Life and all it's worth

In 2 days time, I would be 29. Unlike previous birthdays, as the day approaches this time, I feel slightly melancholic and a little sad. 28 sounds young adult, and 29 feels adult.

How i feel about it.. Is a bit hard to capture here. At this age, though not terribly old, there are lessons that i have learnt about life. Life and all it's worth.. Each year we grow wiser, but this year just seems like a stop and take stock year. I have learnt many things, and in spite of that, i find that when given a choice, i sometimes do what i said i would not do again. Maybe it is that rebellious streak in me that wants to try, bcos this time God, it would be different. You would think that this time you would be wiser, but the same emotions surges up in your heart. And then comes the if only i hadn't. Yet if i hadn't, would i have learnt these lessons? Have i learnt these lessons?

Went to the New Charis Mission 5th anniversary, and Pastor Don was as inspiring as ever. That Christ came to set the prisoners free was never better exemplified than at that joyous ocassion where hearts were made new, and set free to worship God. At the dinner, Pastor Kong Hee (who i realise i missed his practical sermons tat helped to break down the gospel) said without a vision, the people will always go back to the past. It is true. The israelites made rounds and rounds ard the desert. Maybe cos, the vision was jus not clear enough for them, disbelief and fear had set them back.

Free falling with God, fixing my eyes on Him, just opening my heart to dream with Him, my heart will cry/weep and beat with joy, the joy of His loving heartbeat. And then all over, that wrestling with Him to take control n to settle for something else that seems so comforting.

May my life ... Once yelded to u... Once it has tasted of Your goodness... Be shaped by You so that You may finish the work that You have started in me. The one life that is so fragile, that could go off anytime. It is yours... Despite all its starts and stops.. I know U will never let it go. And, make my heart Your santuary, i pray.. That i think, will keep me going even when i divert from Yr calling, as long as You are in my heart, i will never go far from Yr calling for me. Amen and amen