I don't understand...

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if time was not linear? i.e. you can see past present and future at one glance. I watched The Time Travellor's Wife about 2 weeks ago. It made me think of how I would behave differently, if I knew what was going to happen to me in the future. Would I love more? Would I make certain different choices? And most of all, I thought of God who knew all things beforehand, because a thousand years to Him is like a second. And imagine He already knew that at X time, u are going to meet Y person. But you aren't gonna be meeting Y person just yet because ABCD has to happen.

Today when I got on the MRT, there was some vomit like spill on the floor in front of two vacant seats. I don't know what had happened before that for the vomit to be on the floor. But 2 stops later, to my surprise, an elderly cleaning aunty came in with newspapers, trashbag, mop and bucket in tow. She started using the newspapers to clean up the mess, and yup, some of the stuff sipped into the newspapers, i could see, and Im sure her hands got dirty as a result. I felt sad. If she were my grandma, i would be sad to see her mopping the floor and cleaning stuff while the MRT was moving. But yet I don't know....because we do need cleaning aunties, and others to do very menial tasks, but essential to keep our environment clean.

So anyway, she finished cleaning in 2 stops, and what struck me was this. The people who came in after she left the MRT had no idea at all what happened there. And there it was, even after she had cleaned the floor, the 2, now 3 seats remained empty. NO one who had witnessed this thing wanted to step on wet and once dirty floor. And this guy who came on the next station just happily sat down, and was lookg ard at why people were not sitting.

This made me think abt a lot of scenerios in life. Because of our limitations in perspective, and time being linear, we don't know what had happened a min or even a second before to any person, or at any place. Only God is omniscient. I really wished with all my heart that certain outcomes would have been different in my life. But I realise that they are what they are for a reason, and I don't know why, but there's a reason. Can I trust God then, that He knows the best? That everything that happens in the world is in His hands. Choices people make interplay with divine orchestration. Sometimes I really wish i could replay scenes I missed though...so i can understand...sometimes I wonder why certain people left my life, why God has to take them away. And really...mabbe....there's a reason I don't know. Its painful I know. I don't understand, but He does and He allows something to happen or not happen in a season for a reason.

Talking abt rubbish cleaning, GB has a camp called Fast, Food N Fuzz, which has elements of simple food (porridge), sleeping on cardboard boxes, games and prayer for third world countries to help girls understand abstinance and poverty. This is for the primary 4 onwards girls. I really like the concept. One particular game, expired food is poured into a bucket, and girls need to dig out breadtags from inside to exchange for food. The bucket has all the goey stuff. Trust me, you wouldn't want to stick yr hand in there. When I saw the little girls sticking their hands inside, I wanted to cry. Cos I remembered in Philippines and Cambodia, little children were running ard the dump picking up rubbish to recycle. I wanted to cry, because it is so degrading, that a child made in the image of God has to beg and survive on residual rubbish food. Its just a game for the girls alright, but children in the third world do that everyday to feed their tummies. Why such a stark difference in living conditions? Why some are born in sunny, safe Singapore, and others in war torn, flood areas? I don't know. I really don't know. I don't pretend to understand. But one day, in Heaven, my God will wipe away every tear. And justice will reign.

Since when did fear become a norm?

Today my good friend Andrew came to my office to have a meeting with me and our social enterprise BI. I didn't realise I missed him being present in my life so much, we were really close in university organizing the social entrepreneurship forum together. Meeting him and his friend who are socially conscious & passionate abt SE made me feel so happy. Sometimes Im like a little girl, so easily pleased, I realise.
So anyway, his coming and my talk with S, made me realise that I had gotten use to fear so much that it has become a norm. Talking in soft tones and threading on egg shells. Getting used to people being unkind and protecting their own territory, so to speak, not sharing or working in teams. Yah. And prolonged exposure to this thinking has normalized me into suppressing my need for justice & fairness. How sad..
And because of human nature's innate need for justice, suppressing it feels no good yeah. I need to stop normalizing unfair or rude treatment, and stand up for rights. Its such a thin line between being resilient, growing wiser VS hardening your heart, and normalizing yourself to oppression. No wonder they say little elephants who are being tied to a pole and try to set themselves free cannot. When they are bigger, they can easily pull themselves off, but they remember the childhood trauma and stay stuck to the pole.

Had a good meeting in the afternoon too...with someone who is going to help us run a workshop on social justice. I don't know why but I felt God's presence with us, and I was so happy cos I feel our hearts kind of resonnated abt social justice, fairness, and abt Singapore also having migrant workers and all who are in need of help.

I've been thinking more and more abt the marketplace recently. In particular, the corporate world. ;p Will pray more and see how it goes next year!

Meanwhile, work is really building up with year end trips coming up.

Anniversary dinner!

I went for the anniversary dinner on Sunday night for The New Charis Missions. I had written about it some time ago.
This is one of my favourite ministries, because it resonnates so much with my heart, and I feel with God's heartbeat. That He is the God of 2nd chances, and more than that - 3rd, 4th, 5th, until we come back to Him.
You see big burly men with tattoos, or thin frail ones, with a past of drug addictions/ offenders. You see them worshipping God, praying and playing lovely music. You realise that we are linked inextricably - hanging on God's grace, His mercy and His love =).
Its amazing!

It was interesting...explaining to my new found friend at the anniversary dinner how I knew about TNCM. Thank God for good conversation! First MCYS Social enterprise, then how it led to thesis, and me trying to do some business consultancy work for High Pt, and finally TNCM, and going to Indonesia with them to explore SE opportunities. Yea, travelled alone with a grp of people I don't know to indonesia, but I loved it there, and enjoyed being amongst them. And maybe...yea...I thought of my life journey, and what a journey it has been!

And went for Officers Retreat over weekend at Johor (i.e. a retreat for volunteers with us), and I was reminded of how last year and this year has changed. Aunty told me that I have improved a lot since last year, and this year really I am a bit more savvy. And more aware of my surroundings, more wise. And there's new staff in the office I can hang out and pray with.
Write the Vision....though it tarry, it would come to pass.....