing is unthought of. How it has limited my view of hospitality and sharing.
Help me Lord, not to be stingy but to be a good steward of the possessions that You have freely given.
My heart feels pain that I dropped my contact lens (200 dollars for a side! But its 2 year old already) today....Pray that the new lenese can be made at a cheap rate. ;)
10/12/08
Landed at Jakarta at 9 plus. Was picked up by our Indonesian partner, and travelled for 1 hr before we riched a beautiful big house. This was the house of one of the board members. It was so nice and comfy, and I got to stay in the daughter's room as she was in America. I thought it was generous to let me stay in the daughter's room.
Thought of what a difference it makes if I grew up in this kind of environment. But 80% (maybe) of the population lives in abject poverty. Do they? Is it wrong to be rich? Do we need to be rich to give to others and to supply resources for the work? What if I stayed more simply and gave more? How simple is simple? God determines the hearts. Can rich indonesians give to their own kind? Definitely!
11/12/08
We took the morning flight to Pontianak (Kalimantan) to a christian school in the village, for the village people.
Education-
Realised today that if education was a means to share the gospel with the people, and to uplift the people out of poverty, then learning how to run a school is very important. There are so many aspects to consider, like syllabus, quality of teachers, a sch building etc. In Singapore I take it for granted that schs have good teachers and structure etc. That's why it didn't dawn on me what good Piaget (an established sch in Medan using Singapore syllabus & teachers) was doing and why they would want to follow the stressful singapore education system.
Villages-
Saw that we passed by countless villages, now that I've seen many different villages, people look similar in villages cos they don't have much. The kids usually have no clothes and the homes look like they are built from zinc & wood.
Thought of this whole thing about economic progression and the transition from a village to city; from cottage industries to industralization. I wonder what's the price to pay for these! Does the progression come naturally? Who would reach out to these ones found in forsaken places that requires long drives into villagers? God has not forsaken these ones. Perhaps, change is best brought about by their own kind, i.e. rich indonesians who understand the language and geography better. And what then do we offer these ones? Education? Livelihood skills? If education, the the importance of schools.
I was touched by MIKA & GB & TPMC building this school for - as the newspaper article said- the "disadvantaged". Giving youths, children an opportunity to learn. This school was the outcome of a vision.
Worship-
I loved the way the kids (youths/students) play their guitars in small groups and worship God. Its amazing, lifting up our voices to the same God who holds the universe.
This is a school with domitaries for the youths. There are currently 320 students in the school.
Positions in the marketplace-
It makes sense to encourage these ones to pursue excellence, cos that comes from God. To go for positions of influence in the government, business, education etc. Cos that's how change can take place. How does this balance up with my original idea that not everyone is a Daniel? Maybe the importance is on the focus and intention. Being a Daniel so that I can effect changes in the govenment. Not so that I can be of status according to human standards. Not success for success's sake. Does that make sense? But a life of possibilities, the seed of greatness in each person, to fulfil His God given potential. The aim- To glorify God. The means- To influence. Radical influence. Must this influence be obtained positionally?
12/12/08
Simplicity-
I've said often that we should live simple lives. I change my words. The measure of godliness is not by how simple a person lives, but by how much he loves money. Why do I say that?
2 years ago when I shared this with a friend, he said, how simple is simple? Who measures that? I was upset, and insisted we shd live simply. But this trip spurred me to think a lot of things. I saw the life of the well to do businessman and his sincere love for people and generiosity. Do I fault him bcos he lives in a nice big house in a place of poverty? How did he get this house? Who paid for it? How much does it costs etc? Do I know the ans? No I don't. Hence I say that the true measure if not how simple one lives. But rather, God is the one who judges the hearts. And at the end of the day, the poor can be a miser becos he holds on tightly to money. While the rich man dispenses of his wealth freely to those in need.
13/12/08
The essence of faith is not that God works according to what we want, but we trust that the outcomes are what God wants, and it is good.
K (my fren from indonesia) and I both saw the goodness of God. God showed me this verse (2 COr 1:8-12). I must say I despaired of life during some periods this year. The verse says that so that I know it is God who delivers, and will continue to dliver, so that we may not rely on ourselves but on God. I know, what I went through was far beyond my ability to endure. But it is God who has delivered me. And yes, He will deliver again.
14/12/08
Because from Kalimantan, my next flight was at 9pm, I was invited by our Indonesian partner to his house. The generiosity of this family touched my heart. They didn't have a lot but treated me to a meal and let me rest in their son's room. I realise that the measure of a man is not in how much he has, but rather what is the stronghold these things have on him. That the son didn't complain that someone was going to rest on his bed showed me that the parents taught their son how to share and care for others. Not to be owned by possessions but possessions for usage.
Thought of the other partner and his house and his generiosity. And the doctor who let us rest in his house, gave the keys to his neighbours to prepare the house for us. Its really real life sharing of possessions. Thought of my own background and how much sharing is unthought of. How it has limited my view of hospitality and sharing.
Help me Lord, not to be stingy but to be a good steward of the possessions that You have freely given.
My heart feels pain that I dropped my contact lens (200 dollars for a side! But its 2 year old already) today....Pray that the new lenese can be made at a cheap rate. ;)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Of weddings, friendships and growing up...
It was kinda surreal today. Went to the Bridal Shop to try my Bridesmaid dress, as my best friend Huiyun is getting married on 27th Dec! :) Saw her wedding photos and went to her in-laws house. Such a lot of details to fuss about the wedding preparations. I'm amused and happy at the same time because my friend since 13 years old has grown up. ;p I feel a lump in my throat...
It has been another challenging work week. But I also saw God's providence in different ways. Esp at points when I felt so stretched that I didn't know what to do, but He knew and provided. So giving thanks for that. I miss the luxurious time of just sitting there to contemplate about God and life. At times, I wished I had someone to walk through this time with me, to process with me, and to talk about the things that are happening. The someone doesn't have to say many things, just has to listen and to ask questions. I'm dying to talk about the things that are happening, cos everyday there's just drama going on in the office. And so many exciting things happening in the fields overseas, so many different open doors. And then so many disappointing things too that happen in the organization as I relate to different people and situations.
At other times, I think this is a season of growing up. And learning to be my own friend. Learning to know God as my Father and my friend.
Reading Pastor Edmund's Growing Deep in God has been good. He wrote abt prayer not as a resource, but prayer to find God. I really want to have that close and intimate walk with God. But I also yearn for intimate friendships and people I can grow with.
It has been another challenging work week. But I also saw God's providence in different ways. Esp at points when I felt so stretched that I didn't know what to do, but He knew and provided. So giving thanks for that. I miss the luxurious time of just sitting there to contemplate about God and life. At times, I wished I had someone to walk through this time with me, to process with me, and to talk about the things that are happening. The someone doesn't have to say many things, just has to listen and to ask questions. I'm dying to talk about the things that are happening, cos everyday there's just drama going on in the office. And so many exciting things happening in the fields overseas, so many different open doors. And then so many disappointing things too that happen in the organization as I relate to different people and situations.
At other times, I think this is a season of growing up. And learning to be my own friend. Learning to know God as my Father and my friend.
Reading Pastor Edmund's Growing Deep in God has been good. He wrote abt prayer not as a resource, but prayer to find God. I really want to have that close and intimate walk with God. But I also yearn for intimate friendships and people I can grow with.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
His grace is sufficient for me
I experienced grace today and the whole week. ;)
Little things, like a church friend asking me if I needed a lift to woodlands church tmr, and will pick me up from my house.
Like my boss empowering me to make decisions, and affirming that "this poor girl's hair must be dropping off".
Like dinner tonight for GreenLeaf- our social enterprise related to GB, a comforting company of people from GreenLeaf, and good food.
As I took the bus fr Harbour Front back home (tho the MRT would have taken less time), I passed by Shenton Way- my old office building, Lao Pa Sat, and other places I used to frequent. It was the same route from NUS back home as well. Poignant thoughts popped up.
When I came home fr work at GIC, the thoughts on the bus would be: Is tmr gonna be another day of systems and numbers?
No...it came a day when tmr became more than numbers.
That sense of liberation...of His opening doors to something I always wanted to do, made me feel touched. The sense of God's hand upon me through out gripped me. I know He is in control- The God of how much more.
Little things, like a church friend asking me if I needed a lift to woodlands church tmr, and will pick me up from my house.
Like my boss empowering me to make decisions, and affirming that "this poor girl's hair must be dropping off".
Like dinner tonight for GreenLeaf- our social enterprise related to GB, a comforting company of people from GreenLeaf, and good food.
As I took the bus fr Harbour Front back home (tho the MRT would have taken less time), I passed by Shenton Way- my old office building, Lao Pa Sat, and other places I used to frequent. It was the same route from NUS back home as well. Poignant thoughts popped up.
When I came home fr work at GIC, the thoughts on the bus would be: Is tmr gonna be another day of systems and numbers?
No...it came a day when tmr became more than numbers.
That sense of liberation...of His opening doors to something I always wanted to do, made me feel touched. The sense of God's hand upon me through out gripped me. I know He is in control- The God of how much more.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
According to my faith...
I find it a bit hard to blog these days. =D But I'm dropping a line here....just for my avid blog readers.
Was walking home today...felt that God seemed to be reminding me of Feb, when I fasted and prayed that God will change my parents hearts so that I am able to serve Him.
Distinctly, He seemed to be telling me, He answered my prayers according to my faith. That FAITH to believe in Him, and the FAITH to want it.
Three things have been bothering me: Stress, anxiety (fears) and loneliness. A lot of it comes from the nature of work here.
But I know that He will answer according to my faith. I qualify that statement.....it's because God is faithful to His word, even when we are faithless, He is faithful.
Pastor Edmund shared abt many of us being in the wilderness on Sunday. As I examined it, I thought of the Words of promises God had given to me. But I don't have the faith to trust Him. I grumble and I complain...
Its not to negate that life has been difficult. But along with the thorns in the flesh, I've experienced much of God's faithfulness as well. The way that people and resources suddenly appear amazes me.
Managed to catch a movie last night w Jac, tho we both agree that the movie was disappointing! Sing to the Dawn....didn't provide much depth to the characters. Before that, I managed to run for 20 min on the threadmill....went to the steam bath and all.
And it reminded me of what I learnt at IDT, that it is not about slowing down, but about centering down. Want to hear from God and center down on His will. Remind myself of His promises.
Was walking home today...felt that God seemed to be reminding me of Feb, when I fasted and prayed that God will change my parents hearts so that I am able to serve Him.
Distinctly, He seemed to be telling me, He answered my prayers according to my faith. That FAITH to believe in Him, and the FAITH to want it.
Three things have been bothering me: Stress, anxiety (fears) and loneliness. A lot of it comes from the nature of work here.
But I know that He will answer according to my faith. I qualify that statement.....it's because God is faithful to His word, even when we are faithless, He is faithful.
Pastor Edmund shared abt many of us being in the wilderness on Sunday. As I examined it, I thought of the Words of promises God had given to me. But I don't have the faith to trust Him. I grumble and I complain...
Its not to negate that life has been difficult. But along with the thorns in the flesh, I've experienced much of God's faithfulness as well. The way that people and resources suddenly appear amazes me.
Managed to catch a movie last night w Jac, tho we both agree that the movie was disappointing! Sing to the Dawn....didn't provide much depth to the characters. Before that, I managed to run for 20 min on the threadmill....went to the steam bath and all.
And it reminded me of what I learnt at IDT, that it is not about slowing down, but about centering down. Want to hear from God and center down on His will. Remind myself of His promises.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
不凡的爱
I've been feeling particularly discouraged and tired for the past few weeks, and the past few days has been really intensive. I feel up to my neck choked with work. And thank God for my friends who have been bearing with my complaining and whining. =D Yah, work has been really difficult for me, and I'm going thru a stressful season.
But no, in this blog I'm not going to be complaining, but sharing some things I did while at Jakarta and Jogjakarta over the weekend for work with my boss! =) We started on a 745am flight, and came back 12am on Sunday, so it was very intensive and tiring. But we really did meet some really good people.
In particular, we went to this rehabilitation centre for the disabled http://www.rehabilitasi-yakkum.or.id/ It was particularly touching for me, seeing the disabled singing and dancing, with joy and pride =) There was this tension, cos I didn't want to feel pity. What I really wanted to be able to do was to look at them human to human, and appreciate their singing and dancing. So I was thinking about what I really felt. But what really welled up strongly on the inside was thankfulness for the love that the christian organization showed towards the disabled. They also have work in Nias, and the director said due to the earthquake, many became disabled, even tho they cld be treated, ignorance caused people to become disabled. And then marginalised, and rejected of proper education. =S
So anyway we had meetings with a school as well, to discuss plans for our ministry. On Sat night, I only slept for abt 3 hrs! And by the time I got back on Sunday, I was zonked out. And Monday I felt very melancholic....and tired...and alone in my work. I'm not sure if it is a spiritual attack, but I think due to the nature of the work, it really gets tiring....and supportive structures are very important. I wish I had my peers to discuss my projects with.
Emotional resilience...is something I hope to build up.
So ending this post by giving thanks......for little minor concessions. A impt meeting was last min cancelled, so I got more air to breathe this week. And then some proposals are going on well.... Exciting opportunities ahead for the ministry. =)
I like the current drama on Channel 8 now, called By my side (Bu Fan de ai), a pun on the male lead whose name is Fan. He got AIDs due to sleeping w a prostitute 6 years ago or something. And it really shows how irreversible some mistakes are. But this drama really made me think abt the stigma that people with HIV positive go through, and it makes me wonder how much I myself would accept them. Its something that I really want to pray abt bcos the ministry to the marginalized often involves dealing with people HIV positive, many times bcos they are victims of child prostitution/forced prostitution etc. It was strange today Getreal! was talking abt Philippines women who got tricked into prostitution, and I was watching it over dinner. Strange bcos my dad rarely watches such shows, and the documentary timing fell right smack into my dinner timing. =D
So here are some reflections I have for the day. Tmr its another day of intensive work with a night meeting, and I'm stressed. But I am thankful, and I shall trust in God's faithfulness to see me through. I pray He will speak to me afresh.
But no, in this blog I'm not going to be complaining, but sharing some things I did while at Jakarta and Jogjakarta over the weekend for work with my boss! =) We started on a 745am flight, and came back 12am on Sunday, so it was very intensive and tiring. But we really did meet some really good people.
In particular, we went to this rehabilitation centre for the disabled http://www.rehabilitasi-yakkum.or.id/ It was particularly touching for me, seeing the disabled singing and dancing, with joy and pride =) There was this tension, cos I didn't want to feel pity. What I really wanted to be able to do was to look at them human to human, and appreciate their singing and dancing. So I was thinking about what I really felt. But what really welled up strongly on the inside was thankfulness for the love that the christian organization showed towards the disabled. They also have work in Nias, and the director said due to the earthquake, many became disabled, even tho they cld be treated, ignorance caused people to become disabled. And then marginalised, and rejected of proper education. =S
So anyway we had meetings with a school as well, to discuss plans for our ministry. On Sat night, I only slept for abt 3 hrs! And by the time I got back on Sunday, I was zonked out. And Monday I felt very melancholic....and tired...and alone in my work. I'm not sure if it is a spiritual attack, but I think due to the nature of the work, it really gets tiring....and supportive structures are very important. I wish I had my peers to discuss my projects with.
Emotional resilience...is something I hope to build up.
So ending this post by giving thanks......for little minor concessions. A impt meeting was last min cancelled, so I got more air to breathe this week. And then some proposals are going on well.... Exciting opportunities ahead for the ministry. =)
I like the current drama on Channel 8 now, called By my side (Bu Fan de ai), a pun on the male lead whose name is Fan. He got AIDs due to sleeping w a prostitute 6 years ago or something. And it really shows how irreversible some mistakes are. But this drama really made me think abt the stigma that people with HIV positive go through, and it makes me wonder how much I myself would accept them. Its something that I really want to pray abt bcos the ministry to the marginalized often involves dealing with people HIV positive, many times bcos they are victims of child prostitution/forced prostitution etc. It was strange today Getreal! was talking abt Philippines women who got tricked into prostitution, and I was watching it over dinner. Strange bcos my dad rarely watches such shows, and the documentary timing fell right smack into my dinner timing. =D
So here are some reflections I have for the day. Tmr its another day of intensive work with a night meeting, and I'm stressed. But I am thankful, and I shall trust in God's faithfulness to see me through. I pray He will speak to me afresh.
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