It helps to have frens!

I had a very good sat and sun...spent time with some really good frens, and thank God for them, who really encourage me too.
I caught a movie on sat with mavis and xinying. It was "Be with me"..an arty film by eric khoo. The show was really great, it was silent most of the time, and also filmed some of the most mundane of things, like an old man at his shop selling stuffs and cooking dinner for his wife...two girls smsing each other and in the chat room...a security guard admiring some pretty lady in the building (and I swear that the building they were filming is my office-capital tower) but it was within the mundanity that the message hit right home to the heart. Cos I guess all can identify with it. The theme of love, the search for love and wat really defines love. Also the meaning of life..the mundanity and how everyone seeks to find meaning in something.. or love is smthing that sustains life and gives meaning to it.
Well, yeah, the msg really hit home, and ofcos I also feel really sad for the security guard who has loads of emotions within him but is not good at expressing them. And also the love of the old couple...the old man cooking for his wife, caring for him...which expressed the meaning of true love. Not loads of sex or I love Yous but a simple demonstration thru actions.

As ple seek to find meaning in life, they seek in from all the different places isn't it? Whether it is clubbing or admiring someone.

Yups...and so it was a great movie and all, and it was nice seeing Xinying and Mavis. Xinying who is now a psychologist at Mindef, while mavis is a firewoman! Don't play play...mavis gotto go for "NS" with the guys...and do jungle trekking. I guess as we grow older, our lives tend toward diff directions. Its like seeing someone familiar yet not so familiar kinda feeling..

Yeah and I had a lovely dinner with Huiyun plus a little shopping..to celebrate her bday! It was a really really good chat at this restaurant called "dian xiao er" selling herbal duck, and we had the set meal for 2. I like the way that Huiyun always listens to me..and cares for me. Heh...it kinda filled up my love tank again. =>

Yups..so aniwae today I hanged out with huiru and jeryn after service and it was good walking ard and chatting abt ourselves and our cgs. And really thank God for the frenship. :)

Okie...tmr is another day of work! I pray for a good week ahead.

tired...

Had a rather bad day today, I think that the path gets lonelier as u choose the narrow path. Who doesn't need frens to pour sorrows to? SIgh.
I feel really misunderstood. And I know that I shouldn't focus on the negative, but again and again the words replay in my mind and its like..I come to the threshold of my endurance and suddenly it just broke. Its like Not You too? You whom I love?
:(
O well this is a list of incoherent sentences that probably don't really link.

Ok, pick urself up and be strong! Shoo..!

Whine

I had quite a bad day today. It was really Blah. And I had to control my temper and pray for more patience. If u guys know me, I'm usually rather patient right? Today I was really challenged. Guess the series of events that happened were overwhelming.
I just wanted to run from it all.
I ask God...why me? Is it because God, I am more patient, that's why you think that I can handle it? sighz.

Day went kinda well in the end.
Had a surprise phonecall just now fr CP, who said his mum is sponsoring the function room for our event. Abt 80 bucks. Wow, so happy...praise God.

---

Yesterday nite I had dinner with kel! His bday today. Was q a last min thingy, cos I was going orchard to get some presents..bday and watnots.And then called him to wish him happy bday! Realised that he was free, so we had korean food. => And it was nice..also had mud pie. YEah, and I got a couple of presents. I feel happy buying gifts for ple, love to see the smile on their faces. I think so far my prezzie choosing is quite good.

Been also thinking abt this other topic called love. Well recently a fren confided in me abt how he really liked this girl, but this girl wasn't interested. Hmm...Can love reach a stage whereby that u just love someone not expecting return? And also, when you love a person, but u noe that not being together with that person is better for both of you, would u control your emotions and let it be? Heh. Not easy to do eh...And also u've to cross ur fingers and hope that the other party doesn't express interest, cos u noe that it will surely tempt u away.
I think tho that I've matured a lot. And I guess I am learning to LOVE..unselfishly. And what it really means to love someone. Whether boy-girl relationships or frenships..to give of urself, wanting the best for the other. And also trusting the best of the other. Being secure abt urself in the eyes of the other. And ofcos smtimes frenships can turn sour. O well, gotto pick up the pieces and move on. Life has to go on right?
But I strongly believe in this, that one must first learn to love himself/herself. Cos, his/her identity cannot be founded on other ple.

Yups and so this little thing called love, which everyone of us is searching for. Romanticised in dramas. Yet in real life not as simple, and may be even more mundane. HEH. Simply just enjoying each other's company, sitting next to each other, whether across a candlelight dinner, or going to Sim Lim to shop for CDs, or going to the beach or watever.

And since today is mid autumn, happy midautumn. :)
May all lovers be together!

AHHH MY week!

My week can be summarised in ONE word..
Exhausting.

Had a super tiring week. Rushing stuffs and had to rush thru lunch..and went home late. SIghz. Super tired after I get home. And NO motivation for work in the morning! Very jialat. Very stress over deadlines at the start of the week. And today we had our group hsewarming party-cos we moved to a new floor. Then my colleague, Agnes and I had to plan for it, and be the Emcees for it. So today we rehearsed and talked some nonsense..heh. FIrst time I am emcee u noe! But being a cgl helps. Cos less stage fright. :) And we played a game too..which I led. It was the money game! :P

I was sleeping as usual on the way to cg today. Kept dosing and leaning on this middle aged guy next to me. AH! :( Its the kinda sleep whereby u open ur eyes..and the next min u are dozing off again. And so I smsed Huiru to PRAY for me during cg, cos I was seriously zonked out.
And when I reached, to my horrors of horrors, my mbr..who was playing guitar for first time for the cg was late...and reached at 740, 5 min b4 cg started. And there were visitors from Korea-a pastor and 2 others. AHH!!
BUT..
CG was so WONDERFUL. I felt the fire of God pour down, I felt warm all over. And at the end, there was a gushing wind. Well..I'm not sure if it is supernatural wind, like Acts. But I felt something happened. A visitation of the Lord.

Tired..but God brought me thru the week. Immensely GRATEFUL for that.

hies

Hie!
I had a good day today. Went out with my cg mbrs, 3 young boys(ok men?)..heh...and we went to racky the chalet we wanted to book! SO small lei..:(
Went to NAFA after that with a fren to see arts exhibition. Q cool, but not v big scale. =) Happy... went to a cosy restaurant for dinner then walked ard..then to sim lim where i got my wireless lan card!
I got a new book to read-The curious incident of the dog in the night time. =>

Okies...yeah i have decided to sleep early tonite...accumulated lack of rest.
BYE

Materialism!! aahh!!

Hiz!
Went for a photoshoot today. Cos gonna appear in some publicity material for NUS Biz sch...targetting the JCs! Yeah..and kinda had a makeup artist do makeup for me! Yeah..and only have ONE pic in the bklet. SIgh, brought like 3 sets of clothes but ended up wearing the sports wear and din even wear my own T-shirt! Cos it was white and they said I had to wear another colour one..
Yups..
kinda pleased with the makeup so came home and took some pics of myself. ;p

Later met two great pals! Second round of my bday celebration. I feel so blessed. =>

Yups..and then I signed up for HSBC credit card with Sam. Heh.. have freebies..also bought makeup and a pair of shoes. SIgh how? Ever since the SE forum ended I've been doing a lot of stuffs like shopping and watching TV. Yups..like Superstar! And I like JunYang! He is the BEST.

Really kinda very happy to rest and relax for some time and to recharge. But I must really watch my spending habits and save..in the midst of building fund in church as well. ;P Anyway it really feels VERY good to have ur own income and to buy things to pamper urself after long wking hrs..and the weekends are the best!

Thank you for blessing me!

Had a great CG on friday nite. => The anointing and God's presence. B4 cg I was sleeping like a log on the bus, and once I reached, God really strengthened me. :) Yups..relying on His strength every single day.

Now I'm physically very TIRED. Gonna read my bible, pray, prepare BS and sleep. Take care folks.

Vision

Just came back from service today, it was a very good message. It was simple, and yet profound, and the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart a rhema word! => A reminder of my vision in Him. It was very very very wonderful, and also very reassuring. And also it was powerful.

In the morning we had bible study with Pstor. And she talked abt repentance from dead works. I have given a similar bible study b4 on this topic. And yet when she gave, it was whooo! New revelations, and a very distinct prompting in my heart from the Holy Spirit. To repent of the worldly stuffs, and ungodly relationships that were holding me back.

I am very thankful that God is a God of second chances. As I examine my own life, on the inside there are so many things that are messed up. But yet He never gave up on me, and saw me beyond my current situation. He always believed in me! And amazingly, everytime we are about to fall, He will never fail to tug us back gently on the right path. Sometimes not too gently.. who says that the chastening of the Lord is easy to go thru? But nevertheless the temporal pain is only for something greater..and will only bring u closer to ur destiny.

And that is smthing that I see in ple ard me. WE all struggle as human beings with our flesh and our desires. God just knows how to deal with us individually, and He knows specifically the stuffs that hold us back. And I know that because of His amazing grace, that I am also able to believe in ple around me. That one day and someday..He will bring them closer to Him. And that He will work within their lives. Meanwhile, love covers a multitude of sin. Having love for ple..being gracious. Believing together with them. =)
To those who r struggling, hang on there!! God is ever present there for u.

--
Lastly..eheh
guess wat! I got myself a zen micro 5G. Its to reward myself for my hard work..eheh..been working so hard, I deserve a present for myself rite? yeah...so in the office I can listen to my fave tracks! Really happy.

Loved

Heh..
today is (pretty soon was) my birthday! Yay!! For those of u who missed it, go conk ur head now..

Had a good day, celebrations began last friday! Cg got me a bracelet and a huge card. And yesterday, Mum bought me a GUESS watch with crystals on it..white colour and big faced. => heh..VERY pretty indeed...

Today my colleagues celebrated for me. When I came in, i saw a packet sitting next to my PC. haha..ofcos they saboed me. On it wrote from Max and JEremy..two of the schlars...and to think i even emailed them to thank them..and then to realised that it was my dept colleagues who gave me the prezzie. URRGggh so paiseh. But anyway it was a very nice sports top for my use in the gym!

And then I had lunch with them..they treated me to western food..yummmmyyy....and then we had a little cake abt 5ish...so SWEET of them. Feel so loved...how..

Had several smses today fr long lost frens, who remembered me. So touched..from sec sch to jc...

And I had dinner with HY!! =) We had Japanese Buffet.
FInally..not complete without a bday song. Mum got me a choco cake..heh..and we sang a song for ME!! And I blew the candles.
I wished for....
God to bless my family and frens.

Thank u all for ur love. =>

Me and my frens

I was looking thru some blogs tonite. A real luxury at nite to be slacking. => Listening to music and relaxing.

A fren (X ) was giving me advice on another fren (Y). This fren is seemingly a very rational person. To my surprise, X enlightned me that humans are NEVER rational. They are emotional. Sometimes ple come to u with a set logic/thinking and u dun appeal to them by rationalizing with them. U empathise with them.

I think that I am also seemingly a very rational person on the outside. But on the inside I am very fragile, and emotional. Those who know me better will know. Nothing beats having a empathetic ear, a warm hug, and a pat on the shoulder from someone to tell me I am doing well, I am appreciated and loved.

And tho I act nonchalent at the episodes that are taking place in ple's lives, they actually affect me more than watever I demonstrate. I hate it when ple have conflicts in front of me-e.g. arguments, disagreements. And tho I can see fr both pts of views, neither can see each other's views. SMtimes I just wash my hands off them. And I kinda like give that kinda do wat u wan i dun care kinda face or attitude..
Its only when the Holy Spirit softens my heart that I realise it hurts much more than I would say.
And tat is why i understand it when some ple..act like they simply bo chap, but they're hurting on the inside. And until they realise that they are pretending not to care, they cannot get healing.

I've become stronger experiencing many things these days. Sometimes lookg at the mirror, I dun even know who is the one inside. HAA...am I really the one? Scarily, I also see shadows of myself in other ple. As I was reading some of my cg mbrs blogs, I'm like, whoa manz, wasn't tat me...abt 2 years back or smthing, having the same kinda revelation. And also @ that time when God showed me He loved me so unconditionally. When u are pushing against walls...and growing muscles.

I believe someone else has gone b4 me. I WILL break through this. Life is full of decisions and crossroads. I only pray that watever I choose, I move closer towards God's given purpose. Watever He plans for me is GOOD.

SE Forum 2005

Heiz

SE Forum 2005 has successfully ended! =)
The registration was a mess at the start, but eventually everything went smoothly. Thank God for that...
Yay! End of my days of sleeping at 1am doing SE work!! =P No more endless meetings on saturday. No more discretely replying SE emails and making phone calls in company.
Most of all, I pursued my dream. People may call me crazy for taking 2 days off from work, and spending the last 10 months doing this forum, but I'm HAPPY! What a great joy to be able to see people coming together for the forum, and hopefully getting their minds to think beyond their normal daily lives, and to know that there are equally passionate people around.

We went to Goshen Restaurant after our forum, which is opened and runned by ex-inmates and drug addicts. The food was superb! Yummy! Chilli crab and prawns, and beancurd.

These pics consists of the bulk of our team-about 20 people.

We got off to a shakey start. Remember that the person who was supposed to head it decided to quit. Nobody could lead while Andrew went to Germany. And I told Andrew that I will help him lead while he was at Germany. We would co-lead. However, things went downhill as the committee was made up of a group of individuals who were great ple, and yet busy with our own commitments. And it was so difficult to drive the whole thing. It was also hard to communicate with Andrew while he was away in Germany. ANd also...to balance it up with my other commitments. I think Eu would recall the times that I spent whining to her.

We couldn't get any sponsors...and time was ticking pass..This feeling of helplessness, being trapped in a role I was not adequate to fulfill got on me day and nite. When A came back,he implemented many changes and also recruited his frens to join us. And so..yeah in the end everything turned out fine, and its a great ending to this story!

Thank You God for seeing me through, and it has made me stronger indeed. => Thank you so so much.

This was taken at Andrew's hse with the foreign speakers. Anil (Nepal), Sinee(Thailand) and Pamela (Switzerland)

They are extremely kind ple. We went to the Asian Civilisation Museum on Sunday, and then we went to A's hse, and his mum cooked for us. It was a very heavy dinner cos we were taking abt politics, charity, entrepreneurs...
Sinee bought me cookies from Thailand! So sweet of her. And I kept hugging them as we parted. So sad to leave them.

Sunday we had a GREAT service.
God: Would you love me unconditionally, and worship me even if....

XJ: Yes God, I would.

Tears kept flowing, and I finally learn wat is the sacrifice of praise. It is worshipping, praising, and loving unconditionally. The Holy SPirit showed me the "ifs"..things that I've been praying for, that have not come to past. These things have been getting me really down. But as I said Yes to God, I felt the reassuring presence of the Holy Spirit, His gentleness and His love.. His loving touch that no human can replace.

Finally a rest and a break for me. Tmr I'm back to work!! Early in the morning. The continual of another marathon, another day, another story.

I will like to say that, it is better always to try something and fail it, then never try anything at all.

Anil gave this analogy: The difference between a big candle and a light bulb. U can improve on a candle and make it last longer, but the light bulb is a whole new thing. A social entrepreneur is someone like that. He invents and recreates. Not improves on smthing... If u wanna wait for the perfect timing, never. Just do it.