My Birthday came and went...some people say that as they get older, bdays seem to mean less, i.e. its just another day. Maybe I haven't grown that old yet, I still think that birthdays are special!
But I really did catch on something this year. I had meals with some of my closest friends separately. These were very blessed times. I realise, it is not about the number of friends you have, what matters is having a few friends who believe in you.
It has been tremendously encouraging reading cards from these few, and sms texts. They really make me feel like I'm worth a million dollars, and that I'm the nicest friend on earth.
I spent my birthday with all the people who meant loads to me. What was most meaningful was sitting at the East Coast Beach for an hour, on a date with God. =) Listening to the waves, praying, and singing to Him...and Him singing over me. ;)
I'm incredibly grateful to the few friends who mean a lot to me. U all know who u are. And yes, for my family.
Surprised that my volunteer bought me a cake during a meeting this week. Its been nice having co-laborers to serve God together with. And her husband, a Pastor, prayed for me from Psalms 1- that I would Fear Not, and be fruitful in Him. Amen and amen.
Believe that this is a new season whereby God is birthing new things in me, in the ministry etc. I need to have faith to believe in Him, to know who God really is.
Oh and finally, my birthday wish is World Peace.
And more...shh..
its a secret. ;)
Friday, August 28, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Final Destination- A sudden thought
I used to think that every experience was a preparation towards something bigger I would be doing in the future. Now that I don't know what is ahead in the future, and I realise that I can do no big thing.
I think that maybe, life is never about reaching a destination. It is a process of doing small things daily, and each day being a destination in itself.
I think that maybe, life is never about reaching a destination. It is a process of doing small things daily, and each day being a destination in itself.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
To laugh and play and love life
"You are too serious".
Seriously, I was talking to a friend who is running an NGO in Thailand this afternoon, and this is what he commented after we talked for a while!
I was shocked. But his comment hit the nail on the spot. My seriousness, or rather my intensity or rather my sense of responsibility, or rather my perfectionism kills me big time! I won't be able to survive in NGO world if I keep up this seriousness. I need to play hard, laugh a lot and have fun!
Yesterday I went back to have dinner with my ex colleagues. And I was early cos I attended a workshop before that. So I decided to reminisce old times by sitting down at Starbucks with a book and tea. I wrote this:
"Dear God,
I can't believe it but I actually felt nervous stepping into Capital Tower again. And I actually felt relieved seeing "normal" people in "civilised" settings. I missed that smell. I felt different from the crowd. Yet once where I belonged. What could be running through the heads of each one as they took the escalator down and headed home? Can they tell I am different? Though I am probably dressed like a typical executive, what's going on in my mind? What kind of different perspectives do I bring? What kind of different experiences?...
It dawned on me, it was not so much the form in which we present ourselves. It is the life and the substance within the form. To be rested in a fast paced executive environment. To be rested in a uncertain stressful NGO job. To find meaning, to find You, Jesus. In the midst of everything, to dwell in You."
---
Sometimes in my intensed moments, I can't see beyond the cloud around my head. I need to lift up my eyes and see Jesus. And actually maybe...this seems to be a characteristic of many people who hold multiple responsibilities!!!
I just need to learn to laugh at myself.
Seriously, I was talking to a friend who is running an NGO in Thailand this afternoon, and this is what he commented after we talked for a while!
I was shocked. But his comment hit the nail on the spot. My seriousness, or rather my intensity or rather my sense of responsibility, or rather my perfectionism kills me big time! I won't be able to survive in NGO world if I keep up this seriousness. I need to play hard, laugh a lot and have fun!
Yesterday I went back to have dinner with my ex colleagues. And I was early cos I attended a workshop before that. So I decided to reminisce old times by sitting down at Starbucks with a book and tea. I wrote this:
"Dear God,
I can't believe it but I actually felt nervous stepping into Capital Tower again. And I actually felt relieved seeing "normal" people in "civilised" settings. I missed that smell. I felt different from the crowd. Yet once where I belonged. What could be running through the heads of each one as they took the escalator down and headed home? Can they tell I am different? Though I am probably dressed like a typical executive, what's going on in my mind? What kind of different perspectives do I bring? What kind of different experiences?...
It dawned on me, it was not so much the form in which we present ourselves. It is the life and the substance within the form. To be rested in a fast paced executive environment. To be rested in a uncertain stressful NGO job. To find meaning, to find You, Jesus. In the midst of everything, to dwell in You."
---
Sometimes in my intensed moments, I can't see beyond the cloud around my head. I need to lift up my eyes and see Jesus. And actually maybe...this seems to be a characteristic of many people who hold multiple responsibilities!!!
I just need to learn to laugh at myself.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Small breakthroughs
I gave a training at work today for 1 hr to about 40 new volunteers and really it was a breakthrough for me, cos I don't think I ever talked that long! I tried to inject some stories inside including personal ones, as well as interesting videos. Some told me it was info overload, esp cos my session was after lunch. But there were a few who expressed interest in helping with overseas extension! yay! :)
Thankful, because I had been feeling stressed abt doing this presentation cum training. :P This morning on the bus I recalled when I did my first presentation in NUS, I was so nervous that I trembled. It was after that I realised I placed high expectations on myself.
This week have been toggling with this idea...does what I do make a difference to the world? And a friend reminded me of making differences in small ways. Thankful. But ya, it has been a struggle sometimes, to put things in perspective, and to accept that no matter how imperfect I am, God loves me.
Thankful, because I had been feeling stressed abt doing this presentation cum training. :P This morning on the bus I recalled when I did my first presentation in NUS, I was so nervous that I trembled. It was after that I realised I placed high expectations on myself.
This week have been toggling with this idea...does what I do make a difference to the world? And a friend reminded me of making differences in small ways. Thankful. But ya, it has been a struggle sometimes, to put things in perspective, and to accept that no matter how imperfect I am, God loves me.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
My current lifestage....
I had a meeting last night until 930pm. So I am super tired this morning as I only slept at 130am after eating my dinner, practicing my guitar and reading and praying. Technically I can get time off this morning, but I came in on time (just 5 min late), trying to be a heroine to rush out all my work!
Yesterday's night meeting was on a training trip to Indonesia that 3 of my volunteers will be embarking on. My heart is probably going to fly partially with them, because I was almost supposed to go on the trip. But in the end, I submitted to the decision of the leadership, and also feel that another volunteer should go and be exposed since I have been going on so many trips already. Another one of life's mini-surrenders. I really miss the people at Malang though..the bible school students, the cool atmosphere, and yeah...away fr the hussle and bussle.
But it struck me that now, I have changed roles.....I am becoming more and more like a mobilizer. I don't just go, I encourage others to go, and now we are planning mission trip training for leaders etc to equip them. Likewise in my role at church with the youths. It is interesting! Because it also takes a certain surrender, in that it always feels more fun and inspiring to be there on the ground. Who wants to do the admin details and sit in the office! grr..eek eek. But yet much needed processes and systems need to be set in place, so that anyone who takes over can carry on from there. I am glad at least some procedures are up!
And then even as I got home, and I thought about what we had discussed on training, i.e. what women there need. I realise that each one of us bring ourselves and our experiences overseas, and as I was thinking abt what expertise I can offer - not in education or nutrition or healthy living. And then I recalled, O yes, I have spent 4 years studying Business & Finance, including management, marketing etc. Business is a general degree to many, but I think whatever I have learnt is useful in life. Suddenly I thought of CAPM model, and risk free rates and statistics and significance and maslow and purchasing power parity...surely all these knowledge should not go to waste? I should impart or apply them in some way. And you know, I actually NEVER regretted taking Business. If I had to choose all over again, I can recall as clear as the blue sky why I did not choose social work or psychology. I like business....And getting to know about Social Entrepreneurship was just an instant wow! Marrying social needs and business.
And so....I'm starting to have clarity on issues, and I am thankful. =)
Yesterday's night meeting was on a training trip to Indonesia that 3 of my volunteers will be embarking on. My heart is probably going to fly partially with them, because I was almost supposed to go on the trip. But in the end, I submitted to the decision of the leadership, and also feel that another volunteer should go and be exposed since I have been going on so many trips already. Another one of life's mini-surrenders. I really miss the people at Malang though..the bible school students, the cool atmosphere, and yeah...away fr the hussle and bussle.
But it struck me that now, I have changed roles.....I am becoming more and more like a mobilizer. I don't just go, I encourage others to go, and now we are planning mission trip training for leaders etc to equip them. Likewise in my role at church with the youths. It is interesting! Because it also takes a certain surrender, in that it always feels more fun and inspiring to be there on the ground. Who wants to do the admin details and sit in the office! grr..eek eek. But yet much needed processes and systems need to be set in place, so that anyone who takes over can carry on from there. I am glad at least some procedures are up!
And then even as I got home, and I thought about what we had discussed on training, i.e. what women there need. I realise that each one of us bring ourselves and our experiences overseas, and as I was thinking abt what expertise I can offer - not in education or nutrition or healthy living. And then I recalled, O yes, I have spent 4 years studying Business & Finance, including management, marketing etc. Business is a general degree to many, but I think whatever I have learnt is useful in life. Suddenly I thought of CAPM model, and risk free rates and statistics and significance and maslow and purchasing power parity...surely all these knowledge should not go to waste? I should impart or apply them in some way. And you know, I actually NEVER regretted taking Business. If I had to choose all over again, I can recall as clear as the blue sky why I did not choose social work or psychology. I like business....And getting to know about Social Entrepreneurship was just an instant wow! Marrying social needs and business.
And so....I'm starting to have clarity on issues, and I am thankful. =)
Monday, August 03, 2009
I like to be normal
Just came back from wedding dinner of a good friend from Bizad, and was on a table of people who I hardly knew. But I enjoyed good conversation with a Bizad senior who happened to work in the non profit sector for 2 years too! I miss my bizadder friends and hanging ard with my peers...
On Saturday, I enjoyed good conversations with my friends from GIC too. All the ex colleagues who are around my age!! I miss the fun blanter and laughter!
I don't really miss the job. But I guess, I miss being in a place of comfort, i.e. hanging out with people sharing similar culture, background and life stage. I miss being in a "normal" place. And being in normal places reminds me of how conventional I really am. And maybe, it makes me think of who I really am created to be, what makes me tick, what makes me happy and satisfied. At the end of the day, it is not abt suffering for suffering sake. It is about being at the right place at the right time where God calls me to be. And who knows 9 months from now, it may still be in the non profit, or it could jolly well be in the mkt place. I miss the mkt place and the people there. ;p
These angsty feelings on the inside are strangely gone....I feel that my heart is in a more rested place.. Attended a YWAM training for mission trip leaders on sat too, and Jo Chean as inspiring as ever...he said we are not God, but we should ask God where our role is, in fulfilling God's dream for Asia- i.e. the knowledge of the glory of God will cover the earth.
On Saturday, I enjoyed good conversations with my friends from GIC too. All the ex colleagues who are around my age!! I miss the fun blanter and laughter!
I don't really miss the job. But I guess, I miss being in a place of comfort, i.e. hanging out with people sharing similar culture, background and life stage. I miss being in a "normal" place. And being in normal places reminds me of how conventional I really am. And maybe, it makes me think of who I really am created to be, what makes me tick, what makes me happy and satisfied. At the end of the day, it is not abt suffering for suffering sake. It is about being at the right place at the right time where God calls me to be. And who knows 9 months from now, it may still be in the non profit, or it could jolly well be in the mkt place. I miss the mkt place and the people there. ;p
These angsty feelings on the inside are strangely gone....I feel that my heart is in a more rested place.. Attended a YWAM training for mission trip leaders on sat too, and Jo Chean as inspiring as ever...he said we are not God, but we should ask God where our role is, in fulfilling God's dream for Asia- i.e. the knowledge of the glory of God will cover the earth.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Lost and Found
I was at the Bedok Reservoir last night.
Standing under the dark blue sky, whilst the ripples of water glistened under the bright half moon. It was beautiful.
It was where it started and where it ended its final note.
Good bye, my Love.
It was beautiful while it lasted. And the Beautiful memories are etched in my mind.
----------
Listening to this song in the morning. And thought of the man who found the pearl in the bible and sold all he had, because he found it. He found the Kingdom of God.
I've been searching...trying to find...that elusive something to satisfy me.
God found me, and brought me back to Himself. I thought of the God who would search for the one lost sheep...the one missing coin...
Last night I lost something, but this morning I felt joyful amidst the sorrow. Because somehow...I found Jesus. Or rather,
Jesus found me.
Sun Ho- Eternal Blossom
我怕 我失去我自己
像摔坏的玩具
该这么缝補
空洞的眼睛
想哭 找不到理由哭
呼吸已经麻痹
一百个谎言
是我的面具
到底 谁来救赎这封闭的世界
我不想孤独面对我自己
救我 脱离一切
终于我 找到了你
就像一朵不凋零的花
我的心 像被你紧紧拥抱的小孩
你就是爱 永远不会更改
Standing under the dark blue sky, whilst the ripples of water glistened under the bright half moon. It was beautiful.
It was where it started and where it ended its final note.
Good bye, my Love.
It was beautiful while it lasted. And the Beautiful memories are etched in my mind.
----------
Listening to this song in the morning. And thought of the man who found the pearl in the bible and sold all he had, because he found it. He found the Kingdom of God.
I've been searching...trying to find...that elusive something to satisfy me.
God found me, and brought me back to Himself. I thought of the God who would search for the one lost sheep...the one missing coin...
Last night I lost something, but this morning I felt joyful amidst the sorrow. Because somehow...I found Jesus. Or rather,
Jesus found me.
Sun Ho- Eternal Blossom
我怕 我失去我自己
像摔坏的玩具
该这么缝補
空洞的眼睛
想哭 找不到理由哭
呼吸已经麻痹
一百个谎言
是我的面具
到底 谁来救赎这封闭的世界
我不想孤独面对我自己
救我 脱离一切
终于我 找到了你
就像一朵不凋零的花
我的心 像被你紧紧拥抱的小孩
你就是爱 永远不会更改
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The joys of Volunteerism
Just finished watching Channel U's Stars for a Cause featuring Mindee Ong. Enjoyed it a lot. Reminded me of my first volunteer trip to Yunnan to a village school and playing with the kids. Reminded me of giving tuition to quiet kids when I was in Interact Club. The joys of volunteerism- It always reminds one how vast the universe is, how diverse people are, and being able to share love and care to someone is always a blessing to the one who showers love. It makes one wonder, who can I not forgive? No issue is too big to overcome with that milk of human kindness.
Yes volunteerism....maybe I should become a volunteer again. Mingling with the kids, loving them, hugging them. Kiddos clammering all around me. ;P
And then one wonders is volunteerism afterall not altruistic but you know...a fulfilment of self. Actually when one goes into volunteerism, a big no no attitude is to think that I want to help someone, and I can make an impact. Because actually after the "fun" dies down, we are merely just sojourners of a person's life. And we leave footprints...but in humility, recognizing that there is nothing much we can do to help someone...except to extend that hand of love, and receive back the lessons that the other has to teach. No wonder whenever you hear of people going into rural areas, they say that they receive more than they give. Its true....service learning...I serve you so that I can learn from you... There is so much to learn from the simple joys of the rural people...And even amongst the city dwellers- the abandoned, aged, children, etc, maybe in their eyes, you see a reflection of yourself. And what can we do...except to love and extend that hand of love towards fellow mankind. =)
So inspired that I finished this post in 10 min, in a groggy state of mind.
Yes volunteerism....maybe I should become a volunteer again. Mingling with the kids, loving them, hugging them. Kiddos clammering all around me. ;P
And then one wonders is volunteerism afterall not altruistic but you know...a fulfilment of self. Actually when one goes into volunteerism, a big no no attitude is to think that I want to help someone, and I can make an impact. Because actually after the "fun" dies down, we are merely just sojourners of a person's life. And we leave footprints...but in humility, recognizing that there is nothing much we can do to help someone...except to extend that hand of love, and receive back the lessons that the other has to teach. No wonder whenever you hear of people going into rural areas, they say that they receive more than they give. Its true....service learning...I serve you so that I can learn from you... There is so much to learn from the simple joys of the rural people...And even amongst the city dwellers- the abandoned, aged, children, etc, maybe in their eyes, you see a reflection of yourself. And what can we do...except to love and extend that hand of love towards fellow mankind. =)
So inspired that I finished this post in 10 min, in a groggy state of mind.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Humdrum...
The deepest thoughts are the hardest to share. Which explains my long periods of silences. Some thoughts need processing, some are too personal on a blog. Which leaves the frivalous, and may not be so meaningful to share!
Sometimes the will of God befuddles me! Sometimes I pray and I thought I heard... but it somehow doesn't end up according to whatever I heard! Ofcos the answer could be yes, no or wait, and I never know! But yup I was nursing some wounds and now July, I am feeling so much so much better. Yay! Thank God!
July is a busy month with all sorts of meeting up. Ex-colleagues and more ex-colleagues, ex classmates/ sch friends, church friends, Philippines trip friends etc etc. Had dinner with an ex colleague last night with her friend at Love the World Soul Rock Cafe and I talked about my philippines trip and the things I had learnt, and they were touched! How glad I am.... And today I met another stranger at a prayer meeting, and she was so facinated by my job.
Though the novelty of a job ends after some time, it also means that the steep learning curve starts to straighten. The humdrum begins, the new rythmn starts. Its not monotony for me, definitely not. Its like waves and waves of new things, new situations to handle, and new stressful deals. But u get used to the waves coming up, and u know that the waves will eventually settle down into peace....Speaking from experience, God has delivered again and again.
So in a sense, July is a good month =) More activities coming up, and August too. It was good that there was a time for recess in June before things go full blown again. Recess meaning being forced to work from home! =p And being self quarantined...
And so...the Father has His reasons for different seasons in our lives. What is not meant to be will not be. Though affections die hard, and desires remain when they are retriggered!
But as I was pondering today the meaning of faith.....I reread Heb 11 several times about the men of Faith that the bible mentions.....
Faith...the substance of things hoped for, the prove of the things unseen...
It is holding on to the God who loves us...who never lets us go, and who knows what is best for us. It is NOT naming or claiming whatever we want. It IS praying for what He has promised to come to pass.
A volunteer said to me that I have a very sweet spirit. And I asked, what do you mean by sweet spirit. She said...very gentle.....something along that lines. And I was secretly very pleased. Because I guess I always wanted to be more rough, more eloquent etc.....but being gentle is also a positive characteristic uh? =)2 Peter says that God is pleased with a gentle and quiet spirit.
Sometimes the will of God befuddles me! Sometimes I pray and I thought I heard... but it somehow doesn't end up according to whatever I heard! Ofcos the answer could be yes, no or wait, and I never know! But yup I was nursing some wounds and now July, I am feeling so much so much better. Yay! Thank God!
July is a busy month with all sorts of meeting up. Ex-colleagues and more ex-colleagues, ex classmates/ sch friends, church friends, Philippines trip friends etc etc. Had dinner with an ex colleague last night with her friend at Love the World Soul Rock Cafe and I talked about my philippines trip and the things I had learnt, and they were touched! How glad I am.... And today I met another stranger at a prayer meeting, and she was so facinated by my job.
Though the novelty of a job ends after some time, it also means that the steep learning curve starts to straighten. The humdrum begins, the new rythmn starts. Its not monotony for me, definitely not. Its like waves and waves of new things, new situations to handle, and new stressful deals. But u get used to the waves coming up, and u know that the waves will eventually settle down into peace....Speaking from experience, God has delivered again and again.
So in a sense, July is a good month =) More activities coming up, and August too. It was good that there was a time for recess in June before things go full blown again. Recess meaning being forced to work from home! =p And being self quarantined...
And so...the Father has His reasons for different seasons in our lives. What is not meant to be will not be. Though affections die hard, and desires remain when they are retriggered!
But as I was pondering today the meaning of faith.....I reread Heb 11 several times about the men of Faith that the bible mentions.....
Faith...the substance of things hoped for, the prove of the things unseen...
It is holding on to the God who loves us...who never lets us go, and who knows what is best for us. It is NOT naming or claiming whatever we want. It IS praying for what He has promised to come to pass.
A volunteer said to me that I have a very sweet spirit. And I asked, what do you mean by sweet spirit. She said...very gentle.....something along that lines. And I was secretly very pleased. Because I guess I always wanted to be more rough, more eloquent etc.....but being gentle is also a positive characteristic uh? =)2 Peter says that God is pleased with a gentle and quiet spirit.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Fussing over hair
Yesterday I went to have my hair cut and also highlighted. And it was strange how when Mike - my hairdresser was fussing around with my hair that I thought of B- a christian sister I had met in a village in China. Its a village in high multitudes, and she was the only christian there. Because they don't have bathing facilities there, the people hardly bathe. And we hadn't bathe for a few days. So B offered to wash our hair for us. It was funny using the tap outside her house, and her putting the shampoo on for us in the cold weather, massaging our heads. It was very fun, and I felt very loved! I think there's a little child in me that still loves to have someone wash my hair for me and fuss over me.
Nothing much to update. Except that I have been pretty uptight about some work issues. But then for the past few days, learning to let go. And I actually dreamt about work! Its a signal I think, to let go and not want to be in control over situations I have no control over. And also to stop doing things I am not required or called to do!
Quite looking forward to meeting up with some friends this week- esp my ex colleagues tmr. =) Catching up with people has been good....
Alright! Thats all for updates for now!
Nothing much to update. Except that I have been pretty uptight about some work issues. But then for the past few days, learning to let go. And I actually dreamt about work! Its a signal I think, to let go and not want to be in control over situations I have no control over. And also to stop doing things I am not required or called to do!
Quite looking forward to meeting up with some friends this week- esp my ex colleagues tmr. =) Catching up with people has been good....
Alright! Thats all for updates for now!
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