Oh, to see him smile

Dad was a serious tall guy. And I longed for his smile of approval.
He smiled when I got my PSLE results
when I got my O levels
when I got my A levels
when I got my University results.

Always wanted badly for his smile to say that I am his good daughter. Wishing and hoping that he will say it out. That he will put his arms around me and say well done gal.

Wished to sit down with him for a cuppa tea and share my day with him. Wished for him to see beyond my results. And if I failed, wished to know he still loves me.

Oh, to see his smile.

Went to church today to pray with the RAYS. Guess I couldn't help but break down in tears again, when I realise His overwhelming love. His perfect Fatherhood and healing places which were hurt. Telling me I mattered, it was okay to fail, and He loved me. Didn't have to try too hard to make Him smile at me, He already was. Didn't have to call Him to give me a hug, He always stood with his arms wide opened ready to embrace. And this embrace of love, that covered away all sin, all ugliness. An embrace that says, come as you are, I love you.

I wonder how I will do as a mother. I know it won't be any good, unless with His grace.

Oh, the mother's tears. Mum always smiled, always nodded in approval, arms I could run into. Though not always. Yet a mother's heart, that sheds tears for her children. That runs to protect when the child is hurt.

When I was younger, I played eagle and chicks and mother hen! The mother hen stood in front of the chicks to fend the eagle away. Though the eagle was big and mighty, mother always protected even to the point of death.

Who will win this battle? I hope my mum doesn't tear and dad will smile. :) And ya, He will make His gracious smile shine upon our family.

If this doesn't make sense to you. hahaaa....it will eventually.