Relationships vs task

It was a really busy week for me, working until 8plus or 9plus daily, and having a night event on Saturday. I was pleasantly blessed and surprised that my colleagues all extended a hand to help me. And stayed back with me to complete some tasks. It is certainly different from my task oriented outlook, i.e. quickly complete it, even if it is to do it solo.

This morning, I really crawled out of my bed, and didn't feel like I had slept... at 525am. I was going to run the Great Eastern 10km run!
This was the beginning of my mama drama day. I was already running on a tight time, and as I sat down on the bench waiting for the MRT to come, I smsed my friend I was gonna be late. I started tying my shoe laces with the tracking device too. The lady next to me started chatting and asking if I was running the race. We chatted and walked into the MRT..
By the time I reached Paya Lebar MRT, I realised to my horror that my hp was not with me!! The lady offered to let me call my hp, it rang! I knew I would be late if I headed back, but I decided to anyway. The MRT back to Tanah Merah was an extremely long one.. felt like it anyway. The phone was not there anymore! No one left anything at the control station.

I decided to still go for the run even though I was horribly late. I reached esplanade MRT at 720am (7am was the flag off time), and to my surprise, I saw my friend YX still standing there waiting for me! On her face was not a look of impatience, she was worried and asked me what happened. She lent me her phone and everything....And we decided to run the 5km race instead of the 10km. boo! But I was touched cos I think I would have gone for the run first if the roles were reversed. Fr YX I learnt she valued friendships more than any run or experience... Which.....me being very task driven, might have chosen the task instead.

Went back home and tried to lock my phone etc. so the person couldn't use it, but to no avail. Went to church and after svc, I met J, who quickly offered to lend me her hp (which I am using now). Its a sony ericson phone which is quite functional.

Went for a missions talk, and then got a ride from D. We ate waffles and drank bubble tea which helped to cheer me up a little. Got a ride to tampines to get a new SIM card and a ride home. :)
The Singtel person said phone will take 1-3 days to activate. I was horrified. I felt handicapped without my phone.

I got home, charged the functional phone. And decided to try it after abt 1 hour. The SIM card was already activated!! YAHOO!! I am no longer feeling handicapped.

And my dad said his plan is due for renewal, and I can use his plan...and take the new hp for myself........ He himself is using my old nokia phone...

And this whole experience makes me realise:
- I am surrounded by great friends and lovely people
- God provides in the most dire circumstances (link to point 3)
- Losing a handphone (yes even though it is 4 mths old smart phone) doesn't make a disaster. It is not really a dire circumstance
- Letting go of photos, messages and some memories that were important to me.... stored in the phone..... Is hard.. But may be for my own good... Everything that I hold....with open hands to God

Praying for whoever that found the hp to return it to the MRT station control today. I shall ask again tmr. I pray for him/ her to turn from his/her wicked ways!! And repent! Who is he/she? Is he/she in such dire need?

P/s the tenses in this blog are all over the place... pardon me...who slept 4.5 hrs last night.. x.x

What it would take to Love again?

Im not quite sure how people view me. Some think im loud, friendly. Some think im quiet. Is it important how others view me? I guess over the years ive become more chatty and friendly. But actually deep inside im quite a private person. I cant do without my daily bouts of silence. Alone. Reading, reflecting, journaling and praying. I like sitting at starbucks or mos burger where it is quiet, to read and write. Be by myself. Though i have many friends, there are only few who i really open up my life to share with.

I guess it began when i started helping out in a youth cell grp 8 years or so ago. I used to be this really quiet shy girl in sec sch, who was afraid to speak up. I thank my previous church for its teachings on being empowered, on speaking boldly with confidence. And in a youth cell, its essential to talk more to engage the youths. And so it evolved, as i saw each person as created in the image of God. I began to take an interest in each person.

Maybe, like.. my childhood dream was to be a psychologist or counsellor. And i have the gift of compassion or empathy, or mercy when i listen to people sharing. Recently being able to listen to people again has been a blessing. It takes a great lot to listen and care for others from the heart, because it brings with it pain. It is easier to listen with the brains and process it thru. And sometimes im not sure how much of my heart shd get involved.

So anyway.. Even tho i have many friends, there are those few ones whom i really treasure. And i pour out my love and trust on the few. And i am thankful for their friendship. Friends who believe in me, and vice versa. And i hope i may extend my heart to others again with wisdom, it is difficult after experiencing certain heartaches in the past. Difficult without experiencing the grace of God daily.

What is real?

We are bombarded with so much information everyday, and we make decisions everyday. Every decision leads us to different decisions, and different routes and so on. Meeting different kind of people and reading different kinds of literature causes u to make different decisions,
What is real? Could what feels good be the decision I should make, and can my emotions be trusted? What if all the ones I trusted tell me something different from my emotions? It seems safer to follow what everyone says rather than rely on my emotions.
Truth is only relative to the bible, which is God's measure of truth. But then, what if my interpretation is different from yours?
And so...every decision makes us who we are today. And i must choose wisely...
It leads me to this question... Who is God really to me, in my life, in the World? That is surely the compass in which I lead my life...

Surprised, because, what I thought I heard from God turned out different. Disappointed, because, the word I thought I would receive from who I trusted turned out different. Lonely, because its hard to share with anyone else if who I trust for guidance isn't on same page as me. This is cryptic, because, to be honest, I don't fully grasp what I am thinking of too. My inner compass is at war with what I see and hear. And i know speaking the truth in Love hurts. But why does the truth seem so much like what I feel rather than what is being said to me?

Its like elementary sch over and over again when i thought that I had already gotten it.....
Grace. Father help...

Going International

I have started my new job for coming to a month...
Briefly what I do - we make friends for a better world! :) My role is to connect with internationals in Singapore, and since I started I have met international students, working expats in SG, MBA students etc, and also gone to the China Embassy! It has been fun in these sessions, getting to meet different people and finding more about them! Today I went cycling with four of them, and we cycled from Kallang to Esplanade to Clark Quay to Boat Quay to Robertson Quay, along the river and back. We also learnt about the water ways and reservoirs in Singapore, and we picked up some litter along the way. My cycling skills are... so-s0... and I kind of wobbled and fell a bit for a few times along the narrow paths. But overall it was great fun connecting with the different people and experiencing new things. It was great fun cycling for the first time in the city area!

I have decided that..or rather realised that... there is an adventurous streak in me that refuses to live a normal life. Normal is up to us to define, but I guess may be I could say I like to try new things that I have not tried before.

My new work is "atas"/high class, as in its no longer about living or staying in villages and traveling budget airlines. But it is international and great exposure to different people and cultures. I feel like meeting and connecting with people without a economic agenda is very fun. I feel completely in my element.

Do I forget the sights, smells of the people in the past. No.
I learn to be content in much and in little. And I hope it is a process of growth.

Yesterday night was strange, on the MRT, 2 ladies tapped me on the shoulder and asked me what time was the last MRT. I said I didn't know but we started chatting and they are from Malaysia! :D It was interesting knowing about them and they were so friendly.

So yes, I guess I am going international!! And someday maybe.. I will marry a.... International! :) The chances of living an adventurous life is higher isn't it? And the chances of jetsetting into foreign land. I love Singapore for its safety, its melting pot culture etc ( now in my new job I think a lot abt SG and what is unique about us). But its like there is a great big world out there and its exciting! =)