Last week, I went to Penang again and it was an amazing time with Father.
In 2010 and 2011 I felt the journey was a lot about inner healing and coming to know the love of the Father. Now in 2014, I feel my understanding has grown. It started with being aware that we as Christians have a Father who is waiting for us with open arms. He is that loving and compassionate Father and He is with us in every situation and challenge. His love is poured out into our hearts like a real substance. And u grow in that love. This love transforms u on the inside out, and day by day we grow and manifest God's nature in our life.
The message was so life giving to me, as I had grown up in an environment of rights and wrongs. Sermons tell u that God wants our obedience and surrender.. That is true yet not complete. When we are so aligned with His heart, it is no longer about obedience but such harmony in our walk with Him. We don't have to fear that we will trip, walking on a tightrope of rights and wrongs. God sent His Son because He loves us. And His son in the gospel, Jesus knew who His Father was. He had such an intimate and secure relationship with the Father such that He did whatever the Father was doing.
So it is not longer about living our lives with laws and guilt. There is a new found freedom in my heart. And with that it is so much easier to enjoy life as a Christian.
At the school, God also spoke to me about an area of sadness. I had a miscarriage in April this year. I don't mind sharing this with people except sometimes people may feel awkward. God was our comforter during those difficult moments. The loss is still there in a part of the heart. But what really brought tears to my eyes was the verse that God spoke to clearly to me at Penang.
But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me, And my Lord has forgotten me.” “Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me. (Isaiah 49:14-16 NKJV)
Ofcos there was doubt in me that God had forsaken me, but Father so gently and intimately reminded me of His mothering love that He will always have compassion on me and is with me. When I came back to Singapore as I prayed, Father brought up the memory of our child who is in heaven with Him now... And revealed to me that as much as I grieved for this child, He grieves for and with His children. And now this verse has so much more a deeper meaning having been a mother myself.
There was also often this struggle that I don't find myself beautiful. In the most gentle way, He asked me, if your daughter doesn't find herself beautiful, how would u feel? I would be sad and my daughter was ofcos beautiful in my eyes. Then I felt God tell me, what more when u tell me that u are not beautiful? You are made in my image my daughter. I teared knowing in my heart how God had spoken to me in such an intimate way.
I believe He wants to restore us to the knowledge and identity as His son and daughter. As a servant, we ask for wages, but if we serve our Daddy as a child of His, we would be able to serve with so much more compassion. That is the true love that the world is looking for today.
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