Hmm...feeling really quite sleepy, cos I slept about 1 plus yest. I went to visit Willie's cg yest night again, my second time. It was near Bukit Panjang area. Was quite alright, had worship and discussion and broke down into pairs to share & pray. Shared with an American Chinese- his name is Ab (Abraham), and it was really good in the way he was patient in listening to me, and it made it easy for me to share. :) After cg I shared a cab with Ab and 2 other guys from the cg to go home, cos it was already about 11pm. By the time I got home it was abt 1145pm!!
Dad wasn't too happy that I was back so late on a Monday night, and he told mum that he had to "wake me up" from my idea. :S Was telling my sis, the way he sounded was as if I came back at 1am drunk, or he had caught me taking drugs. But truth was, I reached home at 1145pm from cell group meeting. I didn't go stealing, clubbing or peddling drugs. SIGH. Really repressive around here.
Gonna be taking some time off on Friday to stay at home to pray and at night helping Pastor Don with his fund raising dinner. :) Really looking forward to friday!!!
Work has been fine. haha. As u can see, I've time to update my blog during office hrs. Its relatively not that bz, and it is happy being able to take time to plan the Habitat trip to Philippines! Team mates have been fantastic, esp the PR side, coming up with logo and poster designs within one week. Thankful for that. :)
I'm thinking thru many stuffs. Mainly on The Cross- what it means. Also about suffering, and what it means to be a partaker of Christ's sufferings. Am very blessed and encouraged by this other book I'm reading "The Inward Journey"- Gene Edwards. Maybe cos it is witten as a series of letters, but contains many spiritual truths. I guess not many authors like to talk abt suffering, and the emphasis on the victorious christian life makes ple shun this topic. Yet Paul makes so many references to being partaker of His sufferings, persecutions, trials etc, and I wonder how I missed them out! With the death and suffering then leads to victory! Shall type out parts of this book in my other blog. Do look out for it!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
The need to connect and be loved..
Just went for dinner with some sec sch frens. :) Thank God for the frens He has blessed me with.
Tho, I think I miss the fellowship of peers, believers, christians...belonging to a group where I can share freely and happily. Or being able to share freely and happily with one person who understands is enuff. But what I am going thru is so hard to share with anyone, and I feel really tired at times. U know this need to connect? It's not just with anyone, but someone with the same kind of passion, who understands and who can listen freely without judging.
Its been a tiring week....
so glad the weekend is here. Tmr lunch with another fren....dinner with relatives. Ha...but have the morning to laze about, pray and be by myself. I dun really like to be by myself, but then again I do.
Tho, I think I miss the fellowship of peers, believers, christians...belonging to a group where I can share freely and happily. Or being able to share freely and happily with one person who understands is enuff. But what I am going thru is so hard to share with anyone, and I feel really tired at times. U know this need to connect? It's not just with anyone, but someone with the same kind of passion, who understands and who can listen freely without judging.
Its been a tiring week....
so glad the weekend is here. Tmr lunch with another fren....dinner with relatives. Ha...but have the morning to laze about, pray and be by myself. I dun really like to be by myself, but then again I do.
Bday update & thoughts
I had quite a good birthday yesterday. Thank you for all yr well wishes & smses. :) Really thankful for the friends that God has blessed me with. I went to Bakerzinn at Fullerton with my colleagues for lunch, and then they got me a bunch of purple roses, a Levis top,earrings, insect repellent & sunscreen (for the overseas trip in dec-cos I said I wanted practical stuffs). I thought it was really thoughtful for them to buy me a range of things, from the impractical to the really practical. =) Thankful also that we have moved beyond just being colleagues to being friends, encouraging one another on a typical dreary work week, and being able to share. heh. On my own I would never have gotten a Levis top ofcos. hehehe..
Had a good dinner with HY too at night!
Yes, I think that on hindsight, God has been really gracious to bless me with a nice boss and really good colleagues to work with in my first job.
I tell myself each day though, that I must never end up feeling so so so comfortable, but consistently challenge myself in my lifestyle and in walking right with God.
My computer broke down last night. Sheesh...: ( No comp over the weekend, tho I've got so many things to share. One of it is I've been studying the story of the rich young ruler. Some ple say that it is not literal when the Lord said to give up yr possessions and follow Him, but it is merely to put God first in our finances. But whether it is literal or not, what does putting God first in our finances mean? I think putting God first in our possesions can only lead us to live a less comfortable and materialistic life. And the disciples not understanding what Jesus was saying- said proudly they had given their all to follow Jesus! But that was not the issue, it was not about how "good" we are, or what good lives we live to examplify being a good christian. I mean, the rich young ruler kept all the laws since young, yet it was not about his righteous acts. At the end of the day we are not justified by how good we are.
Another preacher says giving up our possesions as everything that we were proud of- our degrees, our so called spiritual knowledge etc. I think that's so impt! We can be so self righteous in our pursuit, yet at the end of the day, it is simply giving up our all to God...coming to a place of surrender.
The disciples were shocked that Jesus said it was hard for the rich to enter into heaven. Why? Cos typically, in jewish culture, the rich are seen as blessed by God. If they couldn't enter the kingdom of God, what say them? So yes, once again, we are not justified by our outwardly position, status etc. We are justified in Christ. In obedience to Him.
And that is such a dilemma isn't it? it's so tough to do. First we must give up our all- possessions and all. But second, this act of giving up is not the act that makes us righteous, but rather a r/s with God.
Had a good dinner with HY too at night!
Yes, I think that on hindsight, God has been really gracious to bless me with a nice boss and really good colleagues to work with in my first job.
I tell myself each day though, that I must never end up feeling so so so comfortable, but consistently challenge myself in my lifestyle and in walking right with God.
My computer broke down last night. Sheesh...: ( No comp over the weekend, tho I've got so many things to share. One of it is I've been studying the story of the rich young ruler. Some ple say that it is not literal when the Lord said to give up yr possessions and follow Him, but it is merely to put God first in our finances. But whether it is literal or not, what does putting God first in our finances mean? I think putting God first in our possesions can only lead us to live a less comfortable and materialistic life. And the disciples not understanding what Jesus was saying- said proudly they had given their all to follow Jesus! But that was not the issue, it was not about how "good" we are, or what good lives we live to examplify being a good christian. I mean, the rich young ruler kept all the laws since young, yet it was not about his righteous acts. At the end of the day we are not justified by how good we are.
Another preacher says giving up our possesions as everything that we were proud of- our degrees, our so called spiritual knowledge etc. I think that's so impt! We can be so self righteous in our pursuit, yet at the end of the day, it is simply giving up our all to God...coming to a place of surrender.
The disciples were shocked that Jesus said it was hard for the rich to enter into heaven. Why? Cos typically, in jewish culture, the rich are seen as blessed by God. If they couldn't enter the kingdom of God, what say them? So yes, once again, we are not justified by our outwardly position, status etc. We are justified in Christ. In obedience to Him.
And that is such a dilemma isn't it? it's so tough to do. First we must give up our all- possessions and all. But second, this act of giving up is not the act that makes us righteous, but rather a r/s with God.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
I really must blog this!
This morning I went to visit the teak place again with Pastor Don, and had a meeting with 2 others. Got to work out the biz plan, budgetting and all that to see if it can work. Andrew was supposed to come, but he was sick, and can't be found. But anyway it ended all well, and I was so thankful to be able to spend so much time with Pastor Don talking to him in the car, and asking him his stand on christian issues. =) Pastor Don says his shirts never cost above 25 dollars, and his pants about 29 dollars or even less if he buys them from China. God is a God who blesses, but the intention for blessing us is so that we can bless others, not wear a 600 dollars jeans. Yes, but we both conclude that in the end, it is the Lord who will judge, cos we never know from the exterior. We also talked about tongues and how Billy Graham didn't speak in tongues, but God used him mightily too. Hence, whether speaking in tongues is the only outward expression of being filled with the Spirit? Or can it be manifested in other forms?
Yup, and we visited the new halfway house and met his children again too, who are taking piano lessons. Heh. Well, anyway I thot piano lessons are for upper income family, turns out it is about 70-80 per mth per kid, which is alright I guess. And it seems like their family has quite a bit of a balance wrt serving God and yet having a really loving family. Lotsa sharings from him too on churches in India, Nigeria, China where there is a mighty move of God, and ple get healed and miracles abound and all that.
Mentioned that we will be embarking on a house building project, and seems like the halfway hse has open doors in China too, where they have a drug ministry dealing with rehabilitation and prevention from drugs. So there is a possibility that our company team can tie up with his halfway house and build a rehab centre there. Truly sounds good, the part on sustainability, being able to go there again and again on subsequent trips.
Well, yah, anyway everything looks so uncertain, but everyday is an adventure which the Lord will lead us in. =) Its not a series of dos and don'ts or a map toward spirituality. But it is simply just a daily yielding of our lives, cruxifying ourselves, and allowing God to move. Really in the most difficult circumstances, God moves and moulds our hearts. And I am thankful for His wonderful grace to lead me on. On nights sometimes the loneliness and pain will creep up. And I recall how Paul said then how God's grace is sufficient for him. No matter how anointed, how powerful our ministry is, all that is not cos of any human wisdom, but truly how He uses every individual who is imperfect for His glory. Thank You Lord.
Well, u never really know how God chooses to work things out. ;)
Yup, and we visited the new halfway house and met his children again too, who are taking piano lessons. Heh. Well, anyway I thot piano lessons are for upper income family, turns out it is about 70-80 per mth per kid, which is alright I guess. And it seems like their family has quite a bit of a balance wrt serving God and yet having a really loving family. Lotsa sharings from him too on churches in India, Nigeria, China where there is a mighty move of God, and ple get healed and miracles abound and all that.
Mentioned that we will be embarking on a house building project, and seems like the halfway hse has open doors in China too, where they have a drug ministry dealing with rehabilitation and prevention from drugs. So there is a possibility that our company team can tie up with his halfway house and build a rehab centre there. Truly sounds good, the part on sustainability, being able to go there again and again on subsequent trips.
Well, yah, anyway everything looks so uncertain, but everyday is an adventure which the Lord will lead us in. =) Its not a series of dos and don'ts or a map toward spirituality. But it is simply just a daily yielding of our lives, cruxifying ourselves, and allowing God to move. Really in the most difficult circumstances, God moves and moulds our hearts. And I am thankful for His wonderful grace to lead me on. On nights sometimes the loneliness and pain will creep up. And I recall how Paul said then how God's grace is sufficient for him. No matter how anointed, how powerful our ministry is, all that is not cos of any human wisdom, but truly how He uses every individual who is imperfect for His glory. Thank You Lord.
Well, u never really know how God chooses to work things out. ;)
Friday, August 18, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Treasure every breathe
Just came back from counseling psych class. Yup, have been bz. And today had our first YEP team meeting! 6 of us met and I shared with them the backgrd for the proj, building hses and all. And it was really good, all ple with good hearts, and the chemistry was there even in our first meeting. So I'm really glad and happy. We are thinking of organizing a charity concert, getting some directors to sing.
In a way, I am grateful for this stint in the corporate world, just being here, and God opening up opportunities for me to bring some sort of change in the company. Hopefully. Yes..and prayerfully. And also seeing the christian fellowship in the company being filled to the brim with ple-some seekers who want to know God. And we are currently doing a series on intro to christianity!
Though inside me there is a dilemma. Yup, I am being paid in the company to do performance analyst, I'm not employed as a full time recreation club member. Yet I spend so much of my time in the office emailing the team, doing proposals, emailing director and all. And I've to be honest that these are the things that fuel me and keep me going. Boss has not given me a lot of responsibilities cos I think I am afterall the most inexperienced one there. Perhaps I could hunger for more, volunteer to do more stuffs wrt my job. But this tension within me...that knows I won't be happy being burdened with this kinda work. I mean, I could just work whole day and whole night if we are talking abt counseling someone, or doing up a volunteer program. And yeah, it is clear enough from all these that my inclination is definitely not in the corporate sector. Though, as I've said above, I am so grateful for the opportunity to be immersed in this environment, and for God to open doors.
A fren chided me, when I said that I wish I could do more things, be helping ple, impacting lives, instead of sitting in the office. He said I am just wasting my time then! When God placed me in this environment to be salt and light, and for a purpose, I shdn't be wanting to be elsewhere. I half agree with him, and half I don't. I do believe that I've a purpose here, and that I pray everyday that I may be a good testimony for Him in the work place. And also, to work for my boss as unto God, and not unto men. To give the best that I know how. Yet I know that it is not wrong, and even good, to have a disatisfaction with this kind of life. It is a deep disatisfaction to want to do something more, to one day have the courage to live out a life that God truly wants us to live, and hungering..and thirsting..to see more souls getting saved, to be used mightily by Him. This deep disatisfaction, I pray, in a way, that it will always be in me. That I will never think I have arrived somewhere, and I will never lose this heart of compassion for people.
Heard recently that a fren has a sickness that the doc is unsure of what it really is. And yes, it can cost his life. He says, every breathe, is a gift from God. And yup, I was so encouraged by his faith. And so reminded, everyday we live, it is God's precious gift to us, and we treasure our lives, and we desire to pour out our lives for Him even. And also these days the story of the rich man who wanted to hoard up his wealth and plan this and that for his life keeps coming up in my mind. Cos Jesus said to him, you foolish man, that this day your yr soul will be required of you! Meaning- man- u don't have forever to live. Yup..that means also living each day, committing my worries/cares/burdens to God. Just trusting Him.
I hope what I say here makes sense...life is so fragile, it may end any time. So how are u spending your time?
In a way, I am grateful for this stint in the corporate world, just being here, and God opening up opportunities for me to bring some sort of change in the company. Hopefully. Yes..and prayerfully. And also seeing the christian fellowship in the company being filled to the brim with ple-some seekers who want to know God. And we are currently doing a series on intro to christianity!
Though inside me there is a dilemma. Yup, I am being paid in the company to do performance analyst, I'm not employed as a full time recreation club member. Yet I spend so much of my time in the office emailing the team, doing proposals, emailing director and all. And I've to be honest that these are the things that fuel me and keep me going. Boss has not given me a lot of responsibilities cos I think I am afterall the most inexperienced one there. Perhaps I could hunger for more, volunteer to do more stuffs wrt my job. But this tension within me...that knows I won't be happy being burdened with this kinda work. I mean, I could just work whole day and whole night if we are talking abt counseling someone, or doing up a volunteer program. And yeah, it is clear enough from all these that my inclination is definitely not in the corporate sector. Though, as I've said above, I am so grateful for the opportunity to be immersed in this environment, and for God to open doors.
A fren chided me, when I said that I wish I could do more things, be helping ple, impacting lives, instead of sitting in the office. He said I am just wasting my time then! When God placed me in this environment to be salt and light, and for a purpose, I shdn't be wanting to be elsewhere. I half agree with him, and half I don't. I do believe that I've a purpose here, and that I pray everyday that I may be a good testimony for Him in the work place. And also, to work for my boss as unto God, and not unto men. To give the best that I know how. Yet I know that it is not wrong, and even good, to have a disatisfaction with this kind of life. It is a deep disatisfaction to want to do something more, to one day have the courage to live out a life that God truly wants us to live, and hungering..and thirsting..to see more souls getting saved, to be used mightily by Him. This deep disatisfaction, I pray, in a way, that it will always be in me. That I will never think I have arrived somewhere, and I will never lose this heart of compassion for people.
Heard recently that a fren has a sickness that the doc is unsure of what it really is. And yes, it can cost his life. He says, every breathe, is a gift from God. And yup, I was so encouraged by his faith. And so reminded, everyday we live, it is God's precious gift to us, and we treasure our lives, and we desire to pour out our lives for Him even. And also these days the story of the rich man who wanted to hoard up his wealth and plan this and that for his life keeps coming up in my mind. Cos Jesus said to him, you foolish man, that this day your yr soul will be required of you! Meaning- man- u don't have forever to live. Yup..that means also living each day, committing my worries/cares/burdens to God. Just trusting Him.
I hope what I say here makes sense...life is so fragile, it may end any time. So how are u spending your time?
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Hot afternoon..
Just back from church, bathed.
I sat down at my chair, positioned my computer, all ready to start preparing the recruitment materials for the overseas trip...
And this wave of sleepiness comes sweeping all over. So tired!! And sleepy...
Ha..
I must encourage myself. :)
I sat down at my chair, positioned my computer, all ready to start preparing the recruitment materials for the overseas trip...
And this wave of sleepiness comes sweeping all over. So tired!! And sleepy...
Ha..
I must encourage myself. :)
Just a short one...
Caught the France Fireworks tonight with Shirley and Baoxian!! It was a last minute arrangement. The place was so super duper crowded. But the fireworks were so beautiful! Really worth it. The last one was like a multiplier...it started with a small outburst of gold, which branched out into other outbursts..and the fireworks kept bursting until it filled the whole sky!! Ah...my description is really so unclassy...
Anyway...it was really hilarious...we went for japanese ice-cream, I saw that it was $3.50 outside...but when we went inside, they said those scoops weren't available for those who sat inside. The ice-cream inside costs like $6-8 and my face fell......and then the waiter put tea and wet tissues on our tables when we din ask for them...and I almost wanted to bang tables...actually not really. Shirley says my husband will be very rich cos I spend little. And I said I rather give the money to the poor! We ended up sharing one $8 mango icecream. YEah, it was really yummy.
Hmm. Anyway jokes aside, its really difficult to live out what u believe is the ideal...esp when yr frens will eat good food, visit restaurants etc.
Went for cornerstone cg today. It was quite similar to chc in terms of the sequence and style of worship/preaching. Except for one part on offering/prosperity etc. -which was quite core to me. :P The song leader was asked to lead a simple closing song. We all din know what she will sing. But then the moment "You are the peace" started, it brought tears to my eyes. So encouraged, its my fave song, and God remembers me. He loves me so much.
Anyway...it was really hilarious...we went for japanese ice-cream, I saw that it was $3.50 outside...but when we went inside, they said those scoops weren't available for those who sat inside. The ice-cream inside costs like $6-8 and my face fell......and then the waiter put tea and wet tissues on our tables when we din ask for them...and I almost wanted to bang tables...actually not really. Shirley says my husband will be very rich cos I spend little. And I said I rather give the money to the poor! We ended up sharing one $8 mango icecream. YEah, it was really yummy.
Hmm. Anyway jokes aside, its really difficult to live out what u believe is the ideal...esp when yr frens will eat good food, visit restaurants etc.
Went for cornerstone cg today. It was quite similar to chc in terms of the sequence and style of worship/preaching. Except for one part on offering/prosperity etc. -which was quite core to me. :P The song leader was asked to lead a simple closing song. We all din know what she will sing. But then the moment "You are the peace" started, it brought tears to my eyes. So encouraged, its my fave song, and God remembers me. He loves me so much.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
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