Openness

I have been finding it tough to blog these days, ofcos I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind. Emotions as well. But maybe as I grow older, I find it harder to be open to other people who read my blog. Could I share my vulnerable side? Could I share the weird thoughts I have? Would I be accepted for who I am? And will people say that I am strange?

As we grow older- as I have learnt in my counseling psych lessons, we go through a phase of "young adulthood", where I start making decisions for my life and developing independence. It is wonderful how God created each one of us different of course, which explains why people take different paths with regards to their career, family, friends choices. As you grow older, u find that your circle of close friends diminishes, because those whom u were close to as a youth have gone on different paths. Sometimes paths that u don't even understand, or paths that u can merely empatise with. But sharing your life with another is different. The sharing of how u really feel on the inside. The sharing of goals and dreams. The ease of being able to relate, and knowing the other will remain unjudgemental, the other will encourage you in your dreams. Sometimes, people don't have to keep the same dreams to share, but empathy and suspension of judgement is important.

For me, I like to talk to people who are deep. I have friends who are just happy to live life as it is ofcos. But on some days, when I can't get pass the things that I think about, I wish for someone to talk to. Not just anyone, but someone who understands and who cares for things as much as I do.

I felt angry yesterday at lunch, because there was a tea party in the afternoon, so I thought we should have a simple lunch like porridge. But my colleagues wanted to go to eat ramen which costs like 9 dollars a bowl. I mean technically there is nothing wrong with that. There were 5 of us, so it was harder to get a seat at the amoy food centre. But I still felt angry, that I had to compromise. I really don't like the eat drink and eat drink and eat drink lifestyle. This was a trigger ofcos, of different other times when we had spent a lot on eating and drinking.

We were talking about engagement rings, and someone said his gf wanted a 5K diamond ring, I commented, so expensive for what? So impractical. How many times will u wear it anyway? I will be angry if my bf gave me a 5K diamond ring. Ofcos no one agreed with me. And my fren jokingly said he will ask my future bf to buy me a silver ring,or 0.1 carat diamond would be enough. Ha.. actually I probably don't mind. But the concern really for me, is whether my bf genuinely cares for me and treasures me as a person. So it is the attitude in which he proposes. He must make some effort in proposing. So the value isn't in the ring.

Actually I don't care where I eat and drink, I care about meaningful relationships, and being with people whom I love. Be it at a hawker centre or in some crummy food stall. And I know that I need to find someone who will live that lifestyle with me. I've said many times here about how sad I feel about hungry people. I know the general advice would be not to think so much, just let it be la...or else u will be v sad all the time. Ofcos I know that too, and try and tell myself that too. So I don't really need this kind of advice.

Yup, so as I was saying, as we grow older, our paths diverge, and so do our lifestyle choices. But I do know I am the minority rather than the majority wrt to my point of view. Not that I am so proud of myself or smthing. It is a natural process though, to grow up and make a stand for who u are, the things u like to do and don't like to do. :)

I pray that I may be guided in His wisdom and love in all that I do. I pray I may not become judgemental to the other side.