Relationships vs task

It was a really busy week for me, working until 8plus or 9plus daily, and having a night event on Saturday. I was pleasantly blessed and surprised that my colleagues all extended a hand to help me. And stayed back with me to complete some tasks. It is certainly different from my task oriented outlook, i.e. quickly complete it, even if it is to do it solo.

This morning, I really crawled out of my bed, and didn't feel like I had slept... at 525am. I was going to run the Great Eastern 10km run!
This was the beginning of my mama drama day. I was already running on a tight time, and as I sat down on the bench waiting for the MRT to come, I smsed my friend I was gonna be late. I started tying my shoe laces with the tracking device too. The lady next to me started chatting and asking if I was running the race. We chatted and walked into the MRT..
By the time I reached Paya Lebar MRT, I realised to my horror that my hp was not with me!! The lady offered to let me call my hp, it rang! I knew I would be late if I headed back, but I decided to anyway. The MRT back to Tanah Merah was an extremely long one.. felt like it anyway. The phone was not there anymore! No one left anything at the control station.

I decided to still go for the run even though I was horribly late. I reached esplanade MRT at 720am (7am was the flag off time), and to my surprise, I saw my friend YX still standing there waiting for me! On her face was not a look of impatience, she was worried and asked me what happened. She lent me her phone and everything....And we decided to run the 5km race instead of the 10km. boo! But I was touched cos I think I would have gone for the run first if the roles were reversed. Fr YX I learnt she valued friendships more than any run or experience... Which.....me being very task driven, might have chosen the task instead.

Went back home and tried to lock my phone etc. so the person couldn't use it, but to no avail. Went to church and after svc, I met J, who quickly offered to lend me her hp (which I am using now). Its a sony ericson phone which is quite functional.

Went for a missions talk, and then got a ride from D. We ate waffles and drank bubble tea which helped to cheer me up a little. Got a ride to tampines to get a new SIM card and a ride home. :)
The Singtel person said phone will take 1-3 days to activate. I was horrified. I felt handicapped without my phone.

I got home, charged the functional phone. And decided to try it after abt 1 hour. The SIM card was already activated!! YAHOO!! I am no longer feeling handicapped.

And my dad said his plan is due for renewal, and I can use his plan...and take the new hp for myself........ He himself is using my old nokia phone...

And this whole experience makes me realise:
- I am surrounded by great friends and lovely people
- God provides in the most dire circumstances (link to point 3)
- Losing a handphone (yes even though it is 4 mths old smart phone) doesn't make a disaster. It is not really a dire circumstance
- Letting go of photos, messages and some memories that were important to me.... stored in the phone..... Is hard.. But may be for my own good... Everything that I hold....with open hands to God

Praying for whoever that found the hp to return it to the MRT station control today. I shall ask again tmr. I pray for him/ her to turn from his/her wicked ways!! And repent! Who is he/she? Is he/she in such dire need?

P/s the tenses in this blog are all over the place... pardon me...who slept 4.5 hrs last night.. x.x

What it would take to Love again?

Im not quite sure how people view me. Some think im loud, friendly. Some think im quiet. Is it important how others view me? I guess over the years ive become more chatty and friendly. But actually deep inside im quite a private person. I cant do without my daily bouts of silence. Alone. Reading, reflecting, journaling and praying. I like sitting at starbucks or mos burger where it is quiet, to read and write. Be by myself. Though i have many friends, there are only few who i really open up my life to share with.

I guess it began when i started helping out in a youth cell grp 8 years or so ago. I used to be this really quiet shy girl in sec sch, who was afraid to speak up. I thank my previous church for its teachings on being empowered, on speaking boldly with confidence. And in a youth cell, its essential to talk more to engage the youths. And so it evolved, as i saw each person as created in the image of God. I began to take an interest in each person.

Maybe, like.. my childhood dream was to be a psychologist or counsellor. And i have the gift of compassion or empathy, or mercy when i listen to people sharing. Recently being able to listen to people again has been a blessing. It takes a great lot to listen and care for others from the heart, because it brings with it pain. It is easier to listen with the brains and process it thru. And sometimes im not sure how much of my heart shd get involved.

So anyway.. Even tho i have many friends, there are those few ones whom i really treasure. And i pour out my love and trust on the few. And i am thankful for their friendship. Friends who believe in me, and vice versa. And i hope i may extend my heart to others again with wisdom, it is difficult after experiencing certain heartaches in the past. Difficult without experiencing the grace of God daily.

What is real?

We are bombarded with so much information everyday, and we make decisions everyday. Every decision leads us to different decisions, and different routes and so on. Meeting different kind of people and reading different kinds of literature causes u to make different decisions,
What is real? Could what feels good be the decision I should make, and can my emotions be trusted? What if all the ones I trusted tell me something different from my emotions? It seems safer to follow what everyone says rather than rely on my emotions.
Truth is only relative to the bible, which is God's measure of truth. But then, what if my interpretation is different from yours?
And so...every decision makes us who we are today. And i must choose wisely...
It leads me to this question... Who is God really to me, in my life, in the World? That is surely the compass in which I lead my life...

Surprised, because, what I thought I heard from God turned out different. Disappointed, because, the word I thought I would receive from who I trusted turned out different. Lonely, because its hard to share with anyone else if who I trust for guidance isn't on same page as me. This is cryptic, because, to be honest, I don't fully grasp what I am thinking of too. My inner compass is at war with what I see and hear. And i know speaking the truth in Love hurts. But why does the truth seem so much like what I feel rather than what is being said to me?

Its like elementary sch over and over again when i thought that I had already gotten it.....
Grace. Father help...

Going International

I have started my new job for coming to a month...
Briefly what I do - we make friends for a better world! :) My role is to connect with internationals in Singapore, and since I started I have met international students, working expats in SG, MBA students etc, and also gone to the China Embassy! It has been fun in these sessions, getting to meet different people and finding more about them! Today I went cycling with four of them, and we cycled from Kallang to Esplanade to Clark Quay to Boat Quay to Robertson Quay, along the river and back. We also learnt about the water ways and reservoirs in Singapore, and we picked up some litter along the way. My cycling skills are... so-s0... and I kind of wobbled and fell a bit for a few times along the narrow paths. But overall it was great fun connecting with the different people and experiencing new things. It was great fun cycling for the first time in the city area!

I have decided that..or rather realised that... there is an adventurous streak in me that refuses to live a normal life. Normal is up to us to define, but I guess may be I could say I like to try new things that I have not tried before.

My new work is "atas"/high class, as in its no longer about living or staying in villages and traveling budget airlines. But it is international and great exposure to different people and cultures. I feel like meeting and connecting with people without a economic agenda is very fun. I feel completely in my element.

Do I forget the sights, smells of the people in the past. No.
I learn to be content in much and in little. And I hope it is a process of growth.

Yesterday night was strange, on the MRT, 2 ladies tapped me on the shoulder and asked me what time was the last MRT. I said I didn't know but we started chatting and they are from Malaysia! :D It was interesting knowing about them and they were so friendly.

So yes, I guess I am going international!! And someday maybe.. I will marry a.... International! :) The chances of living an adventurous life is higher isn't it? And the chances of jetsetting into foreign land. I love Singapore for its safety, its melting pot culture etc ( now in my new job I think a lot abt SG and what is unique about us). But its like there is a great big world out there and its exciting! =)

Personal Fulfilment

I'm starting to get really busy with..
Work..
Business.. (dothingsdifferent.com)
GB (yes I am still a volunteer with community development)
Church (missions committee)

I don't find my worth in my work. But work and voluntary stuff are fulfilling. I'm thankful. In terms of career and personal development, I don't know if I would want to be in any other situation than I am now.
I am happy =D

We are joyful when we think of the things we have in gratefulness. We are sad when we think we should have certain things but have not.
But lets focus on what we have and give thanks.

Bringing our Longings to Him (2)

When someone breaks up, u always find people say as words of comfort - its okay, you will find someone better. But it is not about finding someone else, but the lost of this very someone who matters to you. Not a matter of replacement or that you will be comforted with someone else, but a matter of lost as to whatever had existed between you and the person who was once special to you. And it's not about finding someone better, because incompatibility between two persons doesn't make either person less than who he is, it merely means a difference between two people in their make up, and a wrong timing in which the two had met. And so yes, let there be sadness at the lost, and anticipation that one day you would meetthe person who wld be the right one at the right time

Bringing our Longings to Him

Sometimes, I wished that you were here. But I wonder if wishing for you to be here, is really a yearning for all that you represent.
And yes, our unfulfilled longings and desires, will one day be met in Heaven when we meet our Heavenly Father.
I’ve realized that love is not possession, but the daily patient prayer for the one you love, even if he/she doesn’t know that you are praying for him/her, that may be the ultimate level of love. And in those times, to give of our yearnings to Him. Talking, negotiating, interceding, questioning etc. , whatever, and He understands. :)

That too will pass

Though the sorrows may be too deep in present time to comprehend, that too would pass. Pain in retrospect always appears milder. And we, who are beings of eternity, suffer pain for that temporal moment, which marks a small little dot of time. One day, we would be free, when we meet our God and He wipes away every tear. When we contemplate the bigness of God and the earth, for that moment, our sorrows are gone. And yet, the big sovereign God would care to love us, each minute detail of our lives. Yes we are precious. And our eyes look up to You in our toughest times.

A Happy Place

Life has kind of taken on a comfortable pace. Today is my 5th day of work. And since day 1, I have been looking forward to work daily. My workplace is nice, with my own laptop, a cosy work station, nice colleagues, interesting job scope. I'm happy. Time seems to fly at work, going for meetings, drafting proposals, brainstorming ideas, reading up articles etc. I'm happy.
Happy happy... In the midst of that feeling a bit tired.
Went for the GB Officers Retreat over the weekend. It was the first time I appeared at a GB event as a volunteer and it was announced over the mike cos all the staff received some token of appreciation. I was announced as ex staff. For that moment I felt a bit sad. And later many came up to me to ask me what I'm doing now, and someone asked if I was interested to take on a job at vietnam with her church! :D Heh. Cool.. I had to do some presentation at a workshop with my ex boss, and it was pretty last minute rush!

Im just rambling..heh...to get things off my head..

I have started a business with 2 great peeps, www.dothingsdifferent.com . It feels great to tell people that! The idea is to share people, places and pdts that are different- Social and environmental angles. We are in the midst of revamping the website...Do buy stuff from there if u are interested!

So in the midst of business, GB as a volunteer, new work... I feel like my career wise seems to be quite good. :D Its a happie happie place to be in.

Im feeling grateful..

I did a quiz on my spiritual giftings at the retreat, and mine were exhortation, faith and mercy. I am praying for quite a few things, and I think it is this gift of faith that has seen me thru many seasons. I supposedly have this gift of faith only because God has been so faithful in different seasons of my life, i.e. after angsting for so many mths, finally a job with a good fit (much much better than a civil svc job). And I'm continuing to believe Him for other things in my life that seem impossible, but only with faith is possible.

Oh yes, I finished this book "The Shack", and I was blessed beyond measure reading it. It made me cry a lot to realise how near Father God is, and how much He loves mankind. And that God was /is there with the kids in the dumpsite - i realise...because of the way God was described in the book. He is Love and Light. All that is good is in Him. We worry because we don't trust He is good. There's a line in the book that has God speaking something like this to the protagonist- have u realised in all your worries abt the future, I am not in them? Wow. I will share more again!

Mr. Grey

I used to think of things in very Black and White terms. Either you love or you don't, either you are right or you are wrong. Either its a yes or a no.

In recent years, Mr. Grey started to appear in my dictionary.
The ability to take on uncertainty is precious. Waiting is precious. The process is important. Because we don't always get what we desire at one time.

But that ability to Hope, to keep Believing and trusting. That is precious.

And the insights that Mr. Grey brings to your life, when you start to see things from others perspectives and stop being dogmatic about your own. When life has no certainty, it is also a life of adventure.

So just let go and fly.