Contradictions

I'm at home on a Friday night cos there is a one month's break for IDT! :) It feels kind of weird. But these days, I feel a bit anti-social, and I like staying at home reading books, surfing net, watching TV, and praying! :P

Cos the office is so small, there's less than 10 of us, some days I feel like I don't finish using up my quota of words. Sometimes MSN and smses during working hours really help! Time seems to pass by slowly but somewhat fruitfully. ;) I really like the projects that I'm reading up on everyday! So that kind of fuels me. Plus the faces at Cambodia that stick somewhere up in my head, really spurs me to go on in spite of all the other challenges I am facing at work.

So actually I am in need of meeting ple to chit chat after work! Actually I've got many many frens and I am like always busy. But to find a really like minded fren to share with, that is like finding a precious pearl!

ha...I'm probably getting incoherent, cos actually I am rather tired! I wake up at the same time everyday as when I worked at GIC, but I reach office 30 min later. That's how far the journey from home to office is. And sometimes, office feels so secluded, like it is sheltered from the movement of time. Before I know it, it is 630pm and it is time to go off. I wonder how long I will be in this job? Hmm. Is it not a good sign to be wondering this? Well, actually I am not unhappy, I feel v at peace. But I do wonder, what's next after this? Cos afterall, I wanted to take up this job to explore abt future, prepare my own heart of the possibility of becoming a missionary, and my parents' getting used to my traveling. Hmm. But whats next? I really don't know. And I think it is not something I need to know now! Its like a moulding period of just waiting...being shaped.

I'm flying again! From the 12-16th June, will be going to Indonesia this time! Going to meet ple at the bible schools there, and explore ministry opportunities for GB. SO EXCITING! Traveling is the best part sometimes, but yet another contradiction, traveling can be so lonely as well! And getting used to new environment....not having enough sleep etc.

So this basically sums up life now. Which is filled with contradictions. :P But underlyingly, I am blessed and loved. And I am thankful. :)

Just a kind word

Took a cab home today from church after much deliberation on how much damage it will cost my wallet. ;p In the end succumbed to the tiredness of the week and oh, it is still a work day for me tmr.

On the taxi, I started chatting with the driver, and he told me about his wife having adultary, the tough time his children and him were going through, and how things were bad at his church. He told me some things his church leaders did, which made me feel really sorry for him. But then, it is only his side of the story. But anyway, I just listened to him, and at the end of the ride, I asked if I could keep his family in prayer, and he could feel free to visit my church. I thought he looked slightly touched, and I was glad to have the opportunity to listen to him.

This incident made me think of something- that sometimes, all it takes to encourage someone, is a listening ear, and a kind word. That's all someone needs. And there is so much power in a word, it can cause damage, yet it can result in much edification. :)

Yesterday, a fren sent me a sms that really encouraged me. I was so edified, and am thankful for this new found friendship whereby we can share with each other:

筱嘉，你是个简单的人，却又心思细腻，能用复杂的字眼表达你的思绪。是个善良的人，却对社会中不公平的事愤愤不平。你对生活没有要求，但在神的国镀里有着无限的理想于盼望。最后，你是个又高又黑的女孩，却不爱运动，怕晒太阳！你是个特别的女孩，我很庆幸认识你。;-)

You can feel free to agree or disagree with this sms though! But whatever it is, it really touched me. :)

These days I feel a deep sense of purposefulness at work. But yet like Joshua going into new land, there are many giants to kill. Mostly, the giants are the ones hidden inside my heart. So many fears & apprehensions. Yet God is ever present to comfort. Not sure if He sent an angel...but as I prayed 2 nights ago after a bad day, I felt really comforted by Him. And it dawned upon me something. When J and I were together, he told me that thru his love, he will show me God's unconditional love. And there I was still yearning for unconditional love, but yearning for it in the wrong places. In a relationship, the love that we give each other is merely a shadow of God's love for us, only His love is unconditional. And the Lord seemed to tell me that He can...and He will give me this unconditional love. I was glad. And happy. Even though the trials are still there, I know He loves me.

So anyway...I know He is dealing with many giants on the inside. And yup...somedays I just feel insecure and everything is like so fluid. Even in relationships and friendships, there's this insecurity that what if someone finds out who I really am, and stops loving me etc. And I think He is teaching me to be secure in Him. And to learn to love others in the way He loves me.

Stretched & challenged

I'm feeling really tired this week....challenged by relationships with people, memorising 30 bible verses and other readings for IDT test....lack of sleep, challenged by people's emotional needs, and work is also building up! Pray, must pray, must strengthen myself in the Lord. Keep me in yr prayers pls!
Sorry sorry for this needy post. :D But I know I cannot sustain myself without God & divine intervention. Lets uphold one another in prayer and u may let me know yr prayer requests as well!

Lovely faces in the crowd

Hello! I'm back from Cambodia! :)
This won't be a long post cos I've got loads of stuffs to do! Woke up today, unpacked my stuffs, uploaded photos to the comp, went for lunch & groceries with parents, and then slept....and my gosh! By the time I woke up it was almost 6pm. I am so tired!

Since the nature of my trip this time was slightly different, not really missions, but more so to view the projs & needs there, it did feel different. And shall not elaborate here, but faced some challenges. Nevertheless, I think it is good time for me to toughen up and not be overly sensitive over things. I feel a mixture of being overwhelmed, and yet a deep sense of excitement at the potential of the diff projects! I'm kind of looking forward to work tmr. :)

Its also weird when passion & work mix together, cos now as I am at home, looking at photos and reflecting, some of the reflections are related to work too. So in that sense, also need to ensure that I do set apart time to rest!

This time after reading books and learning abt missions, I actually intentionally spoke to the missionaries there, and tried to encourage them. It is impt cos they are like the unsung heros that are forgotten. Whenver teams go, they just do their ministry and treat the missionary like a travel agent or something- who plans itinery for them. Very bad!

Again, I was touched by little children playing and singing songs (some worship and praise songs too!), and remembered the verse where Jesus asked us not to stop little children from coming into His kingdom. This poverty of the spirit, and purity of heart, certainly blessed my heart a lot. And the glory of God! Singing songs in diff languages to Him. =) My only fear is that these little children become nameless faces to us. We took numerous photos of the kids. Sometimes it felt like tourism. I have a desire to get to know individuals- their names, their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, their passions etc etc. Which I know at my level I will perhaps not be able to do it. But really, I think a sponsorship program may be up soon, and we can link up sponsors to individual children, which would be really so meaningful.

We visited the slums, the villagers by the river, an island, and also the pdn centre- whereby women are trained to sew and weave to produce lovely bags. Oh yes, I bought a bag for myself. :) Its really lovely! If u are interested, u may also come by my office to get the bags. http://www.villageworks.com/product/our_product.html

I don't think I will share that much on the projs that we are doing here! Due to it being work. But if u are interested, do catch me offline!

Cheerios..

2 photos of individual children who were more than a crowd.

Boy sharing biscuit with his brother. :) From the way they ate the sweet treats, I knew that they hardly had opportunities to eat biscuits and sweets. I loved the simplicity and the sweet spirit there.

Girl who gave me her coloured drawing. :)

The eve before

I couldn't help the slight anxiety as everything came together, meetings and packing...and tmr I'm flying! And today I had a slight flu. Just feeling a bit tired. But I'm thankful now, for some moments of sitting at the computer, to be able to blog, to listen to worship songs, so settle my heart.
Tmr morning its work, afternoon meeting, go home pick up bag, then go airport. ;p

I'm physically a bit challenged, but I am excited cos i will get to see the projects I have been reading about for the past one week. God is challenging me to let go off things, as I am still desperately trying to be in control of diff situations in my life, this need for security and assurance and edification is strong. ;O

Updates on work!

In the office right now! We have to work on satudays but off on mondays. I can think of some plus and minus points for such an arrangement! But anyway it is not something I have control over. ;) The week feels a little short, cos saturday doesn't exactly feel like a working day. Plus I heard on Sat they usually have events going on. So yes, time passes. In my new job, I am even more conscious of how I spend my time, because I know my salary comes from donations. And so I try not to slack too much. ;) However, for the first one week I have been here, I've not been too busy. Just been reading up on documentations on projects, compiling it into a spreadsheet summary. Starting to follow-up on some issues here and there. Basically the time has been good, as I also surf into sites that introduce Cambodia, and also sites of various NGOs in Cambodia or other places. It has been encouraging, inspiring and uplifting to hear of such stories. At the same time, heart wrenching to look at photos and to read into Cambodia's history. If u have time, look at photos here: http://www.julian.li/cambodia/
They grabbed my heart big time. ;p

Yup, and so it has not always been good, there were also low periods. Shan't elaborate here. Its just been a little difficult cos of the transition. Most of it does not have to do with external influences, but more of my expectations about things, and adapting to a new environment. I'm learning learning...

I'm looking forward to next week because I will be going to Cambodia to visit the various projects and ministries there. I am really super excited. Will share photos when I'm back. =) I hate to take aeroplanes tho. ;p

Seee u!
I'm *zonked out*! ;o

Myanmar Crisis

You could donate through World Vision, understand from the news today that WV has been in Myanmar for the past 40 years, so has a existing r/s with the govt. They are sending in medical supplies.

http://www.worldvision.org.sg/cyclone-nargis-08-2.html

To donate:

http://www.worldvision.org.sg/st_newsroom.php

Want to encourage us to give....One of my ques on giving is, how do i noe the ple will receive this money that I am giving (e.g. corrupt govt etc). Was watching the news this evening right after I had this thought and they were interviewing WV about how they had been in Myanmar for 40 years, and the govt trusts them etc. Sometimes we just gotto give in faith and not allow our skeptism to prevent us from doing anything . :P

Lets pray..... 22,000 seems like a number to us...but it is 22,000 precious lives...

Bitter- Sweet Beginnings

Thought I would just update a bit of how work has been! Today was my third day of work. I don't work on Mondays, but have to work on Saturdays. :)

Work has been bitter-sweet, or sweet-bitter? The good thing really is I am surrounded everyday by projects that are close to my heart, GB has a presence in schools, orphanages, slums, dumpsites etc. And I feel blessed reading the documentation thus far. ;p Also, GB is located away from the maddening crowd. The low-rise housing against the blue sky is idyllic. Makes one take a step back to appreciate life. Everyday I eat low priced food like prawn mee, teochew porridge, you mian. Which is unlike in my old work place whereby we go to cafes and restaurants q frequently. Haha. Is that good or bad? U guess? :P It helps to save money, makes me full, and I guess weekends I can look forward to richer meals.

The more challenging part is to adjust to the culture in a social org. There's a lot of things going on, and documentation is not wonderful. Have to sieve through many emails to find out the history, and also, people are too busy to teach me. So that gets a bit challenging. Plus it takes slightly more than an hr for me to get to work. So it is pretty tiring. Have to pray for God to guard my heart and to grant me strength.

haha..so here goes...this whiney little girl...who shd be counting her blessings. ;P Update again soon!