Indonesia- I'm coming...

Tmr morning I am going to Indonesia. I feel a mixture of excitement and stress. I realise that being a staff on trips is quite different from being a volunteer.
As a staff, the stress level is much higher as I have to think of deliverables from the trip, and provide the answers for people. Hand in reports, recommendations and so on. Whereas as a volunteer, there is perhaps more energy being spent on ministry and reflections and looking at things.
I hope I wont be too caught up with administrative stuff either, or be overly self conscious, and have loads of time for reflection for God to speak to me. =)

Looked through loads of photos today at office, and writeups of various short term trips. The photos remind me of why I am here again. And yup, I like the energy of the volunteers. Somehow tho, I just feel like its not enough. There's a feeling inside like- can short term trips do much? One group comes and the other leaves, and each grp leaves behind some warmth and love and friendship. I really hope that it makes a difference. I know it does change the short-termers hearts. I hope the projects are sustainable in the long term as well. And that ple don't just leave feeling good that they had done something. But lives change, and they start living changed lives. Sigh. This is the perfectionistic and idealistic me surfacing.

One thing really to give thanks for, my parents position on my traveling has improved tremendously. And they are pretty concerned about me as well. I'm glad I waited for the job, waited for the miraculous approval from my parents. Because of this miracle, I am much more at rest tat even tho I sometimes feel tired, this is the place God has opened for me at this time, for this season. Likewise in all aspects of life, I am learning to wait on Him for His timing. He spoke something tho- that all good gifts come from Him. =) Thank God for His beautiful gift. May everything be made beautiful in His time!