Our destination

If we do not see each day as a process leading towards a destination, but we see each day as a destination in itself, then we would not be so concerned about how to get to our destination. Rather, we would be concerned about enjoying each day. Each day we are alive is a gift from God. And our ultimate destination is not about where we go, but about who we become.

Whose Child is this?

In "The Hole in the Gospel", Richard Stearns says that we see children in the developing countries as other people's children. For example, if you read about a child who is starving in Africa, it would seem far remote from you. But if one day you come home, and you find a child sitting outside your door, and he is starving to death, you would immediately bring food out to save this child.

Whose child is this? The question is asked.

Until we can identify with these children, and these children become personal to us, they would always be other people's children.

But they are Daddy God's children, each of them precious to Him, and He sees each as His own.

 

So my question again, Whose child is this?

 

When you can answer this question...your heart breaks with Father God...

Pour out Your love into our hearts

"and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Rom 5:5 (ESV)

 

If we are not able to sell all our possessions and follow Him, it would be because we do not understand the depth of His love for us.

 

You and I were created for freedom.


Freedom is in our heart.


Nobody likes to be constricted.

Fear constrains us. But when the Spirit comes, He sets us free. By which we call the Father, Abba Father. And we understand that we are His children. We receive His inheritance. And we dwell in safe places where we are free to be who He created us to be.

While we are here in this world, we don't feel at home. But Jesus brings us to a resting place even now. The state of being rested in the Father and communing with Him on a daily basis.

I love to travel. The adventurous spirit in me likes to explore, to meet people of different nationalities. To see different sights, smell different places. =D

And when the fear in the heart is removed...I run...on Green fields of His. =)

Penang was great. Met with people from different nations. Many missionaries! They helped me to expand my horizons beyond this tiny but lovely island Singapore. I miss the warm and friendly hugs and affection... We were created for love!

One day we will see each other......

No wonder God told Elijah he was not alone. His tiny puny mind could only see where he stood. But all over the world, people with Kingdom mind are present. How lovely, how wonderful to have a big family & community!

The Wilderness

I often wished I were smarter & more eloquent, like being able to get a scholarship, study in one of those branded US or UK university, and get a top notch job, maybe as a investment banker, or an analyst, or admin service in the civil service or...
I wish I were more assertive, then I wouldn't be bullied, I would be that confident girl who struts around knowing what she wants.
I wish I were prettier...
And many more wishes of being someone else.

This week a leadership training was held for about 140 sec 3 girls at our compound, and I did registration for them. As I interacted with them, or observed them, some of my childhood/youthful angst came up from nowhere, unexpectedly. Those fears, those longings and desires to be well liked- as a youth never quite ever being the most popular, but the quiet one with the spectacles at the corner. The only way I could get some attention for myself was when I scored good grades, and the teacher highlighted my name.
Last night, my sis wanted to borrow my RGS tie, and as I held it, a forgotten pride welled up from within. Whatever that I had felt as a sec sch girl, wearing the uniform.

And there I was, as I was marking the attendance for the girls, wondering what I am doing here? I have now nothing to speak of for my career status. If my confidence used to be in my grades, now I can no longer boast in these. What then, can I boast in?

The residues of that youthful angst and that desire for belonging remains. Though adults have a better way of masking these with better dressing, proper ettique and lots of activities. How now...?

I kind of breezed through getting my first job even before I graduated. The current job had informal interviews. And now exploring the next step, I am hit by the reality of rejection and misfits. I feel very small in my own eyes.

As Pastor Edmund would name it- its the primal wounds of the heart. Stuff that you bring from childhood into adulthood. Dear God, clear it and heal it please. <3

Weddings and HDB Flats!

These 2 years there seems to be an accelerated no. of wedding invitations! I just went for one on Saturday, and in June there's going to be two more. Most of my really good friends are married! I have been invited to their various flats for meals, and its really so surreal to see my friends having their own flats. :P Each one carries a style of their own. Yessss the societal norm to get married is so strong!
Looking at their other halves and attending weddings also makes me think about what I really want, and the type of person I'm looking for...Together with people I've dated, had crushes on etc. ...what worked, what didn't etc.
I really wish that it was easier. And ofcos assessing my single status, the benefits that come with it...greater mobility, more time etc.

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My hands and legs have several mosquito bites! :( And guess where I got bitten...
At home! :P Its scary when home is a place you got to be neurotic about. Most of the time, I get bitten when I'm preparing for work in the morning! Sprayed insecticide around the corners but it doesnt seem to help. And I have an average of 4 new bites everyday for the last week. :( :( Mosquitos, I command you to flee!
Being philosophical ofcos......makes me think of the deeper question of how home is meant to be a safe place, and how it is sometimes not. Maybe the very people you thought you could trust abused you?
And our family backgrounds greatly affect our development, i.e. our view towards relationships, life etc. And then the desire for love makes us to find it in the wrong places...

Creating Spaces for God and Relationships and Myself

April came and went, it was a crazy week of 2 trips to Cambodia, conferences and workshops and events and rushing work etc. ;) Glad I emerged sane!

Labour Day Holiday applied to me cos I usually have to work on Saturdays. Was very thankful for the long weekend. I spent Sat morning at East Coast Beach cycling with my cell grp, and after that, I sat at a shaded area for an hour or so just reflecting, worshipping and praying. It was nice. Unknowingly, my back and my arms turned lobster red too!

I went for intercessory prayer on Sun 8am, cos it was anchored by the missions committee. While we were worshipping, someone read the verses from Isa 49:8 onwards. I was touched, because they were the verses that God gave me in 2007 when I was praying about leaving GIC. God remembered me! And 2 May marks the 2 year anniversary of my time in The Girls' Brigade.

After service I spent a good 2 hrs or so processing my thoughts with an aunty in the church whom I respect a lot, and she was also kind of instrumental in my job switch two years ago. I was thankful for the time of sharing and praying together.

And finally, I went for KTV with my good old friends. :D Though I felt so ancient cos my knowledge of chinese songs and singers probably stopped in the 1990s or early 2000. I was glad for time to chill out though.

It has been a fruitful weekend, and today is still rest day for me! Yay! :D Waiting and creating spaces for God and relationships (and myself). I like.. :D

It bleeds! It hurts!

I was put on local anesthesia before I extracted my wisdom teeth. One on my right bottom was horizontal and embedded in my gums. The injection hurt, and my bottom chin and lips became swollen after abt 30 min. But when Dr. Tan began the operation, I could not feel any pain, even though there were loud grinding noises and pressure on my gums. My eyes were covered to prevent water from splashing in and protect me from the light glare. But the unknown made me scared. Trust & Faith in Dr. Tan and in the anesthesia injection..did I trust the local anesthesia? Logically, there should be pain. I was scared that there would be sudden jutting pain bcos the injection wasn't done properly.

Why did God create pain? It reminded me of Philip Yancey's book "Where is God when it hurts?". In the book, he says that pain helps us to know that there is something we need to fix, and prevents us from getting hurt. E.g. leprosy patients lose feelings in their limps, and they scratch themselves, cut themselves etc, but it doesn't hurt. Pain is a good indication from God that we are hurting.

Dr. Tan was stitching the wound, and he said, we are now at the last stage of the op. You have been very brave, you hardly made a noise, are you okay? Are you used to having operations?

Well actually no, I have never been hospitalized, and this is my second operation since few years ago extracting my first ever wisdom tooth.

I took the MRT home after the op. I felt no pain in my mouth, except for numbness and a swollen chin. When I got home, there was a lot of blood but no pain! Again brings home the pt of pain...

Sometimes I think, we are numbed to pain, but physical symptoms like bleeding show us that we are hurting and we are in need of medical care. What abt for emotional issues that hurt us? Do we wait until physical symptoms appear that we know we are in need of care? These are more tricky...isn't it? Do I have a big threshold for pain?

Family and Friends :)

I extracted my wisdom TEETH today, plucked 3 of them! :D one was like intensive grinding..

Mum cooked lovely porridge. I love my parents fussing over me. I am so blessed.

I am also deeply grateful for the good friends He has placed in my life. Emails, MSN, smses...prayers, sharings. Thank you my dears, for being with me. \XOXOXO/

I wish I have a special someone to share my life with. But He has provided me with the most wonderful angels (also known as family and friends). I am blessed.

Thankful for some MC after wisdom tooth extraction. :)

What keeps that fire buring?

I haven't been blogging for a while since I got back from Cambodia... And April has some upcoming meetings...looks like I may be flying up again! I enjoy the "action" though, which pretty much keeps me energised.

Thinking abt life...and what I want with it. It has been a pretty confusing journey, weighing the pros and cons of different options. Sigh. Being a person who likes to plan ahead, and is more interested in the outcomes/goals than in the process, it has been so hard taking the uncertainty. I still have not arrived at any conclusion yet. Direction in life is so confusing! :S

Today I went to The New Charis Missions, they have a new place near YCK/Jalan Kayu. It was nice. A big nice quaint bangalow that houses abt 50+ of ex-offenders/drug abusers in transition. I was updated that they currently also go to schs to run programmes with at risk youths. So so so encouraged to hear that. What better people to share perspectives with these youths then these band of brothers who are currently leading such changed and inspiring lives? Don shared with me that it is tiring to run all these programmes, but it is that calling that fuels him, and he is happy. :) It is a happy happy atmosphere in that place.

With that ofcos....makes me think abt that little spark of fire in me, and what ignites that spark. It must not just be a spark that is ignited by excitement. It must be a burning fire that continues to burn after that spark of inspiration dies and monotony sneaks in.

Pastor Kai talked abt Eric Liddell in his sermon on Sun. This is a guy who eventually went to China to be a missionary, but before that, he won olympic medals for running. His sis couldn't understand why he was an atheletic since he had a missions calling. Eric Liddell says - "I run for the glory of God". Earlier I had blogged before this quote by him, "When I run, I feel His pleasure."
Even the most godly things we do, if not for God's glory, is nothing.
Even the most mundane thing we do, if for God's glory, means something - that yieldedness of all our activities and our whole life unto Him.
Maybe sometimes for seasons, we have to step back, away from what are the most "godly" tasks, and it seems like a roundabout way away from our calling. But...we need to figure out why we want to step back or should we persevere on?

Its such a puzzle differentiating betw all these!