The secret of the gapping hole

I'm having a long weekend cos Thurs was a public holiday, and yesterday I took a day off. Unfortunately I still have to finish up some work, and will be going back to office later in the afternoon too. I try not to get too bogged down by work demands, but it has been lingering in my mind for almost the whole of yesterday after a certain incident on Thursday. This lingering feeling of dullness and heaviness is no good.

Re-read a sms sent by Aunty M to me a mth back or so, she encouraged me by saying, give grace, because God has given much grace, and that I am the fragrance of Christ wherever I go. :) I hope I smell good, seriously wherever I go that I may bring Christ with me.

One of the persons I need to give grace to is myself. All along I've always been pushing myself very hard, and I don't like to fail. One of the things God showed me yesterday while I was praying- how expectations of others have consumed me. To be a loving daughter and a successful career woman. More ways than one, I've failed in those roles. Oh but yet I am not defined by these two. I know that I love my parents deeply, in spite of how we struggle to align our perspectives. I know I don't want to be a career woman, but a godly woman. I know I am more interested in social causes than business causes. Coming to an acceptance of oneself, to enjoy oneself and to give grace to oneself.

I've met many ple over the past few years, and many who struggle with self esteem because of the rejection of self. My dear brother and sister reading this, may you know that you are uniquely created in Christ, and there is no second you. Don't allow yourself to be defined by others or yr expectations of yrself, for the Father knows what is good, you just have to come before Him to be yrself.

There's this gapping hole in the heart that seeks to be filled, to be known, to be understood, to be significant. We all find significance in different places. If only we know that this gapping hole is not filled up by any man or woman, but only Christ can provide us with the rivers of living waters, which when one drinks, will never thirst again.