1 Sam 1
9 So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle F3 of the Lord. 10 And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish. 11 Then she made a vow and said, "O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head." 12 And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. 13 Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. 14 So Eli said to her, "How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!" 15 And Hannah answered and said, "No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. 16 Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman, F4 for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now." 17 Then Eli answered and said, "Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him." 18 And she said, "Let your maidservant find favor in your sight." So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.
Hi..
not in the context of having children for me...but in the context of bearing fruit. =) My new name is Hannah Ng Xiao Jia..
haha..right.
Had an interesting mama drama weekend. Anyway met Joel and Vene at coffee club while I was dining with Jon. So interesting..i think its truly a divine appointment to see them. =) Yups..anyway it was nice meeting Jonathan too! And we chatted abt doctrinal issues. :P
Rather tired these few days..not enuff sleep. But feeling the strength within..in the spirit. So thank God for that. He is teaching me quite a bit abt loving ple. Yups..and also thank God for the angels He place around me. New frens and old ones..ple who care and love me. thank u. :) To my frens...
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Saturday, October 22, 2005
wedding....
Hallo..
Just went to my cousin's church wedding in the morning. ;) I feel so happy for them both, my cousin Timothy and his wife Rebecca. I like Rebecca v much. I remember what she told me. That Tim was her first bf, and she had been praying for someone spiritual and like Tim, then they met thru mutual frens at a bbq. Then anyway she was also Tim's first. Think they met ard 23/26(girl vs guy). So Sweet right?
SO the story is WAIT and WAIT for God's timing. He will bless u indeed.
Been sick for the past few days..since Tues nite running a slight fever, wed nite too and then thur felt so bloated after lunch and had dizziness. Then my manager was asking me a question and then for 5 sec, my whole brain blanked out and i muttered erm uhh,,erm....and then b4 my brain came back again. That feeling was horrible. Immediately sms some ple to pray for me. Guess I've been feeling the stress at work, and also had to haggle with some other department wrt some issues..and it was really v pek chek. Then again this week I discovered another bug in some calculation of theorectical prices, so I feel really satisfied with myself. =)
Been talking to this new fren Jon and one of the things that stucks a chord in him is poverty reduction. There are basically 3 kinds of needs that ple have: 1. spiritual 2. emotional 3. physical. SOmething that really affects me is 2. emotional. Everytime I see someone smoking, I feel something for that person..esp one who smokes and then in his eyes there is a deep sense of lostness and hopelessness, and there and then I wish to run forward and give him/her a hug and tell him/her that its ok, there is still hope.
There is a need to eradicate poverty, but how abt also the need to eradicate emotional poverty? If I can best say it, in my opinion, spiritual need is the need that is of greatest urgency, because in heaven, the poor who know God will enjoy an eternal life in heaven with God. And how can we best evangelise and tell ple that there is a God who cares for them? Its simply by demonstrating God's love and being a walking Jesus in a sense. And that means meeting both their emotional and physical needs.
How abt ple in developed nations? Ple working in banks, law firms, hospitals (doctors?), they may be rich physically but may be so poor emotionally and spiritually! What then of these ple! They need someone to go right in there to meet their emotional needs. Which is something that I believe God has placed deep within my heart. To reach out to the business community..maybe in particular the banks?
It may seem incoherent to some why I am working in GIC. Why am I not in social work since I am such a social person? Precisely the pt. I wanna get right in there into the banks/financial sector and reach out and shine. I pray that as days go by, the vision will become clearer. But meanwhile I will wait upon Him, for Him to tell me GO.
Was chatting with derek yesterday on MSN, and he told me this, to not miss the opportunity that God has placed there for me. Hmm...I thot it was q aligned with what i had been hearing. I think that at a juncture in a christian's life, there is always a question of will u choose to live ur life for Christ or u choose to compromise. And that is not as easy decision to make, cos going for the former requires a lot of moulding and a lot of dark days of despair. But now that the word has been somewhat affirmed too..even by derek...its really q encouraging that yup..it seems like He is bringing me into a new place already. And I've to be obedient.
Yups..so this is a whole lot of sharing. =) Maybe a lot of blabbering too. ehhe.
CIaoz.
Just went to my cousin's church wedding in the morning. ;) I feel so happy for them both, my cousin Timothy and his wife Rebecca. I like Rebecca v much. I remember what she told me. That Tim was her first bf, and she had been praying for someone spiritual and like Tim, then they met thru mutual frens at a bbq. Then anyway she was also Tim's first. Think they met ard 23/26(girl vs guy). So Sweet right?
SO the story is WAIT and WAIT for God's timing. He will bless u indeed.
Been sick for the past few days..since Tues nite running a slight fever, wed nite too and then thur felt so bloated after lunch and had dizziness. Then my manager was asking me a question and then for 5 sec, my whole brain blanked out and i muttered erm uhh,,erm....and then b4 my brain came back again. That feeling was horrible. Immediately sms some ple to pray for me. Guess I've been feeling the stress at work, and also had to haggle with some other department wrt some issues..and it was really v pek chek. Then again this week I discovered another bug in some calculation of theorectical prices, so I feel really satisfied with myself. =)
Been talking to this new fren Jon and one of the things that stucks a chord in him is poverty reduction. There are basically 3 kinds of needs that ple have: 1. spiritual 2. emotional 3. physical. SOmething that really affects me is 2. emotional. Everytime I see someone smoking, I feel something for that person..esp one who smokes and then in his eyes there is a deep sense of lostness and hopelessness, and there and then I wish to run forward and give him/her a hug and tell him/her that its ok, there is still hope.
There is a need to eradicate poverty, but how abt also the need to eradicate emotional poverty? If I can best say it, in my opinion, spiritual need is the need that is of greatest urgency, because in heaven, the poor who know God will enjoy an eternal life in heaven with God. And how can we best evangelise and tell ple that there is a God who cares for them? Its simply by demonstrating God's love and being a walking Jesus in a sense. And that means meeting both their emotional and physical needs.
How abt ple in developed nations? Ple working in banks, law firms, hospitals (doctors?), they may be rich physically but may be so poor emotionally and spiritually! What then of these ple! They need someone to go right in there to meet their emotional needs. Which is something that I believe God has placed deep within my heart. To reach out to the business community..maybe in particular the banks?
It may seem incoherent to some why I am working in GIC. Why am I not in social work since I am such a social person? Precisely the pt. I wanna get right in there into the banks/financial sector and reach out and shine. I pray that as days go by, the vision will become clearer. But meanwhile I will wait upon Him, for Him to tell me GO.
Was chatting with derek yesterday on MSN, and he told me this, to not miss the opportunity that God has placed there for me. Hmm...I thot it was q aligned with what i had been hearing. I think that at a juncture in a christian's life, there is always a question of will u choose to live ur life for Christ or u choose to compromise. And that is not as easy decision to make, cos going for the former requires a lot of moulding and a lot of dark days of despair. But now that the word has been somewhat affirmed too..even by derek...its really q encouraging that yup..it seems like He is bringing me into a new place already. And I've to be obedient.
Yups..so this is a whole lot of sharing. =) Maybe a lot of blabbering too. ehhe.
CIaoz.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
God of the Valley
Os Hillman
The God of the Valley
The man of God came up and told the king of Israel, "This is what the Lord says: 'Because the Arameans think the Lord is a god of the hills and not a god of the valleys, I will deliver this vast army into your hands, and you will know that I am the Lord'." - 1 Kings 20:28
Whenever we stand on the mountain, we are able to see clearly. It is the best vantage point to see what lies ahead. Wouldn't it be great to live on the mountain all the time in order to anticipate what is ahead? God allows us to experience the mountaintop at times. Joseph's first mountaintop experience was as a young man. He had the favor of his father, Jacob. He was given a fine coat and even had a dream about his future. As a young man, Joseph had a sense of destiny about his life. God often gives us a picture of our future so that we will remember this picture when we are being tested to trust Him in the valley. This picture usually does not reveal how God intends to bring about the visions for our life.
However, none of us really derive the character qualities God desires for our lives while we are on the mountain. It is in the valley where the fruit is planted and harvested. It cannot grow on the mountain; it must grow in the valley. God is a God of the mountain, but he is even more a God of the valley. In the valley, it is more difficult to see ahead; the clouds often cover the valley and limit our sight. Joseph was thrust into a deep valley that left him wondering if the God of his father had forsaken him. Jesus hoped that He might be able to avoid the valley that caused Him to sweat blood. There is a valley that each of us must enter, usually unwillingly, in order to experience the God of the valley-and to experience His faithfulness in the valley. Once we have spent time in this valley, we come out with something we would have never gained if we had not entered it. The valley brings much fruit into our lives so that we might plant seeds into the lives of others. God does not waste valley experiences. If we are faithful in the valley, we will enter a new dimension with God that we never thought possible. There is a harvest of wisdom and virtue that can only be grown in the valley.
Has God brought you into the valley? Know that the valley is a place of fruitfulness; it is a place of testing. It is where God brings what you know in your head into your heart. The only value of knowledge is when it becomes part of your heart. Look for God in the valley today.
The God of the Valley
The man of God came up and told the king of Israel, "This is what the Lord says: 'Because the Arameans think the Lord is a god of the hills and not a god of the valleys, I will deliver this vast army into your hands, and you will know that I am the Lord'." - 1 Kings 20:28
Whenever we stand on the mountain, we are able to see clearly. It is the best vantage point to see what lies ahead. Wouldn't it be great to live on the mountain all the time in order to anticipate what is ahead? God allows us to experience the mountaintop at times. Joseph's first mountaintop experience was as a young man. He had the favor of his father, Jacob. He was given a fine coat and even had a dream about his future. As a young man, Joseph had a sense of destiny about his life. God often gives us a picture of our future so that we will remember this picture when we are being tested to trust Him in the valley. This picture usually does not reveal how God intends to bring about the visions for our life.
However, none of us really derive the character qualities God desires for our lives while we are on the mountain. It is in the valley where the fruit is planted and harvested. It cannot grow on the mountain; it must grow in the valley. God is a God of the mountain, but he is even more a God of the valley. In the valley, it is more difficult to see ahead; the clouds often cover the valley and limit our sight. Joseph was thrust into a deep valley that left him wondering if the God of his father had forsaken him. Jesus hoped that He might be able to avoid the valley that caused Him to sweat blood. There is a valley that each of us must enter, usually unwillingly, in order to experience the God of the valley-and to experience His faithfulness in the valley. Once we have spent time in this valley, we come out with something we would have never gained if we had not entered it. The valley brings much fruit into our lives so that we might plant seeds into the lives of others. God does not waste valley experiences. If we are faithful in the valley, we will enter a new dimension with God that we never thought possible. There is a harvest of wisdom and virtue that can only be grown in the valley.
Has God brought you into the valley? Know that the valley is a place of fruitfulness; it is a place of testing. It is where God brings what you know in your head into your heart. The only value of knowledge is when it becomes part of your heart. Look for God in the valley today.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Accepted in the Beloved
I'm in a quarter-life crisis!
Today I went out with EY and helped him choose some clothes. =) It was really q nice and I got a pair of shoes and necklace for my cousin's wedding. All purple in colour. Hehe...
We went to eat some food and then I saw Lee BA, my Maths teacher in JC. HEh! I liked him so so so very much cos he was very interesting when he taught us maths, and my maths was q good. (Btw, he was wearing a wedding ring! So excited for him) I told Mr. Lee that I was with EY who used to be my tuition student. Then he went like, then r u treating him? He said I shd cos I am already working.
I was kinda blown away by the statement, and then the whole truth sank in, I am 23 and I am a working ADULT!! AHHH!! I am no longer a student/youth. I am an adult!! Boohoo hoo..
My mind is filled with images of Zao An Lao Shi now..where the students loved Chen Liping, their teacher..as well as those of Chen Han Wei as the lovely encouraging teacher. And actually I think being a CGL is somewhat like a teacher cum guide to the youths lives. And I was really q blessed and touched by the thought la. Hope that I can be a better leader and someone whom the mbrs can love and look up to..the verse Imitate me as I imitate CHrist comes to my mind. =)
And then parts of my life as a youth came flooding to my mind. I shared a part of my BGR stuff with the CG on Friday. Its not easy sharing ur BGR stuffs and the silly embarrassing stuffs u did, but on Tuesday, when I was asking God how to best communicate with the ple abt r/s, He said to talk abt myself. And I did.
Then the floodgates of memory were open..I was really a very insecure person and I really didn't like myself very much. In sec sch the trend was short hair, so I cut mine really short, and then my mum cut my hair for me in sec 1..and it looked a bit like a mushroom. And in JC I had a pimpled face, and I hated my face cos of the acne. One day Bro John (Vene-my ex cgl's husband) told me to bind the pimples and to pray. And then I also went to skin centre and heh..praise the Lord, all the acne was gone!! YAy! And then I rebonded my hair and coloured so that I will look prettier...
And it all came back one loop I mean like right now I am SHORT hair, and my colouring is fading away. =)
As I was cutting away the hair, I said that it felt like all the rebonding and makeup and colour all cut away and I was myself. And yups I am happy with myself today! =)
Oh yeah...and the experience at Yunnan was really lovely lovely....wonderful sitting in the open air and looking at the shooting stars and also playing with the kids there. That was when I felt the ugliest. Cos I was in my nerdy specs and my effect of rebonding had left my long hair...and it was all wavy and messy. But I remember this gal abt 15 coming to me..and she said Jie Jie, ni hen piao liang or smthing.
God really did a mighty work within me and brought healing...there were times when I prayed and told myself, I forgive u (myself) and I love u (myself). And the first few times were so hard to say but I said with all my heart and might and when I believed in it, I wept cos there was such a tremendous healing within me.
So just wanna encourage whoever that is reading this. Its not easy to accept urself. Esp if u been told since young that u need to do this and that before u will be acceptable. But, God made everyone of us beautiful...and He loves u as u are... If God can love u, then surely, u can also love urself as the beautiful and unique one that He has created. =)
God bless u!
Today I went out with EY and helped him choose some clothes. =) It was really q nice and I got a pair of shoes and necklace for my cousin's wedding. All purple in colour. Hehe...
We went to eat some food and then I saw Lee BA, my Maths teacher in JC. HEh! I liked him so so so very much cos he was very interesting when he taught us maths, and my maths was q good. (Btw, he was wearing a wedding ring! So excited for him) I told Mr. Lee that I was with EY who used to be my tuition student. Then he went like, then r u treating him? He said I shd cos I am already working.
I was kinda blown away by the statement, and then the whole truth sank in, I am 23 and I am a working ADULT!! AHHH!! I am no longer a student/youth. I am an adult!! Boohoo hoo..
My mind is filled with images of Zao An Lao Shi now..where the students loved Chen Liping, their teacher..as well as those of Chen Han Wei as the lovely encouraging teacher. And actually I think being a CGL is somewhat like a teacher cum guide to the youths lives. And I was really q blessed and touched by the thought la. Hope that I can be a better leader and someone whom the mbrs can love and look up to..the verse Imitate me as I imitate CHrist comes to my mind. =)
And then parts of my life as a youth came flooding to my mind. I shared a part of my BGR stuff with the CG on Friday. Its not easy sharing ur BGR stuffs and the silly embarrassing stuffs u did, but on Tuesday, when I was asking God how to best communicate with the ple abt r/s, He said to talk abt myself. And I did.
Then the floodgates of memory were open..I was really a very insecure person and I really didn't like myself very much. In sec sch the trend was short hair, so I cut mine really short, and then my mum cut my hair for me in sec 1..and it looked a bit like a mushroom. And in JC I had a pimpled face, and I hated my face cos of the acne. One day Bro John (Vene-my ex cgl's husband) told me to bind the pimples and to pray. And then I also went to skin centre and heh..praise the Lord, all the acne was gone!! YAy! And then I rebonded my hair and coloured so that I will look prettier...
And it all came back one loop I mean like right now I am SHORT hair, and my colouring is fading away. =)
As I was cutting away the hair, I said that it felt like all the rebonding and makeup and colour all cut away and I was myself. And yups I am happy with myself today! =)
Oh yeah...and the experience at Yunnan was really lovely lovely....wonderful sitting in the open air and looking at the shooting stars and also playing with the kids there. That was when I felt the ugliest. Cos I was in my nerdy specs and my effect of rebonding had left my long hair...and it was all wavy and messy. But I remember this gal abt 15 coming to me..and she said Jie Jie, ni hen piao liang or smthing.
God really did a mighty work within me and brought healing...there were times when I prayed and told myself, I forgive u (myself) and I love u (myself). And the first few times were so hard to say but I said with all my heart and might and when I believed in it, I wept cos there was such a tremendous healing within me.
So just wanna encourage whoever that is reading this. Its not easy to accept urself. Esp if u been told since young that u need to do this and that before u will be acceptable. But, God made everyone of us beautiful...and He loves u as u are... If God can love u, then surely, u can also love urself as the beautiful and unique one that He has created. =)
God bless u!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
I'm HAPPY!
I'm really quite happy today. It started from yesterday actually, was tinking thru some stuffs abt my life, and not feeling v happy abt where I was going. Wanted to stop some stuffs, and also asked God abt certain doubts I had. And I was listening to music at my wk place and then started listening to Sun's music, felt healing came upon me and somewhat a restoration of my emotions.
There were many things I was doing but not convicted of them, and I also kinda lost my dream. Felt really lost, and so spent kinda Mon and Tues just resting in God. And He just began to show me the answers to the doubts I had.
Its really good.
and tues had lunch with some of the other young ones, 3 other fresh grads and 2 other with less than 2 years experience. They are not scholars..just fresh in from uni like myself, and it was really nice chatting with them. =) I'm starting to enjoy my wk cos I'm starting to have independence. Understand how the whole process works already..and every time I answer a portfolio manager/investment manager's query on the reasons for his wrong returns I feel really satisfied with myself.
=)
Happy....
I've finally also let go of certain things in my life..and really come to terms with myself, with my life....with who I am, and with who God is. =) I'm really assured and excited that my future watever it is will always be good with Him.
There were many things I was doing but not convicted of them, and I also kinda lost my dream. Felt really lost, and so spent kinda Mon and Tues just resting in God. And He just began to show me the answers to the doubts I had.
Its really good.
and tues had lunch with some of the other young ones, 3 other fresh grads and 2 other with less than 2 years experience. They are not scholars..just fresh in from uni like myself, and it was really nice chatting with them. =) I'm starting to enjoy my wk cos I'm starting to have independence. Understand how the whole process works already..and every time I answer a portfolio manager/investment manager's query on the reasons for his wrong returns I feel really satisfied with myself.
=)
Happy....
I've finally also let go of certain things in my life..and really come to terms with myself, with my life....with who I am, and with who God is. =) I'm really assured and excited that my future watever it is will always be good with Him.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
=>
I had an extremely tiring and discouraging week, but its just so amazing how everytime I have a tiring week that the weekend service would be so good. Today I admit I was a little distracted and tired while pastor tan was preaching. But when it came to the ministry and we sang this song to invite the Holy Ghost, the anointing of God just poured down so strongly. I felt the warmth of His embrace..really did..like His face next to mine, and then His palms on me. Well, some of u non-christians might think that I am mad...but really it was so strong. I also felt a tingling feeling on my right palm. Most of all, the soft gentle whisper from God...And there was this verse that came to me: In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.
I went back to search the bible, and this verse comes from Isaiah. The Israelites wanted to use swift horses to fight the battle, but God was saying, don't depend on human means or methods, but depend on ME. I was so tremendously blessed. And He impressed upon my heart that He will take my hands and my mouth and use me to minister to His ple..to not look at my own limitations but to look upon Him.
Pastor Tan also prophesied, he talked abt how He would take away our loneliness, our doubts, and restore our confidence. I was so so very blessed. => Yups. I will be strong, and I wanna see His dream coming to pass in my life.
Going the narrow road involves sacrifices. And sometimes it is a lonely road. I guess I have walked the talk and experienced the emotional heartbreak of seperation from that whom I really loved but which displeases God. Its like ur road to destiny, and watever decision u choose leads u to a different path. But u can only choose one path...choose the destiny or choose the easy way out. Choosing God's path is not easy...and I realise that when He begins to do a heart operation within u...some ple will fall..cos they love themselves too much to let go and let God's ways. But those who hold on...will see their dreams coming to pass. Those who hold on will grow in faith and in character...
But one of the most touching things I experienced as a christian is that sometimes it doesn't take THAT much faith to believe. Just a mustard seed, and a desire to trust. The rest...God begins to bring ple around u to point u to the vision, and He begins to put signposts, neon lights pointing to the right direction. Alarm bells ring.. sermons begin to cut right thru ur heart. At the pt in time, u can choose to ignore the signposts and walk ur own walk..further away into ur abyss of darkness, or u can decide to follow the signposts...sometimes amidst the cryings of ur heart...ur flesh that says "Go the other way!". U ignore those cries and keep moving..keep moving....toward ur destiny.
I went back to search the bible, and this verse comes from Isaiah. The Israelites wanted to use swift horses to fight the battle, but God was saying, don't depend on human means or methods, but depend on ME. I was so tremendously blessed. And He impressed upon my heart that He will take my hands and my mouth and use me to minister to His ple..to not look at my own limitations but to look upon Him.
Pastor Tan also prophesied, he talked abt how He would take away our loneliness, our doubts, and restore our confidence. I was so so very blessed. => Yups. I will be strong, and I wanna see His dream coming to pass in my life.
Going the narrow road involves sacrifices. And sometimes it is a lonely road. I guess I have walked the talk and experienced the emotional heartbreak of seperation from that whom I really loved but which displeases God. Its like ur road to destiny, and watever decision u choose leads u to a different path. But u can only choose one path...choose the destiny or choose the easy way out. Choosing God's path is not easy...and I realise that when He begins to do a heart operation within u...some ple will fall..cos they love themselves too much to let go and let God's ways. But those who hold on...will see their dreams coming to pass. Those who hold on will grow in faith and in character...
But one of the most touching things I experienced as a christian is that sometimes it doesn't take THAT much faith to believe. Just a mustard seed, and a desire to trust. The rest...God begins to bring ple around u to point u to the vision, and He begins to put signposts, neon lights pointing to the right direction. Alarm bells ring.. sermons begin to cut right thru ur heart. At the pt in time, u can choose to ignore the signposts and walk ur own walk..further away into ur abyss of darkness, or u can decide to follow the signposts...sometimes amidst the cryings of ur heart...ur flesh that says "Go the other way!". U ignore those cries and keep moving..keep moving....toward ur destiny.
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