Be thou my vision

Its amazing that July came and went, and now it is August. Time flies...

My spirits have been down of late due to various reasons. I'm feeling tired too often. : ( And the mood swings really go high and low.

About few days ago, two cats found their way into my kitchen, and over turned the dustbins in search of fish and I had to shoo them away. Even tho the two cats were cute, and I absolutely like cats. The two were like a pair of partners in crime, giving each other eye contact before they scampered off. Another one of the two came back again gingerly. I was washing the bowls, and to my amusement, the cat was sitting there quietly staring at me. Had to shoo it away again. Mum doesn't like cats in the kitchen, and if I give them food, they will come again and again.

I found something in this episode that parallels life. Sometimes, u can't have what u really like, cos the situation makes it so.

On Fri night at prayer, edmund shared about giving back the blessings to the blessor, because sometimes we get so caught up with the blessings, that we miss out on the blessor. It was a very sober msg, because unknowingly, or knowingly, we hold blessings tightly and refuse to let them go. I had to give back a few things, it didn't feel that painful at that point, cos I think I've been praying and asking for God's grace to give the blessings back to Him all along. The painful part is how this giving works in daily living, the daily consecration of one's heart and mind to be seeking the blessor and not the blessing. He quoted something from CS Lewis, "if you aim for heaven, you get earth thrown in, but if u aim for earth, you get neither. "

Singing "Be thou my vision" today meant a lot to me, that it brought tears to my eyes. The lyrics say "Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart, Naught be all else to me save that thou art ". Really, to tell God that nothing else matters except You, it brought tears to my eyes. Because...I know I meant it with all of my heart, yet in a very imperfect way. But God understands the struggle.

And so now Lord...will you be my vision, which after peeling away all the onion layers, is the deepest cry of my heart.