I'm really feeling kinda happy cos I just had dinner with HY at a quaint nice restaurant that I've always wanted to try!! :) Its called Mana Mana. Its reasonable priced (mains avg costs about $12-16), its alfresco dining, next to the beach. Its near the Cable Ski area, very near where I used to stay at Laguna Park. Had nice cosy talk with HY as usual...thankful that she indulged in my whims and fancies to have dinner there. Its overlooking the sea, and that stretch of the sand where I always sit to pray looking at the seas in the evenings. It was lovely. :)
Yep I drank some beer hehe...cos it was so chill out kinda place..
And guess what, today was my LAST DAY OF WORK for 2009. hurhur..
I'm flying to Indo for missions from 26 Dec - 4 Jan, a whole 10 days trip. Doing children's programmes in village and orphanage. YAYYYYYYYY. Don't know a whole lot abt children. But the last few days we are going to be exposed to some relief work, and I'm really super excited about it!
Trying to reflect for 2009, haven't managed to do a lot. Its been a really tough year, and I have difficulty giving thanks actually! But I think mainly I'm just tired. Will sleep in tmr. And after much sleep, I would be able to think properly and remember all that happened hopefully! :P It has been a dramatic year tho, of people speaking into my lives, of someone saying he saw angels around me....of divine coincidences somehow. Yeah, of God's faithfulness in changing hearts, and yes! I've built resilience on the inside. And learnt to love difficult people (in the process seeing the difficult me).
Actually...thinkg abt it I'm by nature a very shy and timid gal. You must be thinking in yr heads - you shy??? Well, God has changed me a lot. On the inside many times I still struggle with intimidation and fear, but courage is going forward in spite of fear. He has changed me and given me the courage to pursue the path that is difficult. While we learnt balloon sculpturing on Mon, I was so scared that the balloons would burst on me. They did, a couple burst on me! :S Meiyin says this balloon sculpturing reflects yr personality a lot. It is true- I'm not gung ho by nature, but very cautious. Ehh..God has given me much courage, and put a dream in my heart....And the path towards that destiny is sometimes kinda road not travelled. :P Not pursuing radicalness for its own sake...but somehow finding that pursusing God leads to a radical path. ;p
Went for Dialogue in the Dark last week....
Going through Dialogue in the Dark which is like a 1 hr guided tour by a blind guide into a totally dark place. You feel like you are blind cos its total darkness. Feeling my way around made me appreciate my sense of touch much more. Smelling stuff, hearing birds chirping and all was nice. Sitting down in the "park" was nice. I was present for the moment. Having sight kind of distracts u I realise, since u get to look ard at yr surroundings, and sometimes form unwarrented judgement calls about people and things. Its like when you are blind, you hear people better instead of jumping into conclusion. And that touch is so reassuring, to know that someone is near you when you can't see. So there's things u can "see" when you are blind. I strongly recommend for you to visit it! It made me remember this line in King Lear by Gloucester “I stumbled when I saw”.
Okay Im gonna sleep now. Tmr is a rest day! Yay..and packing and planning... :)
GOOD NIGHT!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
God of small things
Today I went to the chinese service with a chinese student -J, whom someone introduced to me some time ago. I have been meeting her for lunch and service whenever she comes to church. I was intending to go for some christmas shopping, but decided to go for chinese svc with her instead. And it was nice to spend time with her, and we also met 2 other young chinese gals who just came to Singapore for 2 weeks. It was interesting seeing J dishing out advice to the gals about what hp card to buy, about taking MRT etc and whatnots... And gosh, there's so many of these chinese gals in Singapore who need such advice.
It reminded me abt what Pastor Matt shared with us last week, about how Jesus met the needs of people one by one. I used to think that I need to plan some major event, or start some social enterprise, but I never felt that God is the God of small things more than today..
It was that Starfish story that inspired me, abt saving the starfish one by one, throwing them back into the sea. Oh but I think I got bogged down by all the different issues. Its really kind of hard to be praying for people in general. But if u have specific people in yr head and heart to pray for, that really makes prayer meaningful. It was during that 30 min of chatting with the gals that made me feel so happie and alive....that nice feeling of just loving and caring for one person at a time!
It reminded me abt what Pastor Matt shared with us last week, about how Jesus met the needs of people one by one. I used to think that I need to plan some major event, or start some social enterprise, but I never felt that God is the God of small things more than today..
It was that Starfish story that inspired me, abt saving the starfish one by one, throwing them back into the sea. Oh but I think I got bogged down by all the different issues. Its really kind of hard to be praying for people in general. But if u have specific people in yr head and heart to pray for, that really makes prayer meaningful. It was during that 30 min of chatting with the gals that made me feel so happie and alive....that nice feeling of just loving and caring for one person at a time!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Broken alabaster jar
I've been feeling rather angsty about my future and calling in life recently, but today, its really a breakthrough after a long conversation with a volunteer. I talked about how stuck I felt, and she brought new perspectives to me. It was good. =)
I've lost myself cos I don't remember why/how I came to the decision to work here. Cos I'm so tired. But thinking about it for the past few days, I remembered again why I wanted to work in a NGO.
I wanted to explore missions. Long term missions overseas. I have a heart for the poor and the marginalized. I wanna do social enterprise to help the poor in a sustainable way. I want to bring healing to the broken hearted. But I don't have guts to be based overseas, cos I need to explore that calling by serving in a position based in Singapore first.
Heh now that I remember myself, I wonder if the past 1.5 years have helped me to acheive what I wanted to do?
One thing is a job based in Singapore doesn't let me go to the ground as often as I would like. And if I go, I deal with more macro level stuff like meeting partners.
I'm thinking how do I get from point A to point B. As of now...point B is pretty blurry, pretty unsure abt where I am heading.
But as long as I keep moving....and trusting...and actually resting in God. I think He will not just reveal point B, but each day is that process of moulding me on the inside. So that I would become stronger, more courageous, more loving, more thankful, more joyful....like a broken alabaster Jar, that comes forth from it fragrance.
------------------
Thinking...
What skills/expertise can I offer to people overseas? I need to build myself up now. I thought of doing more mentoring of youths, more nurturing for new believers, more leading of worship, more preaching and sharing.
But its kind of weird, to think that serving in SG is a means of moulding me for the future. And sometimes I wonder if wanting to go overseas is afterall an escape of reality here. That kind of adventurous and forsaking all kind of life. And actually there's oppty for me to be based in Cambodia office for example. And a one year time off away from SG sounds like a kinda nice thing to do. =)
But ya, I still have difficulty letting go of this sense of needing control over the outcomes of situation, and wanting to know wats ahead of me.
Actually....I am really looking forward to my new cell group. And hoping to also mentor some youths in my church! As in doing these things for its own sake, and not as a means to prepare me to go overseas.
Maybe..its counter intuitive that serving actively would bring abt rest. Maybe, rest is really...as what I learnt, not slowing down, but centering down on one's purpose/priorities/direction.
And as the year winds down, today as I walked home fr the MRT, my mind settled down to clarity. Thinking abt the whole journey and experience from leading a youth cg, to giving bible studies to diff ones, to mentoring Fel, to leading a peer DG, and now the administrative experience of sending teams. That wealth of experience, I believe....is a testimony of God's hand never letting go of me. I'm thankful. Very very thankful for this moment of peace.
I've lost myself cos I don't remember why/how I came to the decision to work here. Cos I'm so tired. But thinking about it for the past few days, I remembered again why I wanted to work in a NGO.
I wanted to explore missions. Long term missions overseas. I have a heart for the poor and the marginalized. I wanna do social enterprise to help the poor in a sustainable way. I want to bring healing to the broken hearted. But I don't have guts to be based overseas, cos I need to explore that calling by serving in a position based in Singapore first.
Heh now that I remember myself, I wonder if the past 1.5 years have helped me to acheive what I wanted to do?
One thing is a job based in Singapore doesn't let me go to the ground as often as I would like. And if I go, I deal with more macro level stuff like meeting partners.
I'm thinking how do I get from point A to point B. As of now...point B is pretty blurry, pretty unsure abt where I am heading.
But as long as I keep moving....and trusting...and actually resting in God. I think He will not just reveal point B, but each day is that process of moulding me on the inside. So that I would become stronger, more courageous, more loving, more thankful, more joyful....like a broken alabaster Jar, that comes forth from it fragrance.
------------------
Thinking...
What skills/expertise can I offer to people overseas? I need to build myself up now. I thought of doing more mentoring of youths, more nurturing for new believers, more leading of worship, more preaching and sharing.
But its kind of weird, to think that serving in SG is a means of moulding me for the future. And sometimes I wonder if wanting to go overseas is afterall an escape of reality here. That kind of adventurous and forsaking all kind of life. And actually there's oppty for me to be based in Cambodia office for example. And a one year time off away from SG sounds like a kinda nice thing to do. =)
But ya, I still have difficulty letting go of this sense of needing control over the outcomes of situation, and wanting to know wats ahead of me.
Actually....I am really looking forward to my new cell group. And hoping to also mentor some youths in my church! As in doing these things for its own sake, and not as a means to prepare me to go overseas.
Maybe..its counter intuitive that serving actively would bring abt rest. Maybe, rest is really...as what I learnt, not slowing down, but centering down on one's purpose/priorities/direction.
And as the year winds down, today as I walked home fr the MRT, my mind settled down to clarity. Thinking abt the whole journey and experience from leading a youth cg, to giving bible studies to diff ones, to mentoring Fel, to leading a peer DG, and now the administrative experience of sending teams. That wealth of experience, I believe....is a testimony of God's hand never letting go of me. I'm thankful. Very very thankful for this moment of peace.
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