What is real?

We are bombarded with so much information everyday, and we make decisions everyday. Every decision leads us to different decisions, and different routes and so on. Meeting different kind of people and reading different kinds of literature causes u to make different decisions,
What is real? Could what feels good be the decision I should make, and can my emotions be trusted? What if all the ones I trusted tell me something different from my emotions? It seems safer to follow what everyone says rather than rely on my emotions.
Truth is only relative to the bible, which is God's measure of truth. But then, what if my interpretation is different from yours?
And so...every decision makes us who we are today. And i must choose wisely...
It leads me to this question... Who is God really to me, in my life, in the World? That is surely the compass in which I lead my life...

Surprised, because, what I thought I heard from God turned out different. Disappointed, because, the word I thought I would receive from who I trusted turned out different. Lonely, because its hard to share with anyone else if who I trust for guidance isn't on same page as me. This is cryptic, because, to be honest, I don't fully grasp what I am thinking of too. My inner compass is at war with what I see and hear. And i know speaking the truth in Love hurts. But why does the truth seem so much like what I feel rather than what is being said to me?

Its like elementary sch over and over again when i thought that I had already gotten it.....
Grace. Father help...

Going International

I have started my new job for coming to a month...
Briefly what I do - we make friends for a better world! :) My role is to connect with internationals in Singapore, and since I started I have met international students, working expats in SG, MBA students etc, and also gone to the China Embassy! It has been fun in these sessions, getting to meet different people and finding more about them! Today I went cycling with four of them, and we cycled from Kallang to Esplanade to Clark Quay to Boat Quay to Robertson Quay, along the river and back. We also learnt about the water ways and reservoirs in Singapore, and we picked up some litter along the way. My cycling skills are... so-s0... and I kind of wobbled and fell a bit for a few times along the narrow paths. But overall it was great fun connecting with the different people and experiencing new things. It was great fun cycling for the first time in the city area!

I have decided that..or rather realised that... there is an adventurous streak in me that refuses to live a normal life. Normal is up to us to define, but I guess may be I could say I like to try new things that I have not tried before.

My new work is "atas"/high class, as in its no longer about living or staying in villages and traveling budget airlines. But it is international and great exposure to different people and cultures. I feel like meeting and connecting with people without a economic agenda is very fun. I feel completely in my element.

Do I forget the sights, smells of the people in the past. No.
I learn to be content in much and in little. And I hope it is a process of growth.

Yesterday night was strange, on the MRT, 2 ladies tapped me on the shoulder and asked me what time was the last MRT. I said I didn't know but we started chatting and they are from Malaysia! :D It was interesting knowing about them and they were so friendly.

So yes, I guess I am going international!! And someday maybe.. I will marry a.... International! :) The chances of living an adventurous life is higher isn't it? And the chances of jetsetting into foreign land. I love Singapore for its safety, its melting pot culture etc ( now in my new job I think a lot abt SG and what is unique about us). But its like there is a great big world out there and its exciting! =)

Personal Fulfilment

I'm starting to get really busy with..
Work..
Business.. (dothingsdifferent.com)
GB (yes I am still a volunteer with community development)
Church (missions committee)

I don't find my worth in my work. But work and voluntary stuff are fulfilling. I'm thankful. In terms of career and personal development, I don't know if I would want to be in any other situation than I am now.
I am happy =D

We are joyful when we think of the things we have in gratefulness. We are sad when we think we should have certain things but have not.
But lets focus on what we have and give thanks.

Bringing our Longings to Him (2)

When someone breaks up, u always find people say as words of comfort - its okay, you will find someone better. But it is not about finding someone else, but the lost of this very someone who matters to you. Not a matter of replacement or that you will be comforted with someone else, but a matter of lost as to whatever had existed between you and the person who was once special to you. And it's not about finding someone better, because incompatibility between two persons doesn't make either person less than who he is, it merely means a difference between two people in their make up, and a wrong timing in which the two had met. And so yes, let there be sadness at the lost, and anticipation that one day you would meetthe person who wld be the right one at the right time

Bringing our Longings to Him

Sometimes, I wished that you were here. But I wonder if wishing for you to be here, is really a yearning for all that you represent.
And yes, our unfulfilled longings and desires, will one day be met in Heaven when we meet our Heavenly Father.
I’ve realized that love is not possession, but the daily patient prayer for the one you love, even if he/she doesn’t know that you are praying for him/her, that may be the ultimate level of love. And in those times, to give of our yearnings to Him. Talking, negotiating, interceding, questioning etc. , whatever, and He understands. :)

That too will pass

Though the sorrows may be too deep in present time to comprehend, that too would pass. Pain in retrospect always appears milder. And we, who are beings of eternity, suffer pain for that temporal moment, which marks a small little dot of time. One day, we would be free, when we meet our God and He wipes away every tear. When we contemplate the bigness of God and the earth, for that moment, our sorrows are gone. And yet, the big sovereign God would care to love us, each minute detail of our lives. Yes we are precious. And our eyes look up to You in our toughest times.

A Happy Place

Life has kind of taken on a comfortable pace. Today is my 5th day of work. And since day 1, I have been looking forward to work daily. My workplace is nice, with my own laptop, a cosy work station, nice colleagues, interesting job scope. I'm happy. Time seems to fly at work, going for meetings, drafting proposals, brainstorming ideas, reading up articles etc. I'm happy.
Happy happy... In the midst of that feeling a bit tired.
Went for the GB Officers Retreat over the weekend. It was the first time I appeared at a GB event as a volunteer and it was announced over the mike cos all the staff received some token of appreciation. I was announced as ex staff. For that moment I felt a bit sad. And later many came up to me to ask me what I'm doing now, and someone asked if I was interested to take on a job at vietnam with her church! :D Heh. Cool.. I had to do some presentation at a workshop with my ex boss, and it was pretty last minute rush!

Im just rambling..heh...to get things off my head..

I have started a business with 2 great peeps, www.dothingsdifferent.com . It feels great to tell people that! The idea is to share people, places and pdts that are different- Social and environmental angles. We are in the midst of revamping the website...Do buy stuff from there if u are interested!

So in the midst of business, GB as a volunteer, new work... I feel like my career wise seems to be quite good. :D Its a happie happie place to be in.

Im feeling grateful..

I did a quiz on my spiritual giftings at the retreat, and mine were exhortation, faith and mercy. I am praying for quite a few things, and I think it is this gift of faith that has seen me thru many seasons. I supposedly have this gift of faith only because God has been so faithful in different seasons of my life, i.e. after angsting for so many mths, finally a job with a good fit (much much better than a civil svc job). And I'm continuing to believe Him for other things in my life that seem impossible, but only with faith is possible.

Oh yes, I finished this book "The Shack", and I was blessed beyond measure reading it. It made me cry a lot to realise how near Father God is, and how much He loves mankind. And that God was /is there with the kids in the dumpsite - i realise...because of the way God was described in the book. He is Love and Light. All that is good is in Him. We worry because we don't trust He is good. There's a line in the book that has God speaking something like this to the protagonist- have u realised in all your worries abt the future, I am not in them? Wow. I will share more again!

Mr. Grey

I used to think of things in very Black and White terms. Either you love or you don't, either you are right or you are wrong. Either its a yes or a no.

In recent years, Mr. Grey started to appear in my dictionary.
The ability to take on uncertainty is precious. Waiting is precious. The process is important. Because we don't always get what we desire at one time.

But that ability to Hope, to keep Believing and trusting. That is precious.

And the insights that Mr. Grey brings to your life, when you start to see things from others perspectives and stop being dogmatic about your own. When life has no certainty, it is also a life of adventure.

So just let go and fly.

Loving with all your heart

This hasn't been an easy week because it is a week of grieving over the loss of things that are important to me.
Just one of the things is that Friday is my last day in the office. Packing up, documenting papers, filing etc, brings back loads of memories. I have given of my time, emotions, heart to it.
(Grieving sounds badly serious, but grieve and let go was the best statement I ever heard from someone, and I believe grieving is the whole process of reconciling one's loss)

While talking to a friend on MSN about relationships, I thought of a quote I had read in C.S. Lewis's "Four Loves" before. I read it last year when I was contemplating on r/s, and nursing a broken heart. I found this entry in my blog which is very apt.

C.S. Lewis says
"We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him, throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken and if He chooses this is the way in which they should break, so be it."

I don't know which other way to love, except to give fully of my heart.

In the same entry, I wrote this other quote that I had gathered from the book and really liked- it is the "smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinancy."
What the book was saying, was that the early christian writers, like the dessert fathers, or even Augustus, said that we should have no other loves than God. As in, the general idea is always that other loves - e.g. worldly cares, need to be taken away. But C.S. Lewis is saying, it is not about us trying to love man less, the problem is when we love God too little.

Yesterday was my birthday, and whilst walking to the bus stop, I saw a rainbow. It was beautiful. :) Maybe the rainbow was God's gift for me, cos none of the other passerbys stopped like me, to take a photo using my phone. And then I remembered God's covenant with me. He is faithful in spite of all the ups and downs. He has led me through 2 years and 4 months in my work here, held my hand thru different circumstances, and holds my heart in His mighty hand. The Greatness of God's love, or our love for God, helps us to love others with fullness of His love. It is impossible for me to emotionally shutdown to people I love even if they have hurt me deeply. But it is possible to give these hurts to God, and continue to love through His grace.

lessons i have learnt: on love

1. To love I must first know who I am, be true to myself, my interests, my passions, my purpose. That is when I am in a position of security, because I know who I am on the inside.

2. To love places one in a position of vulnerability. It requires faith to love and to give of oneself. Jesus was in a position of vulnerability. He emptied of Himself. He loved us even before we loved Him. This is linked to point one. That is why we need to be secure in who we are before we can fully love and give of ourselves.