Everyone needs a friend to hold

This week was much more cheery than I thought it would be. =) Feel like I'm running on supernatural fuel from above. Colleagues gave me Corrinne May's Beautiful Seed CD to me for birthday, and listening to the album has been so therapeutic.

This song, On the Side of Me, esp spoke to me. This is especially dedicated to my dear and wonderful friends who were praying for me and stuck with me through my darkest valley. And most of all, dedicated to my dear Lord Jesus Christ who chose to love me in spite of my fears and inadequacies, and always believes in me. Thank You Lord for never giving up on me.

On the Side of Me” - Corrinne May

I’m not the easiest person to love
I’m often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I’m not too proud of some things
I’ve done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I’m not the easiest person to love
But you, you’ve opened your heart to show me what I’m worth

‘Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you…

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Dying to that dream

Dying to that dream means that God will resurrect it again one day in His own timing. Gosh, this feels painful, almost like a breakup. I don't know what to do now after planning so long for this thing. Its like a little girl waiting for the doll to come, anticipating for a long long time, and she realises it is not coming in the meantime. And then daddy comes and picks her up and hugs her, and she learns that all along what she wanted was her daddy. In what forms will the doll come later?

Dear God, I surrender this dream to You. I know You have Your plans and purposes, in Your own timing You will resurrect this dream again. Grant me the peace that comes with this understanding. Grant me an inward change, to focus on being rather than doing. I pray I have not missed the ship that You have provided for me. For You see my heart, You alone know what is inside my heart, to please You only and to bring glory to You in all I do.

Thank you Lord, In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

Loving restoration

Heh. Bday came and went, and felt esp loved this year with loads of smses and phonecalls. Thank you. :) I am blessed. Dinner with family was good, smiles across the table, and dad saving the sashimi for me. Unspoken words of love. Mum in good cheers chatting with me. As I also managed to show her the verses God had showed me.

Isaiah 49: 8-11 8 This is what the Lord says: "In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, 9 to say to the captives, 'Come out,' and to those in darkness, 'Be free!' "They will feed beside the roads and find pasture on every barren hill. 10 They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water. 11 I will turn all my mountains into roads, and my highways will be raised up.

They love me too much, and don't want me to suffer. As all parents love their children. And I am thankful. Glimpses of His loving grace. Esp as I saw mum preparing bible study for the whole morning. I know He will work in their hearts in His own way. Don't know when. Don't know how. But I know He is faithful and His timing is always right.

Dinner today with 2 other dear frens again to celebrate bday. heh. Received some nice gifts. Enjoyed sitting by the river at clark quay again. As I narrated some experiences on my trip, realised I haven't been sharing much yet! And these experiences are really faith builders. Hope definitely to have the opportunities again and again to visit developing ctries, to see the work of God in ple's hearts, and most of all in my own heart. Pray for oppty to share with my dear friends, hopefully to edify and to speak of God's love.

In the midst of uncertainty, this definitely feels like a new episode in my life. As I get in touched once again with lost friends, and the passion for youths is rekindled. My faith in God is strengthened. Thru the trip, I have received answers to questions I've been asking Him for a long time. And ya...it seems like healing has taken place. And yes...time to step up, to serve and share once again.

The song in my heart

One of the mornings, as I opened my eyes to a new day, I suddenly had the feeling that I was transported back to the days when I was only 18 years old in JC. In between 18-25, lots of events have happened. Some of the more significant ones in my spiritual walk, experiencing leadership, setbacks, relationship breakup. One on top of another, and so slowly without knowing, the passion & faith present in an 18 year old got neutralized. Yet this year, God has been so good to let me experience healing and assurance of His love. One event after another, through breakthrough weekend, and then the recent trip has been so good.

Making of a major decision for the past 3 weeks has taken quite a toll on me. Has been some time since I teared so much, the last I remember was breakup time. This time it has to do with relationships with parents versus my passion. And how dear they both are to me. Yet surrender & satisfaction, I believe these 2 words are what He is trying to teach me. Learning to surrender to God in the valley of indecision, surrender my parents, surrender my passion. The latter brought tears to my eyes, as Aunty M confirmed my calling for the marginalized, and I hear the still small voice of the Spirit, His callings and gifts are irrevokable. So yes, learning to stand up afresh, once again. And wow, meeting people nowadays is never the same. Seeing the potential in them, and being able to love with a satisfied heart. A heart that has been so satuarated by His love and neverending patience. And so comes the next word, satisfaction, learning to be satisfied in Him, in all that He has blessed me with. =)

Had a early bday dinner yesterday with some frens, and a fren played and dedicated a song to me! On seasons in life. Rather touched and happy. ;) Then there was a surprise cake fr HY, and we ate at the river next to the esplanade (wow), with the lovely breeze and the waves and the song in my heart. It dispelled all the fears and heartaches for the day.

Smses, calls from friends has been wonderful. Lunch with boss was a highlight. Talking to concerned boss who was on MC was another highlight. My heart warms with love. =)
Thank you Father, the chief satisfier and provider of all good things. Show me the way ahead.

Counseling Psychology Diploma Graduation

=) Graduated together with Galvin, who I think will post his photos too! Char (my lovely xiao mei) was there too. It has been such a fruitful growing time over the past one year. Giving thanks.Aspire to Inspire before we Expire!So touched by the sharing today of how the college was set up initially to heal broken hearted and meet needs of disadvantaged. It must have been tough. It started with a dream from crazy land. But look how it has progressed to a fine college. Not just providing education but also providing healing to its students. Thanks Fred Toke and team!

More photos here : http://loisloved.multiply.com/photos/album/5/Counseling_Psychology_Diploma_Graduation

Some selective photos from China trip:

http://loisloved.multiply.com/photos/album/4/The_mountains_of_China

From rags to riches

Good morning! Waking up to sunny O' Singapore was strange! Couldn't sleep anymore after 9am, so got out and made my milo! =) There was this strange sense of purposefulness that I woke up to. But I am also awfully tired! Not sure what to put down here yet about the trip.

Meanwhile I am 2 shades darker, and my face looks like it has patches of shades. And I highlighted my hair! Aww...such frivalous things...

I am glad to be back in Singapore physically. It has been a rough trip, but also a very good trip whereby I saw God's glory and faithfulness revealed amongst men and in nature. He also edified me to continue in ministry, to bring light to the darkness. I'm thankful.

Here are a few learning points I had:

1. Humbleness
It was a humbling experience staying in tents, a sister's house in the village, going to the bushes to do business

2. God's calling & serving
Had a better sense of what this was about. It was not spiritual people evangelising everyday. But ordinary people like you and me who decide to obey they Lord. Their daily work included lots of prayer and preparation, and sometimes when seemingly they are not "doing" anything, in the spiritual realm, the battle is fought.

3. Spiritual warfare is real
Sickness, disunity, conflict etc happened as the enemy attempted to discourage us.

4. Faith and trust in God
Everyday was like living in the miraculous

5. Pray unceasingly
The importance of prayer that moves mountains! Overcoming spiritual warfare and God's answering our prayers.

6. Sovereignity of God
He is in control of everything. How He initiates relationships with unreached people and miraculously brings them to the knowledge of Him

We are familiar with the story of Cinderella going from rags to riches. But who is familiar with the story of riches to rags? And rags may be more beautiful than riches. Because rags are not rags, and riches are not riches.

Question for myself:
Am I really able to forsake all, take up the cross and follow Christ? Wealth, status, prestige and comfort too?
I struggle, and am afraid to sing that I surrender all, and all it entails. But yet the richness of surrender, of the satisfaction He brings above all.

Blessed. :)

Leaving for China tmr, and with the major decision weighing on my heart, I was very blessed these few days to receive all the well wishes and prayers from people. "I want to pray for you!" "Can I pray for you?" =) Made me feel so loved and blessed.

I will be back on 17th Aug.

Oh, to see him smile

Dad was a serious tall guy. And I longed for his smile of approval.
He smiled when I got my PSLE results
when I got my O levels
when I got my A levels
when I got my University results.

Always wanted badly for his smile to say that I am his good daughter. Wishing and hoping that he will say it out. That he will put his arms around me and say well done gal.

Wished to sit down with him for a cuppa tea and share my day with him. Wished for him to see beyond my results. And if I failed, wished to know he still loves me.

Oh, to see his smile.

Went to church today to pray with the RAYS. Guess I couldn't help but break down in tears again, when I realise His overwhelming love. His perfect Fatherhood and healing places which were hurt. Telling me I mattered, it was okay to fail, and He loved me. Didn't have to try too hard to make Him smile at me, He already was. Didn't have to call Him to give me a hug, He always stood with his arms wide opened ready to embrace. And this embrace of love, that covered away all sin, all ugliness. An embrace that says, come as you are, I love you.

I wonder how I will do as a mother. I know it won't be any good, unless with His grace.

Oh, the mother's tears. Mum always smiled, always nodded in approval, arms I could run into. Though not always. Yet a mother's heart, that sheds tears for her children. That runs to protect when the child is hurt.

When I was younger, I played eagle and chicks and mother hen! The mother hen stood in front of the chicks to fend the eagle away. Though the eagle was big and mighty, mother always protected even to the point of death.

Who will win this battle? I hope my mum doesn't tear and dad will smile. :) And ya, He will make His gracious smile shine upon our family.

If this doesn't make sense to you. hahaaa....it will eventually.