I haven't been blogging for a while since I got back from Cambodia... And April has some upcoming meetings...looks like I may be flying up again! I enjoy the "action" though, which pretty much keeps me energised.
Thinking abt life...and what I want with it. It has been a pretty confusing journey, weighing the pros and cons of different options. Sigh. Being a person who likes to plan ahead, and is more interested in the outcomes/goals than in the process, it has been so hard taking the uncertainty. I still have not arrived at any conclusion yet. Direction in life is so confusing! :S
Today I went to The New Charis Missions, they have a new place near YCK/Jalan Kayu. It was nice. A big nice quaint bangalow that houses abt 50+ of ex-offenders/drug abusers in transition. I was updated that they currently also go to schs to run programmes with at risk youths. So so so encouraged to hear that. What better people to share perspectives with these youths then these band of brothers who are currently leading such changed and inspiring lives? Don shared with me that it is tiring to run all these programmes, but it is that calling that fuels him, and he is happy. :) It is a happy happy atmosphere in that place.
With that ofcos....makes me think abt that little spark of fire in me, and what ignites that spark. It must not just be a spark that is ignited by excitement. It must be a burning fire that continues to burn after that spark of inspiration dies and monotony sneaks in.
Pastor Kai talked abt Eric Liddell in his sermon on Sun. This is a guy who eventually went to China to be a missionary, but before that, he won olympic medals for running. His sis couldn't understand why he was an atheletic since he had a missions calling. Eric Liddell says - "I run for the glory of God". Earlier I had blogged before this quote by him, "When I run, I feel His pleasure."
Even the most godly things we do, if not for God's glory, is nothing.
Even the most mundane thing we do, if for God's glory, means something - that yieldedness of all our activities and our whole life unto Him.
Maybe sometimes for seasons, we have to step back, away from what are the most "godly" tasks, and it seems like a roundabout way away from our calling. But...we need to figure out why we want to step back or should we persevere on?
Its such a puzzle differentiating betw all these!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The cacophony of Time
I was taken ill the day I got back from Cambodia.
I flew off to Cambodia on a Sunday, and got back on a Friday night. Saturday morning, I had to be my friend's bridesmaid, so I reached her house at 645am. In the morning, I felt a bit of discomfort with some diarrhea. As the day progressed towards the afternoon, it seemed to get worse and I felt dizzy, tired and hungry. Thought it was just because I didn't eat breakfast cos of the early morning. Wedding lunch i didn't have much appetite and the dress was so tight! Grrr.... By the time I got home at 5ish pm I was zonked out. Diarrhea everytime I ate or drank and fever!
Saw doc two times, and today is my last day of MC. :D Thankful I'm feeling much better now. Thankful for all the friends who prayed for me.
Time seems to stop when you are sick. Work has to be put aside, appointments fixed have to be cancelled or rescheduled, housework has to wait. TIME- U are my slave, u have to wait.
Funny how time has become our master isn't it. I always find I have no time for anything. And staying at home, mostly bedridden because you are dizzy makes you really stay at home!!! I really don't like staying on my bed, and I was upset cos I have 101 things to do you know! Like replying emails, typing reports, reading bible, reading the news, washing the clothes, packing etc etc. I found I couldn't move too much and it was frustrating.
Maybe it was a time for time to stop. A time to say no and be still. Which is absolutely difficult. Using the internet now is not staying still! Too used to moving at breakneck speed that I can't take staying still. But still.....
Trip to Cambodia was good. Cos I saw some of the work, and some of the youths who were discipled. Felt that the ground was soft and doors opened with the many prayers. But still a country in need of much hope after the terrible past that it has gone through. The key probably lies in the new generation who are filled with new hope and a new eagerness to learn. :)
At one point on my trip, I suddenly couldn't remember I was in Indonesia, Cambodia or Philippines? I went to Indonesia about 7 times for the past 2 years, and Philippines 2 times within last 5 years. And this is my 2nd trip to Cambodia. Not that I'm trying to count the times to redeem some trophy. But what would these trips cumulate to? I am thinking it may end up in a book....but then again some of these things I saw can't be expressed into a book. The darkness, poverty, destitute, those eyes of the little children, children without clothes, the pain BUT also that simplicity, the joy, the love.... That's why maybe I couldn't remember where I was. Sometimes it really hurts to think too much abt the pain and the needs in these places that I have been to. Its a miserable burden...esp on the days when you are sick. :S
But life goes on.....with the tyranny of time. Maybe we aren't so busy afterall? I don't know how...but we each can only help build that part of the rainbow. And the thing is...how do we stop working at breakneck speed when the world is dying? haa....its really difficult ques to ans.
Felt I needed to rest in His Love even as I was sick. Even when I was feeling miserable bedridden...He was there, is there, in every waking or sleeping moment. And I cling on to His love desperately. And pray His sovereign Kindness over everything that happens on Earth.
I flew off to Cambodia on a Sunday, and got back on a Friday night. Saturday morning, I had to be my friend's bridesmaid, so I reached her house at 645am. In the morning, I felt a bit of discomfort with some diarrhea. As the day progressed towards the afternoon, it seemed to get worse and I felt dizzy, tired and hungry. Thought it was just because I didn't eat breakfast cos of the early morning. Wedding lunch i didn't have much appetite and the dress was so tight! Grrr.... By the time I got home at 5ish pm I was zonked out. Diarrhea everytime I ate or drank and fever!
Saw doc two times, and today is my last day of MC. :D Thankful I'm feeling much better now. Thankful for all the friends who prayed for me.
Time seems to stop when you are sick. Work has to be put aside, appointments fixed have to be cancelled or rescheduled, housework has to wait. TIME- U are my slave, u have to wait.
Funny how time has become our master isn't it. I always find I have no time for anything. And staying at home, mostly bedridden because you are dizzy makes you really stay at home!!! I really don't like staying on my bed, and I was upset cos I have 101 things to do you know! Like replying emails, typing reports, reading bible, reading the news, washing the clothes, packing etc etc. I found I couldn't move too much and it was frustrating.
Maybe it was a time for time to stop. A time to say no and be still. Which is absolutely difficult. Using the internet now is not staying still! Too used to moving at breakneck speed that I can't take staying still. But still.....
Trip to Cambodia was good. Cos I saw some of the work, and some of the youths who were discipled. Felt that the ground was soft and doors opened with the many prayers. But still a country in need of much hope after the terrible past that it has gone through. The key probably lies in the new generation who are filled with new hope and a new eagerness to learn. :)
At one point on my trip, I suddenly couldn't remember I was in Indonesia, Cambodia or Philippines? I went to Indonesia about 7 times for the past 2 years, and Philippines 2 times within last 5 years. And this is my 2nd trip to Cambodia. Not that I'm trying to count the times to redeem some trophy. But what would these trips cumulate to? I am thinking it may end up in a book....but then again some of these things I saw can't be expressed into a book. The darkness, poverty, destitute, those eyes of the little children, children without clothes, the pain BUT also that simplicity, the joy, the love.... That's why maybe I couldn't remember where I was. Sometimes it really hurts to think too much abt the pain and the needs in these places that I have been to. Its a miserable burden...esp on the days when you are sick. :S
But life goes on.....with the tyranny of time. Maybe we aren't so busy afterall? I don't know how...but we each can only help build that part of the rainbow. And the thing is...how do we stop working at breakneck speed when the world is dying? haa....its really difficult ques to ans.
Felt I needed to rest in His Love even as I was sick. Even when I was feeling miserable bedridden...He was there, is there, in every waking or sleeping moment. And I cling on to His love desperately. And pray His sovereign Kindness over everything that happens on Earth.
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