Deep Sorrow & Pure Joy

I felt a very deep sorrow last night. Don't know if it was like the dark night of the soul. But it was scary.
God has been speaking to me to give up things that are dear to me, and to put Him first. And this is a trying period to trust Him in every step of the way.

Moving house has been trying. Lots of misunderstandings with my parents. I know that dad is looking forward to the terrace house, and wondering why we were so 'unthankful'. I wished he knew what I needed/wanted was not the tangible stuffs, but all I wanted was for the family to be able to dwell together in harmony and love. Be it in a 3 room flat or a terrace house, the meaning behind a 'home' entails much more than a physical building. And so I was in deep sorrow last night, wondering if they will ever understand what the poor and the needy means to me. That I would rather be able to bless one of them, then to dwell in a big terrace house. That love is much more meaningful to me in this way.

Still my heart Lord, and grant me peace and joy in the midst of the challenges.

In this season, this song is meaningful to me:

"Thankful"- Josh Groban

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for

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"The Cross, as it enters the love life, will reveal the heart's truth. My heart, I knew, would be forever a lonely hunter unless settled 'where true joys are to be found."


"I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts."

"Life requires countless 'little' deaths- occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God... We are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God would not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live."

"Be still and know that He is God. When you are lonely, too much stillness is exactly the thing that seems to be laying waste your soul. Use that stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him. If He is God, He is still in charge. Remember that you are not alone"

"I realised that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done."

Passion & Purity by Elizabeth Eliot

I hope that these will bless yr heart, as much as it has blessed mine.

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Had dinner with EY yesterday. Hey bro, I know u are reading this! :) Thankful to see that you are much happier now. I was very much affirmed by your words last night. I hope that u will find the even greater Gift of life! =)

Also received 2 christmas cards in the office. Was encouraged by the words in the cards.

At the end of my life, I hope I have made a difference to some. Sometimes, it is not the length of one's life, but how did one make use of his/her life.

I pray for such deep intangible joys in the spirit that all of us may experience. That true joy of knowing the meaning behind christmas- yes, and for myself to truly know it as well.