I have been busy planning for my upcoming wedding! Wedding planning involves more than two people, but also our families. There has been some tension here and there, together with work, we have been working through issues. However, I am thankful each time we manage to talk through an issue, we come out stronger, with a better understanding of each other, and with a greater sense of thankfulness as to how God has led and is leading.
Yesterday we went to watch Argo, based on a real life story set in 1970s. The violence in Iran shook me, it was a senseless mob that did not think killing the innocent or hanging someone on a crane to die was cruel. There was so much fear in the country, and so much hatred. Is this the nature of human beings? I whispered to Ferris, I think this occurs on a daily basis in the middle east and some other places, he agreed that we in Singapore are so super blessed. It stirrs my heart to remember God's heart for the world, the poor, the marginalised, and most of all the unreached. How would these people be reached? I really do not know. And who would go to these places?
This makes the string of mosquito bites on my legs and hands (YUCKS) look like a super small problem. I have been concerned about it, as I am particulaly worried there would be scars when I wear my gown. :( Pls pray for me. It also makes the decor and flowers concern pale in comparison. Ferris reminds me that wedding is for a day, marriage is for a lifetime.
Another question I ask myself is whether my current corporate job is working towards the mission goal that I have? Is this where God wants me to be at this time? And am I willing to surrender again my career to Him?
No answers yet... just mulling, and have been feeling stretched due to back to back planning, programmes, events. I want to sit at Jesus's feet and wait upon Him...
I am also certain storms would come in our marriage, but I am certain with Jesus in the centre, we can brave any storm together.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Leaving the social sector
My ex-boss who is was a volunteer used to give the analogy that volunteers are like chickens, who lay eggs once in a while. Full time staff are like bacon, they are the ones who truly die for the cause. Do u agree?
Some have asked why I quit the social sector. To be honest, I was struggling all the way to hand in my resignation letter. I chickened out and sent it by email on the night before I flew for a holiday. I cried in the few weeks leading up to the resignation, because I recalled the journey of 70% pay cut to join the social sector in 2006. My emotions included feeling lost, confused, sad, disappointed etc.
From GB to SIF, I had already switched into a more developed world, social good role. In this role I have learnt a lot, such as communication and writing, multitasking.. I am grateful and enjoyed meeting people of different nationalities. I had the opportunity to be part of the young social entrepreneurs programme, and meeting my heroes from Ashoka, PDI. If u know me long enough, I eat, drink, speak of SE, ever since it captivated my heart in 2004 in the business school - that business could meet social causes. But of all the programmes, I had the most difficulty handling something to do with SE. SE is my passion, and it was difficult that it became a work subject.
I don't wanna become bacon! Working 10- 12 hours a day is no joke (and more during peak hours). I recognize that nothing good comes without hard work when I saw the programmes bearing fruits, but the other side of me yearned for creativity and space to implement my own ideas, to dream, to fail. Working for a social org, u very much have to work according to the mandate of the organization. I recognize that my desire to dream can be done in two ways, one if u are a volunteer, u can choose the causes u want to support and do it with passion and zest. Two, u could start your own social org!
I don't wanna glorify my own quitting, and part of me wish I could do more, hang on. The other part of me thinks differently.... The core part of me that seeks to be a Christian to make an impact in society... This other part of me feels that the private sector offers opportunities to grow, learn, pick up skills that I can use to contribute back.
I'm keeping the dream alive... Thru a different route.
This is an interesting season. I feel that my life has a pattern of over committing to stuff, ESP if they generate social good. Ferris encouraged me to track my expenses, and my goodness,,,,, the amt of money I am spending, but other then that, in retrieving expenses, I also noticed my timetable has always been a series of rushing here and there. Pastor Edmund shared About the inner composure of the heart that Mary - not so much cos she was sitting at Jesus feet just listening, but rather, the way she was rested on the inside. I too want this restedness, and hope to grow in this. Nothing to prove to others, serving with delight and not out of compulsion. So now I am no longer doing some awe inspiriting social job. I am a white collared person, who is working with God, and not for God.
Some have asked why I quit the social sector. To be honest, I was struggling all the way to hand in my resignation letter. I chickened out and sent it by email on the night before I flew for a holiday. I cried in the few weeks leading up to the resignation, because I recalled the journey of 70% pay cut to join the social sector in 2006. My emotions included feeling lost, confused, sad, disappointed etc.
From GB to SIF, I had already switched into a more developed world, social good role. In this role I have learnt a lot, such as communication and writing, multitasking.. I am grateful and enjoyed meeting people of different nationalities. I had the opportunity to be part of the young social entrepreneurs programme, and meeting my heroes from Ashoka, PDI. If u know me long enough, I eat, drink, speak of SE, ever since it captivated my heart in 2004 in the business school - that business could meet social causes. But of all the programmes, I had the most difficulty handling something to do with SE. SE is my passion, and it was difficult that it became a work subject.
I don't wanna become bacon! Working 10- 12 hours a day is no joke (and more during peak hours). I recognize that nothing good comes without hard work when I saw the programmes bearing fruits, but the other side of me yearned for creativity and space to implement my own ideas, to dream, to fail. Working for a social org, u very much have to work according to the mandate of the organization. I recognize that my desire to dream can be done in two ways, one if u are a volunteer, u can choose the causes u want to support and do it with passion and zest. Two, u could start your own social org!
I don't wanna glorify my own quitting, and part of me wish I could do more, hang on. The other part of me thinks differently.... The core part of me that seeks to be a Christian to make an impact in society... This other part of me feels that the private sector offers opportunities to grow, learn, pick up skills that I can use to contribute back.
I'm keeping the dream alive... Thru a different route.
This is an interesting season. I feel that my life has a pattern of over committing to stuff, ESP if they generate social good. Ferris encouraged me to track my expenses, and my goodness,,,,, the amt of money I am spending, but other then that, in retrieving expenses, I also noticed my timetable has always been a series of rushing here and there. Pastor Edmund shared About the inner composure of the heart that Mary - not so much cos she was sitting at Jesus feet just listening, but rather, the way she was rested on the inside. I too want this restedness, and hope to grow in this. Nothing to prove to others, serving with delight and not out of compulsion. So now I am no longer doing some awe inspiriting social job. I am a white collared person, who is working with God, and not for God.
Saturday, June 02, 2012
Two more working days...
Listening to Andrew Yeo's My Healer even as I am typing this. Felt touched, as I know that God is so near to me. 5 June marks the last day of my work in the social sector. Touched because I recall how God led me there, my struggle and journey with Him for the past 4years in the social sector. I felt He had to bring me through this process of breaking, to rely on Him. Yet in the midst of my breaking, revealing to me how good He is. That even in making a decision to head back to the private sector, I felt that intimacy with Him, such that I was able to know, It is a partnership with him, and that He works through our desires. I feel empowered to make the decision in my life, knowing that He is for me and with me no matter what I chose.
Dreams.... Surely He is unlocking those in my heart. The freedom that He longs to bless each of us with. What are some dreams He has put in your heart? It is ok to dream.. With your palms lifted up to God. He takes the dreams, takes your hand, and brings you on that adventure.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
等待着你
I was going to on my laptop to finish up some work, decided instead to write some stuff that have been crossing my mind.
Work has been super crazy, clocking 11-12 hrs daily (almost). It has been fulfilling with the closure of each successful project. :D I have been tired because of the lack of sleep.
At this moment however, I am feeling thankful. Ferris is away on a mission trip. I just can't give thanks and praise enough as to how our personality complements, and our values and beliefs converge.
When I was a single, when I spoke to my happily married/attached friends, they often told me to wait, and that God would send the right one. That sounded cliche to me. I think it was the Lord who led me to pray this prayer early last year. For Mr X, my future partner:
"I'm dreaming of U. U whom i will learn to love completely, and U who will love me for who i am. U whom Abba loves, U who will know Abba loves u. U who will know it is me. U whom i may or may not already know. It will be that amazing day!"
When when and when would that "glorious" day come?
It came, surprisingly, not with sparks or fireworks. There is no lalaland, since we got attached, we have been angry and upset with each other a few times. We had have to walk through issues together. But I see the Lord's hand in this.
I went for a alumni gathering yesterday for Walking in Wholeness- a programme I attended at church. As I was worshipping, memories of the past Breakthrough Weekends that I had gone to flooded my mind. The breakthroughs that I had encountered, the healing of my broken heart through several dramatic incidences, the rhema word in season from the bible.
I re-observed that I had learnt in my "single" life back at church. The lovely people i met in church who i look to as family now. The pulpit ministry, going deep into the word and cultivating the inner life. The community and warm friendships. Thank u Covenant for being a wonderful church for the various milestones in my life. I had wished to be attached, but I was happy as a single.
I am preparing myself for a new season, to be spending three months at
Riverlife church, to pray about where Ferris and I should eventually settle.
No matter where we settle, i am thankful for Covenant. :)
Work has been super crazy, clocking 11-12 hrs daily (almost). It has been fulfilling with the closure of each successful project. :D I have been tired because of the lack of sleep.
At this moment however, I am feeling thankful. Ferris is away on a mission trip. I just can't give thanks and praise enough as to how our personality complements, and our values and beliefs converge.
When I was a single, when I spoke to my happily married/attached friends, they often told me to wait, and that God would send the right one. That sounded cliche to me. I think it was the Lord who led me to pray this prayer early last year. For Mr X, my future partner:
"I'm dreaming of U. U whom i will learn to love completely, and U who will love me for who i am. U whom Abba loves, U who will know Abba loves u. U who will know it is me. U whom i may or may not already know. It will be that amazing day!"
When when and when would that "glorious" day come?
It came, surprisingly, not with sparks or fireworks. There is no lalaland, since we got attached, we have been angry and upset with each other a few times. We had have to walk through issues together. But I see the Lord's hand in this.
I went for a alumni gathering yesterday for Walking in Wholeness- a programme I attended at church. As I was worshipping, memories of the past Breakthrough Weekends that I had gone to flooded my mind. The breakthroughs that I had encountered, the healing of my broken heart through several dramatic incidences, the rhema word in season from the bible.
I re-observed that I had learnt in my "single" life back at church. The lovely people i met in church who i look to as family now. The pulpit ministry, going deep into the word and cultivating the inner life. The community and warm friendships. Thank u Covenant for being a wonderful church for the various milestones in my life. I had wished to be attached, but I was happy as a single.
I am preparing myself for a new season, to be spending three months at
Riverlife church, to pray about where Ferris and I should eventually settle.
No matter where we settle, i am thankful for Covenant. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)